Chapter 42
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Translator: Silver Dragon
Chapter: 42
Chapter Title: Everyday Life
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[Real Madrid crushes Granada 5-0.]
[Jesus Joo achieves a hat-trick against Granada, fulfilling his prophecy.]
[Jesus Joo named to Ballon d'Or 30-man shortlist—what are his chances of winning?]
[The biggest obstacle to Jesus Joo's Ballon d'Or? Youssoufa Moukoko, who led Germany's World Cup triumph!]
[Jesus Joo, who led Real Madrid to La Decimaquinta, vs. Youssoufa Moukoko, who oiled up the rusty tank to herald the revival of Germany's Panzer legions]
This is one 'The Football' Jesus should take.
For real lol. The man is football incarnate—he has to take it!
Go for it! Ballon d'Or, let's go!!
Damn, the national pride hype is off the charts.
I quietly closed the community tab.
Word was spreading in Korean communities that I was "doing a Jesus."
Apparently, it's a term used for giving off-base answers with a middle-school edgelord vibe.
Well, whatever. This is the life of a superstar.
Knowing how to revel in people's envy and jealousy is the mark of a true superstar, right?
I posted that sentiment straight to SNS.
Superstar life.
Too easy for me.
Because I'm 'The Football' Jesus.
Wtf, is this dude still in middle school mode?
Oh! Adorable Jesus, marry me!
Sorry, but the only ones worthy of my love are football, Yu-na, and the child we're expecting soon.
Ugh! Can't handle this. Bro, you're too cringey!
This is hilarious af lol. Even foreigners are spamming vomit emojis now lmao.
Is this the global village? Lmao.
After recovery training, we gathered at the shoot location for the EA SPORTS FC 40 player stats review requested by EA Games.
FIFA wasn't thrilled about Real Madrid filming an EA SPORTS FC player stats review.
But the great Real Madrid—once nearly sanctioned by UEFA for refusing PC platform support—dropped this legendary line: "FIFA, stick to your own business. This is the club's affair. Don't meddle in club matters." And with that, they accepted EA's terms and started filming content.
Honestly, FIFA has nothing to say.
Why's FIFA bitching when it's not even UEFA? And it's a game they made and released.
Buggy piece of trash no one plays, and they want us to make content out of it? Where's their shame?
Anyway, 18 years was a good run for FIFA.
Time to eat humble pie and renegotiate with EA. Still can't fathom why the federation thought they could develop a game.
Shooting prep wrapped up before we knew it.
The young female host, sitting across from us players, kicked things off.
"Look at the card's stats and guess the player. First one up—who is it?"
The moment I saw the card, I gave my honest take.
"First off, with physicals in the 40s, this is utterly unusable as a player card. Total garbage."
I could feel Luka Savić's glare sharpen at my words.
But honestly, you don't use your own card in games either because it sucks.
Maybe because I fired the first shot?
We ripped into each other's cards without mercy.
"Jejeje, you can tell at a glance this weakling is Luka."
Luis García mocking Luka Savić's physical play.
His card came up next.
Luka Savić, fuming, fired back.
"No clue who this is, but way too slow. I wouldn't touch it. Is this even a footballer? Even a pig would outrun it."
I piled on after Luka.
"Personally, I think this player's passing is overhyped. I'd peg it at around 70. EA needs to tweak these stats."
Luis's face turned beet red with rage.
"Puta! You bastards!"
Before long, the player-guessing content devolved into a roast fest.
And then, the card to end the war appeared—mine.
"Clear from the defense stat that this guy's zero help to the team on that end."
"Luka's speaking for me. And that 99 shooting? Unbelievable! Hasn't EA checked how many water rockets this scum's fired off my perfect passes?"
Ha. Look at these salty bastards go.
Real Madrid 1 : 0 Valencia
15th minute of the first half.
Wow, is this really the Luka Savić we know? So tough!
Who's that guy? Is that our diver Luka?
Whoa, holding his ground on that foul and keeping the ball.
A foul that would've sent old Luka tumbling, but he fights through and passes to Luis García!
Luis García calmly sheds the defenders and lays it off to Jesus Joo!!
Jesus Joo! Shoots... no, to Roberto Fabian ski!! Fabian ski shoots... no, back to Jesus Joo!!
Jesus Joo takes the return pass! Valencia keeper's off-balance! Eyes the opposite corner and shoots!!!!! GOOOOOOAL!! Jesus Joo bags his 4th league goal!
Fuck... insane.
Feels like 2000s Barcelona. Goddamn good.
Real Madrid too strong! Two goals in just 15 minutes!
What’s scarier than the goals is Real Madrid’s composure and poise!
Calmly passing to teammates with better chances in front of goal!
Overseas press calls Real Madrid's play so precise it's like clockwork. Spot on—they're surgically scoring.
Match Result
Real Madrid 5:1 Valencia
Goals: Jesus Joo (6', 15', 28'), Roberto Fabian ski (45', 67') : João Mário (89')
[Real Madrid dominates Valencia away 5-1.]
[Unstoppable Real Madrid attack! Reviving the legendary Galácticos 1.0 tactics!]
[Real Madrid's 2-2-4-2 formation traps and thrashes Valencia.]
[Valverde shrugs off reporter's risk concerns: "What's the issue? Our defense has world-class keeper Ter Stegen and Madrid's iron duo, Vladimir Radojičić and Sergio Pepe. Even if they concede, we've got the God of Football Jesus Joo and zealot Roberto Fabian ski. One goal against? Jesus hats it, Fabian ski multis. Boom—5-1 like today."]
[Fullback-turned-wing Rafael Obrador: "Mid-counter, about to track back, and the gaffer yells, 'Drop below halfway and you're in the reserves!!' Felt weirdly freeing not worrying about defense."]
[Other fullback wing Alejandro Jiménez: "Got to watch Jesus Joo closer. Honored to assist his goal."]
[Jesus Joo on tactics: "Gaffer asked if it'd work. I said, 'I'm the tactic.' He slotted the lineup right in."]
[Jesus Joo addendum: "Never dreamed he'd take it seriously. Gotta stop joking with the manager."]
I quietly watched Yu-na dive into her new hobby. Despite her due date looming, the baby was growing healthily in her belly without issues.
She lay demurely in bed, glued to her smartphone playing FM.
To film YouTube videos, she'd dipped into Football Manager—one of the big three devil games—and turned into a hardcore FM addict.
"What about this player, Yanuza?"
Whenever curiosity struck mid-game, she'd look up from her phone and quiz me, the football expert, on prospects. I'd judge precisely if they'd make top-flight or not.
"Him? No pedigree at all. Prospect acting money-hungry with a busty older girlfriend to boot."
"Busty girlfriend!! Total scum no roots!!"
Yu-na flipped at the weird part and released the prospect on the spot.
Watching her, I wondered: Is FM that fun?
Then I recalled self-help books saying couples sharing hobbies make happier homes.
With light heart—real FM's gotta be more fun than game FM, right?—I enlisted the neighbor grandpa's help to probe buying an English lower-league club.
"Kekeke—great idea! Short on capital? I'll chip in."
"Cash is fine. Low-tier buyout. Oh, and loan some La Fábrica prospects over."
[Real Madrid's Jesus Joo enters takeover talks for England's National League (5th tier) Colchester United.]
[Jesus Joo: "If the takeover succeeds, I won't skimp on investment."]
Thinking about it, I know the future—why haven't I run a club till now?