Siblings (3)
The clock ticked away in the awkward silence, as if it too felt the tension and was working overtime to fill the void. Minu and Jiu sat before me. I peeked out from under the blanket, only my head visible, and stared at them.
"Uh… um…"
Words wouldn't come. I wanted to tell them to sit anywhere, but nothing came out. What made it harder was the bitter smiles on both their faces. Not looks of pity, fear, or contempt—just quiet relief mixed with pain.
It was awkward.
"……"
"……"
"……"
I wanted to break the suffocating silence. I wanted to get along with my siblings again. These kids were the only reason I kept going—I wanted to talk to them. I wanted to have a normal conversation too.
"…Sit… anywhere."
Finally, I managed a proper first sentence. Instead of begging them not to come closer out of fear, I sounded like I was welcoming guests. Okay, good…
I could do this. I could treat them properly.
"Can we sit here?"
"I'll sit next to big sis. Minu, you take the chair."
In our cramped, trash-filled house, my siblings cleared space at my words.
"How've you been, sis?"
Jiu, sitting beside my bed, smiled as she asked.
"…Yeah, I've been… okay…"
"…!!"
When I answered, Jiu flinched in surprise before smiling again.
"I see. That's good."
"…Is it okay if I was doing well?"
I shouldn't have asked that. The words slipped out because I was startled by her reaction to me saying I'd been fine.
"No…! No, it's fine… Yeah, it's totally fine."
Jiu waved her hands lightly, insisting it was okay. It was just a slip of the tongue, but her big reaction surprised me.
"……"
"……"
"……"
The conversation fell back into awkward silence. This time, Minu broke it.
"Sis, what've you been into lately?"
"…Me?"
When I pointed at myself, Minu stared blankly at the bandages on my hand.
"Ah……"
"……"
"……"
I saw both their pupils tremble for a moment. I had no intention of explaining.
"…Don't worry about it."
When I lowered my head and said that, they both nodded.
"Interests……"
"Yeah, interests."
The conversation circled back to what I was interested in.
"…I had one."
Past tense. Yeah, I used to. My recent interest had been gaming. I'd played nothing but EoW except when I was sleeping.
"You did?"
"……"
"…?"
Minu looked a little happy. When I scratched my cheek and gave an awkward smile, he tilted his head.
"…I had one. Not anymore."
"Why? Did something happen?"
Jiu asked from the side what had happened. I shook my head.
"…Nothing happened. It just stopped being fun, so I quit."
"……"
"……"
Their eyes wavered again.
"Sorry for being a sister like this."
I apologized. I felt sorry, like just existing would dim their light.
"Still, I'm happy… that you two grew up well."
"…Sis."
"……"
"My interest was gaming. I think I put in about 5,000 hours…?"
When I said that, Minu asked if I liked games.
"You like games, sis?"
"…Huh? Yeah, I do."
I did like them. Games like EoW let you throw everything away without regret, and they didn't reveal who you really were. It had been a hobby I enjoyed. Whether I'd play again was another question.
"What game did you sink 5,000 hours into? I wish we could play together."
"…!!"
Playing games with Minu. …I'd wanted to try that since we were kids. By the time Minu got into gaming, we couldn't even talk anymore. Maybe that's why I'd gotten so obsessed with it.
"EoW……"
I answered briefly.
"EoW…? I think I've heard of it……"
"EoW?!"
Jiu tilted her head while Minu raised his voice a little.
"…!!!"
Startled by his raised voice, I instinctively flinched and curled up, bracing for pain. I trembled, mentally preparing myself.
"…Sorry, sorry. I won't do it again. Don't hit me."
"……"
"……"
"Ah……"
I'd forgotten again. Dad wasn't here anymore.
"…Sorry."
I apologized for showing such an ugly side. Jiu asked why I was apologizing.
"Why are you apologizing, sis? I was surprised too."
"…Huh?"
"Minu, apologize right now. You scared her."
"Sorry, sorry, sis… I was just happy. We like the same thing… haha……"
Minu smiled awkwardly as he apologized. The joy of not being scolded, and the hope that maybe my siblings didn't hate me. At that hope, I nodded.
