The Third Ball (1)
Kirsi’s heart hammered in her chest, but she couldn’t look away. The illustrations sent her imagination spiraling. It wasn’t just the act itself—she could see the entire context surrounding it, every moment that had led there. Her eyes scanned for an explanation. The act of pressing lips together and tangling tongues was apparently called a ‘kiss.’ It was something only the most intimate of pairs—lovers or married couples—could share, one of the deepest expressions of affection.
Kirsi had always known that touching lips wasn’t trivial, but the moment she saw what a real kiss looked like, she finally understood why. It was so lewd. And so exhilarating.
She swallowed hard, throat bobbing, and turned the page. Her face flooded with shock. Even more intense acts followed. She snapped the book shut and checked the cover again. Kiss for Beginners.
Her mind spun. She pressed the back of her hand to her burning cheek and thought, “...This is supposed to be for beginners?”
By the time Caiden and Asena came looking for her, she had already finished the entire book. Only then did she manage to pull herself together and slip it back onto the shelf.
After lunch, we sat together on the grass. As always, whenever I sat on this cool lawn and stared out across the wide-open plains, the Freister lands came to mind. Thinking of home brought comfort, and comfort brought a smile. It wasn’t just me—Kirsi was smiling too, and even Asena wore a faint, gentle curve on her lips. Asena in particular seemed to be in such a good mood that she might have been humming under her breath, though it was so unlike her that I couldn’t be entirely sure.
We stayed like that for a long time. The day wasn’t particularly warm. The sky was cloudless, but a northern wind blew through, carrying a chill. Kirsi shivered beside me.
“...Brr. It really is cold here.”
“Colder than home?”
“Yeah.”
As she spoke, she naturally drifted closer, looking as though she might burrow under my arm at any moment. Only after she had pressed right up against me did she seem to realize what she was doing. With a small “Ah…” she began stealing glances at my face.
I could read everything she wanted to say in those eyes.
Honestly, I still didn’t feel like holding them. I loved the twins, but the wounds they had left hadn’t healed yet. If this desire to be held wasn’t an act, then I hoped they would finally understand the weight of the things they had said.
“...Brother.”
Kirsi poked at my hand with her finger, calling me again. I already knew what she wanted, so my voice came out stern. I had meant to refuse.
“What.”
“...Brother, I’m cold. Can’t you hold me?”
But when she used that sweet, coaxing tone, it became almost impossible to say no. On top of that, she had to go and say she was cold, striking right at my protective instincts. Was this really an act? That voice made it sound like she genuinely wanted to be in my arms.
The Kirsi who had once called me smelly and useless—had that been someone else entirely?
“...Can’t you hold me anymore…? Are you really planning to never hold me again…? I really like the way you smell, Brother…”
“....”
“...And, um… whoever said you smelled… I think that must have been a lie.”
She even slipped into that polite, formal speech she only used when she really wanted something, acting cute with every word.
“...A lie?”
Hearing her say it might have been a lie made me want to believe it.
“...Yes, Brother.”
I couldn’t help it. I wanted to believe the version that would let me feel at ease. I wanted to believe that she hadn’t truly meant those insults, that the words had simply slipped out somehow. Rather than the Kirsi who had spat venom at me being her true self, I wanted to believe the girl in front of me right now was the real one.
At some point Asena had drawn close as well and was clutching the hem of my clothes.
“...You don’t hate us, do you, Brother?” she asked.
There was no way I could hate them. The reason I was in pain was the exact opposite. I loved them, but it seemed they didn’t love me back. Otherwise they wouldn’t have talked about banishing me from the family, spread all those rumors behind my back, or shortened the weapon I was supposed to use in the tournament.
Yet here they were, acting like this in front of me… It was too confusing.
“.....”
I remained silent despite their adorable pleas. As I had said, I still didn’t feel like embracing them. My childish heart kept holding me back.
“....Hm?”
Whenever I struggled like this, Grandmother Liana’s words echoed in my mind. The way she had taken my hands and begged me to look after my siblings. Because I was the eldest. Because I needed to take care of these children who still had so much growing to do.
“...Sigh…”
That’s right. We couldn’t keep going on like this. Especially not here at the Academy. It was already a difficult place even when relationships were good. As the eldest… maybe I was the one who needed to endure.
“Fine. I understand. Do as you like.”
The moment the words left my mouth, Kirsi slipped under my arm and wrapped herself around my waist, while Asena rested her head on my shoulder.
“Haaaa…”
“...What a relief.”
They each reacted in their own way as they clung to me. But I wasn’t finished speaking. I had no intention of letting this pass so easily. Even this was a concession. My heart hadn’t truly healed.
“.....Let me ask you one thing, kids.”
“Yeah, anything! Hehe. Ah… it feels so good to be in your arms, Brother.”
“What is it?”
Facing my happily smiling sisters, I asked the question like a child desperate for love.
