Mom and Maman (2)
"Ugh…!!"
I emptied everything in my stomach in the department store restroom. My insides churned. I hadn't wanted to ruin the good atmosphere, but I was the one destroying it.
"Suhyun… are you okay? Should I come in with you?"
"Unni……"
After making the two of them wait outside, I kept retching inside the stall. I hated myself so much. Jiu had been hurt so badly she couldn't even lift her head, yet the moment I saw Mom again—even for just a second—I had felt relief. I had always worried she might be dead. That Dad might have caught her and killed her. Or that she might have made some extreme choice somewhere. But seeing her living well made all those worries wash away, and I felt confused. Once the worry disappeared, what remained was relief and hatred. Nothing else.
It was confusing. I despised the fact that I now wanted to see the person I had hated so much. She had abandoned us.
"This… this isn't right, Suhyun……"
No matter how starved I was for love, I couldn't forgive her. I couldn't accept the woman who had thrown me and my siblings into hell for over ten years.
I flushed the toilet and sat on the lid, wiping the cold sweat from my face with my hand.
"Haa… hic!"
It's fine. I don't need a mother. Thinking that, I opened the restroom door. Outside, Yeon-a, her face full of worry, pulled me into a tight hug.
"…Suhyun, I'm sorry I couldn't say anything."
"……Unni, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry……"
Jiu was sobbing. Watching her made my own feelings turn restless. I had tried not to cry, but seeing Jiu's tears made my eyes sting. Moisture slowly welled up. In the end, I burst into tears and apologized to Jiu.
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry, Jiu. I hate Mom, I really do… but I also want to see her… so I don't know what to think… I'm sorry. You were the one who got hurt, but I was being selfish…!!"
I cried for a long time, overwhelmed with guilt toward Jiu and hatred for Mom, who had appeared again to torment me. All the sorrow I had been holding back while pretending to be fine came pouring out.
"I always… always wanted to see her… I wanted to be held by her just one more time… but I couldn't, and it hurt so much… I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Jiu……"
I kept apologizing, trying to erase my selfish feelings. As I continued crying and apologizing, people started entering the restroom, so Yeon-a pulled Jiu and me outside.
* * *
Without saying a word, Yeon-a led us to a quiet spot and hugged us tightly.
"…Since it's just the two of you, cry as much as you want and talk to each other. I'll be somewhere else."
After patting our heads, Yeon-a stood up. I thanked her and looked at Jiu, whose eyes were red.
"…Unni."
"…Yeah."
At Jiu's trembling voice, she hesitated for a moment before continuing.
"Please stop apologizing… I'm begging you……"
"……"
"What did you do wrong that you have to apologize every time? I'm not someone who deserves an apology from you."
Jiu said this while shedding more tears. She pulled me into a strong embrace and began patting my back.
"…You don't need to apologize. I hate Mom… Yeah, I hate her so much I don't know what to do."
"I'm sorry……"
"But that doesn't mean you can't want to see her, so it's okay."
Jiu stroked my hair as she spoke. I told her again.
"…I hate Mom."
"I know, Unni."
"But still… I want to talk to her."
I wanted to have a conversation. To ask why she abandoned us. It would hurt—there was no doubt it would hurt—but I still wanted to talk. Because I didn't really know what kind of person Mom was.
Of course, I was scared. It was obvious I would get hurt. So I wanted to ask Jiu, who hated Mom so much, for one favor.
"Jiu… I have a request."
"You want me to go with you?"
Jiu said this with a small laugh, tears still in her eyes, then wiped away the tears that kept falling. I nodded at her.
"Yeah… come with me."
"I wish you'd throw more tantrums."
"…You should try it first. You never said a word to me when we were kids."
"I couldn't say anything, so how was I supposed to……"
Jiu said this while hugging me tightly and refusing to let go. I patted her back with my short arms and suddenly realized that Jiu had become an adult.
* * *
At the same time Suhyun decided to talk to Sujin—
"…Do you know Yu Minu?"
Minu gathered his courage and spoke to the woman he believed was his mother. He could see Sujin becoming greatly shaken.
'It's Mom.'
