Knowledge I Didn't Know (4)
"....Don't tell me that woman is more important to you than I am?"
Kirsi's expression looked so pained that even I frowned. I glanced at Judy, then back at Kirsi. I had tried to hold back, but there was no helping it now. Had it been four days? Even that felt like I'd endured quite a lot.
I placed my hand on Kirsi's cheek. It had been a long time since I'd touched her. "Kirsi, that's not possible."
It wasn't meant to hurt Judy. The question of who I liked more was always difficult to answer, but when forced to compare family and a friend, anyone would choose family.
Kirsi flinched at my touch. "....Ah..."
A soft moan escaped her lips as her expression melted. She rubbed her cheek against my hand like a cat. The sensation was soft as bread. I could feel her silken hair against the back of my hand. Before I knew it, Kirsi had grabbed my hand, preventing it from pulling away.
I spoke. "You're more precious to me. Do I really need to say it?"
"...Yeah... I only know because Oppa says it..."
Her eyes were still moist. She continued rubbing her cheek against my hand for a while before suddenly freezing, her eyes turning cold. ".....It smells..."
"...What?"
I doubted my ears.
"Oppa's hand smells like that woman."
"......."
"Use your other hand to pat me, Oppa. I don't like this smell."
Kirsi whined. I let out a sigh. "You're quite sensitive to smells, aren't you?"
The question carried a double meaning. First she'd said I smelled, and now Judy did too. Maybe giving up hugs and any other physical contact had been the right choice after all.
Kirsi's cold expression shifted to one of alarm, as if she'd made a mistake. "Ah..! No..!"
I withdrew my hand from her. I didn't stroke her cheek again after that.
"I'll be careful."
I said. Though it had been our first physical contact in a while, I regretted it. Even though her words hadn't been directed at me, it felt like my own wounds were being stirred up.
"Oppa..! That's not what I meant...!"
I couldn't hear her excuses. I was more concerned with how to resolve the situation. Kirsi getting angry every time she saw Judy. This couldn't continue. No matter what Grandmother Liana had said about being cautious around the Ice family, fighting like cats and dogs every time they met was exhausting. Especially since Judy was becoming a close friend, this kind of relationship was uncomfortable.
I'd already warned Kirsi while we were riding horses, but nothing had changed. I didn't want to repeat a solution that hadn't worked. Scolding Kirsi again here wouldn't prevent similar incidents from happening.
"......"
In the end, I thought it was because there had been a lot of pent-up dissatisfaction lately. I realized we hadn't spent much quality time together as a family recently. We hadn't had time to resolve any grievances. Just as I had complaints the twins didn't know about, they likely had their own discomforts I was unaware of.
Ultimately, this was my responsibility. Even as an adopted child, I was the eldest. It was right for me to take the lead and guide them in a better direction.
.....But then again. I also realized I'd been relying on physical contact to easily resolve their complaints. In our current state, I had no idea how to calm Kirsi without touching her.
"...Hmm.."
"Oppa, th-that's fine. You can use the hand from earlier, okay?"
"...."
I flicked her forehead. "Ow!"
Kirsi covered her forehead. Startled by my sudden playful gesture, she looked bewildered. I simply smiled.
"It's fine. Let's just move on. Arguing over something so trivial will only give us headaches. Even if we're from rival families... as I told Judy, fighting every time we meet is exhausting. That's enough now. Kirsi, I can't ask you to get along with her, but stop picking fights every time you see her."
".....No.."
"Tsk. What do you mean, no. Saying someone smells and calling her 'that woman' instead of using her name. That's rude, isn't it?"
"......"
"Don't keep doing that to my friend. It puts me in a difficult position."
"....."
Kirsi slowly nodded. I reached for her shoulder but flinched. Habits were terrifying. I'd almost used my hand to turn her around without thinking. Instead, I twirled my finger and spoke.
"Come on, turn around. Let's go eat."
Kirsi looked at me, then her gaze cautiously shifted to Judy. "......"
Feeling that gaze, Judy spoke to me as well. "...Go eat. I'm fine."
"....Alright. See you later."
****
Another holiday arrived. It was early morning, but I was already dressed and wandering outside. My destination was the twins. Thinking about it, unlike when we were in the Freister territory, we'd spent quite a bit of time apart. Even now we met fairly often, but compared to our time in the territory, it wasn't enough. That might have been why several problems had surfaced.
