The First Night (1)
As we emerged from the forest, a crowd of people was waiting for us.
Gibson, casting glances that seemed to acknowledge us as a wedded pair. Captain Adam, wearing a gentle smile. Baran, nodding as if offering his congratulations. And Gidin, his eyes fixed intently on Neir.
Watching them, I spoke up.
"It's over."
Gibson nodded and turned to the crowd.
"Let's head back, then."
I saw Neir, standing beside me, bow her head.
"...Once we see the newlyweds off, our roles will be finished."
This time, I positioned Neir in front of me. Part of it was a protective instinct, wanting to shield her from the many mercenaries trailing behind us.
Everyone was throwing out crude, teasing remarks, and every time she heard them, Neir’s tail would droop a little lower. To me, the jokes didn't seem to cross any real lines, but from Neir’s perspective, they clearly made her uncomfortable. With our different cultures and different statuses... there was a mountain of things to understand.
Neir soon stopped in front of a door. The room where we would spend our night.
The strange resonance of that thought made even my heart flutter. Here, we would truly become husband and wife. We would join our bodies and leave marks upon each other far deeper than any ring could. The fact that Neir was my first would remain true until the day I died, and the same would be true for her. We were sharing an experience that happens only once in a lifetime.
Neir stood frozen before the door for a long time. She wouldn't move.
I watched her for a moment, then reached out from behind her to open the door. Standing here any longer wouldn't change anything. Knowing she would only hesitate if I waited, I gently nudged her into the open room.
"Ugh...!"
Neir resisted for a brief second, but then, with no strength left, she stepped inside. After ensuring she was safely inside, I turned to the people following me and said,
"Everyone, go on back now."
A chorus of playful groans and laughter followed. The members of the Blackwood family looked at our mercenaries with mild annoyance before turning away. As they drifted off, Baran led the other leaders and their subordinates away as well.
Only Captain Adam remained, looking at me for a moment. That same apologetic look again. I clicked my tongue and lightly pushed his face away with my palm.
"Hey, is that any way to treat your captain...!?"
"Go on, now. Go get some rest."
"..."
When he still couldn't bring himself to leave, I thought for a long moment before whispering, keeping my voice low. I uttered a white lie to put his mind at ease.
"She's pretty, so I'm happy with it. So stop feeling sorry and just go."
"...Huh?"
Captain Adam’s expression smoothed out, looking more natural than I had ever seen it.
"...Is that so?"
"Yeah. So just go."
He began to nod slowly. A faint smile touched his lips.
"Alright, Berg. I'll go then."
Watching him turn away, I stepped into the room and closed the door.
-Thud.
".........."
With that, a complete silence descended, as if the world had been cut off. A stillness so profound I could hear my own breathing.
In the corner of the dark room, a single candle was lit. It flickered, consuming the air and making a soft, crackling sound. I could see Neir’s shimmering silhouette. The scent of floral incense filled the room. Everything in the room served as a prelude to what was about to happen.
"..."
"..."
The atmosphere was entirely different from when we were left alone in the forest. Neir was sitting limply on the bed. Her drooping tail was sprawled haphazardly across the mattress. Had she accepted it? I couldn't read her heart, and I couldn't see her expression, so I couldn't be sure.
Regardless, I had to carry out the final stage of the marriage. As a man, I had a duty. I let out a long, internal sigh and slowly began to undress. I pulled my arms out of my coat one by one, then hung it on a nearby chair. Neir didn't move. I slowly unraveled the layers of clothing that had been wrapped around me. Perhaps because it was formal wear, there were certainly a lot of layers.
Even while I did this, Neir remained still. Without a word, without a movement.
I took off my final shirt. My bare upper body was exposed. The slightly chilly air brushed against me. At the same time, Neir’s yellow eyes turned toward me for a moment.
"..."
A short silence followed. I blinked, realizing that if I stayed like this, it would only become more awkward. So, rubbing my neck, which was stiff from the morning’s training, I slowly approached her.
-Drip...
And then, she began to shed tears, large drops falling one by one.
