Even You
I couldn't focus on the class at all. My body felt sluggish, and my judgment was slow. I was clashing wooden swords with Judy Ice in a close match, even though I had completely overwhelmed her just yesterday.
"Freister! Get your head in the game!" Sir Hoslo shouted. His roar had no effect on me. If something like that could calm the shock I was feeling, I wouldn't have been hurt this badly in the first place. My mind was somewhere else entirely. Only Asena's words kept circling inside my head.
When did she start feeling that way? Did she really never mean a single word of it?
I even recalled the disappointed look on her face when I covered her lips. Was that an act too?
In that moment, Judy's foot slipped in and stomped hard on the top of mine.
"Whoa!"
She rammed her shoulder into my chest. With my foot pinned, I couldn't regain my balance. I tumbled backward in the most pathetic way possible. As I sat there on my rear and lifted my head, the tip of Judy's wooden sword hovered motionless right in front of my eyes.
"......"
".....Looks like I got you."
When I stood up, brushing off my backside, even Judy asked,
"Why do you keep getting distracted?"
"It's nothing. Sorry."
"......Did something happen?"
We had only known each other for a day, but we had already shared plenty of sweat together. Just as Sir Hoslo said, we were naturally growing closer. Judy spoke in a dry tone, but her expression gave everything away. I could tell she was quite worried.
I shook my head.
"I'm fine."
But even after that, I kept faltering. If those had been real blades, I would have lost my life three more times before the class finally ended.
"Are you ready?"
Kirsi asked the girl in a bright voice. She was standing inside the dining hall kitchen. It wasn't a place a high-ranking noble should enter, but Kirsi didn't care about such things. As long as she achieved her goal, nothing else mattered.
The kitchen cooks, however, were fidgeting nervously. They had to be extra careful not to make any mistakes in front of her. Vegetables that had already been roughly washed were scrubbed again until they shone. Every possible professional technique was put on full display.
'Chef, this one fell on the floor. Should I wash it again—'
'Throw it out! Throw it out!! We were going to throw it away anyway. Why are you even asking?'
But Kirsi's eyes ignored all their efforts and remained fixed solely on one girl from the very beginning.
The girl closed the snack basket with trembling hands. Kirsi had come to her at dawn, while she was doing chores alone, and made a request.
'I'm sorry to bother you, but could you make one lunchbox for me to eat at noon?'
'...Yes...?'
'Oh, you can refuse if you want!'
'N-no! I'll make it for you, yes...'
The girl didn't dare refuse the noble's request. On the other hand, this noble had smiled warmly at her—a mere commoner—simply because she had done as asked. The girl even thought this noble was rather cute.
'Thank you. By the way, could you also prepare one more bucket of carrots? They're for the horses.'
The noble kindly explained her purpose. Gathering her courage, the girl asked,
'...Um... horses usually like apples more than carrots. Should I prepare some apples too?'
'Oh, really? Yes! Please do!'
And so the lunchbox and the feed basket were prepared. Kirsi happily accepted the two baskets and hugged the girl.
"Ah, thank you so much!"
"Y-you don't have to do that...!!"
The girl waved her hands in panic. She prayed desperately in her heart that her dirty clothes wouldn't soil the noble.
Kirsi, who had pulled away, asked the girl,
"Could you tell me your name? If anything comes up later, I'll repay this kindness."
"...I-it's fine, really. This is just what we should do."
"I really want to know."
Kirsi gently took the girl's hand. It was rough and calloused in many places, revealing the life she had endured. It was the complete opposite of Kirsi's petal-soft hands.
The girl rolled her eyes anxiously, gauging Kirsi's expression. Realizing the noble was sincere, she finally spoke with difficulty.
"....Ewin. My name is Ewin."
".....Freister. What's going on?"
After class, as I was brushing Rush, Judy Ice approached and asked. Unlike yesterday when I had overwhelmed her, I had been beaten by her multiple times today. It was only natural that she would find it strange.
The moment I looked at Judy while brushing Rush, the horse bit my arm.
"Ow!"
I gave him a light smack on the head and let out a sigh.
"Tell me, Freister."
"I have a name too, you know. Judy."
For some reason, I suddenly didn't want to be called Freister. I had tried not to show how gloomy I felt, but I was already failing.
"......"
"...Yeah?"
The mood had sunk contrary to my intentions, so I urged her with a bright voice.
".....Caiden. What's wrong?"
Judy followed along exactly as I teased. It was still fun to mess with her. Normally I would have stopped there, but today I felt like being a little more mischievous.
"Shouldn't you call me Oppa? I'm older, after all."
Judy's face crumpled instantly. Seeing her expression, I burst out laughing. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest. I stroked Rush to calm my laughter and answered.
