Self-Awareness - (6)
Having faced her own romantic feelings head-on, Dokgo Ryeong sat cross-legged and tried to sort through her thoughts.
...I like Wi Ilcheong.
She had been sensing it little by little for a while now, but actually confronting it left her with a strange, unsettled feeling.
...But what am I supposed to do about it?
Liking him was one thing, yet she found herself thinking she did not particularly want to do anything about it—
“Hnn…”
Her lower dantian throbbed.
From the very moment she had realized she liked Wi Ilcheong, the image of his little finger kept floating up in her mind.
If you ever feel you truly cannot hold back any longer, come to me first.
If you grab my little finger, that very night… I will come to you.
The instant those words of his resurfaced, Dokgo Ryeong’s hair flared a vivid pink.
“Uuuugh…”
Mortified, she clutched her head and twisted her whole body from side to side.
No, fuck… that… aah…
Wi Ilcheong saying he would come to her at night… almost certainly meant the lewd kind of visit.
And the first thing that leapt into her mind was virginity.
If we do the wedding night… he’s going to put that huge thing in?!
Just thinking about it made her flinch in advance.
It’d hurt like hell. No, fuck. Does that actually feel good?
Dokgo Ryeong plunged into confusion.
She remembered the sharp pain that had hit her when, following Baekri Sohyeon’s advice, she had touched the membrane while masturbating.
Ah… it’s gonna hurt so fucking bad…
Then she suddenly noticed herself fretting over all this and completely lost it.
“Kyaaaaaah!!!”
Still flailing in confusion, Dokgo Ryeong scrambled for any excuse she could find.
No, fuck… so… if you like someone, do you have to… do that?
But then she remembered who the other party was.
The Lust Demon.
In the murim, that was one of the common pejoratives slapped on men who loved to chase sex.
And Wi Ilcheong, unless something truly extraordinary came up, never skipped a single night of bedplay.
She had already confirmed his legendary stamina more than a few times during their travels.
Ah… uwaah…
She could not figure out what to do on her own no matter how hard she tried.
In the end, Dokgo Ryeong decided to go find the experts on this particular subject.
“Uwek?”
“…You’re dead. For real.”
“Y-you’re already back, Miss…?”
“I knew you were tailing me the whole time.”
“Hiiiek…”
The moment she returned to their quarters and turned a murderous wave of internal energy on Eun Gwanyeong, the silver-haired girl shuddered from head to toe.
“C-can’t we settle this with bare-handed sparring, no internal energy…?”
“You know you screwed up, right?”
“Yeees… s-so please just… don’t leave bruises…”
“Then help me out with something.”
“…With what?”
“Well… um…”
The second she actually tried to ask Eun Gwanyeong, Dokgo Ryeong’s mouth clamped shut.
…What am I even supposed to say?
Originally she had planned to ask what you were supposed to do for someone you liked.
But the moment she faced Eun Gwanyeong, the words simply would not come out, and she hesitated.
Right then—
“Hm? Ryeong Mae, when did you get back?”
“…You’re here, Big Tits?”
Baekri Sohyeon stepped inside, still drying her damp hair.
“…Where’d you go?”
“Mm. Just a little training. Did you have a good trip, Ryeong Mae?”
“Hwek?!”
“What? Did something happen with Big Brother?”
“N-nothing happened at all!”
“…Really?”
Baekri Sohyeon simply smiled at the flustered, red-cheeked Dokgo Ryeong.
“I followed her partway and then lost her…”
“And yet she came back saying nothing happened… Heeh~?”
“I-it really was nothing, okay?!”
Dokgo Ryeong tried desperately to brush it off; Baekri Sohyeon only laughed at the transparent lie and sat down.
“So? What’s going on? You said you wanted to stay apart for a while.”
“Ah… no… that…”
Dokgo Ryeong scratched her head, hunting for the right words.
Ah, fuck… how do I even say this?
She had faced her own feelings, yet putting them into words—especially in front of other people—was still mortifying and hard.
Worse, these two already knew exactly who she liked, and they shared his bed as well.
If they ever found out, she could not even imagine how mercilessly they would tease her.
After furiously turning it over in her mind, Dokgo Ryeong finally spoke.
“Th-this… thiiis… th-this is! About someone I know!”
“Heeh~, who?”
“W-well, sooo…”
Feeling a twinge of guilt, she pulled out the name of someone they all knew.
“S-Sohong’s story.”
“Mm, Miss Sohong’s story. What about it?”
“W-well… Sohong… she… likes Wi— I mean, No Geukmyeong, right?”
“Mm, and?”
“Sooo… Sohong asked me. Wh-what you’re supposed to do for someone you… like…”
Dokgo Ryeong’s voice grew smaller and smaller. She stared hard at the floor to hide her embarrassment, and her hair steadily dyed itself a solid pink. Baekri Sohyeon and Eun Gwanyeong barely managed to hold back the laughter that threatened to burst out.
