Lady Gan Introduces Herself Before She's Taken
A pleasure to meet you. Is it all right if I sit here? Pardon? You're recording this as we speak? What on earth...
Yes, yes. I only need to answer the questions as they're asked. I understand.
Shall I begin with a greeting?
Hello. I am Lady Gan, wife to Lord Liu Bei Xuande.
My given name? Ah. Of course. You wouldn't know me as Lady Gan, would you. Ever since I married, that is all anyone has called me, so I forget myself...
My name is Gan Mei. The mei of the plum blossom. The plum of plum, orchid, chrysanthemum, and bamboo — the Four Gentlemen of flowers.
The plum blossom's meaning is dignity and elegance. A flower that blooms even in winter, beloved of scholars. That is me.
My husband, Lord Liu Bei, is enduring a season as bitter as midwinter just now — but one day he will surely realize his great ambition. And I, Gan Mei, shall be his plum blossom, and keep watch at his side...
The first moment I met him?
I shall never forget it. I lived in a town called Pei County. It had a nickname, you see... they called it Xiaopei. You've heard of it, I'm sure. It's where Lord Liu Bei was stationed for a time.
I cannot forget the instant I first saw him. He came to Xiaopei in such magnificent bearing, with his two sworn brothers — Guan Yu and Zhang Fei — at his left and right.
In our hometown, in those days... a great many people died.
Cao Cao's army... they came, and they killed so very many.
The Xu Province Massacre... have you heard of it? My childhood friends. The elders of our neighborhood...
...even my parents.
Cao Cao's soldiers — those Qingzhou Soldiers, blinded by blood — butchered my mother even as she wailed for them to spare at least my little brother.
Even now, I feel as though I can still hear the voices of the people who died that day.
In the moment I thought my own life was already forfeit... Lord Liu Bei's army appeared. And even those terrifying Qingzhou Soldiers could not stand against Guan Yu and Zhang Fei.
While Lord Liu Bei remained at Xiaopei, they recruited women to attend him and look after the household. I wanted to do something — anything — for the man who had saved my life, and so I entered his service.
And then... step by step, we drew closer...
By the time I came to my senses, I had become his wife. I don't believe I have ever spoken at such length about this before.
My height? Average, I suppose... though my elders have often told me I have excellent posture. I do tend to sit perfectly straight. As a wife, I must never be a source of distraction to Lord Liu Bei's heart.
I beg your pardon? Three... sizes? What exactly is it you're asking me?
Bust... waist... y-you mean the size of my hips? Th-that is... that is vulgar beyond words! How can you put such a shameless question to a married woman? F-filthy! How filthy!
What did you say? L-Lord Liu Bei wants to know? I-is that truly so?
W-why would Lord Liu Bei want something like that... he sees them every night as it is... ah! Please forget I just said that! I-I'll answer.
Wait...! What just scraped across my body? Something went whoosh right past me... a scanner?
Wh-what are those numbers! I have a thoroughly unpleasant feeling about this! Excuse me!
Pardon? My bust is... larger than average, you say? W-well, that is a relief, but...
Why am I trailing off? That is... well... the comparison happens to be rather overwhelming, so... that is...
The truth is, I am the second wife. Lord Liu Bei has a first wife — Lady Mi.
I am two years older, so Lady Mi calls me elder sister, and I call her younger sister, but...
My... my sister's... that is, my sister's bust is... how shall I put this... rather too enormous...
So heavy they would not even fit in one hand... and the spring in them is extraordinary besides...
A comparison? Well, I hardly know what one would compare them to... I-I am not terribly good at this sort of talk.
...like a dairy cow, I suppose...
Please! Please do not breathe a word of this to Lady Mi!
Hah... at any rate, compared to hers, mine feel as though they belong to someone slightly lacking. It does rather dent one's confidence.
When did I compare them, you ask? The other time, the three of us with Lord Xuande... a-ah, no! Please do not ask me things like that! We wives often bathe together and change clothes, so one ends up seeing. Whether one wishes to or not!
...even so, there was a time Lord Liu Bei was nursing at Lady Mi's breast, and then... a-at mine, and he said...
...and I was so happy to hear it... W-why am I telling you this! Please erase what I just said! Forget it entirely!
My waist... even I think it is on the slender side. When Lord Liu Bei walks with the two of us on either arm, he does rather tighten his hold around my waist.
Pardon? And his hand on Lady Mi's side was... buried in her chest? H-how obscene — you disgraceful excuse for a husband!!!
I... I have plenty of places that can please him too...!
I have no wish to say where! What is it you people keep asking me!
...please move on to the next question.
I beg your pardon? You're asking how many catties I weigh? What are you saying! Do you take a woman for a head of livestock!
...please never make that mistake again. My weight is...