"…It's fine. I was just a little surprised……"
When I smiled faintly, Jiu turned her head away. Minu, who could see her expression, asked,
"Is Jiu crying…?"
"……"
"……"
Minu didn't answer.
"…I'm going to the bathroom, sis."
She just sent Jiu to the bathroom. It was a relief—there wouldn't be any strange smells in there. I'd cleaned up the blood.
"By the way, sis, you're not playing EoW anymore?"
Minu changed the subject. I was worried about Jiu, but decided to focus on talking with him for now.
"Yeah, I decided not to."
"…Why?"
"Because it got fun."
"I see. Are you thinking of playing again?"
Minu asked calmly. I shook my head at him.
"I don't know."
"…I see."
"…I deleted the account."
"Why?"
"Because Dad told me to live like a dead mouse."
When I said that, Minu leaned toward me and asked,
"Does that have anything to do with it?"
"…Doesn't it?"
I asked back, looking at him.
"Sis, it's okay now. It's really okay."
"……"
"Let's try things one by one. How about playing games again?"
"…But the account."
"You can just make a new one."
"……"
He was right. I could make a new one. It wasn't like I was attached to my playtime or anything.
"Let's play together."
"…Can we really?"
Playing games with my sibling. It was something I'd wanted to try at least once. I also wanted to break free from Dad's shadow.
"By the way, if you put in 5,000 hours, your rank must've been pretty high."
I nodded shyly at Minu's words.
"A… a little high."
"How high?"
"…Rank 125?"
"…!?"
When I said that, Minu flinched, then lowered his head deeply. His legs started shaking.
"Minu…?"
"Sis, what was your ID before you deleted it…?"
"Huh?"
Minu suddenly asked for my ID. I answered while looking at him.
"Snake."
Just one word. Snake.
* * *
Jiu came out of the bathroom after crying for a long time. She brushed off Suhyun's concern.
"…If it's okay, whatever."
Suhyun smiled awkwardly as she said that. The more they talked, the brighter her mood became. She smiled more easily, and hesitated less before speaking. After they finished their conversation,
"I'll help you clean next time I come."
"…I need time to prepare myself."
Suhyun trembled as she said that. Jiu and Minu respected her decision, even though it hurt. Suhyun's mental state seemed so fragile that one wrong touch could shatter her, so they didn't dare interfere.
Jiu and Minu watched Suhyun limp to see them off.
"…Take care."
"Answer our calls, sis."
"Uh, yeah… I will."
"I'll ask the same, sis. If there's anything you want to do from now on, tell us. We'll help."
Minu smiled as he said that. Jiu and Minu sincerely hoped Suhyun would find happiness as they watched the door close.
"…Sis seems a little better."
"Yeah, she smiled way more than I expected."
"I'm glad."
After saying that, they looked at each other and high-fived.
"Let's save big sis together."
"…Yeah. So that someday, she can be happy."
The second and third siblings resolved to heal their eldest's wounds.
* * *
"…Haa… haa, ugh!!"
The moment the door closed, I ran to the bathroom. I started throwing up violently. It had been hard—so incredibly hard. Reuniting with my siblings after so long had been unbearable.
"Bweh… ptui!"
I gasped for breath in front of the toilet, vomiting. My stomach had contracted like crazy from the tension.
"…I was happy."
Even while throwing up, I had been truly happy. Because I'd spent time with my siblings. I'd laughed and talked with them for the first time in so long. At first, talking to people after so long had been difficult, but after an hour passed, it started feeling okay.
"Ugh…!!"
Even as the vomiting I thought had stopped started again, I was happy. Really, it felt like I had the whole world.
"Haa… phew… it's over."
My stomach felt better. After flushing and limping back to bed, I lay down and stared at the empty ceiling.
"…EoW."
Maybe deleting my account had been a mistake after all.
'If there's anything you want to do from now on, tell us. We'll help.'
Minu's voice echoed in my mind. I could clearly picture him urging me to play games together.
"…Something I want to do."
I pulled the blanket over myself and replayed that unpleasant video I'd watched recently. My heart started pounding.