Could You Stay by My Side?

"Could you stay by my side…?"

Crash—!

"Guhk!"

Viviana seized Mardian by the collar, hoisted her into the air, and hurled her away. A violent impact twisted the carriage frame, and a groan tore from Mardian's lips.

"There were… knights outside, I'm certain of it…."

"Knights? And here I thought I was dealing with bandits."

Mardian glared at Viviana with eyes full of resentment. That was all she could manage. She had no means whatsoever of standing against Viviana.

Slowly, Mardian lowered her head—then suddenly lunged, both hands outstretched toward me. Unable to overpower Viviana, she meant to take me hostage instead.

I had to dodge. Yet the moment those savage red eyes that had just been violating me locked onto mine, terror locked my body solid.

"N-no…."

While I mumbled the wretched word, Mardian's hand was already reaching for my face. An instant before her fingers could touch me, a sudden gale slammed her body against the wall.

Mardian fainted without even a sound. As I stared blankly at the sight, a graceful hand extended before me.

"We're going home, Young Lady. Your mother is looking for you."

"V-Viviana…."

Viviana waited in silence. Desperate to escape the carriage at once, I grasped her hand and tried to rise—only for my legs to give out, sending me sprawling back onto the bed.

"U-ngh…."

Viviana's sudden appearance had startled me so badly I had forgotten the state of my own body. The meaningless thrashing earlier had already drained every scrap of strength; I was long past exhaustion.

‍‍‌‌⁠⁠‌‍‍‌⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠‌‌‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

With my senses returning, the drug's effects surged back. Heat bloomed through my flesh once more, and my breathing grew steadily more ragged. If I closed my eyes even for a moment, my reason would blur and I would faint.

Yet Viviana only watched me, still saying nothing. When my gaze met those quiet violet eyes, a thought struck me so hard my heart plummeted.

Viviana despised the weak. She never even spared them a glance; she simply cast them aside without mercy. What must she be thinking now, looking at me—someone who could not even stand on her own two legs?

Once I had been the one to abandon her. Now she could abandon me whenever she pleased.

"J-just a moment? I'm fine, r-really, I can get up right away…! Just a little…."

I forced a smile and tried to push myself up again. But no matter how frantically I willed my legs to move, I only collapsed limply onto the bed once more.

"Ugh—I-I'm perfectly all right…! I just… got startled for a second…."

The restless dread that Viviana's offered hand might vanish at any second seized my entire body. The thought of her leaving me alone here with Mardian terrified me beyond measure.

"…Haa."

A deep, weary sigh from Viviana.

Too late. I had fallen out of her favor.

She would leave me.

She would leave me here with Mardian and walk away.

My whole body began to tremble like an aspen leaf.

No.

Abandoned.

Abandoned again.

I had always been abandoned.

Alone again, again….

"Put your arms around my neck, Young Lady."

"Hyaak?!"

Viviana slid one arm beneath my legs and the other behind my back, lifting me into a princess carry. The sudden motion wrenched a high cry from my throat. As my body left the ground, instinct flung both arms around her neck.

Viviana gave a soft snort of laughter and stepped out of the carriage. The moment we left that foul, oppressive space, cool evening wind brushed my cheeks.

Trees surrounded us on every side. She must have left her horse in the middle of the forest. The realization that, without Viviana, I would have been trapped here as Mardian's plaything made me shudder all over again.

Viviana lifted me once more and settled me onto the horse she had ridden. She mounted behind me at once, one arm wrapping firmly around my waist while the other took the reins.

"Ready to go?"

I nodded weakly. I wanted nothing more than to leave this ‍‍‌‌⁠⁠‌‍‍‌⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠‌‌‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠disgusting place behind. Viviana nodded in return and gave the horse a gentle kick near the flank.

With a spirited snort the horse sprang forward. The sticky air was gone; only the cool, pure wind of the forest remained.

My body still burned with the drug's heat, yet the sense of safety loosened every taut muscle, and drowsiness rolled over me once more. Falling asleep on a galloping horse was out of the question, so I forced my drooping head up and fought the sleep.

"You can sleep. There's no chance you'll fall."

Viviana whispered the words against my ear.

Why?

Nothing should have been more dangerous than dozing on a running horse—yet the moment Viviana said it was all right, every worry melted away. In the end I closed my eyes gently within her arms.

Peace settled over a body that had been far too exhausted.

I fell asleep at once.

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

My mother was beautiful.

That was no empty flattery; everyone who saw her said the same. She was far more beautiful than any of the countless women who appeared inside the glowing square box.

Having inherited her looks exactly, I too received no small amount of praise for my appearance. Yet none of those compliments pleased me. They only filled me with revulsion.

Because the eyes that looked at me were the eyes that looked at a weak, gentle girl.

Pretty. Well-behaved. Lovely. She'll grow into such a proper young lady. Those were the praises they lavished on me without reserve. When I told them I was ‍‍‌‌⁠⁠‌‍‍‌⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠‌‌‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a boy, every one of them recoiled in shock.

Those compliments had been endlessly unpleasant and filthy, so afterward I grew my hair long. Once my face was hidden, no one approached me with kindness anymore.

Except for one person—my childhood friend.

Anyway.

My mother was extraordinarily beautiful. Yet nothing in this world lasts forever. After she gave birth to me and time passed, her appearance began to change little by little.

