12
12. A Connection from the Past
There were good things about staying in Canada for about four months, but there were inconvenient things as well.
South Korea had highly developed medical technology, but in Canada, perhaps because of its enormous landmass, getting
medical treatment was quite difficult.
Unlike Korea, where convenience was prioritized through things like delivery services, Canada simply lacked that kind of
convenience.
Canada's advantages were its untouched natural environment, the freedom to renovate your home however you wanted, and
the relatively cheap land prices.
For almost everything else, you had to take care of it yourself.
“Hey. Let’s get down now. The sun’s setting.”
“Yeah.”
Jeongmin and I were repairing a damaged roof.
If we were in Korea, we would have called a professional company to handle the repairs, but just like in the United
States, hiring professional contractors in Canada was expensive, so men often handled these kinds of jobs themselves.
It was only a small gap that needed repairing, so we could finish quickly. However, since being on the roof was
dangerous, we had been making a fuss about how difficult the work was and only hurried down once evening came.
“......”
“Hey. Aren’t you coming down?”
“Let’s stay a little longer.”
I wanted to climb down, but I couldn’t.
My eyes had been stolen by the red curtain of sunset disappearing beyond the mountains.
‘I realized after coming to Canada that time could actually pass this slowly.....’
When I was in Korea, I always complained that time went by too quickly.
I would wake up in the morning, mechanically eat a meal, work, and then sleep. Since that was my daily routine, perhaps
it was only natural that I felt that way.
“......It’s cold. Let’s go down now.”
“Yeah.”
At Jeongmin’s words, I eventually climbed down from the roof.
---
Tonight’s dinner was kimbap and ramen.
It felt rather simple, but the combination of kimbap and ramen was probably one of those perfect combinations that every
Korean could agree on.
‘His mother’s kimbap really is the best. Well, honestly, it’s not better than my mom’s.’
Every country had something known as a mother’s home cooking.
Just like American cookies or Japanese miso soup, the taste of a mother’s cooking differed from household to household.
‘People say Korean mothers’ signature dishes are doenjang jjigae or kimchi jjigae..... but honestly, I think it’s
kimbap.’
I thought kimbap was the dish where a mother’s cooking skills showed most clearly.
There were basic ingredients that usually went into kimbap, but the taste could change dramatically depending on how it
was rolled, what ingredients were used inside, how they were seasoned, and even the form of the rice.
Since every mother had her own way of making it, I believed that the better the kimbap tasted, the better the mother’s
cooking skills were.
‘Still..... it’s delicious.’
Buying ingredients for kimbap in Canada wasn’t as difficult as I had expected.
Costco sold all the basic ingredients needed for kimbap, so the ingredients that went inside were entirely up to the
person making it.
‘Our family uses spinach, but it’s a shame they use cucumbers here.’
I liked cucumbers, but only when they were eaten raw.
Normally, I liked washing a fresh cucumber roughly, dipping it into gochujang, and eating it that way.
When cucumber was added to other dishes like this, however, I didn’t particularly like it because its smell overwhelmed
the taste of the kimbap.
‘But..... when ramen enters the picture, things are different.’
The spicy, rich broth of the ramen immediately washed away the cucumber flavor, while the spicy broth seeped between the
grains of rice and enhanced the savory taste even further.
And with the plump, chewy noodles added to the mix, there was no better paradise on earth.
“Oh, right. I heard Mina is coming tomorrow.”
“Mina? Why is Mina coming?”
“Why do you think? It’s vacation.”
“Wasn’t her vacation already underway?”
“She said she had something to take care of there, so she stayed a little longer before coming.”
I quietly listened to Jeongmin’s family talking while eating ramen.
‘Mina is coming.....’
Lee Mina, Jeongmin’s younger sister.
I had seen her a few times when we were young, but she had been so young back then that I didn’t remember her very well.
‘What did she look like again?’
My memory had deteriorated after I suffered burnout.
I had even forgotten the names of the friends I had in high school, so there was no way I could remember Mina’s face
from when we were children.
“Then do I have to leave the room?”
This was the most important thing.
I was going to leave soon anyway, but if I left immediately, I had nowhere to go.
“No, you don’t. The room you’re staying in is the guest room anyway, so it’s fine.”
“That’s a relief.”
“Anyway, I’m just telling you because she’s coming. You two used to get along well.”
“......Did we? The two of us?”
“Didn’t you come over several times when Mina was here? Did you forget?”
“Hmm.....”
I also had a younger sister named Kwon Hyerin, and I had taken Hyerin to Jeongmin’s house several times.
After hearing that, I gradually began remembering things, but Mina’s face still wouldn’t come to me clearly.
“She’s coming tomorrow, so someone needs to pick her up at the airport.”
“......Wait. I have something to do tomorrow, so I can’t go.”
“Oh. That’s true.”
Jeongmin’s family ran a restaurant and worked in agriculture, but Jeongmin himself had his own occupation.
He worked as a freelance IT developer, so he probably wouldn’t have any free time tomorrow.
“Then, Shinyong. You go.”
“.....Me? I’ve even forgotten what Mina looks like.....”
“I can give you her phone number.”
“That’s true, but.....”
Honestly, I didn’t want to go.
