008. Deviation (2)
008. Deviation (2)
For a doomsday prophet who lost 6 billion won, a good night's sleep was impossible.
Even if I knew I could go back..., that's something only acceptable after going through the 5 stages of grief.
I leaned back in my chair, dozed off for a moment, then checked my phone.
After confirming it was still the 17th, I let my head drop again.
Yeonju ordered breakfast for me, but I couldn't even eat half of it.
She asked me several times why I looked so tired, but I brushed it off, saying I was tired from managing my positions all night.
Just like that, without taking any positions, the 17th—Constitution Day, the only day our domestic market doesn't open—slipped by.
Eventually, midnight passed, and it was July 18th.
Saturday.
12:18 AM.
Still, after calming my mind and body all day, the sense of injustice and anxiety had largely faded.
Unlike others, I have the belief that I can go back. ...Though the method is a bit bizarre.
"Want to have a beer?"
"I don't like alcohol."
"Have one anyway. I bought some good snacks."
"...If you say so."
"Ah, do you want to drink Strong Zero? It's sweet, so I bought some of that too."
"Yeah."
Yeonju had washed up and was getting ready to sleep.
I took two cans of high-alcohol drinks out of the fridge and placed them on the dining table.
Fortunately, today, without any particular worries, my younger sister readily accepted my invitation to drink.
"What is this, is this jamón?"
"They were selling it at the mart."
"Isn't it super salty?"
"Rinse it down with alcohol."
Seeing my younger sister accept and drink the snacks and beer without any suspicion, guilt washed over me.
...What kind of oppa in the world would make his younger sister drink for something like this?
With the lecherous intention of trying to sleep with her.
If possible, even with our bodily fluids mixed.
"But didn't you not like alcohol, oppa? How did you end up living with beer stacked up at home?"
"Stress piles up when you're investing. At least I don't smoke, so that's fine."
"Dad said he'd kill us if we smoked. He said he quit for our sake, so we shouldn't smoke either."
"I heard he smokes e-cigarettes these days."
"He says that's not smoking."
"It's the same thing."
Chatting about things siblings would talk about, Yeonju took another sip of beer without a second thought.
"Come to think of it, oppa. Didn't the kids smoke like crazy in the school corners when we were in middle school?"
"Ah..., I've seen it. Me too."
"Back then, they looked super scary, but thinking about it now.... It feels really cute. Like they were just trying to act tough."
"I'm still scared of them."
"Why?"
"If you get into a fight with middle or high schoolers who smoke, you'll understand the absurdity of the world and an irresistible fear, you know?"
"Ah, that kind of meaning."
Thanks to the conversation topic shifting to childhood memories, we reminisced about the past while talking about trivial things.
I was born in '99, Yeonju in '01.
Sometimes I get dissed for being an old fart whose resident registration number starts with 1, but in reality, Yeonju and I were only one grade apart.
Yeonju's birthday is January 21st, you see.
We went to elementary, middle, and high school together the whole time.
"Come to think of it, a friend of mine from high school smoked too. Oppa, you know her, right?"
"Uh..., was her name Jang Hana? That kid?"
"Yeah. Her. The cute-looking one."
"I know her. But she had that vibe of someone who looked like they wouldn't, but would secretly smoke, or something."
"What kind of vibe is that?"
"The opposite vibe of you?"
"What are you talking about?"
Of course, we weren't that close..., but we roughly knew what each other was doing at school.
Like Yeonju's friend joining the club I was active in during CA (Club Activities), or conversely, Yeonju joining a club where my classmate was.
"Come to think of it, it's been a long time since I met her too. We suddenly got awkward after becoming adults."
"It's because of COVID, I guess. Until recently, you didn't really keep in touch with me either."
"We weren't that close with oppa from before that."
"It's because we're both 'I's (Introverts)."
Yeonju chuckled.
As the alcohol level dropped by half, the stiff atmosphere gradually loosened up.
We brought up stories from our school days that we barely remembered, one by one.
The time I played goalkeeper in middle school and carried the game with a super save in the class tournament, only to get excited and screw up the next game.
The time Yeonju played the piano at the middle school festival, made a mistake in the middle, but pretended nothing happened and played to the end, and only I, who had a keen ear, noticed.
We both remembered such trivial things well.
...Even though our memory was so bad when it came to studying.
"Oh, right. Oppa, you liked my friend back then, right?"
"What?"
"The kid I mentioned earlier. You even remember her name. Hana. Didn't you like her?"
"...What are you saying, all of a sudden."
"Weren't you guys having a thing? You were in the same club. You did this and that while in the film club, right?"
...That must be why she remembers such useless details so strangely.
It's not that she has a good memory, it's that she selectively remembers only what she wants to remember.
"She said she was a little interested in you too."
"I don't know what kind of bullshit you're spouting, but I don't treat women who are more than 20cm shorter than me as women. It was the same back then."
"You were a bit short back then too. Weren't you 165cm in your second year of high school?"
"Anyway, it wasn't like that."
To be clear, that's just my younger sister slandering me as she pleases; it's absolutely not true.
Of course, I had thought before that my sister's friend was cute, or that it would have been easier to boss her around if she were my sister instead of the gorilla I have at home....
...But that's not romantic feelings, is it?
My taste has been very firm since puberty until now.
"Wouldn't that have been the only time in your entire life you could have escaped being a 'mosol' (never dated)?"
"Why are you ending a perfectly fine person's life already?"
"The way I see it, you won't be able to have a normal relationship in the future."
"Why?"
"Your insides are the same as when you were in high school, but you've just aged and made money. ...You'll try to date like you did in high school, will that work?"
"......."
...But I couldn't refute this statement at all.
It is... true, though.
I don't think I can form a proper relationship with the opposite sex either.
