Chapter 25
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Translator: Silver Dragon
Chapter: 25
Chapter Title: Knock Knock, Here to Collect Taxes -1
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[Real Madrid approaches Mallorca striker Roberto Fabianks]
[Jesus: Lobby's a great player with Real Madrid DNA.]
Puta! You dirty bastard, where do you get off talking about DNA!
Me cago en tu puta madre.
Jejeje, cussing and running away. Just like next year's El Clásico preview.
The pathetic Culé escaped this time, but he can't run from Jesus.
Hala! Madrid! Hala Jesus!
[Barcelona expresses displeasure at Jesus's comments.]
Jejeje, Barcelona's my laugh button these days.
[Roberto Fabianks: 'If I could play with Jesus, I'd even tell the keeper to sit. Of course, any goals conceded would be the manager's fault.']
It's unfortunate, but it's time to let him go. He's always said he respects Jesus.
He's always been kind to fans and kids. Hope he does well at Real Madrid too.
Anyway, Culés flipping out over the DNA comment is pure comedy.
Even funnier? Jesus started his pro career at Barcelona. Jajaja.
[Real Madrid manager Valverde: 'I haven't taken a bullet to the head. I'm working on tactics for Fabianks and Jesus to coexist. Can't wait for him to join after the season.']
League Round 23
Real Madrid vs. Osasuna
Pre-match interview.
[Osasuna manager Luis De Gaulle: 'We've found a way to stop Jesus.']
[Real Madrid manager Valverde scoffs at Luis De Gaulle's words. 'Michael Tyson said it: Everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the mouth.']
League Round 23
First half, 15th minute
Real Madrid 2 : 0 Osasuna
A skinhead bald-headed defender launched a brutal tackle at my ankle. The moment he went for it, I urgently leaped up and landed by stomping on his thigh.
"Aaaagh-!"
Having played soccer for over 200 years, I've reached enlightenment. Now I can tell just by looking at a tackle if the bastard meant to fuck me up or not.
By this scientific judgment, it was clear the skinhead bastard had tackled me with intent to injure.
"Puta Madre!"
"Jesus, calm down!"
Luka Savić saw my expression and tried to calm me, but...
Drag—
How's a 170cm scrawny guy like Savić supposed to stop me? I dragged him along and closed in on the bastard, lightly crushing his groin while growling.
"You piece of shit, you couldn't score on my pinky toe in a lifetime. And you pull that dogshit tackle?"
"Gaaah!!!!"
Osasuna players exploded in rage at the skinhead's scream and charged over.
"Puta! What the hell are you doing, you bastard!"
As Osasuna players rushed in, Real Madrid players blocked them to protect me.
Tweet—!
In the end, the ref gave the skinhead a yellow card...
And handed me a red.
Damn, direct ketchup.
Go on a diet, you.
I flipped him off the potato, telling him to lose weight while eating fries.
[Jesus Joo is way too heated right now! He needs to calm down! What are the other Madrid players doing? Why's the tiniest guy, Luka Savić, trying to hold him back?!]
[Is that the thrilling height difference?]
[Is this the time for jokes?! Luka Savić is trying but it's hopeless! And uh... yeah. Camera's switching away quick.]
Jesus Joo's a madman;;; Dude ain't even human. How do you stomp there?
Shut your mouth!! Don't trash our Lord Jesus!!!
You win that chicken event last time?
Yeah, too sweet lol. But why does Jesus bro think chicken's 50k won?
Includes delivery lololol
[Oh! Jesus Joo gets the red and leaves the pitch at the 15-minute mark.]
Did I see wrong? Why'd he flip off the ref with a french fry?
Someone said he married Song Yu-na and turned over a new leaf?
For real? That's a new leaf?
[There's this internet saying lately: The only way to stop Jesus Joo is himself. Might be true. He's now got his 4th career red card.]
[In 11 games, 4 reds for Jesus Joo. Wonder how many cards by retirement.]
Season: 11 games, 24 goals, 4 reds. Human?
24 goals inhuman, 4 reds also inhuman;;
How do you get 4 reds in 11 games?;;
Match End
Real Madrid 2:1 Osasuna
Goals: Jesus (4', 12') : Gabriel (86') (Osasuna)
Red Card: Jesus (15')
League Round 23
Post-match interview.
[Osasuna manager Luis De Gaulle: 'Plan worked. Just bad luck.']
[Real Madrid manager Valverde: 'If Jesus hadn't dodged, it'd have been a disaster. This was premeditated assault on Jesus.']
[Osasuna manager Luis De Gaulle: 'I told them to rile him up, not murder tackle.']
