The Third Ball (2)
A few days later, whenever Kirsi spent time alone in a daze, that book kept coming to mind. Her body would squirm restlessly. An itchy sensation would bloom across her chest, sometimes even making it feel tight and suffocating. Her curiosity showed no signs of stopping, one thought chaining endlessly into the next. Ever since she had been able to embrace him again, that urge had only grown stronger. Even while pressing a kiss to his cheek, her eyes would drift toward his lips. She had imagined… kissing Caiden hundreds of times over.
What would he say if he knew she was having these thoughts? Would he despise her? Call her filthy? No matter what, he would probably be terribly flustered. She knew she must never reveal these feelings to Asena. This was something she had to keep to herself. Instinctively, she understood that this was something she still shouldn’t do with her older brother, Caiden.
…But.
That didn’t mean she didn’t want to.
In fact, if the chance ever came, she felt like she would try it immediately. If only Caiden would say it was okay. If he would just give her permission. She was confident she could slip her tongue into his mouth without even pausing for breath, all while hiding it from Asena. Strangely, the very fact that it was something she shouldn’t do made the imagined pleasure feel even sweeter.
Kirsi hadn’t realized she had such a side to her. She writhed in torment at the thought that she might truly be this wicked. Something she mustn’t do, yet desperately wanted to. That painful gap tormented her.
“Kirsi!!”
Someone shook her by the shoulder, snapping her out of it.
“…Huh?”
It was her friend, Mary Bones.
“Kirsi, why are you so out of it today?”
“…Ah, sorry. What did you say?”
“Get up. We have to switch classrooms.”
Kirsi looked around. The classroom had grown noisy. Most of the young noble ladies were rising from their seats. She glanced beside her and saw that Asena was doing the same.
“…Where are we going?” Kirsi asked.
“The professor told us…! Today is sex education class. The girls just need to move to the classroom next door.”
“…Huh?”
.
.
.
.
The professor delivered the lecture with fervent passion.
“…Now, young ladies, I trust you understand the importance of premarital purity?”
Kirsi’s face burned hot. This was the first time she had ever heard the process of making a child explained in such vivid detail.
“In the end, once you engage in the act, no matter how careful you are, a child can still be conceived. And once a child is on the way, there is no turning back.”
The classroom fell deathly silent. The professor continued.
“Some of you may find today’s lecture quite shocking. You probably didn’t know children were made this way. That’s perfectly natural. After all, it’s not something you should be curious about at a young age. The consequences are far too heavy for childish curiosity to bear. But now you are all adults. It is important to possess the correct knowledge about these matters.”
Only the professor’s clear, resonant voice echoed through the room.
“So please do not forget today’s lesson. Yes, you there.”
The professor pointed at a student who had raised her hand to ask a question. Once given permission, the student spoke.
“…Professor, like you said, this is really shocking… It’s scary to think the first time comes with pain. To have a child… do we really have to do something that looks so… disgusting and barbaric? Isn’t there any other way?”
“There isn’t. It is the only method.”
“…I always thought that if I slept while holding hands with the person I loved, a fairy would bring me a baby…”
A few girls burst into laughter, while others nodded solemnly. The professor smiled gently and said,
“…Ladies. There seems to be a misunderstanding. I know the explicit diagrams and photographs I showed you caused some revulsion, but in truth, this act is accompanied by immense happiness.”
“Pardon?” The questioning student looked doubtful.
“Because among all the affectionate acts you can share with the person you love, there is nothing quite like this intimate union. Ladies… one day you will come to understand what I mean.”
Kirsi swallowed hard once more.
I had no idea I was this kind of person…
“I was so shocked, sister.”
Kirsi was still clutching her flushed cheeks. Asena, dressed in the black uniform of the Student Council, listened with a hardened expression. Unlike Kirsi, she didn’t seem particularly affected. She simply continued studying in silence. Finding that strange, Kirsi asked,
“…Did you already know about this, sister?”
Asena glanced at Kirsi for a moment, then nodded. She looked indifferent.
“Wow… so you knew?”
“…..”
Was this a difference in how much they studied, or a difference in interests? Kirsi couldn’t decide.
“…..I wonder if brother knows too.”
At that moment, Asena slammed her book shut with a loud snap. Kirsi, who had been muttering to herself absentmindedly, looked up at her sister in surprise. Asena said,
“…Why is brother’s name coming up here?”
“…Huh??”
Kirsi was visibly flustered. It felt like she had been caught vaguely thinking of Caiden as the subject of those thoughts.
“…Kirsi. Don’t have weird ideas. It’s disgusting.”
“…No… that’s not…”
When Kirsi hesitated, Asena couldn’t let it slide.
“Do you have something to say?”
“I mean… is it really… disgusting?”
Asena let out a deep sigh. She had half-expected this… but it still gave her a headache. The other girls at the Academy were already enough of a handful. Now Kirsi was acting like this too…
“Get a hold of yourself. Didn’t you hear that it’s something only married couples or lovers do?”
She spoke sharply to suppress her. Even if it was Kirsi, she could not tolerate her coveting Caiden. He belonged to her—the head of the family.
