Making Minced Meat, or Rather, Lard (RAD)

The first thing you need to know about Elsia is that she gets easily influenced by the people around her.

By the time Choi Daeun had left and Jung Ayeon and I were finally getting our food, Hye-ji and Elsia had already almost finished eating. We'd wasted too much time on Choi Daeun, so they were scarfing down their meals to avoid being late for the next class.

"Husband. But are you really okay not knowing my body size?"

"First, fix that weird unit system. And don't just casually reveal stuff like that."

"If you pull that crap in front of me, I'll actually kill you."

"Yes. Understood. My husband is truly such a kind and caring man."

My hand froze mid-motion. Did I hear that wrong? The sudden verbal violence made me choke, and I started coughing violently.

"Kehk! Keck! Cough cough! What? What the hell did you just say?"

"Oh my! Husband, you're eating way too fast. You need to chew properly with strength in your jaw."

I'd heard correctly. I'd desperately hoped I hadn't. But it was real. Fuck.

"Elsia, have you lost your damn mind? Are you seriously trying to give me a stress-induced heart attack today?"

"Lady Elsia? Have you truly been in your right mind this entire time?"

"Granny, just call it dementia. Yard-pounds and complete nonsense. There's no saving her at this point."

"That's strange? The women over there told me this was the best pickup line to attract a man."

Elsia tilted her head in confusion and pointed somewhere with her hand. That place was literally a space dominated by massive masses. Looking closer, I saw creatures of a similar species—including the one who'd been tenderized by a pork cutlet hammer—breathing heavily as they devoured their food. And they had multiple bowls stacked up. Even from a distance, a thick fog seemed to hang around them. It was the steam rising from the pigs' bodies.

"No, fuck. If you keep using phrases like that, I'm actually going to kill you."

Seeing that sight, I couldn't help but let out a sigh of despair.

"I really fucked up by not cleaning up that pig farm sooner. This is all my fault."

"Shinwoo, those things look like lumps of fat. They’d probably burn really well. Can I just light them up real quick?"

"Young master? Lady? Please stop for a moment. Killing pigs recklessly would count as destruction of property."

Teaching Elsia something like that. My fist clenched instinctively with power. Whether she noticed or not, Elsia just tilted her head again, looking puzzled.

"They definitely said there was no better line to get a man's attention?"

"You've definitely succeeded in getting attention. In the worst possible way, you fucking idiot."

She really had succeeded in drawing attention. Just not the kind anyone wanted.

"Our granny's already old, and now her brain's just decoration? Should we get her some funeral insurance?"

"Oh my~ At least those women over there actually have breasts, don't they?"

In the middle of all that, Hye-ji and Elsia were throwing sharp daggers at each other.

"......Rotten tree bitch."

"......Rectangular prism bitch."

Soon after, the two began glaring fiercely at one another. But right now, my only concern was those damn pigs.

As expected, what those bastards need isn't education—it's slaughter.

Let's go, you fucking pigs.

Jung Ayeon took out several duel request forms she usually carried around and marched straight over to the pig farm table before slamming them down. In an instant, the entire pig farm table was engulfed in rage.

Trash gets cleaned up by whoever sees it first.

Everyone was staring at me, their fury completely unfiltered. Except for one person. That one was none other than the tenderized pig who had recognized my face. The moment he saw me, he used the stepping technique Thousand Pound Drop to escape the pig farm table. The previous pork cutlet hammer must have left him traumatized. However, the other pig bastards, seeing that, only started squealing even louder.

"You male chauvinist piglet! How dare you challenge a first-class citizen!"

"Since when did Korea start giving citizenship to pig bastards? Hurry up and fill out the forms. I'll kill you all in the dueling arena."

"A mere third-class citizen daring to associate with first-class citizens! A淘汰 male with such grand dreams!"

Even as they said all that, the pig bastards showed no intention of actually filling out the request forms. They must have instinctively sensed the danger. If they were beasts, they were acting like it.

"You stiff-necked bastards. Scared of a real one?"

"So confident just because you beat Mae-gal, you idiot! Mae-gal was the weakest among us, you idiot!"

"Looking at you now, I can see all that fat of yours trembling in fear."

The pig bastards flared up at my words. They knew they were pigs, but having it pointed out made them furious.

"Every day is a dreaming day! I'll teach you what reality looks like, you male chauvinist!"

"You fuckers are going to pay for teaching Elsia shit like that."

In the blink of an eye, the entire pig group had filled out the duel request forms. Looking at the applicant names, they had all hurriedly written down their own nicknames. Yukjeomgu (Six O'Clock Nine). Paemi (Defeated Beauty). Boryeok (Preserving Power). The other names were so ridiculous they made my head spin just looking at them.

Fuck, did they really leak broth in that short amount of time?

I grabbed the least oily part of the forms and submitted them. Naturally, the staff member receiving them had to take the oily side, and their expression rotted in real time.

Sorry, but what can you do? They're getting paid for it.

My original plan had been to crush them during practical training time, but for two reasons, I had no choice but to drift it over to an after-school duel. First, unless you were in the same class, duels weren't allowed during practical training. Surprisingly, the pig farm group was all Bronze Rank. That meant they were combined with Gold Rank classes during practical training. On the other hand, I was Iron Rank and combined with Silver Rank classes. Therefore, it was impossible for us to meet during practical training, which naturally made dueling impossible as well.

