The Final Exam Comes with Beef!

One thing I've learned while living with Elsia is that despite being the representative in charge of greeting the World Tree, she's surprisingly broke. "Husband! Our goat has finally started to overcome its pain! We need to give it the nutritional supplement right away!" "You crazy bitch! That's a coin addiction, for fuck's sake!!!" "Then, to prove I'm not addicted, I'll invest one more time!!!"

Well, maybe this was the inevitable result. "How the hell are you planning to pay for tomorrow's meals, you pointy-eared wench!!!" "Just trust in tomorrow's me!" "Tomorrow's you is probably somewhere screaming 'Stay!!!' or some shit, isn't she?" "I just got a message from the future!!" "...What does it say?" "It says to go all in and double down!! Gazua!!"

By fabricating reasons in real time just to dump more money into coins, it would ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠have been weird if we weren't living in poverty. Watching it somehow fills me with pity. Not for Elsia, though. It's my money that's all tied up that's making me feel fucking pitiful.

'I was a fucking idiot.'

Suddenly, my eyes landed on the escort elf standing behind Elsia. Maybe she had a solution for our current mess, so I called out to her. "At this rate it feels like we'll starve to death before we even meet the World Tree. Don't you guys have any support or anything?" "All the support funds are tied up right there." "Then at least you're responsible for feeding Elsia, right?" "......My money is invested there too."

There was no help coming. Every single one of these pointy-eared bastards had some kind of flaw. My head was already starting to throb. "Even raising a tiger at home would cost less than this!! Fucking pointy-eared bastards!" "Oh my, husband. We raise a bear at our house." "So you're not a redneck elf but a redder one. Want me to stand at attention?"

She was definitely too obsessed with coins. The fixation was almost fanatical. "Elsia, why the hell are you so obsessed with this kind of coin?" "Because it'll go up soon!!! It's a sure thing!!!" "Ha... sure."

'She seems strangely confident about it, but I don't get it.'

Elsia just kept smiling brightly and saying it would go up. I had no choice but to let it go. Hye-ji had already returned to the dormitory first. From what I heard, she had something urgent to discuss with her father.

Meanwhile, Jung Ayeon had split off because she needed to help her sister at the library today. Apparently there had been frequent attempts lately to steal the poison horse from another world, so she went to assist as security.

In the end, it was just me, Elsia, and the escort elf heading to the cafeteria. There wasn't any major problem. Except for the tiny detail that among the three of us, I was the only one capable of paying the bill.

That was when a tremendous roar echoed from far away.

"Guooooooooh!!!"

'What the hell? I thought I'd exterminated all the pigs.'

I stopped walking and turned toward the source of the sound. What I saw was a rectangular box tightly wrapped in black cloth. Researchers were sweating bullets, struggling to push it along on a cart. Leading them was a male professor. Aside from the hair on the sides of his head, he had a completely smooth, bald scalp.

'Fuck, he's not a professor. He's a poacher.'

I moved a little closer to see what was going on, and that's when I caught their conversation.

"Hurry and move it before anyone else sees!" "Professor, do we really need to bring an actual monster like this?" "If we don't produce results this time, the lab will be shut down!!" "B-but is it even allowed to bring a monster into the Academy? Did you get proper permission?"

From the sound of it, they really had smuggled a monster in. The researchers were hesitating, but the professor acted like there wasn't a single issue.

"I already got the permission!!! Stop thinking useless thoughts!!" "But why use us? Couldn't we have transported it by vehicle?" "That's all money! Money!!! Are you going to pay for it!!!!!!" "Y-yes sir. Understood! We'll move it!"

'Must be a Mihoyo dispatch. They're money-obsessed too.'

Even though they claimed to have permission, the situation clearly wasn't normal. Just then I spotted bald Professor Pilyong passing by, so I grabbed him and explained what was happening. "Well... it's not completely illegal. A certain number of professors agreed, and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠some of the higher-ups gave their consent too." "To that thing?" He brushed off any further questions, saying there was no problem.

"Did you agree to it too, Professor?" "I did, for the time being." "What the hell is it that you'd approve something like that?" "......There are circumstances." Professor Pilyong quickly dodged the question and fled the scene.

