Chapter 53
Chapter 53
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 53
Chapter Title: Is Your Dick Big?
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[Ta-da...?]
In truth, I'd felt something off about her ever since we first met.
'Is she really 26?'
Seong-na's looks were far too youthful for someone her age—way too much so.
That's exactly why, when I first spotted her on that park bench, I didn't doubt for a second that she was Seong-na.
A woman with a figure like that isn't something you see every day.
Of course, that alone could be brushed off as her just having one of those eternally youthful faces.
Some people do age like fine wine, dodging time's effects.
And at 26, she wasn't exactly old anyway.
But there was one other thing that bugged me.
[Sorry for messing with you... I had no idea it'd hurt that much.]
Her speech patterns, her behavior—it just didn't feel like Seong-na at all, no matter how I sliced it.
Who was Seong-na, anyway?
[That troll who spams shitposts and reaction bait images, reveling in the chaos?]
Even though those were my own words, I couldn't think of a better way to describe her.
It had only been a month or so, but to Suha, Seong-na came across as someone whose ultimate life goal boiled down to one thing: fun.
Of course, that was just her online persona.
If Seong-na acted like a normal person offline, despite her online antics, it wouldn't be totally unbelievable.
Her baby face, her out-of-character behavior—all of it.
Suspicious, sure, but explainable.
The one thing that really stuck in my craw, though...
'...Why does she keep avoiding eye contact like that?'
Every conversation, she'd avert her gaze in this super unnatural way.
Avoiding eye contact mid-chat isn't weird for introverts.
But was Seong-na the introverted type? That was the question mark.
[Saintess Nice: Sorry... I don't think I can make it...]
[Saintess Nice: Something urgent came up... Really sorry...]
[W-Wait... I didn't think you'd cry...]
An introvert pulling that kind of prank on a first in-person meetup with someone they know online? It didn't add up.
Still, no hard evidence—just nagging suspicions—so I decided to let it slide.
I didn't want to ruin the vibe by bringing it up, or spoil my first outing with what felt like my first real friend.
"Huh? Wait... unnie!"
I'd planned to do just that.
"No, this is... falling out..."
[Lee Min-ji]
[04****-4******]
"...Huh?"
Until those suspicions turned into certainty.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Sometimes in life, a brief silence hits harder than a hundred curses.
[Lee Min-uk! You stay right there!]
For example, Pastor Kim charging at me, yelling my name at the top of his lungs? Not scary at all.
[Min-uk-ah.]
But him calling my name quietly and just staring? Terrifying for some reason.
And it wasn't just him—anyone could pull that off.
For instance,
"Uh, um... Suha-ssi...?"
"..."
Suha, say.
The whole movie theater naked dogeza incident fizzled out.
[You crazy bitch! The cops are gonna show up!]
[It's to show my sincerity...]
[I get you're serious, just put some clothes on first!]
I'd hesitated because it was cold, but when she saw I was really about to strip, Suha freaked and stopped me.
I'd hoped that might earn forgiveness, but
"I... I'm really sorry..."
"..."
Her emotions looked pretty festered.
Anger at being lied to? Or betrayal that I'd kept it up till the end?
From the theater entrance to now, Suha hadn't said a word.
I followed quietly behind her.
I had no clue what to say, so I just matched her steps.
How long did we walk like that?
"Um..."
Suha suddenly stopped and turned to me.
"Do you like alcohol?"
"Uh, y-yeah? I mean, I can drink, but..."
"Then come with me."
It was barely a conversation—more like one-sided communication.
Still, better than nothing.
Any communication meant the relationship wasn't totally dead.
A few more minutes of walking, and we ended up at a Japanese-style pub.
"Nabe okay?"
"Uh, yeah... sure."
I watched Suha head inside first, muttering to myself.
'But I...'
Can't really hold my liquor.
Even as a shameless troll,
I wasn't tone-deaf enough to say that now.
"Welcome~ Party of two?"
"Yes."
"Right this way."
And just like that, I found myself at a bar for the first time—alone with a girl.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ The moment we sat down, Suha ordered two bottles of soju and a kimchi nabe.
As soon as it arrived, she cracked open a bottle, filled her glass to the brim—
"Kkuh... haa!"
...and downed it in one go.
It felt like she had a ton to say but didn't know where to start.
"...Not drinking?"
"Ah, yeah..."
Somehow, our chat had shifted to polite formal speech.
Now that the age lie was out,
Words like 'unnie' or 'dongsaeng' felt awkward between us.
"Ugh..."
The soju burned sharp on my tongue the second it hit.
I don't drink much—sweet goes down, bitter gets spit out, that's my motto.
But right now, it felt necessary, so I forced it down—
"Pfft—"
A laugh burst from across the table.
"You can't hold your liquor, huh?"
"No, I mean—"
Pride flared for a second, tempted to claim I was a pro,
"...Yeah, I suck at it."
This mess started with a lie;
Lying again would be straight-up idiotic, so I stopped.
"Then I'll order you something else. Cola?"
