Midterms (3)
"So that means I'm okay, then?"
On the way home after the gym, Juyeong's question struck straight at my weak point, and for a split second my brain simply shut off. Why is he only sharp at times like this...! I had just said something no different from telling him outright that I was interested in him.
Embarrassment caught up with me a beat too late. I hurried a few steps ahead and scrambled to change the subject.
"S-so, midterms are coming up soon. How's the studying going for you, Juyeong?"
He must have noticed I was trying to dodge — but the question wasn't something he could just let slide, because he went quiet. I seized the opening and managed to paper it over with some nagging, though Juyeong's remark that it would probably work out somehow sounded, unlike usual, like something he had tossed out without thinking at all. Normally he would have had some kind of plan, or at least given it a moment's thought before opening his mouth. This time, it really seemed like he had nothing.
I asked, just in case, whether there was a university he wanted to go to. When he said he had no intention of going, I couldn't help but panic. It was a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and I had been secretly dreaming of campus life together. We were only fake lovers for now — but I had not the slightest doubt that things would progress before our second year was over.
So I rambled, saying whatever came into my head, and before long I had talked him around. He changed his mind. Phew...
I had put out the immediate fire, but it seemed Juyeong still had worries left. Once you have given up on studying, picking it back up is brutally hard. I didn't know which university he would end up at, but wherever he went, he would need grades that at least cleared the minimum cutoff.
I didn't like seeing Juyeong struggle — but I couldn't help being pleased with the situation as it stood. We can study together. The moment that thought landed, a plan was already taking shape in my head. And the moment the plan was formed, I put it into action.
Lee Yeonhee finished getting ready and stood in front of the full-length mirror, checking her outfit. She had used the excuse of going home to grab a bag that did not even exist — but the truth was she simply needed time to dress up.
A white modal T-shirt tucked into light-wash denim, a pale green knit vest layered over the top that looked a little like a school uniform vest. In a crowded place it would have been the most ordinary outfit in the world, nothing special about it at all. On Lee Yeonhee, though — tall for a girl — it had the opposite effect, stripping away the last of her childishness and leaving her looking distinctly grown.
Is this a bit much?
Anyone passing by would think she was going on a date, not going to study. But in the face of a first love that had bloomed so late, and so sweetly, ordinary thinking was impossible for her. Even as she wondered if it was too much, the urge to dress up just a little more kept welling up, until she could barely stop herself.
This should be fine, right?
It wasn't entirely satisfying — but thinking of Juyeong sitting alone at the library made her feel like she had kept him waiting, so she decided this was enough. I should leave before it gets any later.
She was going to study, and yet a smile spread across her lips. A truly ironic situation.
"I'm heading out~♪"
Humming under her breath, Lee Yeonhee picked up the tote bag she had set on the floor, slung it over her shoulder, and slipped quickly out the front door.
The library was close enough that I didn't have to walk long to get there. It was near my house — a place I had always come during exam season — but today it felt brand new.
The moment I stepped through the entrance, I looked around. I knew Juyeong well enough not to even glance at the seats in the center. I checked the corner spots one by one, and found him sitting alone in the farthest corner from the door.
He's so consistent.
The thought only made him cuter. I started toward him — then a sudden spark of mischief made me quiet my footsteps, sneak up from behind, and cover his eyes.
"Guess who~"
I wanted to just wrap my arms around him like this, but I still had to hold back. I stood there covering his eyes, looking down at the crown of his head as he sat, and an indifferent voice came back as if this were nothing at all.
It wasn't a prank I had pulled expecting a big reaction — but getting a response this dry still made me a little sulky. That couldn't be helped.
"Tch. Would it kill you to play along a little."
I sat down beside him like it was the most natural thing in the world and set my things down. As I pulled a textbook and a notebook from the tote bag, I could feel him looking at me from the side, as if he had something to say.
"What?"
When I asked why he was staring so hard, apparently he had been wondering why I had sat next to him.
"If I'm going to teach you, of course I have to sit next to you."
That reason seemed to be enough for that particular question. He never pays attention any other time, but he gets sharp only at moments like this.
Then the next question came right on its heels. We were sitting unnecessarily close — close enough that if either of us moved even a little, we would brush against each other. I was the one who had done it, but even so, being this near the person I liked was not something I could take without embarrassment. I was so flustered I wanted to crawl into a hole. I endured it anyway. If he reacted even this much, it was a bargain.