From what I could gather, a whole bunch of professors and administrators had agreed in an extremely short amount of time, and the academy app had already updated the public notice with the list. Checking the names and searching the academy app revealed one common trait in all their profile pictures: every single one of them was severely lacking in hair.

'Let's just call it knowledge gained through experience.'

We hurried back toward the cafeteria.

A dark research lab that never received proper light at any hour of the day. Inside that space were one monster and two people. They could barely make each other out by the glow coming from a dusty monitor.

One monster. It was currently sleeping inside an iron cage, completely drained of energy. As if the earlier commotion had been a lie, the two researchers were forcing their heavy eyelids open again using sugar and caffeine. A very researcher-like attempt.

The monster had a very familiar appearance. The same as the Minotaur that showed up in myths, games, and novels whenever you least expected it. Human upper body. Bull head and lower body. Vivid scars etched across thick muscles. A pair of black horns on its head, sharpened to a murderous edge that could pierce anything, despite never having been groomed once in its life. The only thing missing was the tough mane that should have been there, leaving only faint traces of where it once existed.

It was the exact image of a Minotaur that anyone would picture. One of the two opened his mouth, and the other soon replied. Since the conversation was just between them:

"Senior, why are we testing hair growth medicine on a monster?" "Last time we did clinical trials on humans, their entire bodies got covered in fur." "You mean the furry incident? Weren't there also cases where all their body hair disappeared?" "So you know about the Bald Mountain incident too. The higher-ups barely covered it up, but as a result we can't do human clinical trials for a while." "Why a monster of all things?" "They said something closest to human form is at least a monster? How the hell would I know what that professor bastard is thinking."

Even while talking, the two were diligently preparing reagents. The attitude of truly seasoned researchers. "Can't we just test it on that bastard? He doesn't have any hair either." ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠"I fucking wish we could." "So what exactly are we testing on this one?" "If the mane grows back, it's a success. You've prepared all the injection solutions, right?" "Yes. Three types to be injected sequentially." "Then let's begin. Record the time."

The monster's flowing silver mane grew at an explosive rate. Experiment successful. The two overjoyed researchers celebrated the result and left work a little earlier than usual. Then three hours later, they came back to work. But they were happy. Because they had slept one whole hour more than usual.

The final exam was apparently conducted purely through practicals with no theory involved. The content of that practical was simple: defeat a randomly selected monster.

Whether I was unlucky in the draw or not, I ended up in the very first group. 'Being first means I have to go early no matter what.' [Isn't it better to think of it as first guard duty in the military?] 'It feels more like the first lab rat.'

When I arrived at the dueling arena at the last possible second, it was already packed with people. Second-years who had finished their tests early, third-years who had come to watch because they had nothing better to do, and countless first-years waiting for their own turns.

'Originally, watching noobs get destroyed is the most fun.'

I entered the dueling arena with the assigned number I had been given the day before. Just then I spotted Hye-ji, Jung Ayeon, and Elsia outside, so I waved at them.

Each dueling arena already had the monsters the students would face pre-generated. Naturally, the one I was in was no exception. The monster before me was a Minotaur—a cow-headed monster. Strangely, it seemed intelligent. It stood there quietly holding a massive double-bladed axe and staring at me. The silver mane flowing around it gave the whole thing an eerie sense of life, as if it were actually breathing.

'Oh, at least the final exam uses monsters that look real.' [It's not the bug where it rubs against the wall and disappears. They implemented a proper monster.] 'Well, they said to start whenever I was ready, right? The system should be synced up too.'

I pulled out a hand axe and began observing the Minotaur as I slowly approached. Its rough breathing. The drool leaking from its mouth and dripping onto the ground. The sharply pointed horns. The silver mane swaying in time with its breaths. And the number written above its head.

'......A number?' [What is it?]

By the time I felt a slight sense of unease, the distance between me and the Minotaur had already closed considerably. At that moment, the number above the Minotaur's head increased by one, and a mirror fragment appeared.

'What the fuck????????????'

We both activated the hook ping at the same time and began checking what future the mirror fragment contained. The future it showed was simple. The Minotaur splitting 'me' in half and chewing 'my' corpse to pieces.

