The Scars Behind the Smile
Cam (4) — At Suhyun’s request for advice, Haram came running, forgetting all about her fatigue. After all, the thought of being able to help Suhyun filled her with joy. How could anyone resist a brand-new, adorably clumsy newbie who came scurrying over the moment she started streaming, blurting out “Pwease do dis for meee……”? “Hehe, she must’ve done something cute again.”
“I’m turning my mic off for a bit.”
[Eh… whyyy…? D-Did you get tired of talking to meee…?]
Suhyun asked, her voice shrinking. Haram giggled and quickly reassured her it wasn’t that at all.
“I’m scared I’ll end up screaming because you’re too cute while I’m watching the video!”
[Eeeh… Th-That won’t happen……]
Suhyun insisted she wasn’t cute, but Haram only smiled softly and muted her mic anyway.
[M-Master…? Y-You really turned it off.]
Suhyun followed suit and turned hers off as well. Haram let out a quiet chuckle.
“I’m looking forward to this. I wonder what she did this time?”
Brimming with anticipation, she hit play—and immediately found herself reacting the same way the viewers had.
One minute into the stream, Haram’s lips were curved in a smile so wide it nearly reached her ears.
[…Ah, hewwo……]
At first, it really was just cute. “Hehe, so adorable.” The way Suhyun fidgeted, shrinking into herself with that small frame and those hesitant little gestures, was captured clearly on camera. Viewers were already busy teasing her.
“She’s so shy, it’s ridiculously cute.”
Haram had started the video half-expecting some light healing, but the moment Suhyun rolled up her sleeve, she could no longer laugh.
[Nice to meet you all.]
“Huh?”
A thin, pale arm appeared on screen. It looked a little underfed, but still soft enough that it would probably feel squishy to the touch. The problem was the sheer number of scars covering it.
“Th-Those are all scars…?”
Haram suddenly remembered Jiwoo showing her old photos of Suhyun and saying she used to have “a few more” scars. “A few…? This is way more than a few.”
Countless marks, old and new, along with fresh bandages wrapped tightly around her arm. Only then did Haram notice the pile of trash spilling out at the edge of the frame.
“……”
From that point until the video ended, Haram couldn’t bring herself to smile again. She had realized that Suhyun wasn’t just some cute person.
[I-Is there something wrong with my hand…?]
“Ugh… What do I do……?”
Haram’s eyes began to sting. Watching Suhyun ask in that trembling voice if something was wrong with her hand made her feel like she was losing her mind. She wanted nothing more than to kidnap her, bring her home, pet her head, bathe her, feed her, and tuck her into bed.
While the Suhyun on screen sniffled, the real Haram was already going through an entire roll of tissues.
[R…P…? Wh-What’s that…? I-I’ve heard of it before.]
“Kghh, she’s too cute……”
Even through the cracked, fragile voice, an overwhelming cuteness still leaked through. It was driving Haram insane. This tiny, precious creature was suffering in the cruelest way possible. Reading the chat, she found herself empathizing with the viewers.
“Me too… I think I’m losing it……”
She felt like she was going insane. But knowing Suhyun’s past, all Haram could do was cry. She was terrified that saying the wrong thing might reopen those wounds.
[Huu… S-Self-harm isn’t allowed, right…?]
Suhyun asked while shrinking into herself. Haram nodded over and over at the screen.
“Of course not… Hic! Y-Your body is precious! Super squishy and precious.”
She blew her nose and glanced at the remaining progress bar, only to fall into despair.
“…There’s still a third left?”
The realization that another ten minutes of this heartbreaking, devastating footage remained crushed her—while the thought of getting to watch ten more minutes of her soft, precious student brought a tiny spark of joy.
[I-It feels nice, though. J-Just a little should be fine, right……?]
“No!! Absolutely not!!”
Haram wailed, clutching the monitor. She paused the video, chugged some water, took a deep breath, and stared at the frozen screen. Suhyun sat there hugging her right leg on the chair. That was when Haram noticed something else.
“…There’s a knife mark on her left thigh too.”
