007. Deviation (1)
A chill ran down my spine.
...Why does she remember?
Why on earth?
The night of the 14th.
I didn't do anything like that that day.
Wiping the sweat from Yeonju's nape with my finger.
Licking it with the tip of my tongue.
It was the night of the 16th that I pulled her sleeping body into my arms.
...A thing I never want to commit again, nor do I want to remember.
"...What are you talking about?"
"No, I'm just asking just in case...."
"How... would I know that? Even if I had such a sleeping habit in the first place, I wouldn't know."
"Ah..., that's true. ...Still, it was pretty vivid for a dream."
However, Yeonju blinked her eyes slowly while clutching the blanket, ruminating on the memory.
It wasn't so much a face trying to trace an exact memory, but rather a look as if she were forcing herself to recall a dream she'd had just moments ago.
A future that has now vanished.
A time that no one but me should remember.
"Must've been a weird dream."
"Is it really a dream?"
"Why do you have such vivid random dreams?"
"Yeah, tell me about it."
"Go back to sleep."
"Okay."
The fortunate thing was that because the situation was so absurd, Yeonju accepted it as a dream and let it slide.
Once I brushed it off nonchalantly, Yeonju, easily convinced, obediently returned to the bedroom.
Only after hearing the door close did I let out the breath I'd been holding.
"...Fuck."
My spine was damp with sweat.
Yeonju remembered.
She didn't know the exact date, the context, or why I did such a thing at all.
But regardless, she remembered it, albeit vaguely.
It hadn't been completely erased; it had come back with us, vaguely clinging somewhere like a dream.
...If so, is it really just this incident that remains in her memory?
First regression.
Second regression.
Could it be that the countless moments we fell asleep together while drunk are lingering somewhere in Yeonju's head?
...Wow, fuck.
If I get caught, it won't just end at being fucked, this.
"......."
Okay, stop being greedy.
Let's admit it.
No matter how much of a cheat key I've received, pushing it further with this kind of risk is bullshit.
If she really remembers it properly..., it'll be impossible to even fulfill the regression conditions in the first place.
This is the end.
I can just use the 16th's chart I've already memorized; making 10 billion won shouldn't be hard, right?
That's enough.
Let's stop with the retarded delusions about making more money to rent a yacht and throw parties, or buying a private jet to build a harem.
10 billion is enough, isn't it?
...Just 10 billion.
**
July 16th.
Thursday.
"Here."
As soon as the morning market closed, I returned the phone to Yeonju.
The balance was 150 million won.
Yeonju, who had been making a miserable face while clutching her halved account just yesterday, checked the numbers several times and then looked up at me with a dazed expression.
"Is it over now?"
"Yeah."
"You're not doing more?"
"...Honestly, I'm scared from here on out."
"Why?"
"Why do you think? My batting average isn't 100% either."
Yeonju smacked her lips as if she were a bit disappointed.
But perhaps because she clearly saw me managing the money from the side yesterday, she didn't dare bring up the idea of doing it herself.
"Don't do anything weird with this from now on. The mental toll is greater than the money you make."
"Okay."
"If you really want to do it, invest in indices. You know, things like QQQ, VOO. And don't put all your money in at once."
"Oppa, aren't you rolling it several times over with leverage? I looked it up roughly before going to sleep yesterday..."
"...I'm just creating a portfolio and managing it with a small amount of money relative to my total assets."
Hearing my excuse, which was true in the past, Yeonju said "I see" and understood, then leaned back on the sofa, clutching her phone tightly to her chest.
Every time she turned on the screen to check the balance, the corners of her mouth went up just a little bit.
...That's enough for her.
Yeonju had already more than recovered her principal.
Whether she quits broadcasting or starts again in the future.
At least she won't be swayed by money.
Now I just need to finish my part.
...I'll just cash out by midnight tonight and graduate.
Even if I can't rent a yacht, I should take Yeonju and our parents on a trip to Jeju Island.
I've made a lot of money too, so I should show some filial piety.
**
Balance: 7 billion won.
Just a little more and it's 10 billion.
...The position itself is nearly 70 billion won.
"......."
My hands were sweating.
The chart was still moving exactly as I remembered.
Honestly, it's at a level where it wouldn't matter if I rolled it 20 times over, but an unknown fear was blocking me from running that far.
And so, 11:36 PM.
I had set a short position, but the chart jumped upward.
Of course, it wasn't completely outside the expected range.
It originally went up to $1,550.
A minor fluctuation, off by a few minutes from my memory, which had happened several times throughout the day.
Well, since my position has grown this large, it's not like everything can go exactly the same way.
So, even though I was scared, I wasn't shaken.
"......."
But something felt different.
1%.
2%.
It's starting to fluctuate this much in a single minute candle.
For me, having put in 10x leverage, it's already -20%.
"...Fuck."
3 percent.
My fingertips froze.
