006. Regression (5)
006. Regression (5)
Still full of unknowns.
Why I can go back one day.
And of all things, with my 'younger sister' involving bodily fluids..., no, that sounds weird.
Anyway, maybe it only triggers a regression if we fall asleep together under certain conditions.
Switching between long and short positions since morning, printing money so easily, I pondered.
"...Is it because it's something I shouldn't be doing?"
...Maybe it sends me back to undo things because it's something I shouldn't have done.
Logically speaking, licking my younger sister's neck... isn't the right thing to do, is it?
If there is a God, maybe He's sending me back, telling me to live quietly because He'll wipe away such weird acts.
Though, the fact that I'm a special case who doesn't forget and 'remembers' it might be a glitch.
I'm just grateful for my bad luck.
"Oppa, what are you doing?"
"Ah, trading."
"...What is this? 400,000...? Wait—"
"Go out for a second. I need to focus."
"...."
Seeing the million 'dollars' on the screen, Yeonju couldn't even blink, frozen in a daze, completely shell-shocked.
...Well, of course she would be.
I've never rolled this much money with this kind of leverage before, either.
If I told her that considering the leverage, the actual position is over 3 billion won, I wonder what she'd think.
"Oh, right. Yeonju-ya. Can you lend me your phone?"
"Uh, uh...?"
"I'll do some day trading and recover about 10 million won for you. ...If I lose it, I'll pay you back with this, so don't worry too much."
"......Ah, okay."
Since I'd be fucked if I got distracted chatting with my dazed sister and missed the chart, I took Yeonju's phone to protect her mental state and get her to leave.
Since everything is in the securities account and I can't do futures or options, I won't be able to make a huge amount, but today is a market where I can make double if I skillfully eat up both sides.
Ah, I should have remembered the skyrocketing stocks, too.
I was too focused on my own stuff, just looking at one chart, so I didn't think about it.
"Go rest in the room. Let's eat something delicious for dinner later."
"......I'm nervous, can't I watch from the side?"
"...Suit yourself."
...I did think about whether it was really okay to do this.
But seeing as I'm still alive and well even after turning 20 million won into 400 million, I figured I'd just try it and see.
If something happens...,
I can just go back.
**
As expected, money like this wasn't enough to change the future.
Buy when it goes up.
Sell right before it breaks.
And ride the opposite when it falls.
I was using 10x leverage on Binance, and Yeonju was just switching between inverse leveraged ETFs and regular leveraged ETFs.
Yeonju, who was watching me drink coffee while handling that so nonchalantly, became quieter and quieter as the numbers started piling up in the account.
65 million.
73 million.
80 million.
"...You've already made 20 million, Oppa?"
"Don't talk to me. It's confusing."
"Ah, okay..."
Yeonju bit her nails with an anxious expression.
Every time she looked at the account, she seemed happy, but as soon as I pressed the buy button again, her face stiffened.
But I didn't hesitate.
Yeonju's account was only 60 million.
I already had about 100 million set aside just in case, so even if I blew this all, I could just deposit it, play it off like nothing happened, and find a way to regress.
Compared to that, the position I was rolling was 300 million.
Rolling that at 10x leverage meant 3 billion.
Every time Yeonju's account grew, the numbers on my account jumped much more violently.
I used the profits as collateral to push in more.
Then pulled out again.
I waited for the next movement I remembered.
By the time the market closed, my account had already exceeded 1.7 billion.
Yeonju... was almost at her break-even point.
And once I sell off the inverse leveraged ETFs I bought for tomorrow's crash, won't the profits be substantial?
Now, it's perfect for me to grow it even more in the US market tonight.
If I eat up everything until the 16th that I remember, I'll hit at least 5 billion.
Then what..., maybe I'll just buy a house and a car and live leisurely.
...It's a bit much to do that shit too often just to regress.
I won't rule it out as an option entirely, of course....
"...Does this make sense?"
As I casually toyed with the numbers, Yeonju was completely dazed, muttering to herself.
...Well, of course it doesn't make sense.
Who in the world holds a 3 billion won position with 400 million in seed money and eats up both the ups and downs?
Maybe it's doable if you have 30 billion, but this is impossible unless you know the future.