[Madridista throws Molotov at Osasuna bus: 'They tried to hurt El Madrid!']
Coming home pissed after the red card, Yu-na quietly approached, hugged me, and comforted me.
"Jesus, you okay? Those Osasuna bastards went too far, right?"
Holding her in my arms melted away my irritation like snow.
"Wasn't okay, but seeing you fixed my mood right away."
Stroking her hair as I smiled, she grabbed my arm and dragged me to the bedroom.
"Hee— I'll make you feel even better with extra service tonight! Come on, to the room!"
In the bedroom, Yu-na, like she'd been browsing HiTom or something...
"Here I goooo!!"
Belched out some weird line.
"Hngh—"
After we finished.
Smack—
I lightly kissed her cheek and asked,
"Yu-na."
"Yeah?"
"Where'd you learn lines like that?"
She pinched my cheek with a sly grin.
"Pops up on sites I visit on my laptop. Ugh, my Jesus, still watching that stuff? Just tell me from now on! Your big sis'll do whatever play Jesus wants."
I quietly closed my eyes.
Ah, so embarrassing.
But I couldn't miss this chance.
Biting back the shame, I asked Yu-na,
"...Sis, wear the bunny girl outfit."
"Hmph. Only call me sis now?"
I tackled the giggling, teasing Yu-na, and she playfully responded.
"Kyaa! Beast!"
[Jesus Joo returns to training after 7-game ban vacation. Espanyol match starter?]
The Spanish Royal Football Federation (RFEF) suspended Jesus Joo for 7 matches and fined him 4,500 euros (about 6 million won) for unsportsmanlike conduct, retaliation, and referee abuse in the Real Madrid vs. Osasuna match 8 days ago.
After the ban announcement, Jesus Joo—who'd requested vacation from Real Madrid—returned to training at Valdebebas yesterday, as posted on Real Madrid's official site.
Returning brighter than expected, all eyes are on whether he'll start in the league Round 31 home match against Espanyol the day after tomorrow.
Jesus really insane;; Game's day after tomorrow and he joins today? Real?
Probably sitting this round out?
Yeah. Better hit the hay early.
Check lineup before bed just in case.
Unless manager took a headshot, no way he starts a guy who just returned. Benched for sure;;
Could sub in, so I'll check lineup before sleep.
League Round 31
Real Madrid vs. Espanyol
Pre-match interview.
[New Espanyol manager Usman Griezmann speaks on Jesus: 'He's like a tax bill. No stopping the cards.']
[Real Madrid Valverde: 'Can't even pay that tax? Shows the level of a lowlife racist.']
[Breaking: Real Madrid starting lineup revealed]
Ter Stegen
Rafael Obrador
Vladimir Rajović
Sergio Pepe (C)
Alejandro Jiménez
Antony Rodríguez
Luis García
Luka Savić
Iker Bravo
Jesus Joo
Bruno Iglesias
Jesus bro starting ;;
Starting him? Manager got shot in the head?
Jesus bro must have manager's sex tape. Begs for sub during game, vacation— and manager grants it all. Valverde's a bodhisattva?
Valbodhisattva lol
Thought 2W1D4L was trash without Jesus, but seeing his antics, Val's a saint;;
If Valbo leaves, Jesus'll unhappy post at Real;;
[Lineup reminder: Jesus bro hasn't hit community lately?]
Come drop some chicken!
Why only me no chicken!!!
-Account
xxxxxx-xxxxx KB Bank. Thanks bro!
18 won? Fake ass, die?
Lol got baited.
Account.
Not biting, retard.
Don't want it then.
xxxxxx-xxxxxx Nonghyup. Bro send even 18 won pls!
Enjoy your meal.
!!! Thanks bro, eating well!
Scamming together now? Not falling for it.
[Proof. He's really here.]
(50,000 won deposit receipt)
Thanks. Eating well watching Espanyol game today.
-Alright.
Why no chicken for me!!!
You said no.
True;; Me too pls;;
Too late gtfo.
Drop your account! I'll send!
Who the hell are you!
I'm Song Yu-na?
If you're Yu-na I'm Jesus you prick.
No means no, why curse? Thwack!
Noona pls send. xxxxxx-xxxxx Nonghyup.
Eat well and always cheer for our Jesus (￣▽￣)
!!! Thanks noona, eating well!!!
No way, for real?
Need proof?
Don't prove it, my stomach hurts lol.
Bummer, noona knows chicken price, got 30k
Clapping for your personality complaining about that.
[Lol earned 80k a day from comms.]
Jealous? Upvote.
Upvotes: 1 Downvotes: 324
Lol jealous downvotes ugly af
Your self-downvote ugly too
Game starting, stop fighting and watch.