Before I could even react from the shock, we returned to the original timeline. What I saw the moment we returned was the Minotaur already holding its axe high above my head. Veins were bulging along the arm gripping the axe as it slowly added more power to the downward strike.

'Fuck????????????'

The axe that had been held high came crashing down like a guillotine aimed straight at my face. I barely managed to snap out of my fading thoughts and dodge. The instant I avoided the axe, a red number above the Minotaur's head increased by one.

The current situation was unbelievable and completely unrealistic. But the few strands of hair that had been sliced off by the Minotaur's axe made me realize this moment was very real.

'No, what the fuck? What is this?' [It's not fake...]

Only then did a strange atmosphere spread among the group watching the dueling arena. The moment I opened my mouth to say something, a powerful electric field suddenly erupted around the arena I was in.

Outside the electric field, two researchers were clutching something and breathing hard. "Huff huff. Senior, we managed to contain it!" "Good, reduce the electric field. Let's retrieve it quickly."

As the range of the electric field began to shrink, I shouted desperately. "Fuck, stop!! There's a person in here!!!" "Are you an idiot? Why are you in there?" "No, you son of a bitch!! I'm taking the test, so of course I'm here! What the hell is this!" "Th-that is..."

The researcher trailed off, unable to answer. At that moment, the hair-loss professor I'd seen before came waddling over in a hurry. "Hey! What did you idiots do to have that thing in there!!!" "The experiment was definitely a success. Look at that mane." "Oh! Then there's no problem!" "Why the fuck is there no problem, you motherfuckers!"

They didn't listen to a single word I said. No matter how much I shouted, it was the same. "No, you fucking bastards! It looks like I'm about to die here!!" "But according to the formula, it should be asleep right now? Why is that thing over there!"

Then one of the younger-looking researchers spoke up hesitantly. "Th-that's because I mistook ml for gal." "So instead of the monster falling asleep, it gained power and broke out of the cage." "Yes, that's correct! I'm sorry, Professor!!" "Still, an unexpectedly optimal research result came out, so that's fortunate. Be careful next time. Good work!" "Th-thank you!"

"Fortunate my ass, you shitty bastards!!! The one dealing with the problem is me right now, fuck!!!!"

The situation made me wonder if having no hair also meant having no hearing. It was incredibly frustrating. "Then let's reduce the electric field quickly and retrieve it!" "I'm still here!!! Listen to me!!!! You hairless bastard!!!!"

'I'll split him in half, you fuck.'

I hurled the hand axe at the hair-loss professor. Unfortunately it didn't hit him directly and barely missed, but—

- Shaaak!

"What the—! Which bastard did that!" "It's me, you son of a bitch!!!" It had beautifully shaved off the hair on one side of the professor's head. Only then did the faculty realize something was seriously wrong. Confusion began spreading among them.

"Professor! Didn't you activate the system for dueling arena number 3 where student Kim Shinu is?" "Just a moment! I'll activate it now!" At least that was a relief. If it activated, I probably wouldn't die.

"It's strange! It's not activating!" "Don't joke around! It was fine when we checked it yesterday!" "Well, someone spilled tteokbokki on it. So the system device is broken!"

Not a relief. We were fucked. 'You only needed to blow up the server, you bastard.' [......If even the server blows up, public sentiment will plummet to hell.]

Meanwhile, the other professors surrounded the one responsible for this incident and spoke urgently. "Professor. Can we turn off that device and subdue the monster?" "I'll ask. Researcher! Turn that device off right now!!!" However, the researcher who was pointed out made a distressed face. It seemed difficult.

"Th-that's roughly made for capture, so someone inside has to touch it!" "Then turn it off another way!!!!" "It will turn off automatically after fifteen minutes!" "Is that your answer!!!!" "We disassembled the generator, so controlling it is a bit difficult!" "What the hell do you mean by 'a bit'!"

Anyway, it wasn't a conversation that would help me, so I ignored it and assessed the current situation. I couldn't escape because of the electric field. There were two choices: endure for fifteen minutes, or electrocute the monster in front of me. The opponent unfairly had a weapon. I had to face it with my bare hands.