You might succeed once or twice. I did too.
But if you keep doing it, you're 100% going to die, so you just shouldn't.
"...Oppa."
"Yeah."
"What the hell is this...?"
"I told you. I have a good gut feeling."
"You can do this with a gut feeling?"
"No. Today, I'm lucky too. I can't do this with all my assets, either. I'm doing this with money I don't mind losing."
"...."
So, without needing to give Yeonju unnecessary fantasies, I bluffed my way through it.
...This is more plausible than saying I know the future, so I went all-in with all my assets and won.
Yeonju, who had been reacting like she'd seen a Cthulhu right in front of her, started making a serious face after hearing my answer.
"...Hey, Oppa. I have a question."
"What is it?"
"Just how much money do you have to be rolling it like that? ...Do you really have hundreds of billions?"
"No, how could I have that much? If I did, would I be living here?"
"...Still, don't you have at least 10 billion? Seeing as you say it's okay to lose a few hundred million. Why don't you buy a house?"
"Uh..., roughly."
"Why don't you buy a house? Why are you living in such a shabby place?"
But after bluffing, I was pointed out a very obvious contradiction.
There's no reason to live in a cramped 1.5-room monthly rental in Bucheon if I have that much money.
"No, well. I wasn't going to get married, so I didn't think there was any rush. This place makes money better..."
"...Oppa, with all that money you're making, why aren't you seeing anyone?"
"It's my business, why?"
"...You've been like this since we were kids, but Oppa, you're fucking weird."
"When was I ever not?"
Still, since I've always been a weird Oppa, it seems she didn't suspect me that much.
Come to think of it, would she even think of talking back to the Oppa who recovered her entire account in just one day?
Honestly, I think she'd do whatever I asked right now.
It was kind of funny thinking that if I asked her to act cute because I was bored, she'd probably do it seriously.
...Just a few days ago, I felt like I was going to die.
Seeing that I can even have these kinds of random thoughts now, life has really opened up for me.
I thought I was fucked back then.
As expected, life is all about family harmony..., no. It's a blessing in disguise.
Come to think of it, both are right.
I mean, I survived because I have a good sister, anyway.
**
After eating dinner late, I laid out the mattress I ordered from Coupang in the morning in the living room.
I'm not going to regress this time if I can help it.
...And I don't want to do it even more now that I roughly know the conditions.
"...Are you sleeping here, Oppa?"
"Yeah."
"I'll sleep here. You use the bed. It's your bed."
"Forget it. The guest uses the bed."
"I'm not a guest anymore."
"Then what are you?"
"...A freeloader? A roommate?"
"...Anyway, you take the inside. The air conditioner is in the bedroom, so it's cooler there."
Yeonju, who had become much softer, didn't go against my words and obediently got up and went into the bedroom.
This is fine.
Yeonju in the bedroom.
Me in the living room.
There's no possibility of accidentally regressing in this situation.
And I don't really want to go back, either.
For now, I'll watch for a while and think about it when a timing that looks like a life opportunity comes along.
...Though if a situation even more fucked up than that fucked up condition arises, I'll probably go back.
"Yawn..."
As I turned off the lights and buried myself in the new mattress, for the first time in days, my mind felt at ease.
2.3 billion.
By tomorrow..., at least 5 billion.
What could I do with this much?
First, a house.
Even if it's not a super nice apartment in the middle of Seoul, I can afford a reasonably nice one.
Get a car, too.
Give my parents a house or some cash.
Even if I just safely roll the remaining money, I could live without working for the rest of my life.
...Then what exactly is that 'living without working'?
"........"
...Do I really have to meet a woman?
Of course, since I'm a man, I have sexual desires.
Even if it's not that, I have a desire to start a family.
Even before regressing, my goal was to make a lot of money, meet a good wife, have kids, and live well.
It changed to 'surviving' halfway through..., but anyway.
Compared to that time when I was on the verge of being delisted, the current me wasn't such a bad catch.
I don't have a job, but I have a lot of money.
At 174cm, I'm average height.
My body isn't great, but I'm on the skinny side.
And my face..., I don't know if others would agree, but I think it's okay.
In the first place, if a man's face isn't super handsome, they're all about the same.
