Self-Awareness - (5)
Dokgo Ryeong went completely rigid and squeezed her eyes shut.
She could feel Wi Ilcheong’s face drawing slowly closer.
His nose brushed lightly against hers.
Then he whispered, soft and low.
“Lady Dokgo.”
“Y… Yeshet…!”
“If you close your eyes in a situation like this, even I might get the wrong idea.”
“Hweee… th-that… hwaaa…”
She hunched her shoulders and ducked her head even lower, until her forehead bumped against his face. His breath stirred the hair at her temples.
“Don’t be startled. Just listen.”
“Ugh… if… if you’re going to do it, just do it already…”
“We’re being followed.”
“Hwek?!”
Her eyes flew open in panic. Wi Ilcheong clapped a hand over her mouth.
[I was going to use sound transmission from the start, but I wanted to scatter their attention.]
[Ugh… n-next time tell me first before you do something like this!]
[My apologies. Honestly I was half-tempted to just lean into the mood and slip it in casually… but the people following us feel familiar, so I wanted to get you alone first.]
[Eck?!]
Something in the middle of that transmission snagged her attention, but Wi Ilcheong’s tone was so grave she let it pass.
[Just a moment. I’ll raise my sensory range and check.]
Dokgo Ryeong closed her eyes again and stretched her awareness outward. Two familiar signatures snapped into focus almost at once.
Hao Sect and Un Sohong… why are they here…
The realization hit her a second later and her face went scarlet.
[D-don’t tell me…]
[…I suspect those two are the ones who dropped the flower earlier.]
[I’m going to thrash them right now—]
[Lady Dokgo, stay calm for the moment. This path is a dead end either way.]
[Grr…!]
[So… how about we do this instead?]
[…Do what?]
[We run.]
[Huh?]
Without warning Wi Ilcheong seized her hand and pulled.
“Hold on tight, my lady!”
“Ugh… okay!”
He bent his knees, gathered power, and launched them both skyward.
“We’ll just keep running for a while!”
“Y-yes!”
Dokgo Ryeong clung to his hand and leapt with him into the air.
“We’re going!”
“Yes!!”
From far behind, Eun Gwanyeong’s shrill scream split the night the instant she saw them take to the rooftops.
“Ah…! They noticed, Unnie!”
Hearing that voice, Dokgo Ryeong made a silent vow.
Next time I’m thrashing them for sure…! Just wait till I get back, Hao Sect…!
She gritted her teeth, landed on a roof, and pushed off hard with both feet.
“Just go as far as we can!”
“Understood!”
Another soaring leap carried the two of them farther and farther away. Eun Gwanyeong and Un Sohong were left staring blankly after them.
“…We lost them.”
“Yeah…”
“Ugh… I’m already dreading whatever rampage Lady Dokgo is going to throw later…”
“…Hang in there.”
“Hiiing… I shouldn’t have come…”
Un Sohong soothed the dejected Eun Gwanyeong as the two of them turned back toward the Divine Doctor’s Valley.
“Hoo… they shouldn’t be able to follow us this far.”
“Yeah…”
After a long stretch of running they finally reached a quiet, empty stretch of land and stopped. Wi Ilcheong pulled a water pouch from his belt, drank, then held it out to her.
“Would you like some?”
“Uh… ah… no.”
“Very well. Tell me if you get thirsty later.”
“Y… yes… more importantly…”
Dokgo Ryeong lifted their still-joined hands.
“…Can you let go now?”
“Do you dislike holding my hand?”
“Ah… uwa… th-that…”
Her face burned. Whatever sorcery Wi Ilcheong was using, every time he asked something so straightforward her chest ached and the words died in her throat.
He watched her open-mouthed struggle for a reply and spoke again.
“I like holding your hand, my lady.”
“Hwek?!”
“You’re usually so fierce, yet your hands are remarkably soft. When I hold them I can feel a gentle warmth. It’s pleasant.”
“Ah… uwa… d-don’t say things like that!!”
“Things like what?”
He met her eyes steadily.
“Whispering words of love like this? Well… I suppose that is something only lovers do.”
“Hweet…”
“To be honest, when I realized Lady Eun was following us I was a little glad. It gave me the perfect excuse to bring you somewhere you couldn’t run away, somewhere the two of us could talk properly.”
“Ah… uh…”
The thought struck her like a trap springing shut.
Wait…? Were they in on it from the start?!
Her mind spun, but Wi Ilcheong gave her no time to sort it out.
“Shall we finish the conversation we never got to have, my lady?”
“Uh… wh-what conversation?”
“About what love is.”
“R-right now?”
“Yes. Right now.”
His gaze never wavered. Dokgo Ryeong couldn’t meet it; she turned her face away.
“N-not right now…”
“Previously you defined love as ‘I can’t live without this person.’”
“Th-that’s true, but… I…”
“After spending more time together, I’ve come to think a little differently.”
He loosened his grip just enough to lace his fingers through hers, locking their hands together.
“These past few days I’ve been thinking back over every woman I’ve ever spent time with. I revisited everything the books taught me about love, and… well, as much as I dislike remembering it, I even recalled the way my father behaved when I was a child.”
“D-don’t hold my hand like that…”
“If I don’t hold on tightly you’ll just run away again.”
“Hwat?!”
He tugged their joined hands and slid his free arm around her waist.
“I love you in my own way, Lady Dokgo.”
“Ah… uwa… uh…”
“And I suspect my way may be a little different from the love you imagine. But one thing overlaps with yours.”
He drew her closer still, body pressed to body.
“I think my life would become rather dull without you in it, Lady Dokgo.”