“……”
Kirsi tilted her head and patted her chest a few times.
“….?”
“Why does my chest feel tight again…”
“What?”
“…Never mind. But then… brother will never do that, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“…? Because brother isn’t going to get married.”
Asena waited silently for Kirsi to continue.
“You said so before. That you’d stay by our side forever. That you’d always love us the most. That you’d never leave me behind and go anywhere.”
Asena stared at Kirsi for a long moment, then said nothing as she reopened her book.
****
“Hyung-nim. You look incredible.”
Eric Endra, the protagonist of the novel I had possessed, gave me a thumbs-up in praise. We had grown quite close. He had no sharp edges, so getting along with him was easy. Since I had no intention of using him either, Eric had opened his heart to me as well.
I was wearing a tailcoat and examining myself. It was clearly high quality, befitting the prestige of my family. It fit my frame perfectly, the finishing was excellent, the fabric luxurious, and even the family crest embroidered on the shoulder was of the finest make.
It was unfair to compare, but… it was quite different from Eric’s tailcoat, which belonged to a minor border baron family. I complimented Eric as well as he stood dressed for the ball.
“You look good too, Eric. All ready?”
“Of course.”
“Eric, I’ll probably head out a little later. Since it’s our family, showing up from the very beginning would be a bit burdensome.”
“I thought as much. Then I’ll go on ahead.”
I sat on the sofa and waved at him.
—Thud.
After he left, I pondered for a moment before standing in front of the mirror. Since I had come this far, I might as well style my hair up too.
****
At the appointed time, just as promised, they gathered in front of my garden. I had offered to go to the twins’ dormitory to meet them, but they had firmly refused. It felt a little strange. Something about it left me with an uneasy feeling. It reminded me of how I had felt during the Jousting Tournament.
Back then too, Asena hadn’t wanted to let me compete. It was as if she didn’t want me standing in front of others. Today was the same. She said the goal was to attend the ball quietly and leave just as quietly.
I had understood her explanation… but right after, when she told me not to leave their side, another question mark popped up in my head.
…If it had been like before, I wouldn’t have thought much of it. I would have simply assumed they just wanted to spend time with me without any deeper meaning. But after everything that had happened. After I began to suspect that the twins might actually hate me. Their behavior only made me uncomfortable.
I didn’t know how to interpret this. It even made me wonder if the goal of this ball was to hide me away. Maybe they saw me as a stain on the family name. When I considered how they might try to expel me from the family later, it didn’t seem entirely impossible.
Were they ashamed of me? They might like me as a person, but when thinking about the family, they felt embarrassed. Like young elementary school kids who were ashamed of their aging mother. So they only insulted me when others were around.
If that was truly the case… it would hurt my heart a little. After all, I had lived my life trying never to be a source of shame—aside from the circumstances of my birth. Honestly, even if everyone else pointed fingers at me, my true wish was that the twins at least wouldn’t be ashamed of me. Especially since they had watched my efforts up close.
Believing they would love me, I had endured it. Once. Asena’s attempt to expel me and the gossip behind my back. Twice. Kirsi’s gossip. …There would be no third time. I had asked them. Please, just love me. All of that meaning was condensed into those words.
This suspicion of mine must be a misunderstanding.
“…Brother.”
Today, Kirsi’s unusually careful and calm voice called out to me. I straightened up from where I had been examining the flowers and turned around. The twins were waiting for me.
“….”
They were my younger sisters, yet the only word that came to mind was that they were truly beautiful. Asena wore a modest black dress. Kirsi wore a gray dress that matched her silver hair. They had even put on accessories and light makeup—something they rarely did—and they absolutely shone.
Asena’s prickly yet seductive beauty was captivating enough to steal the heart of any man who looked at her, but to me, she was simply adorable. Kirsi overflowed with a refreshing, fruity charm. For a moment I lost my words and could only blink.
I still hadn’t found the right words to describe them.
“…..”
The twins simply stared at me in silence as well. The situation was so funny that I let out a small smile. Then I squeezed out a compliment from my stiff lips.
“…I’m genuinely surprised. My little sisters are so beautiful.”
“…..”
They continued to stare at me without answering. The silence stretched on until it grew awkward, so I laughed sheepishly and called their names.
“…Asena?… Kirsi?”
Only then did they blink, as if ice had finally cracked, and began to move.
“Ah… Brother… you look wonderful too.”
Kirsi slowly approached and firmly linked her arm with my left one. After that, she simply stared down at the ground. Asena also came closer and reached a hand toward my head. Since I had already styled it, I defensively blocked her hand.
“Hey. I already did it. Don’t touch.”
“…Can’t you let your hair down, brother?”
Asena spoke again, clearly dissatisfied about something.
“…Why this time?”
“……It stands out too much like this.”
“…So what? It’s not like we can avoid standing out just because we want to. And when else am I supposed to dress up if not at times like this?”
“…..”
I wrapped my arm around Asena’s shoulder. She drew in a sharp breath, then weakly let me guide her along.
“Alright, let’s go. We should attend at least one ball, right?”