Last Day as Bianca
Let's go back, after parting ways with Shasha once more. Was it the emotional toll? Vita returned home and promptly fell asleep. Of course, she didn't forget to take her pill. And then she woke to a peaceful Saturday morning. Today, Vita planned to stay home all day. Honestly, the academy had felt unusually grueling this week. Lying blankly on her bed, Vita let her thoughts wander. Two pills left now. One after today. So, really, it was right there in front of her.
That was why she'd bawled her eyes out saying goodbye to Shasha yesterday. Her chest tightened, her mood sank, and she let out a hollow chuckle. 'This is ridiculous, me...' She wasn't some tragic heroine from a movie or anime. She had no idea why she felt so glum all the time.
"Up we go—!" Vita finally dragged herself out of bed and headed to the window, hoping the outside view might lift her spirits. Peering out, she saw leaves drifting down in droves. Once they were all gone, winter would arrive. 'Has it really come to this already...?' Time flew. She still vividly remembered hesitating forever about wearing a skirt at the very start, nearly being late. Biting into a slice of bread as she dashed down the hall, she'd crashed into that jerk Carlyle.
[Why are you such a clumsy girl?]
Those words from back then resurfaced. Vita pouted. "...Looking back now, he was totally ridiculous."
Girl, huh? In hindsight, he'd been gaslighting her from the get-go. Girl this, girl that. Carlyle was one thorough bastard. He'd probably been brainwashing her into thinking of herself as a girl right from the start. Blaming him like that, Vita found herself smiling without realizing it at the thought of Carlyle. But the smile vanished the instant she noticed it.
She shook her head. 'Yeah, you're right.' It wasn't his fault at all. Deep down, she knew it. She hadn't been a girl from the beginning—she'd been a guy. He just didn't know, so he'd said it. 'No matter what you say...'
Even if he labeled her a "girl," she'd be back to normal tomorrow. 'That's all there is to it.'
Sorting her thoughts, Vita stretched long and hard. Honestly, now that it was right in front of her, it didn't feel so bad anymore. Her mood actually lightened a bit. And with that, her plans changed. 'Maybe I won't stay cooped up. Let's head out?'
Resolved, she rummaged through her closet and realized something. '...Oh, right.' She'd already packed all her girl clothes. What was left were her old guy clothes—the ones she'd set aside to take back to the family home. Wearing them now would look totally weird, right? She knew that, but she awkwardly pulled them on anyway. It reminded her of the beginning.
Right before the semester started, amid autumn foliage, new students were being guided around. [The academy is quite vast, isn't it?] [Yes, senior!] [I like your loud voice. St. Antiope Academy receives generous investments from top institutions, so...]
What had she been like then? 'Those were the days.' She'd thought that inwardly while sneaking around in suspicious getup: black sunglasses, baggy clothes way too big for Bianca Shama's frame, waddling along.
'...Yeah, that was me.' Recalling it, Vita smiled faintly. It felt like a fond memory now. Back when she'd first become a girl and wandered the streets like that, impulse struck again. 'My last day as a girl.'
She'd make this last one as memorable as the first—like a grand finale. The hoodie was oversized, not fitting her frame. Black sunglasses hid her eyes. Suspicious as hell. And in that getup, Vita stepped out.
Baggy pants dragging on her shoes, enormous hoodie, black sunglasses. Suspicious as hell. But on a cute, pretty girl student. Even blind, she drew eyes just by existing. Yet Bianca Shama—no, the girl who would be Vita Shama again tomorrow—walked with bold confidence. She knew even that looked kinda cute.
'Whatever.' Waddling down the street, she hummed a little tune. The difference from before? She felt confident now. Maybe that meant she'd gotten used to being a girl. So she didn't skulk in alleys—she strode right down the main road. Even dressed like this.
"Um, excuse me..."
"I have a boyfriend."
Vita shot back instantly. A reflex ingrained in her body now. Then she froze. 'Come to think of it, I won't need that excuse anymore...'