“Hweeeek… s-stop talking!”
“Watching every one of these reactions is pure joy. You’re so fierce during the day, yet the moment night falls you turn so meek… it’s endlessly adorable.”
“Ahk?!”
“When you asked to see me today I was full of anticipation. I thought that today, of all days, I might finally hear something from you.”
“Wh-what something…”
“How you feel about me.”
“Hwaaa…”
Her hair had turned a full, vivid pink. Wi Ilcheong gently brushed a strand back from her face.
“Your body is so honest… yet I still want to hear it from your own lips. Directly.”
“Uwaaa…”
She tried to twist free, but his arms refused to release her.
“I will not let go until I hear your answer today.”
“Th-that… hweee…!”
Panicking, she cast about for any rock she could slam her head into—anything—but the surroundings offered nothing of the sort. With no escape left, she turned the question back on him.
“Ah… Y-Young Master Wi… wh-why are you doing this to me…”
“I already told you.”
He gathered a handful of her pink hair, brought it to his lips, and kissed it.
“Because it’s such a lovely color.”
“Th-that… ugh… wh-what do you want me to do?”
“Pardon?”
“Wh-what are you hoping for by doing all this…”
“Pfft.”
He tried to hold back the laugh that burst out of him, failed completely, and let it free.
“Khk… khahah!! Haa… honestly…”
“What?”
“I want an answer. Your honest, true feelings. I already said so.”
He leaned down until their faces were nearly touching.
“I want to know how you feel about me.”
“I… I… th-that… uh…”
Dokgo Ryeong had never once properly examined how she felt about Wi Ilcheong. Thoughts had drifted through her mind, but she had never seriously sat with them. So no ready answer came.
Yet the man in front of her looked far too earnest for her to brush him off with empty words.
“I… I… th-that…”
In the end she dropped her gaze and mumbled quietly.
“…C-can I tell you later?”
“Is there a reason you can’t say it now?”
“Th-that… uh…”
She scrambled for any excuse and finally blurted the first thing that came to mind.
“I… I left something behind and have to go get it!”
“What sort of item?”
“I… I also made a promise with Grandfather Sword God.”
“You can answer me and still be there in no time.”
“Ah… uh…”
“I told you—I won’t let go until I hear it.”
“Ugh…! I… I don’t know!!!”
“Pardon?”
Driven to the absolute edge, Dokgo Ryeong gathered her inner energy and swung a fist straight at his stomach, desperate to break free.
“L-Lady?!”
He had no choice but to release her hand and step back to avoid the blow. Looking at her, he said,
“Haa… my lady, suddenly throwing a punch…”
“I… I don’t know either, okay!!”
“Pardon?”
“I… I don’t… know either…!! Really… why does everyone keep…”
“Just speak honestly—”
“H-how am I supposed to say it!!”
She shrieked over him, cutting him off. The moment she realized what her own words implied, color flooded her face all the way to the tips of her ears. She trembled, then muttered in a low, shaking voice,
“I… I’ll tell you later!”
“My lady?”
“Later!!”
She kicked off the ground and fled with light-body technique. Wi Ilcheong sank down where he stood, utterly drained.
“…If she would just say it honestly…”
An ambiguous answer.
‘How am I supposed to say it,’ she said…
Did that mean she disliked him, or that she liked him…?
She showed her honest self so freely most of the time, yet the instant a moment like this arrived she always ran. His head ached just watching her.
“…Maybe I should have just waited like a tree…”
Next time, he decided, he would simply tie her down so she couldn’t escape, or lock the two of them in some cave before he ever brought the subject up again. He rose to his feet.
…Next time I won’t let go, my lady.
She really was a difficult woman.
“Haa…! Haa…!”
Ignoring the thunder of her own heart, Dokgo Ryeong ran and ran. She kicked off the earth, kicked off trees, putting as much distance as she possibly could.
With no destination in mind she finally came to a stop at the edge of a sheer cliff.
“Haa…! Hic… haa…!”
She watched a pebble tumble endlessly down the vertical drop, decided she could go no farther, and planted her feet. Then she tipped her head back and screamed at the sky.
“Ugh… SHIIIIIT!!!!!”
She screamed and screamed again. No matter how loud she shouted, the knot in her chest refused to loosen. It was worse than any rising madness—tight, itchy, relentless—and it kept dragging the memory of what had just happened back into her mind.
[I love you in my own way, Lady Dokgo.]
[How do you feel about me?]
“Ugh… just! Please!!”
She thrashed and begged the thoughts to stop, but they would not leave. When her head filled completely with Wi Ilcheong she finally collapsed onto the ground.
“I… I…”
She tried once more to force out the words she had repeated so many times before.
I do not like Wi Ilcheong.
Such a simple little sentence. Yet it lodged in her throat and would not come out. She slammed her fist into the dirt.
“Why…! Why can’t I say it, you idiot…!”
She struck the ground again and again until her hand stung. Then she lifted her head.
She had kept turning away, but even she could no longer ignore the truth.
“I… I… Wi Ilcheong…”
A single word would change the entire meaning of the sentence. Before, the ache in her chest and the guilt of lying to herself had kept the words trapped. Now an entirely different feeling held them back.
The shame of someone possibly overhearing,
the nervous thrill of finally untying a secret she had believed she would keep buried forever in her heart alone—
she calmed her trembling chest, very slowly, and spoke.
“I… like Wi Ilcheong…”
The completed sentence brought a strange sense of relief. She laughed.
“Ha… haha… shit…”
Tears she could not explain spilled over.
“I… like Wi Ilcheong, don’t I…”
At last, Dokgo Ryeong faced her own love.