009. Deviation (3)
009. Deviation (3)
Normally, this would be a situation where I'd just make a disgusted face and ignore it.
To begin with, Yeonju and I aren't exactly close enough to be exchanging aegyo.
After looping through the past few days, I felt some emotional resonance, and since she owes me a debt, she feels grateful, but that's it—just a typical brother-sister relationship.
...But I just can't push her away.
"You loosened up."
"I didn't."
"You fell for it."
"Fell for what?"
"I've felt this since we were little, but Oppa, you really can't lie."
"...."
If I just endure it for a moment, I can go back to yesterday.
Instead of facing the weekend with only 1 billion won without knowing the future, I can go back to the 16th and start with 2.3 billion.
If I just play along with that... crazy bitch flirting, I can make at least 1.3 billion, and probably 5 billion.
...And I can even leave her memories fuzzy.
"Hehehe..., but now that I think about it, aren't you my fan too, Oppa?"
"...What are you talking about?"
"You earned me nearly 100 million won. You liked it when I played piano, you comforted me when I was struggling.... Right? And you don't even have ulterior motives. Isn't that the best?"
"...Think whatever you want."
Having recovered all the lost money and being drunk, my younger sister, who was in a significantly good mood, pulled her chair right up next to me and started giggling.
Then she ate a piece of jamón, washed the saltiness down with a Chu-hi, fed me a piece of beef jerky, and started grinning while playing with her phone by herself.
Then, perhaps because she was hot, she sprawled out on the cold marble table to cool her ears, flapped her shirt, and started wandering around, stumbling, looking for the air conditioner remote.
"Are you hot?"
"Yeah. It feels hotter because it's humid...."
...Obviously, this was intentional.
Because I'm currently convinced that... I need to sweat to regress.
But she wasn't completely wasted, and it was a headache to try and raise the temperature again in front of my younger sister, who was blatantly beeping the temperature down.
"Yawn. ...I should brush my teeth and go to sleep soon. You're going to sleep too, right, Oppa?"
"Sleeping already?"
"Why. How much more do you plan on making me drink?"
"Let's have just one more can. ...I'm not drunk enough yet."
"Look at you, your face is beet red, what are you saying? You get like this even after just one drink, Oppa."
"It's just my face, my alcohol tolerance isn't actually that bad."
"Fine. Just one more can, then. ...I can't drink more than that."
...Let's just get her a little drunker for now.
I can't sleep with my slightly unhinged younger sister while sober, either.
Just a little more.
Just enough so that even if I regress, she won't even remember it as a dream.
**
After drinking one more can of Chu-hi, my younger sister finally stopped acting with that absurd aegyo and her reactions slowed down.
She wasn't completely blacked out like last time, but she was slow in every way.
After brushing her teeth for well over 5 minutes, my younger sister didn't go straight to her room but instead flopped onto my mattress and froze, unmoving.
"...."
Normally, the right choice and the obvious action would be to nudge her with my foot and chase her off to her bedroom.
But I was so broken that I felt grateful that my lightly dressed younger sister was lying here.
...Because this is way better than me breaking into her bedroom.
"...Phew."
I took a deep breath, and pretending like it was nothing, I also lay down quietly next to my younger sister.
...Maybe because the air conditioner was set so high, human body heat felt particularly hot.
It felt like I wouldn't even need to raise the temperature at this rate.
After all, if we just stick together a little, a few drops of sweat should form, right?
"...Oppa."
"What."
"Thank you, really."
Just as I was wondering when to start, a small voice rang out right by my ear.
Unlike before, all the aegyo and gentleness were gone; it was the original voice of Lee Yeonju.
"You recovered all the money I lost. ...How on earth did you do that?"
"...I just got lucky."
"Plus, you listened to everything I said. You stayed with me. ...And you accepted me even when I acted weird."
"Accepted what?"
"You did accept it. ...If it were the usual Oppa, you would've covered your ears when I talked in that voice."
Yeonju, who had been lying down, slowly crawled up next to me, leaned her forehead slightly against my back, and spoke with her lips against my clothes.
"Anyway, I owe you a lot, Oppa, is there anything you want from me?"
"...Just go to sleep already."
"...Yeah."
...This night, reeking of alcohol,
This voice too.
The body heat felt behind my back.
The arms hugging me.
Everything will evaporate and fly away once I wake up.
Of course, traces will remain.
Like last time, vaguely, as if experienced in a dream.
I'll remember everything, but I'm not sure if Yeonju will remember it or not.
...What's certain is that even if she remembers, she'll never think it was reality.
At least the Lee Yeonju of the morning of the 16th wouldn't have had any intention of acting this cute to her Oppa.
"...."
Yeonju's voice slowed down more and more.
I, too, felt the alcohol and sleep deprivation hitting me all at once, and my eyelids were heavy.
My heart..., wasn't beating that fast.
My head was hot, but honestly, it didn't even feel dizzy compared to when I blew 6 billion won yesterday.
Only the thighs touching Yeonju were getting hot, and before I knew it, sweat droplets were forming.
...So, almost all the conditions were met.
Alcohol.
Same bed.
Bodies touching.
Consciousness sinking at almost the same time.
...Even the sweat.
"......."
The temperature was too low to sweat without hugging.
But putting my hand on her thigh, which was already touching mine, was ambiguous since I didn't know if she was asleep or trying to sleep.
In the first place... even if she were asleep, I'd have to get into a weird position to lick her thigh.
It's better to just hug her while pretending to talk in my sleep.
"...Uung."
I turned my body to the side, wrapped my arms around her waist, and put a little more strength into my arms.