I hadn't even gone looking for them. So today, I was heading out early to find them. That didn't mean I'd made plans to play. I was planning to go to the library and had come to suggest we go together.
Arriving at the first floor of the women's dormitory, I approached the attendant waiting there. "Hello."
She greeted me in return. After receiving her greeting, I asked, "I've come to see Asena Freister and Kirsi Freister. Could you call for them?"
The dormitory had surprisingly strict entry restrictions. The reason Asena could easily visit my room was because she was both the Duke of Freister and a student council member. Normally, one would have to do as I was doing now.
The attendant nodded, spoke to someone nearby, then asked me to wait a moment. As I sat waiting, Kirsi appeared from the stairs with a thudding sound.
"Oppa!!"
She came running with a bright smile I hadn't seen in a while, her silver hair still uncombed and flying about. She spread both arms and leaped toward me, but I raised my hands and gently caught her by the shoulders. For a moment her expression darkened, then brightened again.
"So... what brings you here? This is the first time you've come to find me, isn't it?"
Instead, I lightly touched and tidied her hair. "You should have fixed your hair before coming out."
"Well, I was surprised because Oppa came..."
"Where's Asena?"
"She's coming. So... why did you come?"
"Ah, I was going to the library, so I came to ask if you wanted to go together."
Kirsi froze, her eyes slowly rolling from left to right. She didn't seem too pleased with my plan. I chuckled. I already knew this, but Kirsi hated reading. She preferred playing outside. Asena was the one who enjoyed reading. But today I hadn't come for someone else's sake—I'd come with the intention of studying myself and suggesting we do it together—so I had no intention of changing my mind just because of Kirsi's reaction.
"Why, don't want to go?"
If she was the Kirsi I knew, her answer was predetermined. Kirsi shook her head. "N-no. I'll go."
She wasn't the type to not follow when Asena and I were going. Soon after, Asena came down. Unlike Kirsi, she was perfectly prepared. She'd changed out of her black academy uniform and wore a flowing dress. It was appropriate attire for a walk. She approached me with a rare eye-smile.
"...What's going on?"
I smiled at Asena as well. "...Let's go to the library, Asena."
****
Until she heard that Caiden had come looking for them, Asena's heart had been filled with excitement... but now she felt a bit disappointed. Honestly, she'd thought they would go for a walk. Or that they might do something more special. In the end, what awaited them was a quiet library filled with the scent of old paper.
Kirsi was already wandering around the library. Though Asena enjoyed reading, today it wasn't particularly fun. She couldn't concentrate on her book and kept glancing at Caiden sitting right beside her. No one would believe that the head of the Freister family was stealing glances at someone. If she stared, it would be a proper glare, but looking at him so cautiously wasn't like her at all.
But... there was no helping it.
"...."
Her dissatisfaction kept building. If only she could lean against his arm while reading, there wouldn't be a problem. Or better yet, take a book to the park and lie on his lap to read. Of course, given the situation where Asena didn't show affection in front of others, she couldn't do that even if the opportunity arose, but she still wanted to create memories of that level.
Recently, the prohibition on hugs and kisses with him had only added to her dissatisfaction. Slowly but steadily. She could feel the complaints accumulating. Sometimes she felt an almost maddening frustration, and when she thought about the reason, it was the fact that she couldn't hug him. The fact that she couldn't kiss him weighed heavily on her chest.
Even now, her eyes kept drifting toward his hands. While he was focused on his book, she could pretend it was an accident. Or she could just grab them outright. Such thoughts occurred to her, but the reason she ultimately couldn't act was because she knew the bitterness that would follow. Even if she held his hand, if Caiden looked at her seriously and told her to let go, nothing would remain. He would only do it gladly if he wanted to as well.
Asena found it heartless that Caiden was ignoring her and focusing on his book.
What is a knight?
The qualities of a leader.
Hammer and anvil tactics.
Whatever was so interesting, his eyes never left the stack of books. Asena simply sighed and turned her attention back to her own book. The words didn't come easily, but she made an effort at least. True to her Political Science Department studies, she was looking at a book explaining various human types.
As Caiden remained focused for a long time, Asena swallowed her yawns and continued reading. How long had she been reading like that? A particular passage caught her eye.
People to be most cautious of in negotiations.
Asena began reading the text carefully.
The people to be most cautious of in negotiations are generous people. They are always deeply considerate, kind, and unlike others, they don't get angry easily. Negotiations with them tend to proceed comfortably. They have a habit of yielding, and they try to maintain a pleasant atmosphere even if it means taking a loss.