And what is that number supposed to be!! How do you already know!! I said I would tell you myself!!! And what is this machine under my feet! I beg your pardon? A scale?
Nnh... I haven't even been eating properly of late, so how on earth... I really am... such a heavy lump...
For reference, Lady Mi's waist is slender too... how, with a chest like that, does she still... it all must go straight to her bosom. That's cheating. I cannot possibly win. I feel as though I have lost as a woman...
And my hips... do I have confidence in those as well, you ask?
...mm.
Hah. I still don't understand why I must keep answering things like this, but... I am more confident in them than in my bust, yes.
Even I think they are large... and lush... rather like the pretty apples that are the specialty of my hometown, Pei County, I suppose?
Even in my clothes, there are times the slight rise of my figure from behind feels rather nice... ah, of course! I believe a woman must carry herself with modesty, so I would never dress boldly in a place where others might see, but...
Pardon? Men can all tell anyway? Well... I wonder. If it is the men of our army, I should think they are rather more occupied with Lady Mi's chest than with me...
The truth is, Lady Mi is a little too innocent, if that is the word... it would be one thing if she at least noticed that men stare at her bosom, but she hasn't the faintest idea, and she will go and put on a dress cut far too deep at the throat... there are times I can only sigh.
If she appears where the soldiers are training, they all stare at nothing but her chest... I have even stopped her from insisting on accompanying me to the drill yard.
Zhang Fei is one thing, but... hah... there are times even Guan Yu... his complexion already has that ruddy cast, and it grows still redder...
I once hastily drew her collar closed and pulled her behind me, and everyone looked visibly disappointed.
I, by contrast... I prefer to wear loose, shapeless clothes from top to bottom, the better to hide my figure... so I doubt there is anyone in Lord Liu Bei's army who pays any particular attention to my hips.
...am I disappointed, you ask? Of course, when Lady Mi looks at me with that perfectly unknowing face, a little anger does well up, but...
...the feeling that the prettiest part of my body is known only to Lord Liu Bei... is not such a bad one, I find.
...mm. Especially when I am undressed... the shape of me, seen from behind, is not unlovely...
Sometimes, when the three of us share the bed... Lord Liu Bei will devote both hands to a thorough campaign against Lady Mi's breasts, and yet...
at the end he always... has me get down on my elbows...
and takes hold of my... hips... and finishes there, more often than not...
...well. His face is buried in Lady Mi's bosom the entire time, but...
...the last question, you said?
M-my marriage bed with Lord Liu Bei?!
Why, why do you keep asking me things like this! Pardon? I've already told you everything, you say? That may be so, but...
Hah...
...to be honest, it is not as though we do it often.
Once a day? Wh-what are you saying! If one did that every day, would that still be a person? That would be a beast!
Every two days? No! Every three? D-don't joke with me!
...once every two weeks.
...th-that isn't often, you say? Then other married couples... surely you don't mean... twice in a single day?
I-I cannot believe it... Lord Liu Bei told me that after a man has done it once, he must rest a full ten days for his yang to recover...
E-even so, doing it twice on the same day... I cannot help but feel it would be contrary to propriety.
Pardon? Have I never wanted more than that? No, I have never thought such a... I...
When you put it that way, it is rather difficult to explain in words, but... there were times a hot, ticklish feeling lingered, just a little, in the place where Lord Liu Bei had been...
and sitting beside him while he slept, snoring so contentedly, I was afraid he might hear how hard my heart was pounding, and more than once I... stroked my own chest, yes.
But that is only... because I love Lord Liu Bei that much, is it not...
And above all, once Lord Liu Bei has spent himself, that small place becomes truly, truly so small... I cannot bear the thought of tormenting it any further...
H-how small, you ask? Ah... don't men ordinarily... shrink back down, after they have finished?
Ah, but if you insist on knowing how small... t-to say such a thing with my own mouth, I truly want to tear my lips apart, but...
Lord Liu Bei's... that is... I do not think it is a particularly large one...
Of course, I have no experience of any man but Lord Liu Bei.
B-but Lord Liu Bei is, that is...
he is truly so very small...
How small, you ask?
...mm...
Hah...
Ah, even so, when it is erect... it comes a little past two knuckles. You can see my finger here, yes? It comes up to here.
I have discussed the matter with Lady Mi as well. According to her, so long as a man's thing is two knuckles long, there is no difficulty at all in conceiving a child.
Is that not enough?
Marital relations? Of course, I have heard there are many who take great pleasure in them... but I do not really know about such things...
And above all, I do not think it so very important. A husband and wife are joined by Heaven itself... to follow my lord's great ambition, and, more than anything, to bear him healthy descendants...
That, I believe, will be my greater joy...
...is that sufficient?
Then... starting next time, I shall tell you my story.