A complicated mix of emotions washed over Minu. Honestly, he hadn't hated Mom that much. If anyone, it was Dad he had hated. Mom was someone he barely remembered—practically nonexistent. In Minu's life, Suhyun had been no different from a mother.
"You're my mom, right?"
So Minu asked directly. He received a nod from Sujin, whose eyes were filled with fear. Sujin was terrified. There was no doubt this was her beloved son, but she couldn't help seeing a trace of that man in him. Even so, Sujin opened her mouth.
"…That's right. Are you really Minu?"
Sujin said this, her voice breaking. Minu's surprise lasted only a moment before Haram, who had been standing beside him, quickly stepped forward and began calming Sujin.
"Please calm down, ma'am."
Her voice was gentle. But it lacked the genuine warmth she showed when speaking to Minu or Suhyun. Minu understood. The usually cheerful Haram was extremely on edge right now. It made sense—Haram was Jiu's best friend and had probably heard plenty about Sujin.
In the midst of the strange tension, Minu spoke.
"Mom, why don't we sit down and talk first?"
Minu spoke in a cool but not completely detached voice. Sujin nodded weakly. Haram, Minu, and Sujin sat around a table together.
* * *
Haram poured water and placed glasses in front of Sujin and Minu.
"I'm not family, so don't worry about me. Just talk with Minu."
"…Ah, yes."
Sujin nodded and agreed. When Haram winked at Minu, he relaxed a little and looked at his mother. She seemed fine at a glance, but there was a scar faintly visible on her forehead, hidden by her hair. Seeing it made Minu feel slightly bitter.
'That bastard of a father even hit Mom……'
Minu swallowed the rising anger, took a deep breath, and looked at his mother, who was only watching him cautiously.
"…Is the gukbap restaurant run by you, Mom?"
"Ah, no, I'm just a server… It just happened… Ah, um… I'm sorry for speaking casually……"
Sujin fidgeted with her hands, unsure what to do. Minu told her it was fine to speak casually.
"It's okay to speak casually. It's more comfortable that way."
"Ah… th-then, is that alright?"
"Yes, since you're my mom, after all."
"…I see. You think of me that way……"
Sujin said this while avoiding his gaze. Minu looked at her and began asking the questions he had been curious about.
"Mom, why did you leave us behind?"
It might have been too direct, but Minu didn't feel particularly sorry. No matter what her reasons were, the woman in front of him had abandoned her children and run away.
"It might just sound like an excuse… but will you listen?"
"That's why I'm doing this. I want to hear it."
Minu said this while looking at Sujin. She nodded and began speaking, forcing the words out as if pulling them up from deep inside.
"At first, I didn't plan to abandon you… I wanted to earn money… and somehow get you out. I actually started working for that reason."
"……"
"I really… wanted to bring you back."
Sujin looked at Minu with moist eyes and told him everything that had happened. How she had run out of the house without a plan, taken any job she could find, endured while thinking of her children only to collapse repeatedly. How hospital bills drained her money. How she kept working despite her worsening health, holding on for the sake of her children. She had barely managed to save some money, but—
"…I was scammed, four years ago."
"Scammed…?"
"It was someone who said they'd help me get the kids away from your dad… but I got completely taken."
Sujin said this while crying.
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Minu… It wasn't something that could be forgiven… and I don't even think I deserve forgiveness… but I'm sorry."
Minu frowned as he watched Sujin. He felt uncomfortable. Her story was pitiful, and he knew she had tried, but—
'During that time, my big sister was being beaten and crying while missing you.'
If she had reported it or even shown her face once during that time, Suhyun wouldn't have been broken like that. Thinking this, Minu spoke in a trembling voice.
"…You should have reported it."
Minu stood up abruptly.
"My big sister was being beaten to death during that time… was reporting once really that hard? No, you could've saved the money after getting us out. During that time, my big sister almost died trying to report it herself."
Minu glared at Sujin with a deeply furrowed brow. Sujin cried but said nothing.
"……"
"Minu……"
"…Haram, I'll be back in a bit."
With that, Minu left the gukbap restaurant, leaving only Haram and Sujin behind.