Soon, even breathing sounds began to be heard right in front of my nose.
It was dark so I couldn't see her face well, but even without seeing it, I could roughly picture the face of the younger sister I'd seen for over 20 years.
...Would it count as OK just by licking it after stroking it with my hand?
Or does the condition only get met if my tongue touches her skin directly?
I won't know the answer until I try.
But if I don't go back now..., 6 billion won is definitely gone.
Even if I could earn it by regressing to the future again, no one knows how much more the already twisted future will twist.
"...."
I gulp.
What I want is 2.3 billion.
That money I had on the morning of the 16th.
...I can do anything for that.
Even my sister's neck..., fuck. Just like a dog—
"...Uung...."
...I slid my body down slightly, shoved my head under my sister's chin, and exhaled deeply.
Come to think of it, there was no need to hug her intensely.
If I seal it off like this and exhale a little intensely, sweat droplets will form on her neck and collarbone in no time.
Please, please, hoping my sister wouldn't wake up, I blew out hot breath very slowly.
Haa.
If it just smelled like musty sweat, I could grit my teeth and think, "I'm doing this pathetic thing just to regress," but the way the powder scent, lotion scent, and sweat scent mixed strangely made me feel even more like shit.
Whether she specifically has this scent, or if women naturally smell like this, fuck, a loser like me wouldn't know.
Still... trying to think as positively as possible.
Like that, I kept blowing breath onto her soft, sweat-free collarbone.
Repeating the process of the toothpaste scent from my mouth hitting her skin, returning, and mixing with my sister's skin scent to come back as an indescribable, strange smell.
Forcibly suppressing my heart, which started pounding until it became slightly moist.
...While hugging my sister tightly.
"...."
I licked it.
...I licked my sister's moist skin, which didn't really taste like much.
I stuck out my tongue, feeling much more guilty than last time.
Very slightly.
Resting my chin on her chest.
"...Phew."
As soon as I licked it, I pulled my face away, pretending like nothing happened.
...This is really crazy.
No matter how I think about it, it's crazy.
The idea of licking my sleeping sister's collarbone and making it like it never happened through regression.
I even did it despite knowing the fact that she vaguely remembers.
...But I have no choice.
Where is the crazy bastard who chooses the latter between getting 1.3 billion vs losing 6 billion?
This much is cheap.
Well..., it's not like it's asking for something more disgusting.
This much is fine.
Really, it's not like it's a completely morally bankrupt act....
"...I'm sorry."
I muttered silently, moving only my lips.
I carefully unwrapped my arms from her waist and opened my eyes slightly.
Even in the darkness, the outline of her face was faintly visible.
Yeonju with her eyes closed.
Slightly parted lips.
Regular breathing.
...She must be asleep.
She wouldn't wake up and do this if she were sleeping.
"...."
...I don't know, fuck.
I would have needed to see people sleeping a lot to know if she's sleeping lightly, or if she's really deeply asleep, or if she's pretending to sleep.
Only the 'fact' that she didn't wake up even when I licked her remains, and no one knows what the truth is.
That made me so anxious, but,
Still, I had no choice.
Other than believing she's asleep.
"......."
I quietly closed my eyes again and turned my back.
Unlike before, my heart felt like it was going to burst.
Guilt.
Fear.
Shame.
And.
What if I can't regress even after doing all this?
...What if I regress and she remembers everything?
Those thoughts scrambled my mind.
What should I say to Yeonju?
If she asks why I did it, should I say I was drunk?
Should I say I mistook it in my sleep?
Should I make an excuse that I originally have bad sleeping habits?
...I don't know.
Let's just sleep for now.
Because whenever I regressed so far, we always fell asleep together around the same time.
If we don't fall asleep, this whole thing becomes meaningless.
I must sleep.
If I want to erase it.
**
I had a dream.
This time, Yeonju was sitting in front of me.
The reason I knew it was a dream was..., because Yeonju was looking at me pitifully.
"It's okay, Oppa."
"What is?"
"...As long as you don't die, it's fine. I can at least support you, Oppa..."
"Support me with what? ...You want me to live off my younger sister?"
"That's not what I meant."
Yeonju was comforting me, who had completely lost my mind, even while feeling conflicted.
"We're still family, though. ...Even if we're not that close, I care about you in my own way, Oppa."
"......."
"...I know it's really hard because you blew 700 million won, but if you have weird thoughts because of that, it'll only get harder. Don't... try to shoulder it all alone, just tell me, Mom, or Dad. ...The words you said to me earlier were really comforting to me, too."
It was the exact opposite of reality.
I was the one comforting Yeonju.
I was the one earning money.
I should be the one telling her it's okay.
In the dream, I wasn't collapsing, but leaning on my sister's goodwill.
"...I had almost earned it all back."
"I know."
"I feel like I just need to do it one more time."
"Don't."
Yeonju's hand covered my eyes.
"Just sleep, Oppa."
"......."
"...Let's just live within our means. We got scolded because we tried to do something we shouldn't have. Both me and you."
"...Is that so."
"...Let's live quietly, us. Relying on each other as family."
Her voice was strangely warm.
I forgot everything for a moment.
...Because I was completely drunk.
**
"...Gasp."
I snapped awake and opened my eyes.
It was still a bit dark.
The sun hadn't risen outside the window.
Only the sound of the air conditioner running was ringing low in the room.
...Yeonju's arm was still resting on my waist.
I picked up my phone with trembling hands.
July 18th.
Saturday.
5:37 AM.
"......."
I didn't regress.
...Instead, the bathroom door, which I had definitely closed, was open.
We didn't fall asleep together.
I couldn't go back.
...After committing such an act.