It’s about Big Brother Wi, isn’t it.
It’s about Oppa Wi, how adorable.
The two exchanged a look, then spoke.
“Hmm… so Ryeong Mae—no, Miss Sohong—asked what she should do for Young Master No?”
“Y-yeah, that’s it…”
“She likes him a lot, huh?”
“Uhet?!”
“Not Ryeong Mae—Miss Sohong.”
“Ah… that…”
Dokgo Ryeong’s eyes darted around with nowhere to land before she finally nodded.
“A… a little?”
“Huhu, I see.”
“S-so… wh-what should she do…?”
“Wellll… the biggest question is probably whether the other person likes her back, right?”
“Huh?”
At those words, Dokgo Ryeong’s heart plummeted.
“Has she received a confession yet?”
“Uh… yeah.”
“Oh my, oh my, oh my.”
“Reallyyy?”
“I-I said so, didn’t I?”
Watching Dokgo Ryeong turn scarlet all the way to her ears and clutch the hem of her skirt, Baekri Sohyeon and Eun Gwanyeong both clutched their chests.
I want to hug her so bad, Ryeong Mae…
That’s foul play, Young Lady Dokgo!! You can’t go around rampaging every day and then act like this!!
They barely managed to calm themselves and pressed on.
“And then? And then?”
“What happened next?”
“Th-that… I… I just left without saying anything.”
“Uuung?”
“Eeeek?! Why?”
“Ah… no… I… the words just wouldn’t come out… and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do either…”
Dokgo Ryeong’s voice shrank further and further.
“B-back then I didn’t have any… certainty… so I just ran away…”
“Haa… Wi— I mean, Young Master No might have been hurt.”
“Hwek?!”
Dokgo Ryeong’s head snapped up.
“H-hurt?”
“Of course. Young Lady Dokgo, you’ve never confessed to anyone first, have you?”
“Uh… yeah.”
“It takes so much courage… If the words you finally forced out get rejected, of course it hurts.”
“Ah…”
Dokgo Ryeong’s head drooped.
“Would he… hate me?”
She scratched at the floor with one finger as she asked. Baekri Sohyeon shot Eun Gwanyeong a sharp look.
See? Ryeong Mae is delicate—you have to go easy on her!
B-but it’s the truth…
Just stay quiet for a bit.
Hiiing… yeees…
After silencing Eun Gwanyeong, Baekri Sohyeon laid a gentle hand on Dokgo Ryeong’s shoulder and spoke softly.
“Don’t worry too much, Ryeong Mae. It’s still not too late.”
“R-really?”
“Mm-hm. So what does Ryeong Mae—no, Miss Sohong—want to do?”
“Huh?”
“Usually there are things you want to do together with the person you love, right?”
“Ah… uu…”
Dokgo Ryeong hemmed and hawed, then let out a sigh.
“I… I don’t… really know…”
“Hm? You don’t know? What do you mean?”
“I meeean… I… I just don’t know…”
“Is that so?”
“…Yeah.”
Watching Dokgo Ryeong flounder, Baekri Sohyeon fell into thought herself.
…I kind of just want to tell her to throw herself into his arms, but is that too soon?
Seeing Dokgo Ryeong fretting like a girl in love stirred a protective urge she could not quite explain.
On the other hand, the other party was none other than Wi Ilcheong.
The incarnation of lust, a man who never skipped a single night of bedplay.
A man far more used to expressing love with his lower half than anything else.
Just then Eun Gwanyeong spoke up from the side.
“Th-that! The other person likes a little something naughty, right? So maybe go completely that way…”
“Hwek?!”
“You don’t like it? It feels good, though.”
“Ah… th-that… but…”
Dokgo Ryeong opened and closed her mouth a few times, then mumbled so softly it was almost inaudible.
“W-would it be okay…?”
“Of course it’s okay! Oppa Wi would be super happy if you did that, you know?”
“Wi… Wi Ilcheong has nothing to do with this!”
“It’s just an example, just an example.”
Eun Gwanyeong breezed past the protest with shameless ease.
“Spending time with your beloved is supposed to be warm and gentle during the day, and hot and steamy at night, you know~.”
“Th-that… hwaa… d-do you really have to… do the dirty stuff?”
“Not absolutely, Ryeong Mae. It’s not mandatory.”
Baekri Sohyeon wrapped an arm around Dokgo Ryeong’s shoulders and gently put a little distance between her and Eun Gwanyeong.
“But when you love someone, you want to give them everything… and when there’s no other way left to show that love… that’s how you end up doing naughty things too. You get drawn into it naturally.”
“Uuu…”
“I told you before, Ryeong Mae. Looking at the person you love naturally makes lust well up, remember?”
“I-is that so…?”
