Shh (2)
Shh (2)
Asena took one step closer, pressing in on me. After tearing me apart so viciously behind my back, why was she doing this in front of me now? It was too confusing.
“...I didn’t eat.”
I gave her an answer, at least.
Kirsi bounced around me before leaping onto my back. She wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck.
“But why were you hiding alone in your room? We searched everywhere for you!”
Yet my eyes refused to leave Asena. The situation was so incomprehensible that I couldn’t look away.
Should I ask? Why had she said those things? Did she truly hate me? Since when? And why was she approaching me again now?
But then I asked myself: what would change if I did?
What I had learned with age was that even if you overheard gossip about yourself, you should pretend you hadn’t heard it. If you started digging in the name of resolution, the outcome could end up far messier than before.
If Asena claimed it had all been a lie, would that ease my heart? Some part of me would still take the harsh words she had spat out in my absence as truth.
And if she admitted it was true—that she had never once thought of me as her brother—what would change then? The false peace would shatter, leaving only a relationship overflowing with conflict. In an academy where political intrigue reigned, it might be a battle we could endure.
Besides, Asena was the family head. If she were exposed, it would be no different from exposing the entire Freister name. If I stirred up chaos just to uncover the truth, the people affected wouldn’t stop at one or two. Hundreds worked within Freister Castle alone, and when you included the territory’s residents, the number reached into the tens of thousands. My life wasn’t on the line. Was it right to throw their livelihoods into turmoil simply because my feelings were hurt?
“...Brother...? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Asena asked.
“...Asena.”
My lips trembled. My mind was a mess, and my body followed suit. I didn’t know whether I should ask or stay silent.
“...Yes.”
Still carrying Kirsi on my back, I stepped right up to Asena. She didn’t retreat. I studied her expression… then reached out and gently stroked her hair.
“Sorry. The classes were brutal, so I slipped away to rest for a moment and ended up falling asleep.”
I had made my decision. Even if Asena hated me… I still liked her. That was why it hurt so much. I chose to bury this, too. I would pretend I hadn’t heard. I would act as if I knew nothing. I didn’t want to break this peace.
“Huh? Me too, Brother!”
Kirsi slid down from my back and stood beside me. Chuckling, I ruffled her hair as well.
Asena spoke with clear displeasure.
“...Next time, just tell us.”
“I will.”
“........”
“Loosen up that face. I’m sorry. If anyone else saw you, they’d think you were a statue.”
I pinched her cheek playfully. Would she hate even these light jokes now? Every single action suddenly felt like it was catching on the edge of my heart.
...But this was who I was. I couldn’t hide my true self.
After that, I quietly closed my mouth. I only responded to Kirsi’s bright, cheerful questions. I didn’t pry into anything. There was no need to dig and risk shattering our relationship.
If she hated me. If she had never thought of me as her brother. If I made her uncomfortable. She could simply distance herself quietly. She could gradually reduce the actions that bothered her. It was enough for me to know and carry it alone.
****
The next morning, I dragged my heavy body out of bed. It felt as if I had layered thick clothes on and then doused them with water. The reason, of course, was Asena’s words.
I had acted like nothing was wrong in front of her, but inside I was rotting away.
“...Huu…”
Even so, I couldn’t just lie there. No matter how loudly my heart screamed for a day of rest, I had to attend class.
It had only been two days since academy life began. Skipping already would make any favorable evaluation impossible.
I opened the door and stepped out. Eric was sitting on the sofa, enjoying a cup of tea.
“You’re awake?”
Unlike me, he was already fully dressed in his academy uniform. As expected of the protagonist, he was diligent. Meanwhile, I had prepared nothing. I stood there in comfortable pants with my upper body bare.
His eyes swept over me from head to toe.
“...Brother, you should get ready quickly.”
“...Yeah.”
His gaze lingered on me with suspicion.
“..........Did something happen?”
Only then did I meet Eric’s eyes. His expression was genuinely worried. The protagonist’s intuition really was something… no wonder women fell for him.
“No.”
I brushed it off. After all, I had decided to hide it.
“Brother, I’ll head out first.”
“Sure. Go on ahead.”
Eric gave me a polite bow, set down his teacup, and left through the door.
Just as I turned to head back into my room, Eric’s voice rang out from the dormitory hallway.
‘Huh? Is something the matter?’
I paused and looked toward the dormitory entrance. He hadn’t even closed the door—who was he talking to?
“Eric, what’s going on?”