“...Do you love me, Brother?”
The twins answered without the slightest hesitation. Kirsi even let out a disbelieving snort.
“What kind of obvious question is that, Brother!”
“Of course.”
I nodded, then gently pushed them away for a moment. I looked straight into their eyes.
“Will you keep loving me from now on?”
I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I had already been torn apart several times. To the point that I had given the gift meant for them to another woman. To the point that I had distanced my body from theirs. I believed I had given them plenty of signs. Being betrayed wasn’t easy. And yet I had still reached out to them. I had ignored the pain and spent the whole day with them today.
“When have we ever not?”
“What kind of request is that, Brother?”
The twins spoke, but—
“No.”
Once more. I gave them a firm look.
“Keep loving me, Brother. Understand?”
This was the signal I was sending them. Don’t hurt me anymore. Don’t disappoint me. There was no need to specifically say don’t insult me. If they loved me, they simply wouldn’t do it.
“I’m only asking once…?”
I forced a smile as I spoke to them.
. . . . .
Asena on my lap. Kirsi under my arm. The twins, clinging to me more than they ever had before, showed no sign of letting go. We had come out here after lunch, and now evening was approaching. My back ached and my legs had gone numb.
“Kids, we should head back now.”
I had achieved my goal for the day. I had worried that the distance between us had grown awkward because we hadn’t spent time like this lately. Today we had shared a warm moment, and the atmosphere had been good. At least for the next few days, we should be able to greet each other warmly.
“Oh, right.”
At my words, Asena spoke up naturally. I couldn’t shake the suspicion that she had deliberately chosen this moment to bring it up and derail my suggestion to leave. I looked down at Asena, who was still lying on my lap. My hand was unconsciously stroking her hair.
“Brother. You know the ball is coming up soon, right?”
She spoke while enjoying my touch.
“The ball?”
It was Kirsi, not me, who reacted with surprise. Asena frowned slightly.
“...Kirsi. Don’t tell me you forgot? We’re in the Political Science Department.”
“Ah, hehe… I-I think I did hear about it.”
“You still need to memorize schedules like this.”
Before Kirsi could get scolded any further, I stepped in.
“So what about the ball?”
Kirsi seemed to sense my consideration; she smiled and hugged me even tighter. Asena closed her eyes and let out a small sigh.
“...I think we need to decide how we’re going to behave this time.”
“Mm.”
A ball was the perfect place to build connections. Alliances, relationships… and even enemies were made there. For a ducal house like ours, it wasn’t a place we could attend lightly. Many of the families under us would be there, and so would those we didn’t get along with—like the Ice family. We needed to prepare to some degree.
I wasn’t completely ignorant about such matters, but I had already left everything to the twins. There was no need for me to suggest any particular approach. I simply had to follow the strategy they set.
“So. What are we doing?”
“We’re not doing anything.”
My hand, which had been stroking Asena’s hair, stopped. Even though I wasn’t well-versed in this… it was quite an unfamiliar approach. No matter what, shouldn’t we at least greet our allies and rival houses? There were so many count families and below that we couldn’t possibly know all their faces, especially since most weren’t in the Political Science Department. But shouldn’t we at least meet the second or third sons and daughters of other ducal houses who hadn’t enrolled?
When I looked at Asena with a confused expression, she added an explanation.
“This time, if we simply wait, the other families will come to us on their own. There’s no need for us to move first. I am the head of the Freister family, after all. My position is different from the other nobles.”
It was a convincing answer.
“Ah. That makes sense.”
“Right.”
Kirsi’s eyes widened slightly. She made a small “Mm…” sound and glanced at Asena. Asena sighed and asked,
“...What?”
“...Um, Sister. Then are we really just going to sit there the whole time?”
Kirsi’s gaze flicked over me once.
“...And not dance at all?”
Asena, who had been lying on my lap, looked up at me as well. She thought for a moment at Kirsi’s words, then shrugged.
“...If there’s time, we could dance one song with Brother and come back.”
“Hm?”
This time it was my turn to tilt my head.
“With me?”
“Then who else would we dance with?”
As if she knew my legs were starting to go numb, Asena asked with a serious expression.
“Wait, can I even be with you two in the first place?”
Asena frowned slightly and sat up. The moment blood began flowing back into my legs… Kirsi filled that space.
“What are you talking about, Brother?”
I answered Asena.
“Is it all right for me to be with you two, the proper young ladies of Freister? There must be things you need to talk about without me—”
“Brother.”
Asena cut me off. Then, so close that I could feel her breath, she spoke as if issuing a warning.
“...Don’t even think about leaving my side at the ball.”
At that moment, Kirsi seemed to realize something. She let out a soft “Ah,” her expression clearing, then nodded with a face just as serious as Asena’s.
“...She’s right. Brother. Stay with us.”
I tried my best not to read any deeper meaning into those words.