Even so, she remained beautiful. The brilliance had simply faded, replaced by maturity. Still she was more beautiful than any other woman.

Unfortunately, what Father wanted was not maturity but brilliance. The day he ran off with a younger woman made that plain enough.

After Father left, Mother sank into grief for a long while. Her once-lovely skin slowly ruined itself, and because she barely ate, her well-proportioned body wasted until only bone remained.

It was not only her looks.

As time went on, Mother's temper grew ever more vicious. At some point she began hurling coarse curses at me; some days she even seized me by the hair.

It seemed that every time she looked at me she saw Father. Knowing how much she was suffering, I wanted to understand her.

Then one day Mother came toward me with a golf club in her hands.

"If only you had never been born… I wouldn't have ended up like this…!! Why did you have to come into this world for no reason!!"

She screamed until her throat tore and beat me. After that the violence became routine. Every time she saw me she claimed Father's face rose before her, and she struck me with whatever object came to hand. Day after day the same violence continued, and my world gradually turned gray.

When my heart was guttering out almost every day and I could no longer remember what love even felt like—

a woman appeared in my life.

Tina.

Artasha Bland. A woman whose eyes shone far more brightly than those of the mother who had once been the most beautiful person in the world. A gentle woman who loved me enough to harm her own health, who melted my heart with a soft, kind voice.

A pitiful woman who never realized her own daughter had vanished and who had been deceived by a sweet lie.

Of course I knew her love was not truly meant for me. Even so I clung to her and acted spoiled. The way she looked at me, the affection she showed me, was so sweet I simply could not let her go.

But that was fine. Human beings are creatures covered in lies to begin with, are they not? Even if I was not Artasha's daughter, merely feeling her affection was enough to make me happy. And seeing how much brighter Artasha's expression had become, I was clearly doing a far better job of being her daughter than the real Tina ever had.

So, Tina.

Stay gone from now on.

Please never appear again.

You were the one who threw away Artasha's love with your own hands. Hand it over to me—I need it desperately.

"Tina."

Ah.

Mother's voice.

She is calling me.

That gentle voice that always called my name made a smile bloom naturally across my lips. When I slowly opened my closed eyes, Mother was stroking my hair with eyes full of affection.

"Tina… do you know how worried I was?"

"…I missed you, Mother."

At my words the woman's eyes widened with surprise. As always, she gazed at me lovingly with a beautiful smiling look.

"Honestly… you…."

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

"…are a hideous monster."

Thud—!

"…Huh?"

A searing pain like being branded by fire surged through my chest. Before I could even grasp what had happened, a fountain of bright-red blood sprayed from my mouth.

"Ulp?! Cough?!"

My trembling gaze dropped. A knife was buried in my chest. It was neither particularly sharp nor refined—just an ordinary kitchen knife. And the person gripping that knife was none other than Artasha.

Thud— thud— thud—!

"Cough?! Hahk! M-Mother! W-wait—!"

Artasha yanked the blade free and began stabbing every part of my body without the slightest mercy. Each time the knife sank in, my body convulsed as if in a fit.

"Shut up! Don't you dare call me Mother! My daughter—where is my daughter Tina?! Give Tina back to me!"

Throat, face, solar plexus, waist—without pause the hideous kitchen knife sliced my flesh and harvested blood. Before long nothing remained around me but a sea of crimson.

Strangely, though, I felt no pain. The agony of flesh splitting and skin tearing never registered. Yet my heart suffered an unbearable torment. The simple fact that the one stabbing me was Artasha hurt so terribly I thought I would die.

"M-Mother… Mom…."

Bloody tears streamed from beneath Artasha's eyes. Watching those anguished tears, my heart plummeted as if it were falling into an abyss.

"You monster of a bitch."

No.

Please don't say that, Mother.

Please….

Anyone but you.

Don't say the same things that woman said.

"Something like you—"

No.

I don't want to hear it.

Abandoned.

I will be abandoned by the one person I never wanted to be rejected by.

Abandoned again.

Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned.

"Something like you should never have been born into this world."

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

"Hahk!!"

Pain as if my brain were splitting open forced my eyes wide; I bolted upright. I clutched the place on my chest that had been butchered, trying to stop the bleeding—yet the body that had been reduced to a ruin by Mother only moments ago was perfectly whole.

…A dream?

I wiped my throbbing forehead with a hand.

It came away soaked in cold sweat.

Not only my forehead—

my entire body was drenched.

My head spun.

My breathing would not steady.

"It was a dream…."

"Yes, it was a dream, Young Lady."

The sudden voice made my body jolt. Beside me, Viviana sat regally in a chair, quietly watching me.

"V-Viviana…."

"Hmm? Dropping the honorifics already?"

"Lady Viviana…."

Fragments of memory gathered through the haze. I had been kidnapped by Mardian; Viviana had appeared and rescued me. Slowly I looked around. The familiar scenery of my own room. Viviana must have brought me ‍‍‌‌⁠⁠‌‍‍‌⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠‌‌‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠all the way back to the mansion.

"I've confirmed you're all right. That will be all, then."

With those brief words Viviana rose from the chair. The moment she turned her back on me, an inexplicable anxiety and restlessness flooded every inch of my body.

"D-don't go…."

I forced my reeling body up and caught the hem of her clothes. Viviana looked down at me with puzzled eyes. Swallowing the fear that threatened to choke me, I managed to speak.