It took an hour by car just to get to the city, and the airport was three hours away by car.
Of course, if we drove quickly, we could arrive a little earlier, but I still had to set aside six hours for the round
trip.
“What time do I need to get there tomorrow?”
“She says you need to be there by six in the morning.”
“......”
If it had been in the afternoon, I could have accepted it without complaint.
But to arrive at the airport by six in the morning, I would have to leave at three at the latest.
“.....I’ll go.”
In the end, I decided to pick her up.
They were providing me with free food and lodging while I helped with the farm, so shouldn’t I at least do something
like this?
I ate my meal with a gloomy expression.
---
Kwon Shinyong used the pen name Daibleu in Korea.
It wasn’t a pen name with any particular meaning.
He had simply gotten the idea from a game advertisement that happened to pop up on his computer and used it.
‘Does continuing to use this pen name actually mean anything to me?’
The power of a pen name didn’t belong only to famous writers.
Whether positively or negatively, readers would see an author’s pen name and decide whether to read or skip the novel.
‘.....It’s a shame, though.’
There was no particular reason for me to continue using this pen name.
But it was the name I had used throughout all the years I had been writing, so I couldn’t help feeling reluctant to let
it go.
‘More importantly..... whenever I started a new novel, my other works would also start earning more.’
The income was small, but since it continued to come in, I couldn’t help clinging to the pen name.
“Starting over from the beginning.....”
As soon as I said those words, I suddenly remembered what Aron had told me.
If I couldn’t have confidence in myself, that lack of confidence would inevitably appear in my work.
In other words, when I first started writing, I must have been overflowing with confidence rather than doubt.
“My first beginning..... Well, honestly, I was arrogant.”
When I first began serializing on Dalpia, I thought I would reach number one in no time.
Everyone was my enemy, and everyone was someone I had to surpass.
But as the enormous wall called reality gradually approached me, I became increasingly crushed beneath the pressure.
I was the eldest son who had to support the harsh reality of my family.
At the same time, I was a writer who had to succeed through my writing.
After enduring both sides and working harder and harder until I eventually reached number one, what remained in front of
me wasn’t happiness.
It was despair.
“Perhaps the burnout started back then.”
It wasn’t because I had completed a novel that had reached number one.
It was because the moment my work suddenly rose to number one, the pressure became too much for me to bear.
“If I return to my original mindset..... could that solve something?”
I stared at the synopsis in front of me and remained lost in thought for a long time.
The work I had written so far was ultimately written from the perspective of an established author.
If it was genuinely entertaining, I should be able to achieve decent results even if I used the pen name of an
established writer.
‘There are definitely people who avoid my writing because of my pen name.’
What should I do here?
Should I choose avoidance, or should I move forward?
‘Avoidance isn’t necessarily a bad thing.’
Even writers who were called masters sometimes chose to avoid attention by writing under another pen name.
In the end, writers had to prioritize their own interests if they wanted to create their own art.
“I don’t know.”
I didn’t know anything.
I didn’t know which choice would be better for my future.
I didn’t even know whether returning to one’s original mindset was truly a new beginning or simply an act of reminiscing
about the past.
“For now, let’s sleep. Even a little sleep will make my body feel better.”
Since I had to wake up early tomorrow, I stopped thinking and fell asleep.
---
Lee Mina knew the man her older brother had brought home in the past.
Honestly, she hadn’t talked with him all that much.
She had simply gotten along well with his younger sister because they were the same age.
‘Oppa Shinyong is coming.....’
When Mina thought about Kwon Shinyong, she couldn’t help but smile.
Regardless of everything else, the thought itself naturally made her smile.
‘I was so surprised when Oppa brought a friend home.’
Unlike now, Jeongmin had been extremely timid and quiet since childhood.
He didn’t grow his hair long, and because he disliked exercising, his body had been as thin as a strand of taffy.
He barely spoke in class, so Mina had thought he probably didn’t have any friends.
Then one day, he brought a friend home.
‘More than anything.....’
That older brother had been incredibly sociable.
Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that he naturally blended in wherever he went.
There had even been times when Mina was surprised to find Shinyong Oppa casually eating a meal at their house as though
he belonged there.
‘Because of him, my personality changed quite a lot too.....’
Perhaps it was a family trait, but Mina had also been extremely quiet.
She began changing after she gradually became accustomed to Shinyong Oppa.
‘What does he look like now?’
She had met Shinyong Oppa several times when he was in middle school.
But after he entered high school, the occasions when he visited their house became less and less frequent.
By the time Mina entered middle school, they had stopped seeing each other entirely.
After not seeing him for several years, the thought of meeting him again made her feel strange.
“By the way, when is he coming?”
The agreed-upon time of six o’clock had already passed, and twenty minutes had gone by.
She considered calling him, but since he had gone out of his way to come pick her up, she decided to wait a little
longer.
Another ten minutes passed.
Then, in the distance, she saw a man staggering toward the airport entrance.
The man slowly approached her.
“It’s been a long time, Mina.”
“.....Oppa.”
“Why?”
“Did you drink?”
“I’m just staggering because I’m sleepy. You’ll have to drive on the way back.”
The joy of seeing him again after such a long time lasted only for a moment.
Right now, she first needed to wake him up.