Chapter 26
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Translator: Silver Dragon
Chapter: 26
Chapter Title: Knock Knock, Tax Collection Time - 2
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League Round 31
Real Madrid vs Espanyol
Jesus Joo returns from suspension after 7 games. The Madridistas' love for him is still burning hot.
"Jesus!!"
While Jesus Joo was out, Real Madrid managed a dismal 2 wins, 1 draw, and 4 losses. From the fans' perspective, it was the kind of performance that left them missing him desperately. Things got so bad that "Valverde OUT" banners even appeared.
Can Jesus Joo score on his return from suspension in League Round 31? Can Real Madrid escape their losing streak? The referee's whistle blows, and Madrid kicks off.
The pitch felt strangely wondrous after so long away.
Ahead of the match, the players began warming up.
The stadium announcer called out the names of Madrid's starting lineup.
No. 18, the Returned El Madrid!! Jesus!!
As the announcer called my number last, the Madridistas cheered my nickname.
"El Madrid!! Jesus!!"
Feeling playful, I approached them and spread my arms wide.
"Ooh-! Hala Madrid! El Madrid is back!"
"El Madrid who'll bring victory to Madrid! Jesus!"
They began chanting their support song like devout believers facing their god.
"El Madrid! Bring us victory!"
"El Madrid! Etch a shining history for us!"
"El Madrid! Forever! Forever! Shine brilliantly!"
The cheers echoed through the Santiago Bernabéu.
Thump-
My heart started pounding.
5th minute of the first half
I received a pass from Luka, and jeers poured from the Espanyol away fans.
"Booooooooooo-! The stench of that filthy Korean is wafting all the way here!"
Our home fans, the Madridistas, mocked the Espanyol supporters in return.
"Offer your tithes to our god right now, you Catalan atheists!"
"Ooh- Jesus, our god, our eternal Madrid!"
As they traded jeers and cheers, I passed the ball to Luis, got it back, shook off a defender,
and curled it in with my left foot.
The ball grazed the keeper's gloves and rippled the net.
Clang-
A massive roar shook the Santiago Bernabéu.
I sprinted to the corner flag where the Real Madrid stands were, performing my trademark cross celebration.
"Believe in Him without doubt!"
"Dios del Madrid, Jesus!!"
"He has finally returned to the Santiago Bernabéu."
"He bestows God's grace upon Madrid."
"Madrid's enemies cower and bow their heads in fear!"
The hymns resounded.
"O God, bless Madrid with victory!"
[Real Madrid 1: 0 Espanyol]
Whoa, goosebumps all over.
What the hell is Jesus hyung to the Madridistas?
I live in Madrid, for real—he's untouchable, sacred.
Another local here? Lol.
Sigh. If you don't believe it, come to Madrid and yell "Jesus Gilipolla, Puta Madre" yourself.
Next day, you'll be floating down the Manzanares River.
Wanna go watch live so bad. Jesus hyung is so damn cool.
Even live tickets need luck, ffs.
This Jesus Joo prick, who knows when he'll get suspended again.
Last time I took vacation, booked flights to see Jesus hyung, then this asshole gets 7-game ban. My head still hurts.
Lol, Jesus so he's Jesus?
[40th minute first half. Sergio Pepe tackles and wins the ball.]
Ooh counterattack go!!
[41st minute first half. Luis García lofts a pass to Jesus Joo]
[41st minute first half. Jesus Joo chips the keeper and scores. 26th league goal.]
Kiaaaaaaaa! Lord Joo!!!!
Insane! Asia's first La Liga top scorer incoming!!!
Fr, without suspension he'd have 50+. Crazy bastard;;
Jesus Joo >>> Neimar >>> Son Heung-min, agree?
Too early, no CL win yet.
Talking CL wins? Messi said his only successor is Jesus Joo, crazy or what.
Lip service bs~
12 games 26 goals looks shit? Lol.
Still La Liga. Less than Haaland's 18 in 12 EPL. Gtfo~
[42nd minute first half. Jesus Joo yellow card]
Wtf Jesus hyung what you doing!! That's not our bench!!
Crazy mf grabbing and shaking opponent's coach head;;
Yellow for that? Lol.
Lol that's Santiago Bernabéu, ref gives red he'll get lynched
[44th minute first half, Jesus Joo completes hat-trick]
Wtf UFO shot was insane.
Why'd God give that talent to such a guy?
Gal!! How dare you insult our Jesus hyung!!
Football Community (FC) declares: Attacks on Jesus Joo player = attacks on FC.