The other reason was the upcoming final exams. The final exam involved fighting randomly generated monsters. So there was a solid reason to focus on preparing for that.

Fighting Cheonma was a pretty exceptional case. It was way harder than catching monsters.

Anyway, as soon as all classes ended, I headed straight to the dueling arena. The supervising professor this time was Professor Pilyong.

"Shinwoo, you think you can handle all of them?"

"Don't worry. If you want, I can squeeze some oil out of them for you."

"......That's not necessary, so just beat them moderately."

Plus, quite a crowd had gathered—enough to run a proper betting pool. They must have come after hearing the news that a filthy group was getting cleaned up. However, the odds on both sides were pretty even. It was probably because of everything I'd shown so far. It looked like it would be hard to expect another upset.

Still, the amount bet on the pig farm team was bigger than expected. The hostile glares the gamblers were sending my way suggested they'd been burned pretty badly by the previous upset.

On the other hand, Hye-ji, Elsia, Jung Ayeon, and some other students had bet on me.

"Young master! Since you'll win anyway, just ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠take it easy!"

"Shinwoo, I'm gonna take a nap? Watching these trash fights looks boring enough to kill me."

"Husband! If I make money this time, I'll put it all into our 'Elf Coin' to pump it up!"

"Hey, fuck. Elsia, stop that!"

Elf Coin. Fuck. Seriously.

Suddenly, the ground shook. The cause was the massive lumps of flesh stomping and rumbling their way toward the dueling arena from afar. In response, I pulled out the pork cutlet hammer I'd prepared.

"Male chauvinist! Are you ready to fall below third-class citizen status!"

"You guys aren't recyclable waste—you're regular garbage, right?"

A moment later, after the supervising professor's clichéd announcement ended, the dueling arena system activated. It was the beginning of a massacre.

The duel result was incredibly one-sided. That made sense—the tenderized pig had already fled. As a result, the difficulty of raiding the pig farm family had dropped significantly. Strangely enough, a single hit to the head with the pork cutlet hammer immediately inflicted stun. It really seemed like the perfect counter to pigs.

Maybe it's getting critical hits. One-shot, for real.

The only somewhat tricky opponent was the massive woman called Bulbaek Widow. Her movements were surprisingly agile for her size, and she handled a gun better than expected. Those two factors alone made approaching her harder than anticipated. However, apart from the difficulty, the finish was incredibly anticlimactic.

When I threw Mjolnir, the Bulbaek Widow tried to dodge it with a backflip. She seemed full of confidence in her own way. But that was the problem. The moment her massive body completed only half the rotation, gravity mercilessly slammed her into the ground. As if paying for the sins of all the weight she'd accumulated, she sank incredibly deep. In the end, she suffocated on her own before I could even hit her.

Falling from a high place or this—there's basically no difference.

Anyway, all's well that ends well. After quickly cleaning up all the pigs, I returned to where my group was waiting.

"Husband! You were so cool! As a commemoration, I'll invest some more!"

"You crazy bitch! Stop!!!"

I shouted quickly before Elsia could put more into the coin, but—

"Ah, this isn't a plan, it's a notification. I already invested it thirty-five minutes ago."

"......Even Ostia has some intelligence. You brainless elf."

Elsia had already done it. In situations like this, her execution was strangely outstanding.

Then a question suddenly occurred to me.

"Fuck, how did you even operate my phone! It has a password!"

"My hobby is stalking! Of course I know everything about you, husband!"

"......My hobby is reading."

"Of course I know that too!"

My head started throbbing. I made a mental note to definitely change the password later. Looking at Elsia, I muttered in agony. Just what the hell was that insane shitcoin?

"Why on earth are you investing in that?"

"Don't worry! It's going to skyrocket like crazy! Absolutely!"

"Ha..."

Elsia was incredibly confident. I wondered what she was basing it on. Meanwhile, Hye-ji got up, rubbed her eyes, and spoke to me in a voice still heavy with sleep.

"Haaam... Shinwoo, is it over? Let's go eat."

"Hye-ji, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠buy me food today at least."

".....Fine."

Money. It appears like morning dew and disappears just as quickly. It's not that I don't have any in my account.

The process of registering my ability. Even though I wasn't doing it myself, I was curious about the progress. From what I'd heard, it had already been rejected seven times. The government's position was that they couldn't accept the existence of an ability that only allowed simple physical enhancement.

If I revealed my ability, they'd probably treat me like a mental patient or a crazy person, right?

You son of a bitch.

I closed my eyes and imagined explaining my ability to a government official. In my imagination, I was speaking very passionately. On the other hand, the person listening just had a bored expression.

"I regressed, okay? I did it anyway! I saw it."

"......Please come with me."

"Where to?"

"The mental hospital."

It looked like I'd be visiting the mental hospital again before even graduating. However, if the ability registration failed, it might actually be better. In the end, I'd be treated as powerless. That came with the greatest advantage of having fewer shackles compared to other ability users.

Getting a business license as an ability user is also a problem.

Insurance claims would be easier too.

Even if it somehow got registered, there wouldn't be a big problem. The ones who would suffer until it was completed wouldn't be me, but other people.

How bad could it possibly be?

But at that moment, I had no idea. If such an important matter was handled like shit, what kind of snowball effect it would create.