Chapter 52
Chapter 52
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 52
Chapter Title: I Did Dogeza
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I'm not the type with a lot of friends.
You might think I'm about to spout some nonsense again, but hear me out first.
I really don't have many friends.
Because of that, I'm a bit lacking in the basic courtesies and considerations you need when dealing with other people.
The most important thing in human interactions is mutual empathy and understanding—putting yourself in the other person's shoes.
Thinking about how your words will come across to them and choosing them carefully.
When that's missing, words often get taken the wrong way, leading to irreparable misunderstandings.
If you can patch it up later, great, but sometimes even that fails, and the relationship falls apart completely.
Anyway, here's the point.
Why am I bringing this up?
"Ugh... I... really thought I couldn't... come... ngh..."
Because the WWE move I threw casually landed on Suha like a UFC submission hold.
A triangle choke-level killer, no less.
"Uh, um..."
Believe it or not, I do have some basic lines I don't cross.
I don't say words like "dentures" or "daddy's girl" in front of elderly folks.
I don't make orphan jokes to kids without parents.
I gauge what they can handle and adjust my WWE accordingly.
And the Suha I remember could tank this kind of prank without batting an eye.
This wasn't me making excuses—it was genuinely true.
She'd shrug off thousands of viewers roasting her with something like, "Hmph, I'm sulking now, so time for ant-tossing mode~," and prepare her counterattack.
"Hic... sob..."
So who was this woman on the verge of bawling her eyes out in front of me right now?
"Hey, uh... Suha..."
I'm not great at comforting people, but in this situation, I had to say something.
Not out of some moral duty to fix what I broke, but—
"Mommy, why's that big sis crying?"
"Shh! Re-woon, come play with Mommy over here."
—a grown woman sobbing her heart out in the middle of a park wasn't exactly a pretty sight.
I could hide my face since I never show it, but Suha was a big corporate streamer who did face cams.
The people around didn't look like her usual viewers, but...
If someone recognized her, things would get ten times more awkward.
"What's going on?"
"Are they fighting?"
As Suha kept wiping tears that wouldn't stop and more eyes gathered—
Suddenly, a story from one guy popped into my head.
[That's for real?]
[Yup.]
A crazy junior who got caught cheating, thought he'd get stabbed for real, and enlisted to escape.
[Women cheer up when you feed them something tasty.]
[Bullshit.]
[It's true. Try it sometime.]
And that advice...
"Whoa, this is seriously sweet!"
...turned out to be spot on, ridiculously enough.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Women are such mysterious creatures.
Just moments ago, she was crying like her life was over,
"Whoa, this is seriously sweet!"
and now a Java Chip Frappuccino loaded with cream and chocolate chips had her beaming with happiness.
You could say I'm a woman now too, so shouldn't I get it? But strictly speaking, I'm more of a mutant, so I couldn't pull off that quick emotional switch so easily.
"Feeling better now?"
"Yeah... Sorry, I must've looked weird..."
Embarrassed about her crying fit, Suha bowed her head deep—almost bumping her forehead on the table.
It would've been embarrassing in public, but it wasn't her fault.
"Sorry for the prank... I didn't think it'd hurt that much."
Strictly speaking, it was my fault.
"No, it's fine. Huh? Huhh? Wait, what'd you say?"
What did I say wrong?
"I didn't think it'd hurt that much."
"No, before that."
"...Sorry for the prank?"
"Whoa..."
Suha's eyes went wide like she'd heard something unbelievable.
And then,
"First time I've ever heard you apologize, unnie."
"Eh? I'm not that bad, am I...?"
"You are."
...Was I?
"Unnie... You're way more normal in real life than I thought."
"What the hell did you think I was?"
"Some troll who flames chats, spams hate pics, and gets off on the reactions?"
Damn, spot-on description.
'Unnie, huh...'
Suha still saw me as her 26-year-old big sis.
When really, I was three years younger.
Seeing her smug face reminded me of that white lie I'd blurted out in a huff just because I hated the "unnie" title.
A lie I could've cleared up right away kept snowballing over time.
What started as a ripple had turned into massive karma.
"Anyway, unnie, you look so young. I thought you were a high schooler back in the park."
"Uh, y-yeah..."
"And unnie, whoa, your body's insane... Ever thought about streaming? Wasting that is a crime..."
"That's, uh..."
Every time "unnie" slipped from her lips, my heart twinged.
Meeting her sparkling eyes felt like my guilt piling up by the second.
But dodging her gaze awkwardly...
"Ah, sorry... I got too excited alone, huh...?"
"N-No!"
Her sudden wilt made my guilt hit max levels.
"Sorry... Truth is, I've never been to a place like this alone with someone."
"Kek!"
"U-Unnie? You okay?!"
"Cough cough... I'm fine..."
This... this won't do.
Any more karma here, and it'd be irreversible.
"Hey, Suha."
"Yeah, unnie."
"That thing is..."
"...?"
I took a deep mental breath, ready to come clean about all the lies.
Truth is, you're the unnie, I'm the dongsaeng.
I lied about my age. Sorry for deceiving you.
"Actually, I—"
I was really about to say it.
"Oh yeah, unnie! Movie starts at six—we gotta hurry!"
