Colliding True Feelings
Sunday, 12 PM. Emily Swan finally confesses her heart. Layers upon layers of built-up feelings, a love hidden away for so long. She already knows the ending, knows it won't be returned. But if that's the case, this is better. That's what she tells herself. To end it without ever confessing would be too pitiful for her own heart. In her clumsy emotions, she ends up hurting an innocent friend. So Emily Swan resolves to confess to her longtime childhood friend, Carlyle Schultz.
"I... have something I want to tell you."
In the crisp autumn scenery, right in the middle of the park in broad daylight. Time seemed to stop. The air seemed to still. At least, that's how Emily Swan felt. Her lips were parched. The sensation of standing faded away. And finally...
Emily's lips parted.
"Carlyle... I've always liked you."
Emily Swan confessed.
She couldn't pinpoint when it started. Yeah, probably... from way back, really far back.
"You know..." Emily forced an ambiguous smile onto her lips. "I've thought this before."
Once upon a time, a bit arrogantly. Laughably so. There was a time when she thought she and her childhood friend Carlyle would naturally end up together. Maybe she got complacent in her position as childhood friend. Maybe it was all just her delusion.
One day, she heard the news from her father, the orphanage's biggest donor.
-That kid left the orphanage.
-...W-what, Dad?
The shock Emily felt was beyond words.
-No way. Carlyle didn't say anything to me.
It was much later that she realized. He had dropped hints, but she hadn't noticed back then.
-I'm going out to work. To find my own path in life.
She, as a young girl, couldn't grasp that those words meant independence. It wasn't until academy that she saw Carlyle again. But by then, he had a girlfriend.
Emily learned of it purely by chance and was utterly flustered.
-Uh, oh... I see...
So you confessed and started dating? That's great, congrats!
She said those words, but inside, she was reeling.
From then on, Emily Swan kept missing her chances in the strangest ways. Maybe it stemmed from that first memory. Learning that Carlyle, whom she thought was her destined one, was dating someone else. The shock made her lock away her feelings tight.
'...I absolutely can't let it show.'
Of course. Carlyle always had a girlfriend. Miss the brief openings, hesitate just a bit, and poof—they were gone. Showing her feelings would only get in the way, maybe even push him away.
'...So I'll hide it.'
And somehow, that's how it became.
Above all, Carlyle never seemed to see her as a potential romantic partner. Just a friend. At some point, Emily settled into that. If she confessed to her childhood friend and got rejected, even this fragile connection might shatter.
That's what she thought. Fear made her complacent.
Looking back now, there couldn't be a stupider choice. Her hesitation led to this.
"Funny, right? That I like you..."
The dice had been cast. Emily knew what answer he'd give.
Carlyle listened to her confession silently, earnestly. After a brief silence...
"Sorry, Emily."
Yeah, that answer. She knew it was coming, but she bit her lip anyway. Gently, firmly.
But contrary to her fears—that he might hate her, show discomfort—Carlyle's expression was just calm.
"Thank you for liking me, Emily."
An unexpected response. The Carlyle she knew was kind, but not one to say something so gentle. Yeah, maybe... she could easily guess who changed him.
"Still, I'm sorry."
Hearing that follow-up, Emily's eyes widened, then she bowed her head.
"...I see."
'...It's the result I expected.'
Still, it hurt. Her heart ached.
She lifted her head again, forcing a bright smile to hold back tears, and asked Carlyle:
"You busy today?"
She knew his mind was full of Bianca Shama. It was the truth.
Smiling at him, Emily Swan said, "Yeah, go on. I'll head back too. We're going opposite ways anyway."
Any rash words or actions could hurt him now. Carlyle had been reflecting on his past self lately. So, better to cut ties cleanly.
"Alright."
Carlyle agreed. The two walked off in opposite directions.
Emily trudged along, then stopped dead in her tracks. Tears finally streamed down.
Maybe a bit relieving, but the pain in her chest was far greater.
'...We just weren't meant to be.'
Today, Emily's unrequited love—her first love, cherished so long—finally ended. She knew it. So she closed her eyes right there on the street.
That's when she remembered the letter she'd absentmindedly tucked into her pocket.
Sunday, 12 PM.
Thump-thump. Her heart raced. Vita Shama had just swallowed the last pill.
She wouldn't say there was no hesitation. Honestly, she hadn't taken it at lunch for no reason. She could've done it in the morning.
'But... it's done.'
Now her eyes were closed. When she opened them, she'd be back to normal. Her complicated feelings had settled.
'Yeah, it's over...'
Time as Bianca Shama, life as a woman. Now she felt calm. Keeping her eyes shut, Vita opened them.
Blink-blink. She blinked.
Her eye level felt the same. But she was short to begin with. She hated admitting it, but no change wasn't weird.
'Still, now that I'm turning back into a guy, it'd be nice to grow taller.'
Vita grumbled pointlessly.
"Hoo—haa—"
Still tense. Gender change wasn't trivial. After deep breaths, with resolve, she looked down.
'......'
Her gaze froze.
'It didn't revert...?'
First in view: the curves of her chest. Yeah, really. It hadn't reverted.
Vita's mind blanked. She stood frozen, then rushed to the mirror.