She realized she'd always thought of Carlyle when saying it. "Ah, no, that's not what I meant at all..." Had she misread him?
"Here, this..."
Seeing the business card, Vita's face gradually flushed red. 'Talent agency card?!'
Her attitude flipped to polite in a flash. Mortified. "Ahh, sorry...!" She bowed deeply. How embarrassing to have assumed wrong. 'Ugh, axe murderer vibes...!'
After that fiasco, Vita cooled her flushed face and kept wandering. Naturally, she ended up at one spot: the Bluebell bar downtown. It hadn't been long after her transformation. That's where the incident happened. She'd met her old otaku friends from her guy days. Nearly gotten in trouble with that thug. Then walked these streets with Carlyle afterward. Somehow, she'd drifted here, like she was drawn.
'Why come all the way...' Thinking that, she still followed her feet. Just kept walking. Under the crimson streetlights. Staring at his back the whole way. She remembered the path. Her body followed what her head recalled. Yeah, here.
A park came into view. Right here. Carlyle had given her a parfait. [Didn't know what you'd like, so I bought one of everything.] [...A parfait out of nowhere?]
She'd eyed it suspiciously, hinting refusal. [I don't like parfaits.] Sweet stuff wasn't her thing anyway.
[Ju, just take it...!]
Unable to ignore his gesture, she'd tried a bite—and her eyes went wide. It was shockingly good. She'd snatched all his remaining parfaits, devouring them like a demon. Carlyle had just chuckled beside her. Thinking back, it was funny. Unknowingly, Vita chuckled too—small and low, just like he had.
Then her eyes caught a bench. The one they'd sat on.
-Mommy, come on!
-Run slowly, sweetie.
The scenery was different now, of course. That was dark night; this was bright day. Empty then, crowded now. 'Yeah, back then...'
Carlyle had been beside her; now she was alone. Still, Vita sat on the bench anyway. Trying to recapture that feeling. Chewing on the memory. '...'
But it didn't feel the same. Too peaceful. Boring, even. Giggles and laughter, mild midday sun. Weekend crowds, naturally. But boredom sank her mood unexpectedly, dragging up thoughts she'd tried to avoid. 'Tomorrow's confession day...'
Famous enough that even she, clueless about anniversaries, knew it. '...I get it now.' Carlyle, ever sly, had timed their bet perfectly. [Give me one month.] That month ending tomorrow—confession day.
She finally realized, chuckling in disbelief. But that wouldn't happen now. No confessions for her. It wouldn't come to that. Vita pushed the thought away. 'Those two are...'
Rumors had Emily and Carlyle getting close lately. 'If they start dating...'
High chance it'd be tomorrow. Or soon after. Emily would confess; Carlyle would accept. She had a feeling. '...Yeah, probably.'
Good for them, she thought. Vita believed that. Unlike old memories, alone on the bench, she looked up at the sky. 'Is it because I'm going back...?'
Back to normal. Back to strangers with Carlyle Schultz. Was that why it felt refreshing? Relieving? The autumn sun dazzled. Without sunglasses, it'd have been trouble. Really, the sun was so bright, piercing even through them, hot enough to make her eyes water. That was it, Vita Shama told herself. Weird, huh? Eyes burning, vision blurring for some reason. So she kept her head high. If she looked down, tears might fall.
'Take care, Carlyle.' So Vita prayed with all her heart. Something she could only do unseen. The time with you wasn't so bad. No, maybe... it was kinda good. In its own way. A little fun, even.
Back home, Vita took her pill and slept. Wanting to think of nothing, just sleep. And so Saturday—the eve of fate—faded away.
Even a fish in deep waters is known, but no one knows a person's heart. That described Emily Swan's feelings lately. She'd made a huge blunder. She knew it. But she'd liked Carlyle for so long. In a way, this was her chance. She'd tried to seize it. Yet the more she tried, the more Emily realized: an unattainable dream, an impossible love.
'Carlyle's heart is already...'
