Chapter 23
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 23
Chapter Title: Can't Even Afford Dukboks?
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???: A woman without even the money to buy Dukboks?
"Nom nom...."
"Hee hee... Oppa, you're eating so well...♥"
While Chae-eun diligently fed me Dukboks...
A loud commotion erupted from one corner of the shop.
"Fuck!!! Doesn't your love for me mean anything, noona???"
"No, Minsu... Please, calm down...."
Oh, fuck...
What kind of bullshit was this now?
In front of the display case lined with Dukboks and various other desserts, a couple was raising their voices.
A woman slightly taller than her short boyfriend faced him, both of their faces flushed red.
Naturally, I assumed the woman was the one yelling...
'Noona.'
The word rang out crystal clear.
This had to be the guy throwing the tantrum.
'Men in this world...'
Excluding Kim Cheolsu from the news articles, this was my first time encountering a real man.
Seeing one in the flesh... well...
'...Fucking disgusting?'
That was the exact feeling.
Crop top and short hot pants.
Balls practically bulging out, or maybe just an extreme Y-zone cameltoe...
'Ugh, fuck, wanna soccer kick that thing.'
I wanted to erase that pathetic little dick bastard right then and there.
But no justification... no way to lay hands on him.
If only there was something like "offends my eyes" as a crime...
'Once my cock gets famous enough to rival national power...'
If I could lock up all those S-rank super beauties on the verge of menopause in the hennery and hold a three-day policy summit for Korea's normalization♥...
Maybe they could pass some laws for me?
Of course... that was still far in the future.
-Slap!
A bursting sound that shattered my delusions in an instant.
It wasn't my cheek that got hit.
"...Fuck, you beggar bitch keeps talking back! Is buying fifty Dukboks really that hard????!!!!"
"...."
The ugly gay-dick bastard screamed, veins bulging in his neck.
The woman with her reddened cheek just listened pathetically.
'What the hell is this...'
No one around was stepping in...
Whether this was normal or they were just frozen from the sudden outburst, I couldn't tell.
"My buddy Jinseok's third wife doesn't just buy fifty Dukboks—she gets over two hundred, and you're... just disappointing."
"...Minsu."
"When did I ever say I was dumping you?? You're my second-wife candidate right now... so why are you acting like this?"
"...."
"Am I asking for a high-end custom PC? Or for you to buy me a house? Just fifty Dukboks feels like such a burden???"
No, but this fucker...
What??? Fifty Dukboks???
That means splashing a million won on Dukboks...?
Is that the mindset of a normal adult man?
"That's fucked up...."
"How could he...?"
Murmurs of disbelief rose from the surroundings.
Right?
This is how normal adults think...
That psycho is the abnormal one.
"What a pathetic woman, can't even buy her boyfriend Dukboks... Tsk tsk...."
"Back in my day... I gifted my boyfriend's third-wife candidate an apartment in Gangnam just to make the shortlist... these young girls today have no passion... no passion at all...."
...?
Was the world pulling a hidden camera prank on me?
This was... common sense?
"Hic...! Sob...!"
Tears finally burst forth.
The woman wept bitterly, ignoring her dust-covered knees.
"Ha... fucking ridiculous. What do you have to cry about??"
"Hic... Hn...."
Is he insane?
'Even so, is that how you talk to someone crying...?'
"Momsies?? Look at that bitch? Gets smacked for not having money for a guy and throws a fit like it's a big deal???"
"Right? Back in my day, getting off with just a slap was lucky... I took two hundred clit flicks?? Hurt for three days straight..."
'Agh... fuck, grandma... I didn't wanna know that shit...'
Seeing these fucked-up reactions, this seemed like the world's common sense.
'This shit... is common sense...?'
No way...
No way everyone lives with such rotten thoughts.
Chae-eun wouldn't... surely Chae-eun wouldn't.
I glanced at her anxiously.
"Ugh... hate seeing a woman cry like that... this is why broke bitches shouldn't date men...."
......