There was no such movement on the 16th I remembered.
It was supposed to die without breaking $1550, originally...?
Why, why does it keep going up?
"...What is this?"
Is my memory wrong?
No.
That can't be.
How much have I stared at today.
I rubbed my eyes and memorized it so many times just for this moment.
"Why are you going up, fuck."
4 percent.
Already -3 billion from the high.
I know.
I shouldn't sell.
Selling when I've seen the future is a retarded move.
But a small child inside my heart started whispering strange things.
You idiot, the chart is already broken.
Isn't the future twisted because you messed around?
How do you know how far the rebound will go, and why are you holding on?
Quit now. You'll still have 4 billion left.
"...Fuck."
How much loss have I suffered because I was swept away by that voice?
If it weren't for that fucking inner whisper, I would have made 2 billion and graduated early this year, fuck.
Do you think I'll be fooled again now?
In the end, the stock price isn't something that changes because a single ant like me is fiddling around, and not even in the market, but off-market....
"......."
-40%.
-50%.
-60%.
But every time a minute candle was added, money kept disappearing by hundreds of millions.
I put my finger on the stop-loss button, but I couldn't press it.
Because if I press it now, it really becomes a loss.
The countless people in the stock community who had been in despair started cheering like monkeys, and I just couldn't surrender to that.
I told you I saw it!
I saw them all despairing after it hit -13% today, clearly.
If I wait a little longer, it will go back down.
In the future I remembered, it definitely went down.
"...Fucking assholes, seriously...."
-80%.
...They're doing this shit just to wipe out one ant?
Fine, you win, you fucking assholes....
"Ha...."
I threw it away.
...6 billion disappeared.
The number that was my money just a moment ago.
Money that would be more than enough to buy a fancy house in Seoul.
Money that I thought I wouldn't be able to spend all of even if I lived off it for the rest of my life.
It evaporated in less than 30 minutes.
"Haa...."
I couldn't breathe.
I tried to get up from the chair but collapsed onto the floor.
It felt like the ground beneath my feet was collapsing.
Inside my chest, it wasn't my heart, but a huge rock beating like crazy.
The money left after the stop-loss was 1 billion.
Money I would have cried and been grateful for just a few days ago.
An amount even larger than what I had before I lost 700 million.
Yet, it felt like nothing was left.
Only the 7 billion that had just disappeared flickered in my head.
"Seriously, what the fuck are you doing, you crazy bastards...."
The moment I hit stop-loss, the chart turned downward exactly and started heading toward the future I knew.
...Crazy bastards.
Are they really doing this just to wipe me out?
Was this the system of regression?
Is it saying that since your original lot in life is that moment when you have 700 million, it'll send you back only to there, so don't go above that?
Hahaha..., then fuck, you shouldn't have let me grow it to 7 billion in the first place.
What do you want me to do.
"...Haa."
It's meaningless to regret it now.
I have to go back.
Holding my throbbing head, I stumbled toward the bedroom.
Just before grabbing the doorknob to go back, to use my younger sister one more time.
My hand stopped.
"......."
...Is going back meaningful?
Is the memorized chart meaningful, really?
When it gets twisted like this just by me buying and selling?
The 16th I experienced the first time.
A future that flowed downward without any rebound.
Or the 16th I just experienced.
A future that overturned everything from 10 PM.
If I go back, which one of the two will be repeated?
What if it's neither?
What if the movement changes from the afternoon this time?
What if it crashes in the opposite direction from the morning?
Is there any guarantee that the 15th will flow the same way in the first place?
"......."
The hand holding the doorknob trembled.
Even another fact tormented me.
...The fact that Yeonju also remembers, albeit vaguely.
Every time I turn back time, she comes back with bits of memory that should have disappeared, like a dream.
If she remembers again this time.
At the very least, I'll end up licking her neck or somewhere else, and if she recalls that more vividly than last time.
"Fuck...."
...I eventually took my hand off the doorknob.
It's the night of the 16th now.
If I fall asleep today, I go back to the 15th.
If I go back there, it's starting over from 400 million again.
Instead of doing that shit, it's better to start over from the 16th, which is a 2 billion start, or if even that doesn't work, it's better to hold out for a few days, memorize from Monday the 20th, and try again with 1 billion.
Besides, above all, Yeonju must already be asleep.
It's too late today to meet the condition of having to fall asleep together.
...Let's wait until tomorrow.
The night of the 17th.
Let's go back just one more time then.
5 billion this time.
I'll end it at 5 billion, no matter what.
The 16th start was 2.3 billion, so 5 billion isn't even hard.
I actually reached it, too.
...So for that sake.
Honestly, I can do anything.
Even that fucking thing, hundreds of times.
If I have to lick my younger sister's sweat or tears, I will, so,
Please, just give me back my principal....
To a gambling addict like me, the principal isn't 20 million, 400 million, or 2.3 billion, it's 7 billion....