Chapter 83
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Translator: Ebonarch
Chapter: 83
Chapter Title: Forms of Love
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‘Is there anyone among our members you like?’
That was what Mi-so had asked me during our date before.
I’d answered, “You, Mi-so,” at the time, but honestly, someone else had come to mind first.
Se-ah.
She was the leader of Spring, the idol group Mi-so belonged to.
Of course, that didn’t mean I liked Se-ah more than Mi-so.
Liking Mi-so was such a given that I didn’t even need to think about it.
Se-ah—real name Han Se-ah—was 22, a year older than me.
She had a bunch of nicknames.
Born an idol.
Se: The world’s greatest A: Idol.
Miss Perfect.
Just from those, you could picture what kind of person she was.
Singing, dancing, looks, talk skills, self-management, mental strength. And more.
Se-ah was a perfect idol in every way.
If Mi-so was an idol with evenly distributed stats like a regular hexagon, Se-ah was a fully maxed-out one.
Put simply, she was Mi-so’s upgraded version.
Even I, as family and a fan of Mi-so’s, had to admit it.
Mi-so was cuter because she had some gaps in her skills.
I didn’t care about other idols, but since it was Mi-so’s group, I made a point of watching Spring’s performances whenever I could.
And every time, Se-ah shone at the center of the stage.
I was a fan of that perfect idol, Se-ah.
To someone as lacking as me in every way, her perfection was blindingly dazzling.
My idol, literally—my object of worship.
I quietly cheered her on in secret.
I couldn’t show it because of Mi-so, but...
Cheering her on in my heart was fine, right?
It wasn’t hurting anyone.
Maybe that’s why “that incident” pissed me off even more—because I was her fan.
The thought of my idol being sullied.
『This is Han Se-ah. I’d like to meet to discuss what I mentioned yesterday.』
I got a text from her early that morning.
A few days ago, I would’ve been over the moon, dancing with joy.
But now? Not even a flicker of happiness.
My chest felt heavy and suffocating, like it was filled with cement.
Still, I had to meet her.
For Mi-so’s future, I needed to talk to these people.
We exchanged texts with Se-ah and set up a meeting for today.
It was a bit early for lunch.
The place was the same hotel as yesterday: EFL.
Today, the president and Se-ah would both be there.
Was it okay for an idol to book a hotel meeting?
Not my business, probably.
They’d stayed there yesterday, from what I gathered.
And Se-ah had said that was her relationship with the president.
…...
I didn’t really want to know.
An idol’s private life was their own.
I wanted her to stay that clean, beautiful image forever.
Ignorance would’ve kept me happy.
Sigh.
Noon, under the blazing sun.
I left right on time today.
Yesterday I’d gone 30 minutes early, but today I didn’t see the point.
The two of them were waiting at a table in the hotel lounge.
Se-ah in a white suit, the president in black.
It felt like angel versus devil.
I was about to talk with the devil who’d corrupted my angel.
“Hello.”
“Thank you for coming.”
The president and Se-ah stood to greet me.
I gave a perfunctory nod and sat down.
This felt weird somehow.
Like the power dynamic had flipped.
I felt awkward acting all high and mighty.
“I’m sorry for telling you something misleading yesterday.”
Was it really just a misunderstanding?
I’d thought about it all night, and there didn’t seem to be any other explanation.
I glanced at Se-ah.
She was staring down at the table, silent.
What was she thinking?
“First, let me clarify my relationship with Se-ah. We’re seriously dating. The other Spring members know about it too.”
Mi-so already knew.
And still took their side.
Were Se-ah and Mi-so really being deceived?
What was so great about this old guy?
The money? Some debt?
If only I had money...
No. The debt thing was just my imagination.
I should hear the full story.
“What I’m about to tell you is something even the other members don’t know. Just the three of us here—so if it leaks, I’ll have to suspect you, Mr. Jin Sun-hu.”
Keep the secret, huh.
A subtle threat.
But a bigger secret than the agency president sleeping with Han Se-ah?
“The truth is... I can’t perform as a man.”
…...
It was so out of left field.
I honestly hadn’t seen that coming.
But he said he was dating Han Se-ah?
“You might not know this, Mr. Jin, but I’m divorced. It was over ten years ago, when I was younger... My wife cheated on me back then. With a young guy, in our home.”
