Glamping - 2
Haru and Rin had left the city behind in the pickup truck.
Outside the window, the scenery changed quickly.
Concrete grays and colorful billboards gave way to muted greens and browns, and a fresh scent of birdsong drifted in through the slightly open window.
Rin fiddled with her seatbelt, feeling oddly peaceful.
She had expected it to be scary, but it was strangely calm.
Recalling memories of her father, mother, and brother made her think this shouldn't be happening.
She should have been vomiting, resenting, hating... so she should be in pain now.
But inside, it was strangely peaceful.
No ripples, like not even a drop of water spilled.
Even as they went to be surrounded by animals and relive past memories, the street waffle from the zoo parking lot, the photos her mom took of animals, the animal mask they fought over with her brother... all would come to mind, yet strangely peaceful.
She should be scared... at least smell Haru's cigarette, but nothing was felt.
It was scary.
Like her heart wasn't hers, a sudden fear gripped her.
“Uhng...”
Rin obediently turned her head to the window and let out a small sound at the rest stop sign.
“Wanna rest?”
“Want to?”
Rin hesitated for a moment.
She wasn't particularly desperate for the bathroom.
Not hungry, no motion sickness.
“Yeah.”
But because of the promise with Haru, she wanted to rest.
No pain, no fear, but the thought that this peace might one day choke her out wouldn't leave her mind.
She had to rest.
She had to shatter this peace somehow.
Thinking rigidly, Rin looked out the window again.
And Haru parked the truck at the rest stop and gazed at Rin.
Rin's face was the same as usual.
When Haru looked at her, a gentle smile appeared; when looking elsewhere, caution flickered in her eyes.
If something strange, her eyes widened; when slightly sleepy, they half-closed, head tilted.
But something felt off.
The image of her at the viewpoint had been too intense, and the weird feeling lingered.
Peace is good, but this was different.
Lazily dozing in front of rabbits or capybaras was one thing; lazily in front of lions was plainly strange.
But what could she say?
The promise was to tell each other without hiding when in pain or difficulty.
She couldn't suddenly bring up the promise to someone who was peacefully there.
“Want a snack?”
“Ah, no. It's fine. ... If I eat, I'll probably get motion sick.”
“Really? Uh, did you go to the bathroom?”
“Yeah.”
Their conversation felt surface-level.
They both wanted to say something, but ironically, the promise made for each other prevented them from speaking.
Because of the peace, Rin couldn't say a word.
Saying this now would be childish, and to become a proper person, she had to endure these feelings somehow.
Because of the peace, Haru couldn't say anything.
Asking now would be too intrusive, and she didn't want to ruin the relationship with Rin, so she held back.
So, the two walked around the rest stop in silence.
The facilities at the rest stop weren't particularly nice.
It was clean, but the facilities themselves seemed to receive little attention.
Walking path, photo zone, just that.
And as they walked those places, they were enveloped in this peace.
Even though they were going to glamping, to the ranch, to escape daily life and have fun, there was no trace of excitement.
Naturally, both felt that this atmosphere was strange.
But while thinking they should say something to each other, they couldn't.
“...Um, wanna sit?”
“Yeah.”
Still, they tried their best.
Rin first took Haru's finger, leaned her head on it; Haru sat on the bench, offering her arm in response to Rin's touch.
“What new sound is this?”
“Huh?”
“Can't hear that at home.”
Haru asked about the distant bird sounds to capture the travel mood.
Sound not heard in the city.
Not the tearing low of crows, not the small chirps of sparrows.
Soft sounds that seemed to suit singing.
Rin turned her head toward the sound, then smiled bashfully.
“Don't know.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
When Haru spoke, Rin's heart fluttered.
It was a strange feeling.
No basis, yet she felt something good might come.
Talking like this, tears would probably flow softly.
Even if angry, unlike the underground mall where she would vomit, she could express anger like a child.
So Rin tightly gripped Haru's finger.
Even knowing it might hurt Haru, to erase the fear from the peace, she held on with all her strength.
And Haru, interlocking fingers with Rin's effort, looked at her.
Her face was different from before— anxious.
She was smiling, but it was a forced smile to hide the anxiety.
...Was it okay now?
If she was smiling while struggling like this, maybe she could tell the promise?
“Rin.”
Haru called Rin's name softly.
It felt like sand in the mouth.
Words wouldn't come out.
Didn't know what to say, how to say it.
“...Um.”
Still, Haru forced herself to continue.
“Th, um.”
For Rin?
Thought for a moment, but felt it wasn't.
Probably for herself.
The old memories beside Rin, forgetting alcohol and cigarettes, she liked that.
“...Wanna rest more?”
Rin looked up at Haru's words, meeting her gaze.
Haru wasn't talking about the rest stop.
The words in her mouth were about the rest stop, but if they said go home now, Haru would go home.
With that thought, Rin tightly held Haru's hand.
A natural smile formed.
Her heart was shaking.
“Yeah, rest a little more then go.”
“...Sure?”
Can I maintain calm seeing sheep or cows?
Different from the zoo, but if recalling family, won't they scream?
Faint, vomit, break ankle again... won't do bad things?
Can I smile at Haru like this?
Such anxiety was rushing in all at once, late.
“Yeah, bird song... wanna hear more.”
But from Rin's smiling lips, the feeling of something off was gone.
Anxious but struggling with all might, the smile Rin used to make when she was still a boy.
Haru carefully held Rin's hand.
“Will you get angry a lot?”
“...Probably.”
“Uncle and aunt were good people.”
“Yeah. Right.”
“Will you get even angrier because of that?”
Haru and Rin barely managed to spit out the words.
They picked out the circling words and said them, trembling slightly from the late anxiety, pressing their bodies close.
Soft cardigan and chiffon skirt wrinkled.
Trembling shoulders were felt, the rapid breathing transmitted to the touching arms.
“Rin.”
“Yeah.”
“Rin, Haru, Haru...”
Rin slowly closed her eyes.
Haru wiped the tears flowing between them with her fingers.
“I'm scared...”
Received the confession in a trembling voice.
“If I get angry, it seems I'll really hate you.”
“...Yeah.”
“If I really, really hate, what then? Mom, dad, brother...”
What if I hate the people I loved so much?
Rin, who had never sincerely hated anyone, trembled at the unimaginable.
Scary.
Couldn't endure anymore, wanted to hate, but not knowing what would happen after was too terrifying.
No one had taught her.
How to get good grades, go to good university, get good job...
Learned the method to become a good person required by society to the point of disgust, but never learned such things from anyone.
It was painful, scary, terrifying right now, wanting to spit out.
Even more scary, feet moving forward while trembling.
How could she when going to the viewpoint?
Just because Haru is beside, is it collapsing like this?
What will happen to me?
“End, huck...!”
Rin gripped Haru's hand so hard it left nail marks, Haru quietly accepted the pain transmitted to the back of her hand.
Didn't pat or hug Rin, just held her hand tightly.