Eric’s head poked back through the open doorway.
“Brother, you should put on some clo— Ah. Since it’s family, maybe it doesn’t matter?”
The moment he finished speaking, Asena appeared.
I swallowed a sharp breath of surprise. I hated this, too—the fact that I now had to feel startled by Asena, who had always been a source of comfort.
But this time, Asena seemed equally shocked. Her confident stride halted, and her eyes locked onto me. More precisely, onto my bare torso.
She had every reason to be flustered. In truth, I had almost never shown her my bare body. Though we had lived like family, we had always maintained a certain line. It might have been my stubborn belief that nobles should carry themselves with dignity.
After reaching adulthood—after building this body—it was the first time I had revealed my skin to her.
Asena’s perfect mask cracked. Her cheeks flushed a deep red. This, too, was a reaction befitting a noble lady.
I turned my head, scratched awkwardly at my hair, and asked. Honestly, it was still difficult to look her in the face.
“Did you come alone?”
“....”
“Asena?”
“.....Sorry. I didn’t catch that. What did you say?”
“Did you come alone?”
“...Yes.”
“What about Kirsi?”
“She said she had something to do and left early.”
“...I see.”
Another voice echoed from the hallway.
‘Brother, I’m going now! Lady Asena, I’ll see you in class!’
“Yeah! Go on, Eric. And close the door!”
—Thud.
Once the dormitory door shut, only Asena and I remained in the room.
“But Asena. Are you allowed to keep coming to my room like this?”
“I’m on the student council. I can bend a few minor rules.”
“...I see.”
“.....Besides, we’re family. Everyone understands.”
“.........”
The word family shook my heart once again. Words I wanted to spit out rose all the way to my throat. Then what were those words yesterday? Why did you say such painful things when I wasn’t there? What did you mean when you said you never thought of me as your brother?
After hearing those words, I could no longer believe Asena had come looking for me without any reason. Before, simply wanting to see each other’s faces had been enough… but not anymore.
I stepped into my room to get dressed. Asena followed right behind and stood by the doorway.
“.....So why did you come, Asena?”
“...Huh?”
“You came because you had something to say this early in the morning, didn’t you?”
“.......”
I pretended not to care, acting as natural as possible while layering on my clothes, but every ounce of my attention was fixed on her.
She spoke.
“.....Yes. It was difficult to meet yesterday, so let’s set an appointment for today. If nothing comes up, let’s keep doing this from now on. There’s a fountain near the Political Science Department, right, Brother?”
“There is.”
“Let’s meet there after afternoon classes.”
“........Understood.”
I squeezed out every bit of strength I had to hide my emotions and answered in a flat, dry voice.
“.......”
Once again, that strange silence stretched between us. I finally met her eyes.
“....What?”
“......Brother, is something wrong?”
She asked.
There was. So much. Even now I felt like I was losing my mind.
“.....”
But of course, nothing came out. All the words vanished like a mirage, just like every effort I had ever poured into this, and what emerged instead was only
“Nothing. What could be wrong?”
—more cowardly words from a coward.
After finishing the last adjustments, I brushed off my clothes. The Freister family crest on my shoulder—two snakes coiled together—felt especially heavy today.
Before I knew it, Asena had stepped close and stood directly in front of me.
“....”
Naturally, she reached out and straightened my already neat uniform. She lightly dusted my shoulders, smoothed my collar, and then said,
“...Brother, your tie is crooked.”
With a stiff expression, she took hold of my tie. Her hands moved with practiced skill, centering it perfectly. Then she froze. As if finished, her movements stopped, and she looked straight into my eyes.
This time, I didn’t avoid her gaze. I met it head-on.
Soft black hair that flowed all the way down her back. Sharp, piercing eyes. A face set in rigid lines. And yet, she was more beautiful than any woman I had ever seen—twice as beautiful.
Asena Freister.
“....”
“....”
In this room where only the two of us remained, we simply stared into each other’s eyes for a long time.
Suddenly, I felt a gentle tug. Asena had used my tie like a leash, pulling me toward her.
The familiar gesture was coming.
But—
—Tap.
I stopped her lips as they moved toward my cheek. The soft sensation met my fingertips. It looked as though I were pressing a finger to her lips, telling her to be quiet.
Asena awkwardly reopened her closed eyes and stared at me in confusion.
“.....Bro......ther?”
“....It’s fine today.”
In the ten years I had known her, it was the first time I had ever blocked her expression of affection.