Who the hell are these guys?
Anyway, Jesus hyung subbed before second half probably.
Hattrick done, paid his wages.
After bagging a multi-goal brace, I bolted to the Espanyol bench and grabbed Usman Griezmann's head, yelling,
"Vamos!! Pay up the taxes!"
The Espanyol bench players stared at me dumbfounded, while Real Madrid players, with familiar looks, wedged between me and the coach.
As the Madrid lads dragged away my thrashing, hyped-up self, the ref approached with a weary expression and handed me the card.
"...Jesus, that's a yellow."
I got even more riled up at the sight of the yellow card.
"Vamos!!"
"Haa..."
I heard the ref sigh.
The whistle blew again, restarting play.
I stole the ball with efficient high press,
sprang up quickly, and smashed it hard.
Thwack-
The flustered keeper flailed, then the ball suddenly swerved, causing him to backpedal and collapse.
The ball tore into the net.
Pumped up, as I tried to charge the Espanyol bench again,
Madrid players swarmed and restrained me.
"Gaaah- Gotta celebrate!!!"
"Block him!! He's already got a yellow!!"
Gaaah- Let go of these hands right now!!
Full time.
Real Madrid 5 : 0 Espanyol
Goals: Jesus Joo (6', 41', 44'), Pedro Rodríguez (75'), Sergio Pepe (84')
Sub: Jesus Joo OUT, Pedro Rodríguez IN (65')
Yellows: Jesus Joo (42' first half), Sergio Pepe (85' second half)
"Jesus Joo is a half-assed player. He can only play 45 minutes for various reasons. If I were Valverde, I'd have shipped him out long ago. From a manager's standpoint, he's the worst kind of player. But in those 45 minutes he plays, he shows you the world's most beautiful football.
—Pep Guardiola—"
Post-match interviews.
"When the Madridistas sang my chant, I finally felt like I'd found where I belong. Hala Madrid."
"The one who uses me best is probably Coach Valverde. He respects and understands me."
"How to use Jesus Joo well? Easiest thing in the world. Just yell 'Go, and Goal.' And negotiate subs when he wants."
Stoic-faced Usman Griezmann storms out of press room. Lost the game and his manners.
"It's all Jesus Joo's fault. He corrupted us. Can't settle for normal celebrations anymore."
Madridistas to Espanyol team bus: "Unbelievers to hell!"
Real Madrid celebrates Galáctico era completion. "When we signed Jesus Joo, we saw him as the next-gen Galáctico core. But he pleasantly betrayed expectations and became the current core. Now we just enjoy the history he'll write."
Real Madrid announces completion of Jesus Joo Memorial Hall.
Title: Visited the New Jesus Joo Museum at Santiago Bernabéu. V-log
(This video produced with support from Real Madrid.)
Hello, U-fam. It's Yu-na, living the married life in Madrid.
Today I checked out the new Jesus Joo Memorial Hall at Santiago Bernabéu!
(Massive dome stadium)
It's huge, right!? They say it's the world's most expensive stadium!
Followed the arrows to the history hall.
Whoa, you can see donated jerseys from legendary Real Madrid players.
Kept walking along the path,
and ta-da-!
(Jesus Joo Memorial Hall)
It's got a mural of Jesus Joo doing his celebration. (My hubby looks so hot!)
Stepped inside carefully, and the marketing team lead came over with a kind explanation—super comfy listen!
(Madrid Marketing Lead Leticia)
She's a beauty with massive boobs. My husband stared right at them. (•̥́_•ૅू˳)
Guess I need to lay down the law in bed tonight ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ.
After that thorough explanation, I slowly looked around. It's still pretty empty, feels a bit hollow.
But it'll fill up soon, right?
While wandering, found something cool!
(Jesus Joo Card Museum)
Here are the yellow and red cards Jesus Joo's received.
Up close, they've got his signature too.
They say the Madrid marketing staff begged the horrified Jesus Joo to sign them!
(Groin-stomp red card signed)
This one's the red from Round 23 when he stepped on the opponent's groin.
(Racist coach lesson yellow signed)
This yellow's from grabbing the Espanyol coach's head last game.
And that's it for the Jesus Joo Museum V-log! See you next time! This has been U&I's Song Yu-na.
Bye U-fam~~
"All done?"
"Yeah~ Done. Thanks for coming with me."
"No biggie, what're you thanking me for."
(Someday, praying that man appears on U&I YouTube.)
"Jesus Joo is overhyped. He just plays football a tiny bit better than me."
What the fuck is this retard?