The shock of realizing the scars weren’t limited to her arms made her hurriedly resume the video. Watching Suhyun tremble and say she preferred hurting herself over being hit because it didn’t make her as sad, Haram felt like she might cough up blood.
“I-I can’t forgive domestic abusers… Y-You goddamn bastards……”
The thought of someone hurting both Minwoo and Suhyun like this made her bite her lip as tears fell. The video continued for a while longer, carving fresh wounds into Haram’s heart, until it finally ended with Suhyun’s last words.
[I-It’s not RP…? I-I’m not pitiful at all……]
The chat exploded. After watching everything, Haram leaned back in her chair and covered her eyes with both hands.
“…You’ve been through so much.”
She had nearly gone mad from the despair while watching. Every single cute little habit Suhyun had carried a painful story behind it.
“She… didn’t use a box cutter, right?”
Haram sniffled and muttered to herself before turning her mic back on. Suhyun did the same right after.
[D-Did you finish watching…?]
Haram had tried to calm down, but the moment she heard Suhyun’s timid voice, her eyes grew wet again.
“Hic…!”
[Um…]
Suhyun’s voice sounded like she was looking for her. Haram covered her mouth, then lowered her hand to answer.
“Huu… Unnie, you’re so pitiful… You’re way too pitiful……”
[Master?!]
“Call me Haram…… please……”
She pleaded through her tears.
“I’m going to kidnap you and raise you…!! J-Just tell me your address! I’ll take better care of you than Jiwoo does!”
[H-Hiik?!]
It took Haram nearly thirty minutes to calm down after that sudden outburst.
Her master had suddenly declared she was going to kidnap her, which was startling, but once Suhyun understood it was just her way of saying she wanted to take good care of her, she sniffled and asked,
“A-Are you okay…?”
[…I’m sorry.]
“N-No, it’s fine. I was just a little surprised, that’s all.”
She smiled, and her master let out a relieved sigh.
[So, what was your question?]
Her master’s voice had calmed down a little. Suhyun felt guilty for making her sad and wanted to apologize, but remembered how her master had told her not to over-apologize earlier. She decided it was better not to push it and simply answered the question.
“Wh-What’s RP…? I-It’s just, people keep asking me if I’m doing RP, and from what I searched it seems like VTubers use it for concepts, but I don’t understand why they’re saying it to me……”
[It is a concept. It means giving a virtual character a setting.]
“Th-Then why are people saying it to me…?”
[You said you wanted to be a VTuber, right? So… people probably thought you’d chosen that kind of concept for your character.]
“What kind…?”
[Um… Menhera?]
“…Eh?”
Suhyun tilted her head.
[Don’t look it up. Actually, never mind, don’t.]
“Eh……”
[It might be better if people keep thinking it’s RP……]
Her master paused, then asked another question.
[By the way, you didn’t actually self-harm after the stream, did you?]
She must have been worried after seeing Suhyun gripping the box cutter so tightly at the end. Suhyun didn’t know why her master was so afraid of it, but she answered honestly.
“I-I didn’t do it……”
[“Didn’t”…?]
“Yup.”
[Don’t do it. Not ever.]
Her master strongly opposed the idea. Suhyun figured doing it a lot would be bad, but she had only planned to do it once a day at most.
“…I’m trying not to do it more than twice a day.”
[Even once is too much.]
“I-Is that so.”
[Yes.]
At her master’s firm tone, Suhyun nodded.
[By the way, do you have a lot of trash at home?]
“Eh…? Y-Yeah, a lot. I was going to clean it soon.”
[Oh, I see!]
Her master’s energy suddenly spiked.
[Then, would it be okay if I came to help?]
“Uh……”
[Jiwoo and Minwoo will help too. It’s been a while since I’ve seen them.]
Her master’s voice was so kind that Suhyun couldn’t bring herself to refuse and ended up agreeing.
[Thank you! See you soon!]
“Uhh……”
[I’m going to finish drawing your avatar! My goal is to finish it within a month!]
After saying goodbye, her master disappeared like the wind. The thought of letting someone she’d just met into her house filled Suhyun with immense stress.
“Ugh…!!”
She rushed to the bathroom and threw up.