"...Hic..."
Neir tried to hold it back, but she couldn't stop the tears from flowing. From the moment the human mercenary Berg began to undress, her heart had shriveled in fear, and when she saw his bare body, her breath had hitched. When she saw him walking toward her, rubbing his neck, the tears just kept coming.
Countless scars. Defined muscles. She could feel it clearly—if he set his mind to it, she wouldn't be able to offer any resistance at all. She had to give her body to someone she didn't love.
Until she stepped into this room, Neir had a plan. To not cry, and to try to talk to him rationally. To make a request she knew was absurd: Please, don't take my purity. I have a destined partner.
But all those words became something she couldn't utter for fear of retaliation. In the first place, she already knew they were things she shouldn't say. If she said such ridiculous things, not only would the day’s rituals be rendered meaningless, but it might even excite him further.
She had heard that some humans felt pleasure in violating a resisting woman. She had heard there were people who loved to see a woman’s expression crumble. She couldn't be sure that Berg—a man who was cruel and hated women, a man even his own allies were wary of—wasn't that kind of person.
But all of that had now come to naught. She had shed tears. She didn't know how he would take them, but she was certain it would leave a negative impression.
Neir hurriedly wiped her tears with both hands, but cruelly, the tears didn't stop flowing from her eyes.
"J-just a moment... *hic*... p-please give me a little time..."
"..."
Berg stood frozen, then slowly moved his feet.
"U-ugh...!"
Neir crawled backward on the bed. She soon hit the wall, but there was nothing she could do. She couldn't even look up at Berg. She was too terrified to see what kind of expression he was wearing. She knew that Berg, who had approached her, was reaching out his hand.
In the end, she squeezed her eyes shut.
-Thud.
"...?"
Then, something light was placed on her legs. Neir opened her eyes with difficulty to see what it was. It was a white cloth.
Puzzled, Neir looked up, and Berg spoke.
"...Wipe your tears."
"..."
Berg then turned around and sat lightly on the edge of the bed. He didn't come any closer. Instead, he let out a long sigh.
"Haa..."
"..."
Neir watched him intently, feeling anxious. She couldn't even bring herself to pick up the cloth on her lap.
"...I'll drop the formalities. We're husband and wife now."
He said. Neir was struggling to accept this chaotic situation. Berg was sitting on the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees. He let out another long sigh, wondering what he was thinking. Then, he turned his head slightly and asked a sudden question.
"...They say Wolf-kin only love one person their whole life... is that true?"
Neir thought for a long time about what his intent might be, but no answer came. In the end, even while feeling intimidated by the countless scars on his back, she nodded slowly.
"...I see."
It wasn't that all Wolf-kin were like that, but generally, they only looked at one person. Neir, too, had been saving all her heart to love only one person.
Berg remained still like that for a long time, wondering what he was thinking. The wind shook the window, making a natural sound.
"...Then, naturally, it must be just as hard to like someone."
Berg throwing out questions after a long silence. She didn't know his intent, but it didn't seem like there was any harm in answering truthfully. Neir nodded carefully again.
Berg chuckled.
"...But if you're suddenly told to share your body with someone you don't even like, it's only natural to hate it."
"..."
She had felt it slightly during dinner last time, but there was nothing truly terrifying about Berg’s actual behavior. She didn't know if it was consideration or an act, but she felt like a fool for being so scared on her own. Neir thought for a moment that an opportunity had arrived. She gripped her formal dress, which she hadn't yet taken off, and said to him,
"...I... I don't want to..."
"...I have no intention of forcing you, either."
At his answer, Neir felt the heavy pressure weighing down on her chest lift significantly. As if a blocked airway had opened, a tingling sense of relief washed over her entire body. Tears flowed again. Neir used the back of her hand to wipe them away. The cloth Berg had offered was still sitting on her lap.
Watching her, Berg said,
"...We’re bound together by our own circumstances... but like it or not, we’re husband and wife now. I don't want to start on the wrong foot. I don't want to spend the rest of our lives... hating each other."