"Nothing happened."
"Don't lie. You were completely out of it the whole training session."
"Are you already worrying about me?"
When I asked with a smile, Judy turned her gaze away. Of course, I could understand how she felt. If Judy ever had something troubling her, I would probably worry too. The sweat we shared together carried that much meaning. Was it camaraderie? There was a sense of accomplishment in enduring Sir Hoslo's brutal training together.
Judy lightly shook her head at my continued teasing and turned her body.
".....I was just worried because you reminded me of myself..."
"Ah, okay. Don't go."
I grabbed Judy as she tried to leave. I wasn't even sure why I stopped her. Maybe it was an instinctive decision from my brain, telling me to let out this pent-up frustration. That's why I reflexively grabbed her, but the words didn't come easily.
In the end, even after catching her, I just stood there smacking my lips and brushing Rush without saying anything. Before I knew it, Judy had moved to stand beside me. The stall next to Rush was Goldie, Judy's horse, so she began brushing her own mount as well. It looked like she was waiting for me to speak first.
Grateful for her consideration, I stayed like that for a long time. Even as the silence stretched on, my mouth refused to open. I didn't know how to explain my worries or where to even begin.
Another long silence followed. Judy, who had given up her own mealtime to stand beside me, finally blurted out,
".....The underdogs should stick together."
"......"
Maybe she was trying to cheer me up? Even though it wasn't funny at all, I let out a small chuckle. I scratched the back of my head with a hand that wasn't dirty and spoke. It was hard, but I finally let my true feelings out.
"......As you saw, I'm close with my younger sisters."
".......Mm."
"The family head Asena, and my twin sister Kirsi... Actually, there was a reason we became close when we were young. As you probably know, the previous Duke Freister—my siblings' parents—passed away, and I took care of the kids."
For some reason, talking about myself felt embarrassing, so I brushed Rush even more roughly. Rush only seemed to enjoy it.
"....You did?"
"Yeah. No one in the family could open the twins' hearts. So I, who had been taking good care of the children at the orphanage, was hastily adopted. After that... I guess you could call it good luck, but I managed to open their hearts. That's why we had no choice but to grow up close."
"......"
"But lately, I've been wondering if that was all just my misunderstanding."
As if desperately trying to lift my heavy heart, I gave a small shrug.
"....Asena said she's going to exile me. In two years, I have to return the Freister castle."
".....What?"
Judy looked at me as if she couldn't believe it. I still smiled at her.
".....Yeah, I know. It's hard for me to accept too. At first, I thought it was because of my lowly origins."
"...No..."
That's not the surprising part.
"But it turns out that wasn't it."
My throat tightened with emotion. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, shook my head, then dug at my ear and said calmly,
"....Yesterday, I happened to overhear her talking behind my back. She said she's never once thought of me as her brother. Haha. But... damn... that really hurts."
"......."
"I've always thought of them as family. I've worked so hard for that. I thought we had a good relationship... Was it all just my delusion?"
I muttered as if talking to myself.
"....."
"Tell me, Judy. Isn't talking behind someone's back usually the truth?"
"....."
"Right?"
".......Maybe she just got caught up in the mood."
"If that were the case, it'd be great... but... I don't think so."
"....."
Judy put down the brush and wiped her hands. As if taking a break in my place, she let out a deep sigh. I didn't look at her. I felt embarrassed because the bridge of my nose had turned red for no reason.
"...If it were me, I'd just leave."
"Huh? What?"
"The Freister family is kicking you out. And talking behind your back like that. I'd just walk out on my own because it's dirty and disgusting."
She seemed to be getting angry on my behalf too. Judy's intense reaction eased my mood a little.
"Exactly! The Freister family is filthy!"
"Hey, even if you're cursing them, I'm the one who should be doing it."
"Wouldn't it be much better if you did?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why are you tiptoeing around so carefully! Just say you're leaving and live however you want."
"Tiptoeing? It's not that... I'm just hurting from the betrayal."
".....I don't know."
"Imagine someone you liked talking behind your back about how they actually hate you. Wouldn't that feel awful?"
"Exactly. If that happened to me, I'd just cut ties with that person. That seems less painful."
"......."
"......"
Her advice wasn't particularly helpful, but I was grateful that Judy was reacting so strongly for my sake. Once again, a long silence fell between us. I let out a couple of sighs.
Suddenly, I realized it was time to let Judy go. For her sake, since she had even given up her meal for me. Or maybe it would be nice to go eat together. ......Once I calmed these emotions down a bit more, I would.
At that moment, I heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh behind me.
-Thwack!
And then a familiar voice.
"....What are you doing right now?"