Filled with Bianca Shama. Emily knew it now. Even with cracks between them, she had no opening. 'Then what about me?'
What should she do? Keep this unrequited love like a needle in her chest? Better to rip it out? Only then did Emily Swan realize she'd badly hurt someone else. [My type's more manly...] [No, I mean, it's weird liking a guy like Carlyle when he's a guy, feels off...]
Twice in a row, her fatal slip-ups had wounded him. Honestly, Emily was reflecting on it. Truly, sincerely. 'Why did I say that... Why...'
Even if it was hypocritical, she had no defense. But her guilt toward Bianca—no, Vita Shama—was genuine, no doubt. Fine. Say she confessed to her childhood friend Carlyle. She knew how it'd end. 'Then... what about Vita?'
Emily's heart was a mess. She'd only hurt the girl, gained nothing. How selfish and clumsy she'd been. That wasn't her. '...I'm not like this.'
But before love, even she turned selfish. Not that it made it right. What had Vita Shama done? Liked Carlyle and chosen to step back. At first, Emily thought Bianca liking Carlyle but denying it was cowardly. A bit. But that was selfish too. The girl liked him more than she'd thought—maybe more than Emily, truly. And Bianca—Vita—had even yielded her feelings, cheering Emily on to try with him.
Emily had tried, but even that hard-won chance failed. Tomorrow, she'd confess. She'd decided. But she'd be rejected. Knowing that made her waver. 'Is this right...?'
Her eyes shook. Endless worry. She couldn't understand herself. But impulsively, she decided: contact Vita and Carlyle both. Selfish to the end? Maybe. But it might ease her heart a little. Late Saturday night, Emily texted Vita Shama and Carlyle Schultz at once.
Sunday, 10 a.m. And finally, confession day. The anniversary dawned. Emily met Carlyle Schultz Sunday morning. He'd said he was busy, suggesting early. Up at dawn, she dressed her best, as pretty as possible. And, after some—maybe long—hesitation, with wavering eyes, she tucked something into her pocket. She couldn't understand herself. But still. She took it.
Her blue chiffon dress suited her perfectly; passing guys stole glances. But her target showed no sign. Carlyle Schultz always looked great to Emily. Today, dressed more formally, he stole her gaze for a moment. Face a bit haggard from lack of sleep. But the brown coat and tousled hair had manly charm.
Trembling, Emily approached. "Good morning, Carlyle."
"Ah, Emily."
He started to ask her purpose but shut his mouth. He already guessed. While obsessed with Bianca lately, he'd neglected his childhood friend Emily Swan's feelings. Last night, seeing her text—Tomorrow, wanna meet?—he'd realized. His old friend had feelings for him. So lately, unknowingly, he'd hurt Emily Swan. He'd changed a bit. Reflecting on his past self, now considering others' hearts.
Emily felt burdensome. But maybe it was for the best—he'd accepted. Better to cut ties cleanly. Her reaching out meant she'd decided on her feelings. Yet approaching Emily smiled lightly. "You're confessing today, right?" He knew who.
Carlyle nodded. "...You're persistent."
A hollow smile. They entered a cafe. Early, so empty. "..."
They sipped drinks in silence—not short, but no real talk. -Sleep well last night? -Yeah, sure. Just that.
Maybe both sensed what followed. "Shall we head out?" Emily stood after coffee. "Nice spot nearby to stroll."
"...Sure."
Carlyle agreed. They left, walking to a park—quiet. Emily stopped. Abruptly. Like a clock halting, broken. After a pause, she turned to him. "Actually, Carlyle..." Hesitant voice. Shaky, anxious eyes.
"Hoo—" Short breath, eyes closed then open. Resolved. Her lake-blue eyes, like still water, met his. "I... have something to say to you."
Sunday, noon. Vita sighed. Fresh from lunch. 'This is... the last one.' Truly the final. Finally, back. Back to normal. Farewells done. Just one pill left. '......'
Vita stared at it a long while before popping it in her mouth.