'Electrocution would be faster.' [Isn't electric grilling only good for chicken?] 'That's true. Suddenly I'm craving electric-grilled chicken.'

When I looked toward the group, numbers had also increased above Hye-ji and Jung Ayeon's heads. Both of them were desperately trying to persuade the professors with urgent expressions. The fact that a red number had increased above Elsia's head suggested this was a situation she hadn't experienced in the pre-regression future.

'Even if the setting is released now, not many people will remember.'

Hye-ji was even on the verge of tears. "Professor! We need to stop this immediately! Shinu is really going to die!" "Professor! I agree with Miss Hye-ji! If we don't stop it quickly, Young Master Shinu will die!" "My sister's right! This has to be stopped!" "I'm sorry. But right now there's nothing we can do."

Gradually some students started paying attention to this side. Those with increased numbers above their heads all wore expressions of pity or sympathy. Of course, there were also bastards making excited faces. Some had even started recording.

'I'll film those bastards later. Just remember their faces for me.'

Finally, I could see the fuckers running illegal betting from afar. 'These fucking bastards are betting on who's going to die?' [It matches the Academy's level perfectly. That's exactly what the students look like.]

"Professor! Those bastards are running illegal betting over there!!" "You sons of bitches! Stop right now! Even if we wanted to during finals we can't, how dare you!!!" 'Maybe take out the "wanted to" part, you bastard.'

While the professors were cracking down on the illegal betting, the Minotaur that had gripped its axe began scraping the ground with its hoof. It looked like it was about to charge. At that moment the number above its head increased by one and another mirror fragment appeared.

In that future, the Minotaur that closed in instantly swung its axe horizontally. 'I' dodged the axe into the air only to be impaled by the horn the Minotaur had prepared and died.

'The problem is that bastard has to regress before it can see them.'

The moment we returned, the Minotaur charged just like before the regression and swung its axe in the exact same trajectory. When I dodged that attack into the air, the Minotaur's horn rose toward the sky to pierce me. It was an incredibly natural sequence of movements. Too natural. As if it had already experienced it.

However, from this point onward it would differ from the pre-regression future. I grabbed the horn, spun once in the air, and landed behind the Minotaur's back. The instant I landed I strengthened my right leg and kicked with everything I had.

- Thud!

Even though I'd strengthened it considerably, the Minotaur was only pushed back a little. It didn't seem to have taken much damage. It simply tilted its head with one red number increased above it, as if it couldn't understand the current situation.

At that moment, the researcher who had received praise from the professor earlier spoke with a slightly excited tone. "Ah! I changed the concentration a bit, so the monster's overall muscle density went up!" "You fucking idiot, say that earlier!!!!"

'Doesn't it get worse because the marbling decreases?'

The Minotaur attempted regression again. In the regressed future, it set its pair of horns and charged at me. The moment 'I' dodged to the right, it suddenly released its left hand from the double axe, grabbed 'me,' and crushed my body.

'This suddenly got shitty.'

Sudden rage slowly boiled up from deep inside my chest. The anger swirling within me soon began to manifest outwardly. As a result, a lament slipped out without me realizing it. "Fuck, is this a novel?"

This time I dodged to the left against the charging Minotaur. However, the Minotaur couldn't attempt to grab me with its right hand. Since its right hand was gripping the double-bladed axe close to the blade, it couldn't let go because of the center of gravity.

When the red number above the Minotaur's head increased by one, I grew even angrier. "Leaving only me out." I strengthened my left hand and drove it into the Minotaur's side. The target was the gap in its right flank.

In the moment of sudden pain, as the Minotaur reared up and expressed its agony with its entire body, I quickly closed in from the front. "Whether it's a dog bastard or a cow bastard." I strengthened my right hand and struck its abdomen. This time it was right on the edge of bursting. However, I had slightly exceeded the limit. As a result, blood splattered from a few of my finger joints, but I ignored it and clenched my fist even harder.

- Puuuuk!!!!!

"All of you!!!" My fist ignored the Minotaur's abs and sank deep inside. The Minotaur's body floated slightly, lost its footing, and flew far into the distance. Watching that sight, I spat out one last resentful lament.

"Regressing and throwing a tantrum!!!!"