Just managing it to look clean counts as a plus.
If so, dating might be unexpectedly easy.
"...Hmm."
The ordinary imagination that started like that veered into a strange direction in less than 5 minutes.
...But do I really have to date?
Do I really need to be tied down to someone?
I have 2.3 billion won.
Tomorrow it'll grow to 5 billion, right?
If I spend just a few hundred million of that, can't even a loser like me, who would never be able to meet a woman no matter how much money I made originally, rent one for a day...?
There's not even a possibility of going broke.
After pouring in a ton of money and enjoying a wild night, if I sleep with Yeonju the next day, I'll have had the fun, the money will be recovered, and since I've memorized the charts, I'll be able to grow my assets again.
"...That's a sweet deal, isn't it?"
I thought to myself that it was a bit of a devilish idea.
How is this any different from saying that if this logic holds, it doesn't matter if I commit a crime because I can just turn back time?
But the moment I realized I could 'really' do this, would I be able to feel any value in a normal relationship?
Let's say I'm lucky and I start dating a woman who is my ideal type.
Then we fight because something doesn't work out.
Then..., naturally, I'd try to sleep with Yeonju to make that fight never happen, right?
...Can that be considered a normal relationship?
I don't think so, no matter how much I think about it.
"...Let's stop."
The more I thought about it, the more I realized my brain was broken.
It's definitely because I haven't been sleeping well these past few days, eating barely anything, and drinking alcohol I can't handle too often.
I also felt dopamine to the extreme.
...Would I feel a bit better if I just quietly jerked off once and went to sleep?
It seems like my desires are piled up in many ways, making me like this.
"...."
But when I went into the bathroom to try and get one off, I could feel someone lurking outside, so I couldn't do it at all.
In the end, I had no choice but to wash my face and scrub my hands thoroughly several times.
Then I came out of the bathroom as if nothing had happened.
"......"
And I froze right there.
...Because Yeonju was sitting on the new mattress that had been empty just a moment ago.
With her knees up, hugging a blanket.
Still staring at me with wide, sparkling eyes.
"...Why are you here?"
"I felt a bit dizzy. I couldn't sleep."
"Why, again."
"If you were me, and you saw your loser Oppa playing with hundreds of millions like a game right in front of your eyes, do you think you'd be able to sleep?"
"...."
Yeonju lay down on her side, resting her head on my pillow.
And then, turning her gaze slightly to the side, she spoke in a low voice.
"...I don't know what the hell I just saw."
"...Like you said, it's like a game. It's not that big of a deal. There are many people who roll it like I do."
"That's why it's weird. ...I can't understand someone playing with money that a person should earn in a lifetime like it's a game."
The look in her eyes was like she was looking at a stranger.
It seemed her heart was complicated, realizing that the many words of comfort I had given her until yesterday weren't just empty praise to soothe her, but words said because I truly had so much leeway.
"...Not sleepy?"
"Yeah. I feel like the money will be gone when I wake up."
"As if."
Yeonju turned on her phone and checked the account once more.
After staring for a long time at the numbers she must have already seen dozens of times, she muttered very quietly.
"...How much money have you lost, Oppa?"
"Me?"
"If you roll it like that, you must have lost some. ...How much did you lose to empathize with me so sincerely?"
"...I've blown up to 700 million."
"You lost a lot too, Oppa."
"But it turned out okay. You're making money again now, so you're okay, right?"
"Yeah. ...Thanks to you."
I scratched my neck, feeling unnecessarily ticklish.
...Actually, I'm not the person to be giving you advice.
I was a much more pathetic person than you originally.
"Oppa, with all that money, you don't meet friends. You don't meet women, what do you do alone?"
"...That's a good question."
Hearing something that hit the nail on the head, I had nothing to say.
...Come to think of it, what the hell have I been doing?
It wasn't about the story of this moment, but I was reminded of myself in those days, 1-2 years ago, when I was only trading all day long after earning hundreds of millions.
If I had earned that much, I should have gone out and about, what was I doing, anyway.
"I wondered where in the world there was someone with so much money and so much time, and it turned out to be someone like you, Oppa."
"Why are you hitting me all of a sudden?"
