Chapter 27
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Translator: Silver Dragon
Chapter: 27
Chapter Title: La Decimoquinta -1
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Rude Questions from Chinese Reporters to Jesus: "Why Didn't You Join the Asian Cup? Were You Afraid of Losing to China?"
Jesus: "Taiwan Number One"
Jesus Explains Political Remark: "I Thought He Was a Taiwanese Reporter."
FIFA and RFEF Joint Statement: "Jesus's Comments Are Not an Issue."
Whoa. I figured FIFA was sucking up China's money and would definitely punish Jesus bro.
Jesus bro has insane global popularity. They can't just punish him lol
Last time the Spanish FA gave Jesus bro a 7-game ban, Madrid match viewership tanked and they shat bricks lololol
Furious Chinese Public Opinion: He Shouldn't Play in the World Cup!
Jesus: "You Guys Aren't Even in the World Cup Anyway."
Lolololol this bro roasts so hard
It's true but why does it piss me off so much when he says it? Lol
China Declares "No Jesus" – Boycotts All Jesus-Related Merchandise.
Jesus on Boycott News: "I Like China. Seeing Them Makes Me Feel Like a Great Man."
Deadpan Jesus: "We Don't Play Soccer Anyway, So Boycott If You Want."
China NT Player Feng Xiaoting: "Jesus Is Overhyped. He Just Plays a Tiny Bit Better Than Me. His Salary Proves It."
Jesus: "True. My Salary Is Similar to Some No-Name Player Called Feng Xiaoting. Looking at His Pay, He Must Be Pretty Good Too."
This is him asking for a raise, right?
Lmao this madman lololol
Real Madrid Enters Contract Renewal Talks with Jesus.
Jesus Before Salary Talks: "Jeez, I Wasn't Asking for a Raise or Anything, Geez."
Look at that face. Makes me wanna punch him lololol
Jesus After Salary Talks: "Hala Madrid, My Heart Is in Madrid."
? Attitude switch wtf?
Local Madrid fans' support must've tanked. No roots, just money-grubbing tsk tsk
......? We know you don't live in Madrid anyway.
......Support didn't tank?
I said it before. He's untouchable.
Local fans are like "Thanks for the renewal!" right now.
So how much is the salary?
800 million. So jealous ffs;;
Jesus bro! Toss some more chicken in the community!
Title: It's Soccer Player Jesus Joo.
First 200 get chicken.
Leave your account number.
And why didn't you say chicken costs 30,000 won?
Always cheering for you, bro. xxxx-xxxx Nong* Bank. Enjoy, bro!
xxxx-xxxx Gi* Bank. Enjoy, bro!
No chicken for short thanks. GTFO
Bro!?
Subbed to Yu-na's YT?
Did it, bro!
Sent. Eat up.
Thanks, bro!
Title: 3 Reasons Why Jesus Bro Is the GOAT of All Time.
1. Whining for a raise.
2. Transferred Barca -> Real in 1 season.
3. Tossing chicken in soccer community
Lololol this dude didn't get chicken lolol
Fml why drop chicken during my sleep time!!!
Sleeping at 2pm on a weekday?;;
Title: Sad. Jesus Bro Realized Chicken Costs 30k Won.
Only 30k came in via banking.
Real talk. Community's got mad class.
You kept your mouth shut too lol
Lol king move. 50k would've been too sweet.
Life's unchanging truth: the more, the better.
Ram is good the more you have.
Money is good the more you have.
Anything is good if you have more.
So today, I fired up the stock app and dove into the market.
"Jesus. Google is only this price? Gotta buy now."
Through repeated loops, I've gained enlightenment.
Namely, the Nasdaq is God.
After some serious shopping in the stock market,
I gazed at my belly-filling portfolio and reorganized my plans.
Now, buy the Powerball that breaks the all-time jackpot record four years from now.
Then, short the World Financial Crisis seven years out, suck up the profits, and flip to long.
I have to end the regression this loop, no matter what.
Of course, besides inflating my assets, I'm diligently preparing for the World Cup too.
My World Cup semifinals plan goes like this.
Run a soccer academy, scout talented prospects, send the gems abroad.
Collect them one by one, then at age 33 in the Argentina World Cup, unleash the Spirit Bomb! Perfect success.
Last loop ended in utter destruction with a Round of 16 exit.
But this loop is different. Feels good.
