That's Cheating
Saying it like that is cheating.
"Tina!!"
The door burst open and Mother came rushing toward me. How desperately must she have been worrying? The rims of her eyes were already stained red with tears.
"Ah…! Tina… Thank goodness you're truly all right."
Mother wept as she gathered me gently into her arms. She didn't squeeze hard, afraid she might hurt me, but the depth of her affection came through all the same. I wrapped my arms around her waist, buried my face against her shoulder, and swallowed back tears of relief.
…Thank goodness.
She still loves me.
I can still lean on Mother's love a little longer.
She must have been so frightened. Mother held me for a long while without a word, her body trembling faintly. I stayed silent too, nestled in her embrace. A tender warmth drifted between us.
But perhaps that tenderness ran a little too deep.
"Ahem. Ahem."
From the side, Viviana—who had been sitting there looking thoroughly awkward—produced a rather artificial cough. Only then did Mother release me, hastily straightening her disheveled clothes before bowing her head to Viviana with deep respect.
"I am truly grateful, my lady… How on earth am I ever to repay this kindness…"
"Not at all. I simply helped because I happen to be personally acquainted with Young Lady Tina."
At Mother's thanks, Viviana shook her head with a radiant smile. The expression was so different from the one she wore when speaking to me that I found myself unsettled.
She scowls at me at the drop of a hat, and yet she can smile that brightly? Given Viviana's personality, she wouldn't normally smile like that at all. I have no idea who is supposed to be putting on airs with whom.
"Even so, please allow me to repay the debt. What you've done for me is no different from saving my life, my lady."
"A debt…"
Viviana rested a finger against her chin and considered for a moment. She glanced at me once, then turned that beautiful smile back on Mother.
"In that case, might I ask a small personal favor sometime later?"
"Of course. Humble as we are… House Bland will always welcome you, my lady."
"Thank you, Baroness."
Mother answered Viviana's smiling eyes with a smile no less lovely of her own. Something about the easy warmth between them felt strangely unfamiliar.
"Well then, I'll be going, Young Lady. I've left the duchy unattended for rather too long."
"Ah—yes. Just a moment…"
I tried to rise to see her out, but Viviana pressed a hand to my shoulder first, as if forbidding it, and settled me back onto the bed.
"Rest. I'll take the farewell in spirit alone."
"Ah…"
"We'll be seeing each other again soon enough anyway. I still have things left to say to you, Young Lady."
A faint shiver ran through me under the quiet violet of Viviana's gaze. But she did nothing more—only offered Mother a parting greeting, turned her back, and walked toward the door.
"W-wait, Lady Viviana…!"
At my call, Viviana raised one eyebrow and looked back over her shoulder. I opened my mouth to thank her for saving me.
"Th-that is…"
But for some reason—
All I wanted was to say thank you, and yet the words would not leave my mouth. My mind went blank, as if I had turned into a complete fool, and nothing came to me at all.
H-how do you even say thank you?
It wasn't difficult.
I had said thank you hundreds of times before. Whenever other young ladies praised me or gave me gifts, I had always returned the favor with a harmless little smile and a touch of coquettish charm.
That was all I had to do.
Smile at the other person, let a hint of sweetness into my manner, project a harmless atmosphere, and leave them feeling pleased.
But—
That single, uncompromising line of Viviana's had stripped me of the smile I had always painted across my face. After years spent practicing that smile hundreds—thousands—of times, I could no longer wear it, and I had no idea what expression to make instead.
I don't know.
How do you say thank you?
How do you smile without it being an act?
What do I have to do… so that Viviana will accept my gratitude as something real?
Trying to peel away a smile I had worn my whole life left me completely at a loss. My eyes wandered as if they had lost their way; my mouth only fretted and fretted, lips moving without language.
"…Are you still unwell somewhere?"
Perhaps I looked strange. Viviana set a hand on my forehead, her gaze slightly lowered. The unexpected coolness of her palm made me flinch.
"No fever."
"Th-that is…"
I squeezed my eyes shut and avoided her gaze. Not knowing what face to make, I lowered my head to hide it.
"Th-thank you… truly…"
With uncertain fingers I caught at the edge of her coat. Forcing open lips that would not part easily, I dragged the words out of my heart with difficulty.
"…"
No answer came. What expression was Viviana wearing? Knowing her temperament, it was probably a blank one. I shut my eyes tight again and spoke to her.
"Th-thank you… Lady Viviana. This kindness—I'll… I'll repay it, I swear…"
"…"
Grind—
I heard something like teeth grinding. Startled, I lifted my head—and found Viviana's violet eyes blazing down at me, dark and turbulent.
Whatever had displeased her, she chewed at her own lip for a moment, then turned on her heel and walked out of the room.
Is she… angry…?
Viviana's cold gaze could not hide what she felt. There was only one reason she would be angry. My spirits sank a little; I hung my head and fidgeted timidly with my fingers.
Again…
She thinks it's an act.
I suppose she can't help it.
Even I don't know what expression or voice I just used. How awkward must it have seemed to her?
Still…
Even so…
It really… wasn't an act…
The grand manor of the Merdelia Ducal House, a residence that rivaled even the Imperial Palace in its splendor.
The front gates opened, and a host of servants bowed their heads to their mistress. As Viviana walked inward through their welcome, an elderly man of refined, old-fashioned bearing came out to receive her.
"You've worked hard, my lady. Your coat has rather a lot of dirt on it today."
As always, she handed over her outer coat. Alphonse, the steward of House Merdelia, accepted it with a courteous bow.
"I had occasion to ride."
"I see."
Alphonse nodded and followed quietly behind her. Once she reached her study, Viviana dropped heavily onto the sofa, drew out a cigarette, and set it between her lips. Seeing the clear irritation on her face, Alphonse asked with mild curiosity,
"Did you succeed in severing ties with House Bland?"
"What?"
Viviana's eyes cut sharply toward him, and Alphonse felt a jolt of unease. He reviewed whether he might have misspoken, but found nothing particularly amiss, and so continued with composure.
"You did leave declaring that you would cut all ties with the young lady of House Bland, did you not? Along with the promise that she would pay dearly for toying with you."
"…"
Viviana gave no answer at all. As the atmosphere grew steadily colder, Alphonse could not help but be thoroughly flustered.
What did I say wrong?
But he distinctly remembered her saying those very words with her own mouth. There was nothing he could have done to offend her—so why did she look so thoroughly out of sorts?
Leaving the bewildered Alphonse behind, Viviana drew a deep pull on her cigarette, then tipped her head toward him with quiet eyes.
"I have things to think through alone. Leave."
"…Yes, my lady."
Questions remained, but a master's command was absolute. Alphonse offered a brief farewell and withdrew from the study without further comment. Alone in the room, Viviana's face twisted; she brought her hand down hard on the desk.
Bang—!
Through narrowed eyes she drew another deep lungful of smoke, raked a hand roughly through her hair, and covered her mouth with her palm.
"Ah, what the hell is this…!"
Across a face that was always cold, pale to the point of bloodlessness, and utterly unfeeling, a flush of red rose—one that had never once appeared there before. A girlish flush, unsuited to her and yet somehow perfectly suited: the flush of an eighteen-year-old girl.
Ever since leaving House Bland, a single young lady's face had been circling endlessly through her mind.
The shy red blooming in her cheeks. Those pitiful eyes that could not meet her own, fretting and restless. The thin little voice she managed to offer only by forcing her trembling body still.
"Saying thank you with a face like that is cheating…"