“That’s how it is, Ryeong Mae.”
Baekri Sohyeon pulled her into a hug and patted her back.
“Just… try following wherever your heart leads. That’s fine too.”
“Th-at… uu…”
“If you want to do something naughty, then do it. Forcing yourself to refuse is tiring too, right? Once you start doing naughty things it feels good, and you can’t easily forget that pleasure—that’s just how it is.”
“Hauuu…”
“What do you think, Ryeong Mae?”
“Uu… I… I…”
Looking thoroughly embarrassed, Dokgo Ryeong buried her face in Baekri Sohyeon’s chest and mumbled something.
“I… I do like it.”
“Huhu, right?”
Still a little shy, yet speaking honestly, Dokgo Ryeong was hugged tightly as Baekri Sohyeon smiled.
“So… tell Miss Un Sohong the same thing. Tell her to follow her heart.”
“Huh? Ah… yeah.”
“Hmm… I already told Ryeong Mae a method, and the sun’s about to set, so how should she call the gentleman over…”
“Ah… th-that… r-right now is a bit…”
“Ah! You can’t do that. These things have to be handled all at once!”
“Hwek?”
Dokgo Ryeong floundered; Eun Gwanyeong launched into an enthusiastic persuasion campaign.
“It’s riding the momentum! The flow is important!”
“B-but…”
“A man who confessed and got rejected will have his heart go completely cold by the next morning, you know?”
“Hwek?!”
“If you don’t turn it around right now, you might never see him again!”
“Ah…”
The single phrase “never see him again” made Dokgo Ryeong’s heart drop like a stone.
“B-but how…”
“Ryeong Mae, say it like this.”
Baekri Sohyeon whispered something into Dokgo Ryeong’s ear; the latter’s face scrunched up in disbelief.
“Th-that’s enough?”
“Mm, really.”
“…”
Dokgo Ryeong eyed her doubtfully, but Baekri Sohyeon only kept smiling that soft little smile.
“I… I’ll trust you?”
“I told you it’s real. It’s not even a dirty line.”
“Th-that’s true, but…”
“The rest can just follow whatever Ryeong Mae—no, Miss Un Sohong—wants.”
“…Yeah.”
Looking as though she had made up her mind, Dokgo Ryeong stood.
“Th-then! I’m going to bed now!”
“Mm, huhu.”
“Hihi, good night, Young Lady Dokgo~.”
Seeing the two of them grinning, Dokgo Ryeong flushed, suddenly worried they had seen through her.
“I-it really isn’t about me! I-it’s about someone I know.”
“We know.”
“We know, heheh.”
“I-I’m going.”
“Mm.”
“Sleep well~.”
The moment Dokgo Ryeong slammed the door behind her, the two women left in the room let out high-pitched squeals.
“Kyaa! What do we do, Ryeong Mae is just too cute!!”
“This is a disaster, for reaaal! That doesn’t even make sense… rampaging all day and then turning meek only in front of Oppa Wi…”
They carried on like that for a while before finally calming down enough to look at each other.
“She… she’ll do it, right?”
“She will, won’t she?”
“Tonight, will Ryeong Mae really become a woman…”
“She might faint again, you know.”
“But this time Big Brother Wi confessed first, so maybe they’ll go all the way?”
“I don’t think so… Oppa Wi already promised he wouldn’t take her virginity first.”
At that, Baekri Sohyeon grinned.
“Right, Big Brother Wi said he wouldn’t take it first.”
“Huh?”
“But… if Ryeong Mae is the one who approaches him first, that doesn’t break the promise, does it?”
“Hweee!!”
Eun Gwanyeong’s mouth fell open in shock.
“Th-then for real…”
“Who knows. We’ll just have to watch. We’ll probably find out the details tomorrow morning, won’t we?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight from curiosity…”
“What can you do. Still, it won’t be long now. Ryeong Mae spending the nights with us too.”
“Right?”
Even after that, Baekri Sohyeon and Eun Gwanyeong spent a long time imagining what would happen between Dokgo Ryeong and Wi Ilcheong, and sleep came only with difficulty.
Wi Ilcheong was just considering whether to turn in for the night when someone suddenly knocked on his door.
“Ah… are you in?”
“Hm?”
“M-may I come in?”
“Is that you, Young Lady Dokgo?”
“…Yes.”
“Please, come in.”
The moment Wi Ilcheong gave permission, the door opened and Dokgo Ryeong stepped inside.
“…What brings you here at this late hour?”
“Th-that… um…”
Dokgo Ryeong turned the words Baekri Sohyeon had taught her over and over in her mind.
No matter how she looked at it, she could not understand what the line was supposed to mean, yet she trusted Baekri Sohyeon, so she gripped the edge of her collar tightly and spoke.
“W-would you… like to come to my room… and have a cup of tea?”