She touched her face. No change there either.
"N-no way..."
Auburn long hair, delicate features. A cute, pretty girl with a hint of poutiness. 'Bianca Shama' stared back.
She was speechless.
'Why... unchanged...?'
She'd taken all the pills. Diligently, without missing a day. She double-checked the count—no gaps. Even on the school trip amid chaos, she'd taken them faithfully.
Why no revert? This couldn't happen. She'd clung to hope for this. Taking the antidote to return to male was her one hope. That's all she'd thought about. It made sense. Logical.
She'd finally sorted everything about Bianca Shama. And it didn't work?
'I'm still a girl...'
Vita panicked deeply. First suspect: the red pill's effect. From a major hospital, prescribed by a renowned doctor after her pleas. Unlikely faulty.
'Then why?'
She stood dazed before the mirror, then started dressing.
'Gotta go to the hospital.'
Only thought. Train to family home was hours away—5 PM departure, now just noon. So she hurried to Baumkuchen Hospital. Good thing she had a reservation.
"Ah, you're here."
Familiar female doctor. Her calm demeanor made Vita pause, then blurt anxiously:
"D-Doctor...! I took the pills, but..."
"It didn't revert, huh?"
"Y-yes...!"
Finally acknowledging. Vita nodded vigorously.
"The pills you gave me weren't defective, right...?"
A bit rude, maybe. But the doctor replied seriously.
"No issue with the pills. I guarantee it."
"But then..."
"Calm down first. Sit, let's talk?"
Handing her hot tea, Vita took it blankly.
"No... way."
After the doctor's explanation, Vita just repeated that. Blank expression, lips moving numbly.
The reason the pills failed: her heart and identity had become female. But the doctor said:
"Think deeply. You probably know the reason yourself."
"What... even..."
Her head spun. Vita clutched it.
'I don't know, I don't...'
The key fact: she hadn't reverted to male. What did she know?
'Then... who am I...'
Her original self? Vita Shama as a male—gone?
'No... impossible...'
She couldn't accept it. She'd lived far longer as male, with tons of memories. Returning was natural. Righteous.
Suddenly, the doctor said:
"Bianca—or Vita—did you truly want to revert...?"
Unfathomable.
"What... does that..."
Vita's thoughts halted. What kind of question? Of course she did.
"Literal meaning."
The doctor's face was dead serious. No joke. She sat beside Vita, gently holding her hand.
"A few days ago, I wanted to say..."
"..."
Vita vaguely recalled. She'd held back then.
-No, later. This talk can wait.
"Bottom line: I knew you wouldn't revert."
The story began. Vita dazedly heard the doctor's secret and life story.
"It's not strange."
Warm hand. Vita met her eyes unknowingly. Warm red gaze, flowing silver hair. Doctor Rosa Baumkuchen—sudden, but shared her past twists. In short: renowned hospital director's daughter, now female—like Bianca.
"So I know. The pain, confusion in your heart."
That's why she researched the red pill.
Much later, Vita left the hospital in a daze. Unbelievable. Couldn't grasp it.
Maybe, deep down, she'd realize. But not now.
'Back to my room first.'
She quickened her steps. Murky mind, chaos. Thoughts clashed.
-Did you truly want to revert...?
The doctor's words lingered. Vita hurried more.
Doctor Rosa might be like a senior.
-How is he? Handsome, right? She smiled happily. Married now, even has a husband.
Vita found it fascinating. Hard to believe. Secretly, she thought Carlyle suited her better than the photo guy.
"Huff... huff..."
Heading home, breath shortening. Head dizzy.
'...No, I...'
Her will was clear: revert to male. The pill freed from false reality to truth. People don't choose birth gender. Men can be feminine, vice versa. Developed for them: the red pill.
Vita took it by accident, then redosed to revert. But stayed female.
'Why...?'
Why? She pondered nonstop.
[If your will is firm, you'll revert exactly on the 3rd week of taking the antidote...]
So why? She thought her will firm. Yet no revert.
She couldn't figure it. Thinking might reveal, but dreaded it. Scary.
But must. Already happened.
Chaos mounting, she staggered home. Flopped onto bed.
Doctor's words echoed.
-Think for yourself. You might already know. Only one case where heart becomes female too: subconscious will manifesting.
Then her story. Interesting, wondrous. But Vita's head hurt.
'Still... don't get it.'
Tried ignoring, but must know. Fierce conflict. Must uncover. But foreboding not to.
Eyes squeezed shut, falling sensation. Everything over. How to proceed? Why still female? Despair.
'What... do I do...'
Sighing, she checked phone for time. Barely 2 PM. Train later, but now unsure if going home.
Then, unnoticed message from last night. From Emily.
Vita froze at the first line. More below, but irrelevant.
Sunday, 2 PM.
"C-Carlyle...!"
After parting with Emily. Carlyle walked with heavy heart.
"Hah, huff..."
Emily ran up, thrusting something at him. No explanation, just a crumpled letter into his hand.
Emily hesitated, squeezed eyes shut then open, said:
"Not sure if this makes up for my wrongs even a little..."
"You'll understand everything when you read it."
Leaving those words, she vanished again.
Carlyle Schultz unfolded the letter right away.
Hello, Emily?