This Isn’t RP
"Huh? You guys think this is fine?"
"Haaaaah……"
"So this is RP, right? That's what this is?"
"Huuuh… Even if being a Vtuber is a red ocean, cosplay too, whoa whoa whoa."
"It's not RP?! You don't even know what RP is right now!!"
"It's not okay."
"It's not 'a little,' you bitch!"
"It's not okay at all, you bitch!"
Countless people began hounding me through the chat.
"E-Everyone, please calm down… I-I'm scared."
The moment I said that with a trembling voice, the chat sped up even faster.
People even started kowtowing. No, it's not like I don't know self-harm is bad. But just like how everyone drinks a little even though they know drinking is bad, isn't a little self-harm okay too? That thought suddenly popped into my head.
"E-Everyone, please listen to me… hic…!!"
When I said that while sniffling, the chat said they'd listen. Looking at those messages, I continued while choking back tears.
"I-I mean, isn't this better than just getting hit…? hic! Getting hit for real hurts and makes me sad……"
People started apologizing over and over. I tilted my head while looking at them.
"I-I'm scared, everyone. Why are you all like this……"
These were people who didn't understand common sense. Well, the internet was always like that.
"Huu, donations will open once the stream really hic! starts……"
While saying that, I waved my hands at the people calling me pitiful.
"I-I'm not pitiful at all… I'm happy."
"I even ate chicken recently… N-Now there's no one hitting me either… M-My siblings are all amazing too… hic! I-I'm really okay……"
The chat flared up again at my trembling words, scared by how quickly everyone's attitude had changed.
"B-Back then it was like that… Now everyone treats me well."
I just sniffled after saying that. Even though I was a small streamer, I had hoped they'd like me. I wanted that back-and-forth WWE-style banter, but I only felt more depressed.
'Still, let's find meaning in having come this far.'
I muttered that to myself and waved at the camera, tightly gripping the box cutter in my hand out of anxiety.
"E-Everyone… I'll be going now……"
Various speculations ran rampant. Since I didn't want to become a liar, I firmly denied it. The two most common suspicions were that I didn't know what RP was and that I wasn't pitiful. After directly addressing those two doubts, I decided to end the stream and explained while carefully holding the box cutter.
"I-It's not RP…? I-I'm not pitiful……"
I smiled with pride, but those people probably didn't even see it. I quickly lowered the corners of my mouth and ended the stream.
"Huaa…!!"
As the tension washed away, I finally felt like I could breathe again.
After Suhyun's stream ended, her cam in the community became a hot potato, with bait rolling around everywhere.
[I came in thinking I'd ask about her panty color while she was all smiles, but my heart felt like it was being torn apart. (Video) Isn't this too pitiful… I really couldn't watch anymore so I just turned it off and left, but this is RP, right? That's what this is?]
[(Video) Please come to your senses (┬┬﹏┬┬)(┬┬﹏┬┬)(┬┬﹏┬┬)(┬┬﹏┬┬)(┬┬﹏┬┬) She ended the stream hugging a box cutter at the end, she didn't actually self-harm after turning off the stream, right? Isn't this channel going to get suspended?]
[I don't care if hyung is a mentha or whatever, I just want to hear him crying and screaming while playing EoW with that super cute voice. If donations were open I'd make him play right away. 'Euhuk, th-thank you for the money' while doing it immediately]
Various reactions exploded across the community. While browsing through them, Minwoo smacked his forehead and fell into shock.
"…Haa, what do we do about our noona."
The fact that he couldn't save her pierced his heart and tormented him. Their dad had rotted in prison for a few years, received a restraining order, and now they didn't even know how he was living. Even though their ties were completely severed, Suhyun, still shackled by violence, couldn't escape that gap. Thinking that Minwoo and Jiwoo might have ended up the same way made his chest ache even more. It felt as if Suhyun was enduring the pain that should have been his to bear.
"I'll save you, noona."
While replaying the stream in his dorm, Minwoo quietly muttered that and fell asleep.
Lying in bed, I watched my teacher's stream. Once it ended, I planned to report what happened today and get her evaluation. I also wanted to receive a bit of Vtuber lessons.
"…I wonder if she'll be shocked."
While saying that, I entered the stream and watched my teacher's broadcast.
[Huh? Lewd pics? No thanks. Mine are even worse……]
[Oh right, my crush is watching the stream? The way she streams while making broth is so sweet.]
My teacher spoke with a virtual expression of contempt. I tried my best to copy her every action by writing them down in my notebook.
"Y-When lewd requests come in, show contempt… memo."
I felt proud, as if I was finally studying properly. The stream continued like that for about two hours. Since it was a light stream with drawing and talking combined, I could watch without burden.
[Well then, see you tomorrow.]
"It's over."
[May a rainbow await you tomorrow! Bye bye!]
The stream ended with those words. My face was reflected on the now black screen. Feeling like I might get depressed, I quickly moved from the bed to the computer. Then I immediately went into Discord and sent a message to my teacher.
[vam: Teacher, sorry to bother you when you're busy, but do you have a moment?]
"If not, it can't be helped… Don't get hurt, Suhyun."
After muttering that and comforting myself, I waited for my teacher's reply. Not long after, her message arrived.
[Mizuame Akari: Yes! What is it?]
I flinched in surprise and quickly replied.
[vam: Vtuber training]
[Mizuame Akari: T-Training?!]
[vam: I have questions about being a Vtuber, and I'd like to get feedback while watching the replay]
[vam: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry]
"Hik… I-I made another mistake……"
An unintended typo. That typo that sounded like I was introducing myself made me tremble.
[Mizuame Akari: Stop! Don't cry, it's okay, people make mistakes too.]
As if she knew I was about to cry, she immediately called me.
"Hello……"
[Yes, unni! Do you need help?]
"Y-Yes… I-I have a question……"
While saying that, I sent her my replay. It was only about fifteen minutes long.
[What's this?]
"C-Could you watch this video and answer my question?"
[Of course! I'll watch it right away! I needed a break from work anyway.]
After saying that energetically, my teacher started watching my replay. Not long after—
[Huu… Unni, you're pitiful… Unni, you're so pitiful……]
"Teacher?!"
[Call me Haram……]
My teacher started sniffling.