Asena smiled inwardly. That's Oppa.
But since it said to be cautious, she read more attentively. These people don't get angry easily, but that doesn't mean they have unlimited patience. When someone is generous, many people overlook this. As they are human too, they can get angry and become frightening. But the moment you let your guard down because of their smiling face and start making excessive demands and pressure, that person transforms into something terrifying.
"...."
The more Asena read, the more uncomfortable she felt. She straightened her posture and examined the text more closely.
A generous person could also be described as a cliff. They don't waver much at any stimulus, but the moment you cross the line, the relationship falls endlessly. They never look back. Just as they were deeply considerate, there are plenty of people around them, so they can quickly find someone to replace you.
Don't ignore the warnings such a person gives. If you receive a warning, don't try to engage in a power struggle. It might be their final chance.
If you've formed a close relationship, be cautious. The more important that person is to you, the greater the impact you'll feel when they turn away.
"...."
For some reason, Asena couldn't take her eyes off this short passage. She glanced at Caiden again. He was quietly enjoying his book, turning pages. Every time he flipped a sheet, sunlight reflected off the paper, brightening and darkening his face in turn. It was an innocent face that knew nothing. Nothing had changed. He hadn't turned away.
Asena looked at the passage again. For some reason, it made her uncomfortable, and for some reason, her heart was pounding.
. . . . .
Kirsi wandered around the library, exploring every corner. "Hmm~ hmm~"
She hummed quietly, just loud enough not to be heard by others, as she roamed this vast space. The academy's library was enormous. As a place where knowledge from across the kingdom gathered, there were books made of strange materials and books written in unknown scripts.
Whenever Kirsi saw a cover she liked, she would climb a tall ladder, pull out the book, flip through a few pages, put it back, and move on to the next. She'd already moved quite far from where Caiden was. It felt like she'd gone on an adventure. The library was that large.
She looked more closely at books with lots of pictures. After all, they were much easier to engage with than text and far less boring. As she looked around, one book caught her eye.
Kissing Manual.
"Oh?"
Kirsi smiled and approached the book. She could consider herself something of an expert. Though it had recently been forbidden, she had always kissed Caiden. Thinking about the kisses they'd shared made her heart warm.
This was the first book Kirsi had found that piqued her interest this much. Even so, she didn't forget to look around before pulling it out. For some reason, she didn't want Caiden to catch her. Though she'd already moved far enough that he couldn't possibly see her like this, she was preparing for the one-in-a-million chance.
-Swish.
The book slid smoothly from the shelf. It looked like many people had read it—unlike the other books around it, it was quite worn and a bit messy. Indeed, she'd heard that noble young ladies pretended to know nothing but were actually interested in such things, and it seemed that wasn't wrong.
Kirsi opened the book. Fortunately, it was a picture book. The first image showed a woman kissing a man's cheek. It was a scene more familiar to Kirsi than anything else.
"..Hehe."
It was so familiar it made her laugh. To think she couldn't do this anymore... her heart grew heavy, but Kirsi had no intention of giving up. Logically, it didn't make sense to never do it again for the rest of their lives. Someday, when the misunderstanding about the gossip was cleared up, wouldn't it be okay? She'd never once thought he actually smelled.
-Flip.
She turned to the next page. Another familiar scene. A man kissing a woman's forehead. Caiden had done that to her many times. Kirsi touched her now-cold forehead. Remembering the day she would receive it again, and finding vicarious satisfaction in the book, she examined the picture carefully.
Nothing surprising had appeared yet. The book was tamer than she'd expected. Even turning to the next page, it only showed a man kissing the back of a woman's hand. Nothing particularly interesting.
Unable to hold back any longer, Kirsi flipped through dozens of pages at once. "......Huh?"
And in that moment, she swallowed. Her cheeks flushed instantly, and her eyes wandered. She hadn't imagined something like this existed. She began to feel that she was looking at a book she shouldn't be seeing.
.....Wasn't the highest level of kissing supposed to be on the lips? Like what princesses and knights did. But what Kirsi saw was two men and women greedily exploring each other's tongues.
In the Snow White, Cinderella, and Little Mermaid stories Caiden had told her, there had never been such beastly kisses.
".....Tongue.. with tongue.."
-Gulp.
Once again, she swallowed. The man's face in the book began to overlap with someone's face. Though she didn't know for sure..... it looked like it would feel better than kissing on the cheek.