Whoa.
This was turning into a trashy drama.
Why tell me all this?
“I sensed something off with my wife, so I installed cameras around the house. Then I saw the footage of her and that young guy going at it in our home. I was so shocked, I split with her right after.”
That’s terrifying.
What would it feel like to see that for yourself?
I’m definitely never installing cameras, even if I’m suspicious.
“Part of it was my fault she cheated. I couldn’t do my duty as a man. Even with those forced pills, there was no mental arousal—it was just labor for me. She must’ve gotten sick of one-sidedly demanding from a husband uninterested in sex. And she was young and attractive, so I can’t really blame her for going to a younger guy who actually loved her.”
Not getting excited for a young, hot wife?
I lived in a constant state of arousal adventure; I couldn’t relate to this guy at all.
“After the divorce, my libido sank even lower. I was getting older, so maybe natural. But the problem was... I only got aroused watching that video of her. That was the only time I felt like a man.”
Ah.
“Can you believe it, Mr. Jin? A physically healthy guy who can’t get excited even for the woman he loves... but gets hard only when seeing her with another man?”
“......No.”
I couldn’t understand it.
Reproduction is a male instinct.
His story went against human nature.
It physiologically repulsed me.
“I couldn’t believe it about myself either. I couldn’t tell anyone about this filthy secret. I figured I’d just live alone, suppressing my desires forever. To shake off that dirty side of me, I threw myself even harder into work.”
“Then I met Se-ah.”
“She approached me seriously. She was young then, dreaming of love with an adult. I turned her down, thinking that. I didn’t have time for kid stuff, or the mental space.”
“But she didn’t give up, and her sincerity wore me down. So I told her everything. About my perverted kink. Hoping she’d leave me. I said normal love with me was impossible, no matter how much she tried.”
“Yet she still didn’t back off. She said we’d figure it out together, accepted even this messed-up me. Could you not love a woman like that, Mr. Jin?”
For some reason, his words made me think of Mom.
Mom, who loved all of me. And me, loving her back.
The one who embraced all my worries.
Maybe Se-ah was that for him.
Their relationship felt abnormal, unacceptable to the world.
“I fell in love with Se-ah. And we made a promise. When she turned adult, became the top idol, and still felt the same... then we’d date seriously.”
“She kept that promise. Became an adult, the top idol, feelings unchanged. We started officially dating. Of course, we can’t make it public.”
Se-ah was 22 now.
By his account, they’d been together two years.
She’d already been doing this since then...?
“I didn’t tell you everything yesterday out of the last shred of male pride. I figured as long as you slept with Se-ah, it’d be fine. Bonus if it led to a contract with our company. But I misjudged... didn’t consider how seriously you take Mi-so.”
“......Why me?”
There were idols in his agency.
Plenty more outside, with his connections.
Men dying for one night with Han Se-ah? No shortage.
“Even with my weird kink, I can’t just throw Se-ah at any guy. He has to match her, keep the secret, no backlash. No risk to her or the company.”
“In that sense, you were ideal, Mr. Jin. Ji-in came back from meeting you raving about you nonstop. Made me jealous as a man. She’s sharp with guys despite appearances. Doesn’t praise lightly. A man she approves of. Deep ties to Mi-so, secrets to protect.”
Secrets to protect.
What did this guy know about me?
“My theory: Men with much to protect don’t take others’ secrets lightly. That’s why I chose you. As a match for Se-ah.”
“......What if. What if I seriously seduced Se-ah? Ever think she might fall for me?”
“I trust Se-ah. If she turned away anyway, it was fate. I’d respect her choice.”
The president’s eyes were dark and lonely.
Like peering into the deep sea, lightless.
He placed a key on the table, like yesterday.
Scary.
The resolve behind his words.
Handing his beloved to another man, possibly losing her forever.
And accepting it.
What would I do?
......I didn’t even want to imagine.
“......Is Se-ah okay with this?”
What had she felt doing this all along?
Sleeping with random guys for the man she loved.
How did she accept it?
“Because I love that president.”
Her love felt far heavier and darker than any I knew.
I took the key he offered.
Then grasped Han Se-ah’s hand and stood.
“Mr. Jin Sun-hu. Take good care of Se-ah.”
The president spoke from behind as I led her toward the room.
I didn’t look back.