Glamping-1
The girl who had finished shopping felt her mind strangely at ease starting from a few days later.
When waking up in the morning, she no longer had panic attacks at the sound of people passing by.
She still felt envious, but the sensation of being crushed by her body was gone.
Seeing office workers didn't evoke any sense of inferiority, and she didn't feel like she wanted to be like them.
The girl was scared.
The feeling that everything was suddenly okay was like the sea before a storm.
She knew.
She knew that worries like this were a delusion born from fearing emptiness.
People always try to maintain peace, so when fear suddenly disappears, they feel fear instead.
But she couldn't do anything about it.
Even if these worries were useless, she couldn't stop them.
When she turned her head, anxiety came to mind.
She wanted to hold her sister's hand, and she wanted to go to a place with nothing.
She wanted to lie on the hard tiles in the bathroom.
She wanted to stop her thoughts coming from the floor and curl up her body.
But she couldn't do that.
There was somewhere she had to go.
The cast was off, and although still awkward, she could walk on two feet.
Now, she had to go to a place with many animals.
Not like a viewing platform, but a place with a clear purpose.
She wanted to go there and recall her memories.
She wanted to revisit the time when her family was happy.
By doing so...
What was she trying to do?
The girl hesitated for a moment and looked at the clock.
She felt like she had become a fool.
She knew she was supposed to do something, but she couldn't remember what.
There was a purpose.
To recall the last memories of the happy times.
To chew over the memories of when her parents didn't divorce and her brother roughly took care of her.
But, by chewing over it like that... what was she trying to do?
The girl tilted her head.
She couldn't remember.
It hadn't even been a month since she started living with her sister.
No, not even three weeks.
Yet, the thoughts she had recalled in the one-room apartment's bathroom weren't coming up.
There seemed to have been something important...
"Ah...?"
It doesn't come up.
Not a single thing comes up.
The girl made a dazed sound at the thought and slowly blinked her eyes.
And the sister who had finished the reservation on the computer looked at her and tilted her head.
"Rin?"
"Ah, unnie."
"Are you okay?"
"Uh, just, a bit... dazed."
"Is that so?"
The sister seemed to not want to say something and opened her arms.
Then the girl, who was peeking in the empty house, was hugged, and the sister showed the monitor to the girl.
"How is it?"
"Uh."
The monitor showed the scenery of the glamping site operated by the ranch.
It seemed like they were trying to attract customers somehow, with corrections and angles...
If you just look at the photos and visit, you'll probably be disappointed.
But the girl didn't mind.
After all, the place she wanted to go was one with many animals, not a glamping site.
"It looks good."
"Really?"
The sister smiled bitterly at the girl's indifferent answer.
She had expected no interest, but seeing her like this made her heart ache.
"How about looking at it more?"
In fact, since the reservation was done, there was nothing more to talk about.
Looking at the photos would make expectations rise and the trip feel exciting, but it wouldn't improve the facilities.
She wouldn't win any unexpected events, and the surrounding customers wouldn't change to good people.
Still, the appearance of no expectation at all was a bit sad.
It was because the girl didn't seem to be enjoying anything.
Lately, she had been smiling a lot, so that thought was stronger.
When holding hands, they looked into each other's eyes.
When eating snacks together, they laughed cutely.
When going for a walk, she held the hand.
When smoking, she leaned her head.
When sleeping, she hugged her.
That's why it was even sadder.
She wanted her to enjoy the trip even more this time.
She wanted her to play the early travel song, hum along, and have expectations.
But the girl didn't do that.
With cold eyes, she just looked at the purpose.
As if just going to the place with many animals was enough...
It was a bit scary.
If she went to the ranch like this, would the girl collapse?
Should she force her to do something now?
The sister fiddled with the girl's hand, thinking that, and hugged her tightly from behind.
"Rin."
"Uh?"
"Do you remember the promise we made?"
"Yes."
"...Uh, then it's okay."
But the only words the sister could say were like this.
Because the relationship with the girl was too precious to force her, the sister could only hug her like this.
So the sister told the girl to pack her things now.
"Want to open the carrier?"
The girl opened the carrier at the sister's words and felt something strange.
Why open it?
Although the sister was trustworthy, this was... different from others.
The girl stopped talking for a moment and looked at the sister's back.
The sister was packing the luggage absentmindedly.
She took out the girl's clothes and put them in a separate plastic box, and was putting the disposable shampoos scattered in the carrier into plastic bags.
"..."
It was strange, after all.
There was a feeling of something being off.
But she didn't know what was off.
Everything was peaceful.
The girl had been focusing hard on treatment during this time.
Even though eating every meal was hard, she forced herself to eat, and took medicine diligently.
When she stayed still, it would hurt more, so she went for walks steadily, and slept on the mattress with her eyes closed.
She reduced the burden by splitting the food costs, and helped with household chores steadily.
There was nothing that could be a problem.
That's why the girl couldn't guess.
Why she felt unease and something off, and why she couldn't forget it.
She couldn't express it either.
If she tried to say something, her breath got stuck in her throat.
And she didn't want to say it.
It wasn't because it was hard or painful.
No, if she had to say it, it would be on the side of it being hard?
So, if she said it, she could say there was something hard to say, right?
"Unnie."
"Eh?"
"I have something hard to say."
The girl said it without hesitation.
Because she was sure Yuri wouldn't ask.
"Is that so?"
The sister stopped her hand for a moment at the girl's confession and looked at her.
"Umm, when can you tell me about that hard thing?"
"I don't know."
"You told me to keep the promise?"
"Yes."
"Thank you."
And as the girl believed, the sister didn't ask anymore and showed the carrier, and the girl stared at the carrier.
It was neatly organized.
The clothes were sorted by type, and the skirts could be taken out easily.
The shampoo was divided into hair shampoo and body shampoo, and the toothpaste was in a plastic bag with the toothbrush.
It was different from what she had done.
It felt like her something had become the sister's something.
She felt like something was off.
But she still didn't know what had changed, and the girl slowly turned her head.
Sunlight was pouring in.
She saw leaves fluttering in the wind, and birds flying.
It was the same daily routine as usual.
But... it was a daily routine that had suddenly changed.
Some unknown thing.
The girl thought about what it was and looked out the window at the people passing by.
A family was visible.
The girl happened to see a child walking holding the hands of mom and dad.
The girl recalled old memories.
The time when she held the hands of mom and dad and walked.
When the girl was a boy, she always held the hands of the two people.
She held them tightly as if she couldn't let go, and walked with the two of them.
Was it because they fought?
No matter how elegantly they fought, they ended up fighting as a couple, and at that time, the girl couldn't endure it.
"...Ah."
It's strange.
Could I think so calmly?
In the underground shopping mall, I immediately threw up, but did I become dull after some time passed?
The girl thought about it for a moment and shook her head in the opposite direction, saying it can't be.
This wasn't something that healed quickly like an ankle.
It didn't heal just because time passed, but had to dig out the shadow-like darkness and lay it under the sunlight to accept it.
If it suddenly became okay without that process, it would be something wrong.
The girl thought again, but it didn't come up easily.
It felt like her mind was blocking thoughts in that direction.
So the girl leaned her head against the wall in the corner and stared blankly outside, and the sister who was looking at her unconsciously clenched her fist and then let it go.
...It felt ominous.
After coming from the underground shopping mall, the girl had become too suddenly solid.
It didn't seem like she was acting, but she felt like she was lying.
No, she had to say she was lying even to herself?
She didn't know why or how she was lying, but she felt like there would be big problems later.
"Then, let's sleep early today? We have to go to the ranch tomorrow."
She didn't know what that was.