Not as Easy as It Sounds
I have to put a period on it, but it's not as easy as it sounds.
I slipped out of the teachers' office and headed for the classroom. The bell for first period still hadn't rung, so plenty of students were milling about the halls.
Once I stepped into the classroom, time passed the same as always.
True to her word about keeping promises to the letter, the call came the instant first period ended. The light punishment the homeroom teacher handed me was "organizing and lightly cleaning the Counseling Room."
When I asked why I needed to clean the Counseling Room at lunch when I'd be cleaning it after school anyway, she said it got used more than you'd think.
That was how I first learned the Counseling Room saw more traffic than expected. I'd always figured it was just a place put up for show. Meaningful cleaning still beats meaningless cleaning—at least when you compare the two.
"I guess the annoyance is unavoidable."
My personality had never been one for a lot of physical movement, so any motion I didn't want felt like a chore. This was something I couldn't dodge, something inevitable. Which only made me want to dodge it more.
I roughly filled up on bread and milk from the school store and headed for the Counseling Room. I'd meant to stop by the teachers' office for the key, but she said there was no need. At this hour there was always a student using the place. I didn't know who, but I'd have to ask them to step out after explaining. If I asked nicely, they'd understand.
With that thought I reached the Counseling Room, knocked twice, and opened the door right away.
"Huh? What are you doing here?"
"......So that student was you."
"Huh?"
"It's nothing."
The moment the door swung open, what I saw was Yoon Narae studying alone inside the Counseling Room.
"Sorry for interrupting."
I started to close the door again when a voice came from inside.
"I don't know what you're here for, but you don't have to worry about me. Want me to help?"
"No. I'll come back later."
"I always study here when there are no counseling sessions, you know?"
"......"
There's a saying that it's better to take the beating sooner rather than later.
I had no choice but to give in and step inside. Is this what they mean by eating mustard while crying?
I entered the Counseling Room and started sweeping with the broom and dustpan I'd brought from the classroom. Yoon Narae stopped studying, rose from her seat, and threw open the window behind her.
"I'll help."
"You really don't need to."
"I was just thinking of taking a break when you showed up."
"......"
Under that burdensome gaze I finished the cleaning in silence, ending it by dumping the bread bag and milk carton from the desk into the dustpan.
Feeling uncomfortable sharing the Counseling Room with Yoon Narae, I was about to leave when her voice stopped me again from behind.
"Want me to help?"
"As you can see, there's nothing left to help with."
"Not with the cleaning."
What on earth was she trying to say?
I furrowed my brow a little at the ambiguous words.
"If it made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. Actually, I already knew you were coming."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I heard from the homeroom teacher ahead of time when you'd be coming to the Counseling Room."
"So?"
"It means I was waiting for you."
I'd thought something was off before, but this confirmed it. The homeroom teacher, Jin Jo-hwa, and Yoon Narae had banded together for a single purpose.
"I don't know what the reason is, but I want to rest soon. Sorry, but could you study in the library just for today?"
I tried asking with as much consideration and kindness as I could manage.
"I'd like to do that if you want, but unfortunately the current me doesn't seem able to. I think you know the reason well enough."
"......"
Interpreting and sorting the words Yoon Narae deliberately left unexplained was simple.
What I already knew well—in other words, "what I was concerned about"—was the reason.
What I was currently concerned about was "the fact that I could now be certain Jin Jo-hwa, the homeroom teacher, and Yoon Narae were cooperating for a single purpose," and "then what and how would Yoon Narae say to try to persuade me? How would she try to gently untie the knot of the past between me and Jin Jo-hwa?" and "the conclusion that Yoon Narae was highly likely to know what had happened between me and Jin Jo-hwa."
If she didn't know what had happened between me and Jin Jo-hwa, she wouldn't be able to help and wouldn't even think of helping, so the odds were high that Yoon Narae knew exactly what had happened between us.
From the moment I faced the homeroom teacher this morning, the outcome had already been obvious. Well, I didn't particularly feel bad about it. Whether it was tomorrow, a week later, or someday, I'd always thought I needed to tie the knot of the past with Jin Jo-hwa. I didn't know what shape the result would take, but no matter how the knot ended up tied, it didn't matter. I just wanted to tie it.
Because I wanted to escape quickly from the past that tormented me.
"I know to some extent the answer you want."
"?"
"And if you want, I can tell you the answer I know."
"......"
Was it okay to believe those words?
There was a reason for the doubt and deliberation.
Yoon Narae, speaking with such confidence, was Jin Jo-hwa's closest friend. She also knew other sides of Jin Jo-hwa that I didn't. That meant if I used Yoon Narae well from my side, I could dig out information in reverse—that was the conclusion I reached.
"I can live up to your expectations. What will you do?"
Her eyes held no wavering and were so full of confidence I almost expected them to blaze.
Looking at that composure and confidence, it seemed she really did know the information I sincerely wanted. She was Jin Jo-hwa's closest friend, after all. Very occasionally I could tell how precious Yoon Narae was to Jin Jo-hwa by the way Jo-hwa slightly dropped her pretense when dealing with her.
And the longer it took to tie the knot of the past with Jin Jo-hwa, the more exhausting it would obviously become. Better to tie this knot quickly, and to tie it quickly I needed a lot of information.
"Fine. I'll fall for your scheme."
"You can ask without hesitation. I'll answer any question."
If that was what she wanted, I asked without hesitation.
"Good. I'm also very curious what correct answer you'll give this question. The first question I'll ask you is this: I'd like you to tell me what Jin Jo-hwa's current state is."
