The Camera Turns On
Cam (2) For a long while, I watched the massive blob of fat—no, my teacher's half-cam video. "…I don't know about nobodies like me, but this is how famous people burn up, huh." As expected, compared to my pathetic self, our teacher was incredible. To think I almost became friends with someone this amazing. Just imagining it made my stomach clench. Memories of my school friends surfaced, and I let out a rough breath before slamming my head onto the desk. -Thud! "…I'll just keep holding the knife." Saying that, I gripped the cutter knife again. Even while thinking there was truly no saving me, the moment the blade was in my hand, my heartbeat magically slowed. "Huuu…." I felt like I was going insane. The wounds from the past kept carving new ones into me. I couldn't resist them. But I couldn't accept them either. I could only beg for them to stop while getting hurt. I was sinking. It felt like I was sinking into a deep, dark place. Then, at that moment— -Ding! "……."
Someone grabbed me by the collar as I sank and pulled me back up. "…I should reply." Deciding to answer that person, I stood up and wiped my tears. My forehead stung, but I ignored it and typed a message.
I think I could do it too. '…I lied.' Honestly, it was a lie. Even if I turned on half-cam, no one would be happy to see me, and it probably wouldn't draw much aggro either. But still, I wanted to try. Something I wanted to do. Even if no one was watching, couldn't I at least take one step forward? It would just be another story that ended with me getting hurt again. Who would care if one more scratch appeared on an already scarred body? "…Let's try." Even if I didn't think I could, I decided to give it a shot.
After that, my teacher taught me how to set up the camera, and I wrote it all down.
For a second I thought I'd crossed a line and almost prostrated myself in apology. But when my teacher said I was cute, I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. "…Watch what you say, watch what you say." I'd promised myself not to say anything that would hurt the other person, yet I'd blurted out something weird. "…I should review the camera setup again." Muttering that, I began carefully reading the video my teacher sent three times to set up the camera. Just then, a terrifying sound echoed through the quiet room. -Ding-dong~ "…!!" The moment I realized someone was standing in front of our house, cold sweat started pouring down. Still, I had to stay calm. I slowly limped toward the front door. I held my breath. It felt like I absolutely couldn't let them know I was inside. "Delivery~" "…Hic!?" I'd been so tense, but the deliveryman's casual "Delivery~" made me jump. Startled, I stepped on a plastic bag lying on the floor and fell spectacularly. -Crash! "Urgh!?" I fell forward and caught myself with my arms. My scarred arms slammed straight into the floor, sending waves of pain through me. "…Khh…! Haa… It hurts…!!" Groaning in agony, I still managed to reach the front door. "P-Please just leave it at the door." I gathered my courage to speak, but there was no reply—maybe the deliveryman hadn't heard me. I tried again, raising my voice. "P-Please leave it at the d—Hngh…!?" I bit my tongue. As another wave of pain hit and my face twisted, my phone vibrated. -Buzz. I pulled it out of my pocket and checked.
"Huh…?" A message so hollow it felt meaningless had arrived. "…Then what was I even doing?" Muttering that, I opened the door, dragged the two boxes inside, and stared blankly at the package left in front of the entrance. "Hic…!" A wave of sorrow hit me. "I-I worked up the courage though……." My throat, which had been starting to feel okay, swelled up again.
Sniffling, I followed the video to set up the stream. I found an angle where my face wouldn't show and positioned the camera. After roughly setting up the temporary lighting that came with it, the screen looked decent enough. "…It's a bit messy." One problem was that the surroundings were a little dirty. But the solution was simple, so I got moving right away. "Heavy…!" The solution was to push the trash toward the front door myself, even if it was a bit heavy. Since no one would be coming over anyway, this was fine. It also made the livable space a little bigger—two birds with one stone. "Ugh." -Crash…… I lost strength in my legs while moving the trash and fell, but in the end I managed to move everything. "Huu… So tiring……." Still, I felt proud. I was surprised all over again at how spacious the room looked without trash. Of course, moving this much after not moving at all left me exhausted, so I had to rush to the bathroom. "Ugh…!!" How had I run around doing manual labor as a kid? How had I worked overnight shifts at the factory? I hugged my weakened self and wrestled with the toilet for a while. About five minutes later— "…My precious chicken." Feeling guilty for throwing up such precious food, I flushed and returned to my desk. The screen showed a much cleaner room. Only the desk and a bit of the floor were visible, but whatever. I waved my hand enthusiastically under the camera. "…The lighting's a little distracting, but it's still okay." A smile almost formed, so I quickly pulled the corners of my mouth down with my fingers. All preparations were complete. Now all that was left was to start streaming. "Content……." Feeling like I needed some kind of content, I looked around and remembered that provocative content was trending lately. Right on cue, I spotted the most provocative item nearby. "…The all-purpose solution." Just for today. Only today, and then I'd gradually cut back— That thought dominated my mind, but— "G-Get a grip…!" Remembering that Jiwoo and Minwoo might be watching the stream, I shook my head and looked away from the knife. "…Endure. I have to endure." I hugged myself and soothed myself that it was okay. Like that, I turned on the stream. Soon, countless people began to pour in.
Thanks to the rumors that spread on the community from the last stream, I already had some followers. The moment I started, a few more people came in. -?? -What is this, cam? I thought you were doing a vtuber debut. -lol Doing a half-cam stream before even debuting. Fifteen viewers entered right as the stream started. Watching them react with surprise as they joined, I greeted them in a cracked voice. "…H-Hello……."
People immediately started asking about my voice. I answered while shrinking into myself. "…B-Because I cried." -??? -It hurts to see you shrinking like that. The viewers chatted comfortably among themselves. My body was still the only thing visible on half-cam—arms out of frame, only up to my chest showing.
"…C-Cutting board." -Oh, she's about to cry. She got hurt. -lololol -That's hilarious -Probably has a smaller chest than me (deleted) Chat messages kept popping up. I glanced at them, then slowly raised my hand and waved. "Nice to meet you all." The moment I lifted my hand, the chat exploded.
I tilted my head at the chat. "…I-Is there something wrong with my hand…?" I quickly lowered my hand again and asked. The chat started panicking.
They asked while denying reality. RP? I felt like I'd seen that word while skimming vtuber stuff, but I didn't know exactly what it meant, so I asked. "R…P… What's that? I-I've heard of it." -Damn -lololololol -I'm losing it -…You're not actually self-harming, right? Right? -Don't sound like you're about to cry, just tell usㅠㅠㅠ "Huu… I-I'm not supposed to self-harm…?" When I asked that, the chat panicked. I looked at the chat and muttered quietly. "…I-It feels good though. A-A little should be fine, right……." The moment I said that, the chat exploded.