"If we're too far apart you can't see what I'm writing, so we have to be at least this close."
I papered it over like that and was trying to cool the heat in my face when I noticed him beside me, staring down at the desk with a vacant look, lost in thought. He often drifted off into his own head like this — but it had been a long time since I had seen him concentrate this hard. The first time since the stalker, maybe?
I didn't know what he was thinking so intently about, but we hadn't come here just to fool around, so we needed to get started soon. If we played around too much and his grades didn't come out, my whole plan would go down the drain.
"Juyeong?"
I called his name to pull him back, but of course once wasn't enough — no response. I called him again, and only then did he react. He seemed to realize he had been spacing out, because he apologized right away. More than the apology, though, I was curious what he had been thinking about so hard.
"Yeah? Is it something important?"
Despite how focused he had been, the answer that came back was that it wasn't particularly important. From where I was sitting, it had looked like he was thinking pretty seriously. I was curious — but I didn't think he would tell me even if I asked.
"Then can we get started now?"
Rather than dragging things out over nothing, I figured it was better to start quickly so we could at least talk a little more.
"Oh — before we start. What's the subject you're least confident in?"
His answer settled it: we would begin with math. The moment it was decided, I opened the textbook I had prepared and held it out to him.
"From where does it start not making sense?"
At my question, Juyeong started flipping through the pages. Watching them turn in chunks, a thought arrived unbidden. ...This much? When his hand stopped, the book was open a little past the beginning. I guess I should count myself lucky it's at least this far...? The silver lining was that he hadn't said he didn't know it from the very first page.
"Okay. I'll start by teaching you the formulas — you just need to memorize these."
I watched him give a small nod, then went on.
"The hard part is plugging the problems into the formulas. I'll walk you through that one by one, too."
I watched him work, and whenever his concentration wavered or he looked like he was struggling, I threw in a little tease. I would stretch my arm out long, pretending to write in the notebook, and let our arms brush — or lean in as if to explain something and press my shoulder against his.
After I had done it a few times, I noticed his fingers twitching.
Did he just react to that...?
It was such a faint reaction I could easily have missed it. Very Juyeong of him, I supposed — he himself didn't even seem to have noticed. To check whether I was imagining it, I teased him once more, and this time I could see it clearly. It wasn't my imagination.
Since when?
That raised a question. He had never shown much of a reaction normally — but maybe he had actually been aware of me, even just a little. I had to consider the possibility that he had been reacting in tiny ways like this all along, and I simply hadn't caught it.
Maybe there's actually a chance...?
It felt like hope was appearing, as if in reward for everything I had done so far. I could feel it instinctively — the day Juyeong would realize how I felt wasn't far off.
Thinking that, I felt like I was going to turn into a complete idiot.
"Heh..."
What's she doing now?
Whenever my head started to hurt, she would somehow know and start teasing me — but this time she had gone strangely quiet. It was almost scary, like the calm before something big happened.
I had called her name over and over with no answer, so I looked over to see what she was thinking so hard about — and out of nowhere she was just sitting there grinning.
What, is her dream job to be a teacher? Is she getting some kind of satisfaction out of teaching me right now? I was stuck on this problem and needed an explanation, and she just kept sitting there like that, which was getting frustrating. Calling her name wasn't working, so I guessed I would have to shake her.
"Hey. Snap out of it."
"Huh?"
I gave her shoulder a light shake, and she came back.
"You tired? We can stop here for today, then."
"Ah, no. I'm not tired at all."
I had been thinking if she was tired we could wrap up for today and I would study at home alone, but that didn't seem to be the case.
"Then can you walk me through this part?"
I pointed at the problem with my finger, and she said she had it and picked the explanation back up.
"For this one, you plug in the formula I just showed you and solve it like this."
"Got it. Let me try."
Unlike the foolish look from a moment ago, Yeonhee had switched back into teacher mode, looking thoroughly intellectual. They say genius and idiot are a paper's thickness apart — and here's a living specimen right in front of me. The thought made a dry laugh slip out.
"Are you listening?"
"Ah. Yeah."
"Yeah? Then try this one."
"...Sorry."
We concentrated like that until it grew dark outside, and as I felt the knowledge stacking up bit by bit in my head, the first day came to a close.