There was a reason for deliberately throwing that kind of question.
That question was a test. The main purpose was that it was a test for Yoon Narae, but that didn't mean there were no other purposes. Depending on what answer she gave, it would decide whether Yoon Narae was worth using or not.
I knew the intention of the question, and I was very curious what answer she would give.
I stared with a dry face, and she still didn't avoid my gaze, eyes full of confidence.
"Currently, Jo-hwa's state is very confused."
"Why?"
"She's always wanted to meet you again. I think you know the reason well enough, so I won't particularly explain. At the end of that wish she met you, but you took actions and choices outside of Jo-hwa's expectations. So Jo-hwa is very angry, very disappointed, very sad, and very sorry. That's the current feelings of Jo-hwa that I'm sensing."
It matched what I'd vaguely felt over the past few days with all the things that had happened with Jin Jo-hwa. Even though she treated her closest friend with pretense, still, Jin Jo-hwa and Yoon Narae really were friends after all.
With this, the estimate of Yoon Narae's utility value came out.
Looking at the result, she was fully worth using. Above all, she knew the Jin Jo-hwa I didn't. She was also the closest among Jo-hwa's friends, and excluding me she would know Jo-hwa better than anyone. Maybe she even knew more than I did. But Jin Jo-hwa was a massive lump of pretense. I wondered whether she really knew her properly—someone who could be called pretense itself—but I left it at just the thought.
"Surely that wasn't the end of the questions just now?"
"Of course not. There are still plenty of questions left, so don't worry."
I hadn't found out anything yet, so how could it end already? This was just the beginning.
There were many questions, but my lips wouldn't part easily. I couldn't decide which one to throw first.
"It seems like you have too many questions and can't organize them well. It's okay to take your time. I'm not going anywhere. I said earlier, right? I can live up to your expectations. You can ask slowly, calmly."
"......"
She was really overflowing with composure. Since Yoon Narae wasn't a fool, she knew full well what meaning this interrogation held.
She didn't seem to have originally been that kind of personality, though. Could there be another scheme...? If there was another scheme, what purpose did it contain?
Organizing the questions was already overwhelming, and now one more thing to think about had been added. Could this itself be the scheme?!
This seemed harder than I'd thought.
"Do you know everything?"
"Of course not. Let's say I know a lot of facts."
"......Are you saying in a roundabout way that I'm dumber than you?"
"No, no, how could that be? Misunderstanding, misunderstanding. If I hurt your feelings, I'll apologize. I had no such intention."
I felt no ill will toward her as she waved her hands and apologized.
"Then I'll go into the second question."
"Sudden, but okay."
"I think it's not good to waste time unnecessarily. It's not like we have spare time,"
"That's right. We don't have that much time."
"Getting straight to the point, second question. I'd like you to tell me about Jin Jo-hwa's past that I don't know and you do. The Jin Jo-hwa I know is the past Jin Jo-hwa, so I don't know what kind of person the current Jin Jo-hwa is."
"Hmm......"
I thought she'd answer without hesitation this time too, but contrary to expectation she seemed to be pondering something. Was she organizing her thoughts?
It was true time wasn't abundant, but I had no intention of rushing her. If I pressed, her heart would grow urgent, and if it grew urgent she would miss something. Then the things I wanted to know would drop out one by one, and the only result would be less benefit coming to me. So I decided to wait with composure, just as Yoon Narae had done earlier.
"Ah! Sorry. This answer seems like it'll be a bit long, so I organized it a little in my head."
But Yoon Narae didn't spend that long organizing her thoughts. How long an answer was she trying to give this time that she even wasted time separately to sort it out? On one hand I was expectant; on the other I grew needlessly anxious.
"Jo-hwa's past. The past of Jo-hwa that you want to know is the Jo-hwa from middle school days, right?"
"Yeah."
I knew nothing about Jin Jo-hwa from middle school. I'd never even heard rumors. Maybe there had been chances to hear. But I might not have known because of actions like avoiding the conversation the moment the name "Jin Jo-hwa" was mentioned. Anyway, words that travel through many mouths have a very high chance of being exaggerated, so reliability is low, and it wouldn't be the story I currently wanted to know.
I wasn't a good enough person to listen to meaningless stories. Moreover, in middle school my nerves were sharp and I wanted to be alone, so just hearing the words "Jin Jo-hwa" would have made me feel filthy. Of course the desire to be alone hadn't changed even now, but compared to middle school it was somewhat better.
"It'll continue long in a form like a past recollection. Is that okay?"
"The method doesn't matter, whatever it is. As long as I can know Jin Jo-hwa's past."
That way, even in future situations, I could stay advantageous, take the upper hand, and seize the initiative. That way I could get a little closer to the future I wanted.
"The first time I saw Jo-hwa was during the self-introduction time that started after the middle school entrance ceremony. Because she was famous for the entrance exam thing, she received attention from many people even excluding me. Jo-hwa's first impression was so different from what I'd expected that I still remember it vividly. Having heard the rumor of a multi-talented genius, I imagined a quiet young lady, but it was completely different from my imagination. Her eyes were lifeless and her voice was dry. In Jo-hwa's appearance introducing herself in a dying voice, I couldn't find 'life.' Even though Jo-hwa surprised everyone in the classroom with her self-introduction and received various gazes, she just moved like a machine, like a doll. It was really terrible, you know? She didn't do unnecessary actions and didn't say unnecessary words. This is the first impression of Jo-hwa that I felt."