Neir calmed her tears as best she could. She inhaled, her shoulders heaving intermittently. She hadn't expected the Berg she had feared to say something like this at all.
"...How much time does a Wolf-kin need to like someone...?"
His words sounded like a grace period. Neir swallowed and recited the number that instantly popped into her head.
"....One year... ah, two years..."
It took a long time for Wolf-kin to fall in love, but it wasn't as if there was a specific number. Even so, the fact that Neir spat out a specific time naturally had an intent behind it. But Berg shook his head.
"....No."
"Yes?"
"That's too long."
For a moment, Neir’s breath hitched. Her heart sank. Her ears trembled and turned toward him.
"...B-but... however..."
Berg said,
"In a few days, our members will be heading into battle. They’ll have to fight, risking their lives. Some will be injured... some will die. It would be a problem if you, who were gained through such sacrifice, were crying by my side every day."
"..."
Berg slowly turned his upper body. Neir met his eyes. His gaze looked a little sorrowful.
"I know. I understand. In the end, we’re tied together like this because of our own circumstances. You can't love me yet. You’re afraid and you hate it. But..."
"..."
"...But we’re risking our lives. It’s a problem for you to be like this, if only for the sake of the members. They need to be proud that they accepted you. You have to be worth that price of life."
"..."
"Of course, I’m not saying you have to smile by my side every day. Still, keeping me at a distance too excessively is a problem. It wasn't a condition of our contract that you had to be happy by my side, but..."
Berg kept his mouth shut, thinking, then said,
"...I promise you."
"....Yes?"
"I’m aware of the labels attached to my race. I know you’d have a repulsion toward humans, and that an interspecies marriage would be more bewildering than you expected."
Neir’s repulsion certainly included those things, but the fact that she couldn't be with her destined partner was a bigger part of it. She had been waiting only for the hand of salvation that would one day appear, as she had been alone and suffering her whole life, so she felt hopeless at the prospect of walking a long path of hardship again. But Berg continued,
"It will definitely be hard from here on out... and since our cultures are different, there will be moments where we don't understand each other."
"..."
"But I won't do anything you hate. Either way, I’m... your husband now. I’ll be on your side."
I was confused by Berg’s appearance, which was much kinder than I had expected. Where on earth had the cruel man gone? The man who hated women? The human who was said to be in heat? The mercenary who enjoyed women? Among the countless words that described him, not a single one could explain the man in front of me.
Neir saw Berg’s true self for the first time. Compared to any image she had heard of him until now, his current appearance seemed the most unadorned.
"So, don't be afraid of me anymore. So..."
Berg slowly climbed onto the bed. Then he reached out. Neir just watched him approach. There was still fear coming from the very act of him approaching, but there was nowhere else to run. His subsequent actions were so gentle. His hand overlapped with hers. She could feel his warm touch.
"...So, for our sake, hide your feelings. Endure it. At least do that much."
A polite request filled with sincerity. It was the request of someone who cherished his own people. In the end, he even said with a smile,
"...Besides, if things keep going like this, Captain Adam will keep bothering us."
Neir looked down at her hand, which was covered by Berg’s. It was a rough hand, but it didn't feel as repulsive as it had all day. Of course, she still didn't want to do this. She wanted to keep her body as clean as possible for her destined partner. Yet, perhaps it was because Berg’s heart, asking as a person, had reached her. For some reason, it felt like his touch was conveying his feelings.
Neir stopped for a long time, then asked quietly,
"Are you asking me to... act? To pretend we're on good terms... until I... come to like you?"
"You can act however you want when it's just the two of us."
She gathered her courage once more.
"...What if I can't love you until the end?"
It was an answer that also contained a faint conscience. Neir was already looking only at her destined partner. Whether it was betraying him, dismantling the mercenary corps, or just returning the contract and paying the ransom... Neir had every intention of leaving Berg someday. She didn't want him to wait for a love she would never give.
"..."
Berg couldn't answer right away. His straight shoulders seemed to droop slightly. And then, he said,
"...I’ll have to hope that doesn't happen."