"No, it's fine—"
No time to stop her—she called for a cola.
Then refilled her glass and slammed another shot.
I worried she'd get wasted, but
She probably had a plan, so I let it be.
"Huu... Seong— I mean, Min-ji-ssi. That okay?"
"Yeah... sure."
She'd seen the name.
"You're full of surprises, Min-ji-ssi. Sometimes you're like a total psycho who doesn't care about anything... other times, just a normal girl."
"I stick to basic boundaries..."
"And 'don't lie to Suha' wasn't one of them?"
"Sorry..."
She seemed pissed but also kinda sulky.
My troll blood screamed to tease, 'Aw, you mad?'
But
'Hold it in, hold it in, hold it in...'
The sliver of reason left kept my instincts in check.
"Truth is, this is my first time going to a movie with someone like this."
"No. Way."
"...Your reaction's so half-assed."
"Sorry..."
I'd tried overacting to cheer her up, but it came off lame.
I chugged cola to block 'I never listen anyway.'
"Anyway, I'd started thinking of you as my first friend. Turns out you're three years younger."
Glug glug—
—Clink!
"Huu, yeah, that kinda shocked me."
"Mmm... thing is, actually..."
"No need to explain the lie."
Anyway.
"You just didn't wanna be called unnie, so you said you were 26, a year older than me, right?"
"Uh... spot on..."
"I've been pranked by you enough times to see it coming."
That hung in the air, followed by a short silence.
Suha fiddled with her glass, lost in thought.
Then she topped off my empty glass with soju.
"Raise your glass. This toast wipes the slate clean on today."
"Wipes it?"
"Yeah. Let's pretend it never happened. You confessed the truth to me today, and I forgive you."
"My god."
A halo floated over Suha's head.
Wings fluttered behind her, and a soft glow haloed the wall.
"...Are you an angel?"
"What? Nah... You were watching me all day, timing your confession, right?"
"Y-Yeah..."
"Knew it. I just beat you to it. No big difference."
"Whoa..."
Real angel. Right in front of me.
How could anyone bully a sweetheart like this?
[Wls] → [Angel-nim]
I quietly updated her contact on my phone as she raised her glass.
"Alright, cheers."
"But um..."
And I said,
"Can I do cola instead of soju?"
"Stop killing the mood! That was a heartwarming moment!"
"I know, but..."
It's too bitter.
"Ugh, whatever! Just do something!"
"Cola it is..."
Clink—
Glass met shot glass with a clear ring.
That single note marked the end of the lies between Suha and me.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Thanks to Suha's ocean-wide heart, my lies got forgiven pretty easily.
My boobs might be bigger, but apparently chest size doesn't scale with heart size.
"No way... those girls are total bitches. How do people act like that?"
"I had something similar. There was this Han So-eul..."
Anyway, with her forgiveness, our chat turned to light chit-chat about silly stories.
"By the way, Min-ji-ssi, you're really ex-military brass? At 22? Possible?"
"Total rumor."
"Right? Never trust community chatter."
"I was enlisted."
"...?"
One lesson from today: no more lies.
So from now on, zero fibs to Suha.
"Women enlisting? First I've heard."
"Probably not allowed."
"...? So how'd you...?"
"Well—"
"I was a guy."
No secret too big.
"Ah, sure..."
"For real."
"...With that watermelon attached?"
Of course, she didn't buy it.
"Actually, this body's not—"
"God, I'm jealous. I'd love to wake up with boobs like that."
"Isn't that sexual harassment?"
"I'll Venmo you 100k won."
"Ooh."
That kind? Always welcome.
"Anyway, I am worried."
"About what?"
"Your lie. Viewers still think you're 26."
...Oh right.
"Yeah..."
My lie wasn't just to Suha.
It included Eder-hyung from the collab and every viewer.
To tie it up properly, I needed a stream clarification.
"What if I just go live and explain?"
"Not bad, but your rep..."
"What's wrong with my rep?"
"That's why I'm— Anyway, I'll think on it. There's gotta be a better way."
We were mid-discussion on clearing my age when—
"Hey, you two alone?"
Two sketchy-looking guys approached.
The type you'd label Thug A and Thug B hovering over their heads.
"Yeah, why?"
"We're two too. Wanna drink together?"
"Ooh..."
This the infamous 'hunting' I'd heard about?
Guys had hit on me on the street before, but never this bold.
"Sorry, my friend's shy. We'll pass."
"Haha, you're totally my type. Just a few drinks?"
"Sorry."
Damn, Suha's walls are ironclad.
Regular occurrence?
"C'mon~ don't be like that~"
But the thugs weren't amateurs.
Clink
"Just a few drinks, yeah?"
They dangled car keys right in our faces, relentlessly pushing.
"Sigh..."
Suha's patience seemed maxed.
...Time for me to step in.
"Hey—"
One thing I'd learned from recent pick-up attempts.
The best way to shut down cocky guys—
"Is your dick big?"
—was to crush their ego flat.