"Ack."
I really was...
But before I could finish, Suha grabbed my arm and bolted out of the cafe.
I stared blankly at her back, thinking,
Before the day's over, I'll tell her.
For real.
This time, definitely.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ "You bought at the cafe, so I'll get the popcorn."
"Okay, unnie likes caramel, right? Or regular?"
"...Whatever. Uh... Suha, actually—"
On the way from the cafe to the theater, I kept eyeing chances to confess, but—
"Then half-and-half! For the set... how about the combo? We're eating dinner right after anyway— one popcorn should be enough, right?"
"Y-Yeah..."
If God really hates lies like the Bible says, it felt like divine interference keeping the timing from lining up.
The Good Book says asking forgiveness takes great courage.
But how am I supposed to muster it without the chance?
Pastor Kim would call it blasphemy, but...
What can I do? You're not giving me the opening.
My head kept committing blasphemy as I thought, fine, might as well spill it over dinner.
There'd be more chances to talk then.
'Yeah, let's just watch the movie without worrying.'
Even with my three-day exile, I'm naturally lazy and rarely leave home.
Paying for a theater was a hassle, so I planned to at least get my money's worth.
Beep.
[Please select payment method.]
Beep.
[Insert credit card and wait.]
I pulled my debit card from my wallet and slotted it into the kiosk when—
"Whoa?!"
Suha suddenly poked her head in.
'Right, ID...!'
I hurriedly shoved the wallet into my pocket, but she was at the perfect angle to peek inside.
'No way she saw, right?'
Just a few seconds.
Spotting the birth year digits on an ID from that distance? Impossible, logically.
But when you're hiding something, even 1% possibility is enough to freak you out.
Even considering Suha's Ias physicals, no way.
"Unnie..."
Her voice trailed off uneasily.
Seeing that made anxiety surge, even knowing she couldn't have noticed.
And the thought hit: 'Instead of dithering, better to just confess now.'
'Yeah, let's do it.'
No need to wait for dinner.
Right here, right now.
But Suha,
"Sorry, actually—"
"What's that wallet? So cute."
"Huh?"
She showed zero intention of giving me an opening.
At this point, was she doing it on purpose?
Anyway, the wallet.
"This?"
I slipped my hand from my pocket, revealing a palm-sized card wallet.
A pink skull-wearing, black-hooded bunny character emblazoned on it.
Yeah, the icon of landmine territory, commonly called "Ku*mi."
That one.
Oh, and no, I didn't buy it. It was Lee Min-ji's originally.
First time I saw it, I thought, 'Wow, this psycho even has a wallet as deranged as her.'
"Yup, real Ku*mi? Where'd you get it?"
I didn't know where the original owner bought it.
"Gift, so not sure."
I bullshitted accordingly.
"Cool. -Oh right, time! Unnie, it's starting—hurry!"
"...Yeah."
In the end, that damn Ku*mi wallet cost me another confession chance.
Weirdly, today felt...
Like it was dragging on forever.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ The movie was more fun than expected.
"Not bad, right?"
"Yeah, pretty decent."
Honestly, as a theater version of an anime I'd never seen, I had zero expectations.
But Suha's rave reviews held up—even blind to the source material, it was enjoyable.
Action immersion, voice acting, theater sound effects—all near perfect.
Didn't feel like I'd thrown money away, so successful outing.
"Wanna grab dinner now?"
"Sure."
As we headed out, my track pants pocket felt suspiciously light.
"Huh?"
...Where's my wallet?
"Unnie, lose something?"
"Think so..."
"Huh? What?"
"...Wallet."
I checked every pocket, but no dice.
Probably dropped it in the theater somewhere.
"Wait here a sec, I'll find it quick!"
"Huh? Wait... unnie!"
If it was lost, better retrieve before someone snagged it.
Super distinctive wallet—easy to spot.
Had it until entering the auditorium,
so limited places to check.
"Ku*mi? Haven't seen one."
Not in the auditorium,
"No such lost item."
not at the ticket counter,
"Gone..."
not even the bathroom pit stop.
Card's replaceable, but ID reissue? Hassle city.
'Ugh, annoying...'
Imagining the paperwork already gave me a headache.
Couldn't ditch Suha all day hunting it, so back to her I went.
"Ah!"
Outside the building, Suha waited alone.
And in her hand, a familiar-shaped wallet.
'That's mine!'
Looks like she found it first.
No one else would carry that wallet—it was definitely mine.
'No reissue needed!'
Thrilled at dodging the chore, I ran to her.
"Suha!"
Then it hit me.
The ID inside that wallet, and the "04" birth year on it.
"Ah, un... no, Saintess-nim."
Her tone shifted from hours ago—suddenly stiff and awkward.
No one alive could miss the implications.
Confirming her changed demeanor, I dropped right there—
Thud.
"Sorry, it wasn't on purpose, well it kinda was but I wasn't gonna hide it forever, no I was hiding it but I was about to tell you myself—"
"W-What are you doing?! Get up! People are staring!"
"...To show sincerity, gotta go full nude, right?"
Screeech...
"You crazy bitch!!"
Guess since it was my bad, she wasn't letting it slide easy.