Chapter 84
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Translator: Ebonarch
Chapter: 84
Chapter Title: Han Se-ah
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Walking hand in hand with Han Se-ah through the hotel.
Lately, too many strange things have been happening.
Am I dreaming after all?
A faint tremor transmitted from our clasped hands.
It's cruel.
Why is the world so cruel?
Once inside the elevator, I let go of Han Se-ah's hand.
I hoped that man would stop me.
I wanted him to see me holding Se-ah's hand, regret it, tell me I was wrong, and beg me to pretend it never happened.
How could that man let me go like this?
How could Han Se-ah accept it?
I couldn't understand.
"Se-ah..."
I barely opened my mouth before clamping it shut again.
Even if I asked, even if I heard the answer, I wouldn't understand.
From then until we reached the room, Se-ah and I didn't exchange a single word.
It was the same even after we entered.
What should I say? How?
I was lost.
"...I'll shower first."
Leaving Se-ah in the room, I fled to the bathroom.
I'm Se-ah's fan, but yesterday was the first time I'd seen her face in person.
I'm not bold enough to brazenly share a hotel room alone with someone like that.
A timid, pathetic loser. That's me.
This feels uncomfortable.
The concrete I shoved into my chest this morning feels like it's hardened solid.
For now, I douse myself in cold water to calm down.
But there's no sign of it working.
Could I just hide in here forever?
"Hoo."
'How long are you going to keep running away? Wait for Mom to save you again?'
My sister's words struck me.
I can't run.
The truly anxious one isn't me—it's Se-ah.
What should I do?
What's the right path for Han Se-ah?
No answers came no matter how I thought.
It was time to finish showering.
What about clothes?
Go out dressed? Or naked?
How do they do it in movies?
I wrapped a towel around my waist like I'd seen somewhere and stepped out of the bathroom.
Se-ah was sitting demurely on the bed.
She wore a calm expression, but she couldn't hide the anxiety in her eyes.
On screen, she was the perfect idol.
But peel back one layer, and Han Se-ah was just a fragile girl.
I sat down beside her for now.
A moment of silence.
"...Then, I'll go too."
This time, Han Se-ah fled to the bathroom.
Strangely, I felt relieved.
"What do I do now?"
I barely resisted the urge to tear my hair out.
If ripping it out would solve things, I'd go bald in a heartbeat.
But it wouldn't give me any bright ideas.
Water ran from the shower on the other side.
Han Se-ah was showering right there.
And yet, my dick didn't even twitch.
I was tense.
Should I run while Se-ah's showering?
But that wouldn't solve anything.
She'd just pick another guy and put him in my place.
Better me than that.
Such thoughts crossed my mind.
But is that okay?
Wouldn't Se-ah get hurt?
Agh!!!
Damn it!!
Why am I agonizing over this?
That pervert bastard! That crazy president!
This is all his fault!
To have my love respected, I should respect others' love too.
But I can't respect this!
This isn't right!
Hurting the woman he loves, getting hurt himself,
a love that can only be fulfilled that way?
Is this kind of love even allowed?
Damn it.
I'll steal her away.
Han Se-ah.
Make her cling to me so she'll never look at that pervert again.
With this dick endorsed by my sister.
Make that man pound the ground in regret.
Make him unable to endure without curing that filthy fetish.
Han Se-ah finished showering and came out.
Like me, she covered her chest and privates with just a towel.
Her wet black hair glistened.
Han Se-ah cautiously sat beside me.
Where had that "I'll steal her away!" resolve from moments ago gone?
I sat frozen like stone, unable to even look at her.
What should I say first?
"By any chance."
The biggest thing bothering me first.
"Are you recording or anything?"
"...No. If you need, I can set it up now."
"No, good if there's none."
Se-ah must have thought I wanted that.
I wondered if she was filming because that man had such tastes.
"...This must be unpleasant, right?"
"Huh?"
I hadn't asked. Se-ah did.
"Suddenly being told to sleep with a stranger. If you really hate it..."
"No."
I absolutely couldn't tell her I was her fan.
But I couldn't bear Se-ah being here out of such pathetic thoughts.
"Se-ah is a beautiful and attractive woman. Any man in the world would want to hold you. Including me, of course."
Se-ah bowed her head, embarrassed.
"The reason I'm hesitating is I can't be sure this is truly right. I believe the person I love should be protected no matter what. So I can't understand the president's... this method."
The feeling of handing the woman you love to another man—I'd never understand it.
Nor do I want to.
"Are you really okay with this, Se-ah? If there's debt or some weakness..."
"Hee hee."
That's weird.
Whenever I get serious, women laugh.
Do I look funny?
"Sorry. I think I know why the president asked Jin Sun-hu."
"...Why?"
"Normally, no one would think this seriously like you, Sun-hu. If someone offered a one-night ticket with Han Se-ah, anyone would take it. But yesterday, you refused, right? Got mad and stormed out."
"Ah. That was."
Not because I disliked Se-ah.
"That was the president's mistake. But he must have been convinced then. That you're okay."