Even uncovered the hidden quest and softened the conditions.
Feels like heaven's on my side.
So.
Work, Kim Doo-sik.
"Doo-sik bro, how's the soccer academy? Got the kids coming to Madrid for study abroad?"
[...Jesus. Bro landed in Korea today.]
I know. That's why get to work the second you land.
You weren't planning to rest, were you?
While I was suspended and on vacation, Los Blancos got knocked out brutally in the Copa del Rey semis but shook it off for a fresh start.
They were prepping for the UEFA Champions League quarterfinal first leg against Liverpool at the Santiago Bernabéu.
Having to play league matches and then another game just three days later, everyone looked exhausted.
But their diligent training was a sight to behold.
"Damn! What the hell is Jesus's sunbed bullshit?"
Of course, I was a separate case.
I'd gotten the day off from the manager.
Thanks to that supportive interview for him last time, he granted it without fuss.
Slurp slurp-
"What? I'm supervising to make sure you guys train properly."
Lounging on the sunbed, slurping the fresh fruit juice Yu-na had lovingly blended from veggies and fruits this morning, I replied.
Then Luis García, Sergio Pepe, and Luka Savić—guys I'm tight with—started chiming in.
"Asshole, why's everything you do so punchable?"
"If we punch that guy, the Madridistas will kill us."
"...If Sergio does it, maybe they'll go easy?"
"Better if you do it, Luka. They might think it's a joke."
As we bantered idly, Pepe's soul duo partner Vladimir Radojičić approached.
"Jesus, mind helping with some training?"
"Sure? What kind?"
Vladimir Radojičić, the Serbian infamous for his rag defense reminiscent of national team senior Nemanja Vidić,
"Want to try marking you 1v1."
I nodded at his request.
Was bored anyway. Time to loosen up.
Thus, the 1v1 showdown
was set amid bets from a crowd of spectators,
and,
"All in on Jesus winning."
I colluded with Vladimir Radojičić.
"Split the pot?"
"Deal."
We attempted match-fixing.
"Whore! This is cheating!"
"Friend! Brilliant acting."
The duped guys grumbled unjustly, demanding money from ref Pepe,
but
"Sorry, no take-backs on bets."
Our fair Madridista Pepe shot down their pleas cold.
Kuhahaha, you idiots.
Thinking you can beat the house at the casino.
Once the bet wrapped and crowd dispersed,
Vladimir and I cautiously approached Pepe.
"Friend, great hosting."
"Hehehe, after retirement, entertainment industry it is. Pablo better brace for my debut."
We split the pot three ways and shook on it.
"Great partnership. Gotta head in now—wife's waiting at home."
"Friend, get home safe."
"Yeah, see ya. Oh, Vlad, next time for practice partner!"
I waved them off, left the training ground, and headed home.
"Uh... Jesus, this outfit's kinda embarrassing."
And when I got home, Yu-na was in a bunny girl costume with an awkward look!
"Jesus Fucking Christ!!"
Liverpool FC Manager Klopp: "Shutting Down Jesus Will Decide This Match."
Real Madrid Manager Valverde: "Having Jesus Puts My Mind at Ease. With the Big Ears this season, We'll Avenge 16 Years of Pain."
Before the players entered,
Since achieving La Décimocuarta (14th title) in 2022, Real Madrid fans, starved for Champions League glory for 16 years, began chanting desperately.
"History that you made, history yet to make"
"No one resists your thirst to conquer"
"The stars emerge in my old Chamartín"
"From far and near, you brought us here"
"I wear your shirt, close to my heart"
"The days you play are all I am"
"The arrow flies, my Madrid attacks"
"I am fight, I am beauty, the cry I learned"
⟨ Hala Madrid Chant ⟩
Madrid, Madrid, Madrid, ¡Hala Madrid!
Y nada más, y nada más, ¡Hala Madrid!
[2038-2039 Champions League Quarterfinal 1st Leg at Real Madrid Home – Madridistas Chant for La Decimoquinta, the 15th UCL Title!]
♩♪♬♪♬
[Oh, Champions League theme plays, but home fans' cheers for Jesus Joo drown it out!]
"God of Madrid, Jesus!!"
"Lord, Grant Madrid the Glory of La Decimoquinta!"
Madrid, Madrid, Madrid, ¡Hala Madrid!
Y nada más, y nada más, ¡Hala Madrid!