I'm turning 30 soon, but what I want is the fresh dating experience of my late teens or early 20s.
The annoying thing, though, is.
"Then aren't you the same?"
"What?"
"You're also holed up in your room, so why are you talking about others?"
...It's that it's not something I should hear from her.
I don't want to hear anything from a loser who did nothing but draw and play piano throughout middle and high school, even if I don't know about other things?
"No, a female 'mosol' and a male 'mosol' are different."
"How are they different?"
"I have a premium attached, but at this age, you're a defective product."
However, Yeonju chuckled as if it were genuinely funny.
While pushing the very simple fact that women and men are different.
"And actually, I have plenty of dating experience."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm in a 'para-relationship' with 50 regular viewers, you know? We go on online dates every day?"
"...Is your brain melted?"
"We play push-and-pull. I accept their jealousy. I soothe them when they're in a bad mood. Sometimes they even tell me they love me?"
"It's melted, alright."
"I'm saying this because it's melted. But they say your brain melts when you date anyway."
...Since she was even spouting such nonsensical bullshit logic, I was so dumbfounded I was speechless.
The girl who used to act tough and pretend to be blunt for no reason in high school, perhaps because of the alcohol, was talking much more than usual, and maybe because her mood had improved, she had even become more playful.
Of course, human-wise, this is better..., but I can't help but find it annoying.
Since I'm her biological older brother.
"Your personality seems to have changed a bit."
"Me?"
"Yeah. You were fucking blunt in high school. Didn't you throw a fit saying I was interrupting your piano playing whenever I even talked to you?"
"Ah..., I was a bit sensitive back then. And after acting cute and milking simps for 3 years, it changed."
"Is that something to be proud of?"
"But isn't now better than high school?"
"...I think back then was better."
...Of course, I would never say that out loud.
"Ew, you like high school me better? Gross;"
"You crazy bitch. I'm talking about your personality."
"I'm reporting you."
"To whom?"
"Mom."
"Go ahead. I'll spill everything about your broadcast."
"Then I'll expose that you're a multi-billionaire but didn't buy Mom a single house."
"Ah, yes. Go ahead."
Yeonju giggled while holding the beer can with both hands.
"Anyway, I think the current me looks better."
"Why."
"Isn't now more 'girly'? In the beginning of my broadcast, I got cursed at for being super vicious. After I changed, I got a lot of compliments."
"...How can you say that yourself?"
"It's the truth, though. While broadcasting, I learned how to act cute. And my skills in milking simps increased too."
"Especially at seducing losers, now. It's super easy, actually, more than I thought."
...Has her personality gotten worse?
How on earth did her narcissism become so bloated?
I stared at Yeonju's face in disbelief.
Her cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol.
Her shoulders falling slenderly under her loose short-sleeved t-shirt.
And..., hmm.
Well, her voice is nice, at least.
It wasn't completely baseless, which made me annoyed for no reason.
I already knew she was popular back in high school, to begin with.
"...Why are you glaring at me, oppa."
"I'm wondering if I raised my younger sister wrong."
"Who raised whom? You just stole my snacks all the time."
"No, I should have bullied you a bit in high school so you would have grown up into a proper human being. I feel sorry I couldn't do that."
"Bullshit. As if a loser like you could have bullied me."
"Where do I look like a loser? Do you know how much my assets are?"
"You know that saying that is super loser-like, right?"
"...."
It seemed like it was largely my fault that Yeonju grew up like that, even though she was born pretty thanks to our parents.
I shouldn't have lent her comic books when we were young.
If she hadn't become an otaku, wouldn't she be living happily with a handsome boyfriend, taking ads on Instagram somewhere?
Or maybe she could have become a great pianist as our parents hoped.
...Though now she's just a former VTuber who quit broadcasting.
"But, oppa, even if you take away your way of speaking, you're naturally a loser, right? I feel like if I 'milk' you, you'd be milked?"
"Don't talk bullshit."
"Really? Shall I try it once?"
"Wha—"
"Oppa~"
"Hey, fuck...."
While I was feeling sorry inside for no reason, Yeonju's slightly husky voice suddenly changed to a soft, phone-call tone.
...An instinctively felt sense of discomfort.
Goosebumps are breaking out all over.
It feels like ants are crawling on my back.
"Hey, this is more repulsive than I imagined...?"
"Why are you cursing~. ...Do you hate me?"
"Stop it."
"I like you, oppa."
"Hey, fuck. Just stop it...."
"Really? Do you hate me, oppa?"
But instead of stopping the aegyo, Yeonju pulled her chair back, leaned forward, and then, lying on the table, narrowed her eyes and looked up at me.
It was something she must have done hundreds of times with her character on screen during her broadcasts.
With an aegyo-filled voice and a slow eye-smile.
"I was so grateful when you comforted me, oppa, was all of that acting? That's too much...."
"Ah, what are you doing, seriously. It's giving me goosebumps...."
"Hey, it's way better than what you said to me for the past few days, right? I'm acting cute because I'm drinking, but you were flirting all day even when you were sober."
"I comforted you because it looked like you were going to die, I wasn't flirting, you crazy bitch."
"Hehe.... Really? ...But isn't this better than you hugging your younger sister when you sleep, even if I act like this?"
"What hugging, we must have just gotten tangled up while sleeping, you brat...."
Yeonju teased me with a soft voice, smiling with her eyes.
As she dragged her chair toward me little by little, the smell of alcohol and the familiar scent of shampoo tickled the tip of my nose.
"......."
...Wow, fuck.
Crazy bitch.
How much money did she extort from innocent viewers with that smile....
"...Oppa."
"Why, what now."
"I think you really are a loser, oppa."
"In what way."
"You're super easy to milk. Ahahaha...."
...This crazy bitch, she's really asking for it....