11
11. Confidence
‘So, he’s saying they’ll do as many events as they can.....’
Just like the term “promotion” existed in web novels, it seemed publishing companies had various events as well.
‘SNS events, advertisements, bookstore placement..... and so on.’
There were various methods, but perhaps because there were limits to what could be done with a book, none of the events
were particularly appealing to me.
“Another option is to enter a contest.”
“A contest?”
“Yes. There are contests specifically for new writers. Winning works receive prize money.”
‘A contest.....’
Contests were a great opportunity for new writers.
If you could win, you could receive prize money while simultaneously getting your name known to people.
‘It would be good. It would, but.....’
There were contests in web novels too, and perhaps because I had never achieved good results in any of them, I wasn’t
particularly interested.
“If you publish it, how long would it take?”
“If we started immediately..... it would probably take about a month.”
“A month.....”
That was a timeframe only a publisher like Rodin House could manage.
They already had contracts with several printing companies, so they could print the book quickly.
“Still, it would be more comfortable to allow two months. There’s also proofreading and editing.”
“Proofreading and editing.....”
The moment I heard those words, my head began to throb.
‘Every time I hear those words, I feel like I’m going to get acid reflux.’
It was something I wanted to forget completely, but it was also one of the most important tasks for a writer.
Proofreading and editing were essential because the publisher’s reputation and copyright were involved, but once the
process began, it was mentally exhausting for the writer as well.
Sometimes the corrections were so harsh that you could end up wondering whether your writing had really been that
terrible.
“Immediately after signing the contract, we’ll send your manuscript to the editorial department. You should receive it
by email within a week.”
“Yeees..... Understood.”
Physical labor was extremely exhausting, but there was something satisfying about the refreshing feeling that came after
finishing the work.
Mental labor was different.
Even after taking several days off, there was no feeling of relief.
Just thinking about squeezing out a story and going through proofreading and editing that could be rejected dozens of
times made my head throb.
“Then, shall we proceed with the contract?”
“We should.”
There was no way I would refuse when I could receive a $10,000 advance payment.
I signed the contract.
“By the way, have you eaten?”
“Are you treating us?”
“Haha. Of course. I brought the company card, so eat as much as you like. Emma, you should join us too.”
“If you’re treating us, I’ll gladly eat.”
You never turn down a meal someone else is paying for.
---
Saskatchewan is such a fertile agricultural region that it is called Canada’s Bread Basket.
The province also has vast grasslands, so livestock are raised using byproducts from crops.
Meat and grain were inexpensive, and since there were many people from Eastern Europe and Central Asia, there were also
many foods that had become globalized brands.
“The T-bone here is incredible.”
We had come to a steakhouse that I couldn’t visit often because it was usually expensive.
No matter how cheap meat was, that didn’t mean I could eat it all the time.
Pork and chicken were easy enough to eat frequently, but beef was another matter.
‘The atmosphere here is nice, and the meat is tender.’
I thought the greatest advantage of beef was its abundant juices.
It was a dish where you could enjoy everything from sirloin to striploin and tenderloin, so it was nice being able to
experience various textures.
“One 500-gram T-bone and two 200-gram ones, please.”
“Yes. Certainly. We have three types of potatoes. How would you like them?”
“French fries. And for the drinks, Diet Coke, please.”
“Certainly.”
After the waiter left, Aron smiled awkwardly.
“Haha..... You must be hungry.”
“I’m going to eat one more.”
“......You certainly have quite an appetite. Haha, please eat as much as you like.”
Soon, a stew was served as an appetizer.
While eating, Aron cautiously spoke.
“By any chance, is Rose..... not here?”
“Ah..... Rose is resting at home.”
“I see. That’s a shame.”
The disappointment was clearly visible on Aron’s face.
The reason he had come all this way today wasn’t just to sign the contract.
He had also wanted to meet Rose, the owner of the blog he regularly followed.
“By the way, are you leaving tomorrow? I hope you didn’t come all this way just because of me.....”
“Haha! You don’t need to worry. I actually arrived in Canada two days ago.”
“Two days ago?”
“Haha. I had a meeting yesterday with a writer who lives in Quebec. I originally wanted to come here right away, but
since I was already coming this far, I thought it would be better to meet with that writer first.”
“That makes sense. If you’ve come such a long way, you might as well take care of everything at once.”
As we chatted, the waiter soon brought our steaks.
‘There it is.’
A 500-gram T-bone steak was placed right in front of me.
The enormous cut of meat, covered in gravy, continuously teased our noses.
“Well, let’s eat.”
“Thank you for the meal.”
As soon as I said it, my fork and knife moved toward the steak.
‘The quality of the beef here is excellent.’
Whenever I ate beef steak, I usually ordered it medium.
It retained a slight rosy color throughout and gave the meat a much more satisfying chew.
Swish..... Swish.....
The steak cut smoothly beneath the knife.
As soon as I cut off a piece of tenderloin, I immediately put it into my mouth.
Chew, chew.