When I turned around, Kirsi was standing there, gripping Judy's wrist. Judy had been just a hand's breadth away from my back.
Kirsi walked around the training grounds with two baskets in her hands, looking for Caiden. He was nowhere to be seen. She wasn't flustered. She had expected this much. He had told her he might not be at the training ground. He would be taking care of Rush in the stables, so she should come there.
Kirsi walked past the training grounds and headed lightly toward where the stables should be. She was looking forward to seeing Caiden. She hadn't seen him at all today. She hadn't been able to go see him in the morning because she was busy asking for these baskets. Only Asena had gone to see him.
'Ah, now that I think about it, Sister didn't look like she was in a good mood...'
Shaking off the sudden thought, Kirsi walked toward her brother. He had said he only had one friend—a horse. Maybe he was waiting for her too. She would become his strength in his loneliness. He might even praise her. He would surely feel grateful that she had come to find him, putting many other friends aside. It was a choice she had made of her own will, but there was no harm in adding these reasons if it meant she could be loved even more.
"Oh, there he......?"
She spotted Caiden's back from afar. His familiar silhouette came into view. And beside him, where she thought he would be alone, stood a woman with blue hair.
Kirsi's feet froze at the sight.
"........."
Once again, an inexplicable unpleasant feeling tightened around her chest. This had been happening a lot lately. Even Kirsi could guess the cause. It happened every time Caiden became involved with another woman. Every time his eyes looked at another girl, every time another girl's name seemed about to leave his lips, every time he stood together with another woman like this, her chest felt suffocating, as if submerged in water.
Today, it was especially bad. The two of them were stuck together like best friends. The spot where she should have been standing was occupied by someone else as if it were the most natural thing in the world. It was so unpleasant it made her hands and feet tingle.
'Didn't he say his only friend was a horse?'
Kirsi thought.
'.....But Oppa, who is that person? You didn't tell me about her.'
She wanted to shout and ask him, but she held back with patience. Maybe she was misunderstanding. They might not know each other, and he might simply be taking care of the stable horses.
Kirsi quickened her steps. At the same time, a cunning inner self she hadn't even known existed raised its head. While her footsteps moved quickly, she silenced their sound. It couldn't be, but... if. If he had been hiding this meeting from her, she needed to catch definitive proof. Catch it and......
......
......She didn't even know what she would do after catching it. She probably had to make sure something like this never happened again, right? What was certain was... she needed to know that Caiden wasn't hiding anything from her. She wanted to know everything about him. She couldn't stand the thought of him hiding something from her. It felt like proof that she wasn't his most precious person.
Kirsi prayed in her heart. She had silenced her footsteps out of fear that something might happen, but she prayed that nothing would. She hoped it was all just her misunderstanding. She hoped they wouldn't talk, and if they did, she hoped it would be strictly businesslike. Fortunately, the closer she got to him, the more at ease her heart became. Never mind businesslike—they weren't having any conversation at all. They were simply brushing their own riding horses.
It seemed like it had all been groundless worry. Yes, there was no way her brother would have made a new friend without telling her. ......Especially if that friend was a girl.
As Kirsi approached, she observed the woman. No family emblem was visible. She was tall, with a solid build. In Kirsi's eyes, she didn't look cute or pretty. She didn't seem like the type Caiden would like.
Before she knew it, Kirsi had reached right next to Caiden. She had approached him without him or the woman noticing at all. Kirsi knew she had done something rude. Sneaking up without making a sound was wrong. Especially when he had company. So, to justify the rudeness caused by this misunderstanding, she came up with a plan.
She would go 'Boo!' and surprise him. That way, she could show she hadn't been trying to eavesdrop. She could just say it was a prank.
But at that moment, the blue-haired woman's hand moved. Kirsi's heart sank. Very carefully, the hand advanced and retreated, inching closer and closer to Caiden. It was so shy that even from behind, you could see her gathering courage. When that wriggling hand was about to touch Caiden's shoulder, Kirsi could no longer stand by.
The way she was trying to touch his body without a word looked like an attempt to create an emotional connection. It looked like she was trying to win his favor. A surge of anger burst from her chest. She dropped the baskets she had been carrying and twisted the woman's wrist, grabbing it.
-Thwack!
"....What are you doing right now?"
Caiden turned around.
"Eep!"
The blue-haired woman flinched in surprise and yanked her arm back. Caught off guard by the sudden force, Kirsi lost her grip on the woman's wrist.
"....Kirsi?"
Caiden's surprised eyes swept over her. Kirsi suddenly realized she had nothing prepared to explain her actions. Her emotions had taken over and moved her body first. She had only ever shown him her pretty side.
"....How long have you been standing there?" Caiden asked.