"No, just. ...I was curious. I wondered what kind of person could spend tens of millions of won on others without a second thought."
"I'm not that kind of person."
"Then where do you spend your money?"
"I was just addicted to the act of making money itself. ...I don't do weird things."
Like Yeonju said, if I had earned this much without regressing, I would have done something.
Whether it was meeting women, indulging in entertainment, or setting up some crappy company and acting cocky.
But originally, I was a person who was completely fucked before I could even get there, so I didn't have time to look at anything else but what was right in front of me.
"...Suddenly, life feels so futile."
"Why, again."
"I also... thought I was making money quite easily. ...Seeing what you do, it feels like what I did had no meaning."
"Hey, come on. I told you not to self-deprecate."
"It's not self-deprecation, it's just futile. ...No matter how hard I live, I won't be able to follow in your footsteps, will I?"
"...."
"...I've already seen it, so what can I do. No matter what I do for the rest of my life, I'll think of you even if I'm just a little bit tired. Honestly, if I ask for help, you'll save me, right? Like this time."
But unlike me, my sister had become someone who only saw me now.
Isn't it inevitable?
Even if it were me, if Yeonju had become a great pianist like her childhood dream, been called here and there, and earned billions, I would have only thought about leeching off her.
"...I don't even know how to repay the debt I owe you, Oppa."
"What debt are you talking about?"
"You saved my life once. ...I have to do whatever you ask. I'm just dumbfounded, but I'm really grateful to you, Oppa."
"Don't try to do anything grand, just live quietly. Ah, if you have a niece or nephew later, help them out or something."
"Niece or nephew?"
"No, well. You and I will get married someday, right? It's not like we don't have money."
I spoke jokingly to the sister who was feeling sentimental to lighten the mood, and Yeonju, who was looking at me quietly, turned around and laughed, "Pfft."
That was surprisingly annoying, so I approached the mattress and yanked the blanket, and my sister, with a slightly contemptuous expression, opened her mouth to me.
"...Oppa is such a total loser, I feel like you'll just get your assets ripped off if you get married."
"What are you saying."
"You have a lot of money but no social experience. You... haven't even dated, right?"
"...So what."
"Oppa, you shouldn't get married yet. You should at least try dating 10 times before thinking about it."
"I'm not that bad, you know?"
"I bet you are? You seem to be on the same level as my viewers... . ...Looking at your comments one by one. I let it slide because you're family."
...I have no words to refute that.
I know it too.
That if I get distracted by a woman in this state, I'll give her everything, heart and soul.
"In my opinion, Oppa, if you stay like this, you'll definitely get hooked by a woman pretending to be kind, or you'll get sucked dry of tens of millions, hundreds of millions while watching something like a female streamer."
"I'm not that stupid, Yeonju-ya."
"I'm giving you advice. Meet a proper woman."
"Then you introduce me to one."
"I don't have friends either. Even if I did, I wouldn't introduce them. ...First, buy some clothes and fix your hair."
"I'll do that on my own without you telling me!"
"Yeah, right. ...While jerking off at home."
"...Hey."
"I was trying to sleep, but I heard weird noises."
...Like how I'm talking as if I'm doing a useless favor for this annoying sister right now.
I saved her, and now she's trying to climb over my head, this brat.
"Hey, get out."
"Ah, why. You didn't even check if someone was sleeping and one side was wrong—"
"It's my house. Get out, quickly."
"Ah, sorry, sorry. I won't tease you. I said I'm sorry...!"
Teasing my sister, who was holding onto the blanket and holding back laughter until the end, I felt the emotion of 'happiness' for the first time in a while.
...Yeah, this must be healthy happiness.
Not the dopamine that feels like it's burning my brain, but acting like an idiot and giggling like an idiot.
Thanks to my sister, I was able to barely regain a normal mindset.
Now, forget the fucked up memories, and just like this—
"But Oppa. I have a question."
"What is it?"
"...Do you have a habit of biting people in your sleep?"
"...What?"
"No, I definitely felt a tongue... touching my neck. ...Do you have sleep talking habits like that? I was wondering if I dreamt it."
"...."
...I wanted to pretend it never happened.
Why does she remember?
The things that happened on the night of the 16th.
The you from the 15th is remembering it.