My cheeks trembled at the rich flood of meat juices that poured out with every bite.
‘This is it!’
Every time I chewed the meat, the gravy that seeped between the fibers enhanced the savory flavor even further.
‘This gravy..... It must have been made using the juices released while cooking the beef.’
Store-bought gravy was delicious too, but gravy made from the juices released while cooking beef paired much better with
the meat.
‘There’s a slight acidity..... Lemon?’
Since the meat was quite rich and fatty, the sourness of the lemon prevented it from becoming overwhelming.
‘But the mashed potatoes here are disappointing.’
I had eaten the steak with mashed potatoes the first time I came here, but it had been far too rich.
Mayonnaise was mixed into the mashed potatoes themselves, and when combined with the gravy, the greasy flavor became
even stronger.
‘That’s why French fries are the best.’
They were crispy, and they also paired perfectly with gravy.
‘I used to hate gravy so much.’
In the past, I hated the strange oily taste of gravy, but now I had reached the point where I could actually enjoy it.
“By the way, Writer.”
“Yes. Please go ahead.”
As the meal was almost over, Aron cautiously spoke.
“Do you love your work?”
“......Why are you suddenly asking that?”
I couldn’t help being flustered by the sudden question.
“Haha..... I’m asking because you seem to have an attitude of ‘whatever happens, happens.’”
“Well..... Honestly, that’s true, isn’t it?”
If it became popular, that was good.
If it didn’t, that was fine too.
Since there was no way something I had written as a hobby could realistically become successful, I already considered
simply being treated to a meal like this a gain.
“Hmm..... There are various reasons writers come to dislike their own work. One of them is when the work fails to earn
the amount of money they wanted.”
Aron already regarded Kwon Shinyong as an established writer.
Perhaps a major writer hiding his name, or someone who had been serializing his work in his home country.
“But those are only the feelings that are visible on the surface..... The hidden feelings are a little different.”
“Hidden..... feelings?”
“Yes.”
Anyone could become a writer.
Someone could receive professional training from childhood and become a writer, or someone could simply love books and
eventually start writing as a hobby.
There were countless ways to become a writer, but eventually, the time came when they stopped.
“They become afraid of their creation being judged.”
“......”
At those words, it felt as though a huge rock had fallen onto my head.
I even put down the fork and knife I was holding.
His words kept echoing inside my head.
“A work is like a child to its creator. When that child goes out into the world and hears harsh words and criticism, the
parent naturally becomes depressed.”
The child is bullied because the parent is inadequate.
The writer’s work receives poor reviews because the writing isn’t entertaining.
Perhaps the two were similar.
“The bigger problem is the line between a great work and an ordinary one.”
“.....”
“The awareness and pressure that you have to write something outstanding constantly weighs down on your body.
Eventually, you spend all your time thinking about writing because of that pressure..... and in the end, you push
yourself too far.”
Aron carefully lifted the glass containing his Diet Coke.
“You said you’re a new writer, but someone like me who has worked in this industry for a long time can tell after
exchanging just a few words.”
Aron was already middle-aged.
He had been in this industry for more than twenty years, so no matter what writer he met, he could usually sense their
tendencies and personality.
‘Writer Shinyong was the same.’
A life devoted entirely to one thing.
Rather than feeling excitement or enjoyment about serializing a novel, he seemed to have reached the point where he
simply didn’t care what happened anymore.
“There is a way for people who are afraid of their work to learn to love it again.”
“.....What is it?”
Aron took a sip of Diet Coke and put the glass down before speaking.
“I’ve been in this industry for twenty years. I’ve tasted success, and I’ve tasted failure. Yet do you know why I still
haven’t suffered burnout?”
“Why?”
“Because I have never doubted myself.”
“Doubted.....?”
“You doubt yourself too much, Writer.”
“......”
“You don’t have confidence in yourself.”
“......”
Confidence in myself.
People always said that those without confidence weren’t popular.
Excessive confidence was obviously bad, but people always said that you should at least have confidence in yourself.
“Whether you exercise, take care of your appearance..... There are many ways to regain confidence in yourself. You
should try to find your confidence too, Writer.”
“Confidence.....”
I fell deep into thought for a long time.
---
After Aron left, I returned home with Emma.
“How was it?”
“It was exactly like the meetings I imagined.”
Emma had come today not only to meet someone she knew, but also because she wanted to see a writer’s meeting for
herself.
However, since she had pretended to be an adult on her blog, she had to hide the fact that she was Rose.
“Shinyong.....”
Emma fiddled with her fingers for a moment before cautiously speaking.
“Do you want me to tell you how to build confidence?”
“Confidence? What is it?”
It seemed that what Aron had said earlier had continued bothering Emma.
“Get a girlfriend.”
“.....Huh?”
“Men with girlfriends always walk around with their chests puffed out. So you should get a girlfriend too.”
“......”
“Oh. You said you wanted to date someone, right..... Should I introduce you to my older sister?”
“Shut up. Just put your seat belt on properly.”