Even the Chae-eun I'd trusted hurled criticism at the crying woman.
'...'
Looks like I'm the only normal one in this world.
Before I could fully process it, the guy—Minsu or whatever—spoke to the woman in his disgusting voice.
"Noona... let's end it here."
"Hic... Sob...? W-what did you say??!"
"If you're like this, I can't make you my second wife."
"N-no...! I only have you... Minsu...."
"......Noona, other women are the same... They love and cherish a man like me more... but a woman who can't even buy Dukboks? Kinda meh for me too...."
"...."
This is fucked.
Listening to it made my blood boil.
Should I hold back?
....
Why the hell should I?
I'm way superior to that loser.
Stronger.
Bigger cock.
Way more cum.
"Hey, you fucking retard."
I couldn't hold it in and spat it out.
"...Who the fuck are you?"
Minsu looked pissed at my curse.
His scrunched-up face was even uglier.
'Already looks like shit... this is next-level disgusting.'
Why cling to a gay-dick bastard like that?
'At least Kim Cheolsu was kinda pretty...'
This guy looked worse than a rock tumbled in nature for decades.
Anyway... since he asked who I was... gotta answer.
"Uh... I'm the owner here, so why are you talking like such a dickhead?"
Ultimate move: "Preemptive Bullshit Victory"
Raising my status through lies.
A technique I used often in collectathon RPGs.
'You see? I'm here to help you, sir.'
Scammed so many items with it... can't even remember how many.
"L-lies! I've been here eating Dukboks tons of times...! No owner like you!"
Oh... this ugly-shit-gay-dick penguin has some brains...
So what.
What're you gonna do about it.
"Yeah, sure... shut up first and stretch your arms out straight."
"...? My arms?"
-Swoosh.
The obedient ugly-shit-gay-dick Minsu followed orders perfectly.
"Good boy... now bend both arms up over your head."
"Hmm... like this?"
With his ugly mug partially hidden, he was finally tolerable.
'Looks normal like this...'
Only after covering 80% of his face did Minsu look average.
"Now finally... wrap them tight around your head like you're protecting it."
-Squeeze...!
"Ugh... like this?"
"Yeah, good job."
"Heh... heh... I'm good at this stuff!"
'Agh fuck, Minsu you bastard.'
If he just kept his trap shut, I'd be less pissed.
....
'His face pisses me off whether he talks or not...'
A face like the human embodiment of hatred.
Good thing his scrawny arms were covering that shit visage.
'Kinda awkward pose though...'
Minsu had basically raised a guard position.
"Hey, Minsu."
"Ugh... but this fucker's talking down to me like we're close... ah...!"
Can't even hold a guard without whining like that?
At this rate, his body's gotta be 1% muscle, 70% fat, 29% bones...
Penguin bastard... no, penguins are at least cute.
"Minsu. I hate three things most in the world... guess what they are?"
"What the fuck 'hyung' bullshit are y...ou...!"
Aah... so that's it...?
Doesn't know...?
'Guess I gotta teach him.'
"First off. I hate people who treat others like shit."
"...."
Look at this fucker, no reaction?
"Phew... Second, I hate guys who treat women like shit. Especially slimy moss-covered rock-lookin' ugly bastards like you—makes it 200% worse."
"This fuck! You little shit... you done ta...lking, kuh... done?"
No, fuck, can't even hold guard long and keeps flapping his gums?
"Alright, calm down... now, after hearing that, guess what the last one is?"
"...."
Think hard, Minsu.
Answer's already set anyway.
"...Women who don't buy Dukboks?"
You fucking retard.
Think I'm one of you?
"Wrong. Wanna hear the right answer?"
"Kuh... Hoo... S-say it... then...."
Just from sound, Minsu seemed like someone grinding through intense training.
Reality: just holding guard...
"The answer is... I hate ugly fuckers who exploit and threaten women using love as an excuse."
"...."
"Who do you think that is?"
"...Who?"
'Who else.'
"You, you fucking shit."
Time to get beat by big bro today.