Yesterday, I didn't even hear the president out before storming off.
He called it a misunderstanding, but it wasn't entirely. Though different from what I imagined.
"You asked if I'm okay. I am. Because he's the man my love chose. What better guarantee is there?"
"Love."
That magical word, love.
Does anything go if love's involved?
If the loved one wishes it.
For the loved one.
Because I love him. Because he's the one I love.
The first thing love brings to my mind is Mom.
Just yesterday, she said even if the whole world turned against me, she'd be on my side.
Unconditional, absolute love.
Is Se-ah's love like that too?
Even if the world turns its back on him, Se-ah accepts his ways.
...I don't really get it.
If that's truly for that man.
Or for Se-ah herself.
But if that's what she wants.
I'll just do as I desire.
I look at Se-ah.
Even this close, I'd been avoiding her eyes.
Her small face with delicately packed features.
A pretty face. My idol Se-ah's face.
I place my hand on her cheek and slowly draw near.
"Um, kissing is a bit..."
"If we don't kiss, we won't do anything else."
At my words, Se-ah closes her eyes reluctantly, as if she has no choice.
If we're doing it, we do it right.
I have my non-negotiables too.
If you're unhappy, go complain to the man who chose me.
Chuu... Chwup...
I press my lips to Han Se-ah's.
Mi-so once said she practiced kissing with her group members.
Back then, Mi-so said of Han Se-ah, 'She looks innocent but was the most aggressive.'
Right now, Han Se-ah wasn't aggressive at all—just passively letting her lips touch mine.
Mi-so's fine, but not me? What's the reason?
No kissing with other men?
Sex is okay, but kissing no?
Ridiculous.
I drop the towel covering Han Se-ah's body.
Exposed are her snow-white skin and breasts just the right size for one hand.
Like Mi-so and Jin-i's combined and split evenly.
Perfectly sized and shaped breasts.
Small compared to ones I know, but above average, surely.
I place my hand on the sacred idol's breasts.
Soft, yet like an unripe fruit.
Her reaction is stiff.
Unfamiliar with caressing? Or hates my touch?
Plenty of men must've passed through, so she can't be unfamiliar.
If she hates it so much, she doesn't have to.
Why throw yourself at a man you don't even like, Han Se-ah?
Do you love him that much?
Enough to do it even with a man you dislike, if he orders?
Clearly, I'm the one holding Han Se-ah right now.
Why am I jealous of another man?
This is weird.
I don't even understand my own heart.
Even as she lets me touch her breasts, because her love points to that man?
I'm envious.
I want to steal it.
Not just her body, but her heart too.
I pull away from the kiss and lick her breasts.
The reaction isn't great.
Itchiness, embarrassment, and something insufficient for pleasure.
What do I do?
First time with someone this unresponsive.
Is loveless sex like this?
Until now, love led to sex.
This time, it's reversed.
Gain love through sex.
Like taking an exam I never studied for.
No confidence.
Can I steal Han Se-ah's heart?
Don't get anxious.
You know a woman's body, right?
You've experienced plenty, right?
A woman's body is honest.
It reacts as it feels—good or bad.
No lies like with words.
I stroke her neck, her shoulders, slowly.
Slowly, slowly.
No rushing.
Forcing it on someone resistant is pointless.
Get her used to my touch.
Let her accept it without worry.
"Se-ah."
I nibble her earlobe with my lips.
No tongue, just light caressing.
Press my chest to hers.
Fingers graze her back and waist simultaneously.
Search for any spot with a special reaction.
Hmm. Not sure.
Talk it out? Sister did too.
"Se-ah. How did you end up in that kind of relationship with President Choi Dae-seung?"
I ask into her ear while holding her.
"...That kind of story is a bit."
"Tell me. I want to know about you, Se-ah. We've come this far; that much is fine, right?"
We're naked, bodies pressed together.
What more to hide?
Se-ah hesitated a long time before finally speaking.
"...I lost my parents young. Grew up with my grandma. The president was like a father to me instead."
A father instead.
Those words resonated in my heart.
What is this? A sense of kinship?
Suddenly, I felt like I understood a bit of Han Se-ah's heart.
I too came to love my adoptive mom as a woman, who became a mom in place of my biological parents.
I called the president a thief for the age gap over 20 years.
But thinking about it, Mom and I had even more.
I felt it.
This is it. The point to conquer Han Se-ah.
People relax finding common ground with others.
Sharing secrets brings closeness.
'Actually, me too.'
This might break down the walls around Han Se-ah's firm heart.
But.
I gave up.
The risk of revealing my relationship with Mom.
The return of winning Se-ah's heart.
Weighing them.
I decided to abandon it.
No way I could reveal it.
No way I'd put Mom at risk.
If that's the only way to gain love, better to give up.
I see.
So this is how Han Se-ah feels.
Like how I think of Mom, she does too.
Feeling a one-sided kinship with Han Se-ah,
I embraced her small body.
Hoping my warmth would reach this fragile girl, even a little.