52. Horns Are National Rule for Little Devil Costumes
"Hiiiii... Aaaahhh..."
It's been five whole minutes since I huddled in the corner of the hallway, cradling my small, cute head.
"She knuckle-flicked me... Siii... That loser cat gave me the king of all knuckle-flicks, super duper painful..."
An insanely long time has passed, but the pain from that knuckle-flick hasn't faded a bit. It must be swollen. No doubt, 100% swollen. It's gotta be a bump bigger than my fist, like you can't stop a pimple. My vision's all blurry, so it must be raining for sure. The evil organization's executive, Tyranno-sama, doesn't cry. I don't cry, okay? This is just rain.
"That loser cat dared to hit me? I never even got hit by Daddy. Just you wait. I'm telling everything to Lion."
If I tell Lion, she'll grab that naughty Lion who flicked my head and punish her harshly with a Lion Spicy Punch. Then the naughty Lion will cry her eyes out from the pain, right? And I'll laugh my ass off watching her. Pfft kiki♥
"If my genius Tyranno brain cells die, you'll take responsibility, huh? Hey! Will you?!"
In my head, I can see the mini-Tyrannos dying.
-We're dying... Heart won't beat anymore...
-Really?
-Loser... Idiot! How can you talk if your heart won't beat! Lie down!
-Hing, boo-hoo, so sad.
I avenged the dead loser Tyranno brain cells by stomping on Lion's paw. Still not satisfied, I unleashed two rounds of Tyranno Super Ultra Dark Mega Darkness Blade Turbo Super Spicy Punch.
"Why'd you knuckle-flick me the second I mentioned the hypnosis app?!"
"Did it look like I wouldn't flick you? Why the hell did the hypnosis app even come up? Do you even know what it's for?"
"Of course I do!"
Show this spinning target thingy, and all the losers fall head over heels for my charm, offering premium chocolate if I say so, and chanting "Long live the great mesugaki leader Tyranno-sama!" if I command it. Super simple and convenient power! Why wouldn't you use something this handy? Perfect for a noble Tyranno-sama to turn others into errand boys!
"Really? You know what you can do with the hypnosis app, and you're still saying you'll use it on Chae Sua? Why her of all people? What do you plan to do, hypnotizing that bitch Chae Sua with the app?"
Uh oh... Lion's face looks seriously pissed. It's like the expression when you see your childhood friend you like get hypnotized and fucked by some other girl. Is using the hypnosis app on Chae Sua a bad thing? I had no clue why Lion was so mad.
Hmm... Oh, is that it? She wants to be my only subordinate and hates seeing anyone else as my minion? Aha! The loser cat is jealous about me getting another subordinate besides her.
"Heh, don't worry, Lion. Nothing like what you're thinking will happen."
"Hmph... Yeah, even you wouldn't pull something like that out of nowhere. Sorry. I jumped to conclusions. You and Chae Sua with hypnosis... Ugh, just thinking about it made me lose it for a sec."
What kinda crap is the loser imagining? Probably me making Chae Sua my subordinate and kicking Lion out—some nightmare like that. Don't worry, Lion. This kind Tyranno-sama would never abandon you.
"Hmph. Still, the hypnosis app is kinda iffy."
Lion picks up the phone with the hypnosis app and examines it closely.
"Lemme see... Caution. This hypnosis app can only be used on pure-love childhood friends who've been crushing on each other for ten years but are too scared their current relationship might crumble to confess and advance beyond friends—when one sees the other getting confessed to by someone else and gets anxious to check their feelings. It's a pure-love hypnosis app. The developer takes no responsibility for any NTR-related issues that may arise, and will just laugh at you for it. Beware of counterfeits and read the terms carefully before use. The manufacturer is not liable for accidents from misuse. PureLove Inc... Whoa. What a weird app."
> This hypnosis app can only be used on pure-love childhood friends who've been crushing on each other for ten years but are too scared their current relationship might crumble to confess and advance beyond friends—when one sees the other getting confessed to by someone else and gets anxious to check their feelings.
> It's a pure-love hypnosis app.
> The developer takes no responsibility for any NTR-related issues that may arise, and will just laugh at you for it.
> Beware of counterfeits and read the terms carefully before use. The manufacturer is not liable for accidents from misuse.
> PureLove Inc.
.......?
Um... Honestly, I don't get why Lion's so thrilled about it.
"You get what this means?"
"No clue!"
Too long—I only remembered up to "hypnosis app" and forgot the rest instantly. The words are too hard anyway. "Caution" what? Like "drink coffee twice a week" or something? Cat poop coffee? Why eat that crap? ....... If I feed coffee beans to the loser cat, will it poop out caution coffee? No. Snap out of it. No more loser thoughts. I heard up to hypnosis app... whatever, but forgot everything after. It's fine. Great people don't use their heads anyway. Their awesome subordinates do it for them. Subordinate's merits are boss's merits, boss's mistakes are subordinate's mistakes, right? Yeah?
"Summarize it in one line. Does it work or not?"
Just the conclusion, conclusion!
"Hmm... Fine. If you take me with you, I permit using the hypnosis app on Chae Sua."
"For real?!"
She actually approved! I figured Lion would 100% oppose my plan. Using the app means I'd get a new subordinate, Chae Sua. The loser cat who's lived her whole life proud to be my minion would hate that. I planned to sneak off alone if she said no... but she approved! I'm a genius!
"But on one condition. You must take me with you."
"Hmph, obviously. A great evil organization executive always has a minion by his side."
"Smooth talker. Even if I didn't approve, you'd have snuck off anyway."
Wha, whaaat? How'd she know? Did she peek into my head? My head has a Loser-Loser Shield to block losers from reading my memories!
"Aaaaah, no, no no no! Absolutely not. Totally not. Your guess is total garbage, you loser."
Phew, shook my head vigorously denying it—she fell for it, right, loser cat?
"Hmmm... Well, if you say so, I guess not. I'll let it slide this once."
"Hehe, loser♥ Fell for my sincere acting, you dumb bunny♥ Loser♥ Loser♥"
Uh oh. Did that slip out? Must be my imagination. Tyranno-sama ain't that dumb.
Lion hands back the hypnosis app phone, pretending to be mad.
"But next time you sneak to Earth without me or pull some stunt without consulting me first, you're in big trouble. You're like a bouncy rubber ball—who knows where you'll ping off to? Makes me anxious all the time. Wondering what mess you'll cause next."
Hmph. Who're you calling a scatterbrained, dizzy disaster? She's frowning hard, pretty pissed. Fine, it's a small request. If push comes to shove, I'll sneak anyway♥ Think I'd keep a promise to a loser?♥ Lies aren't bad. But Lion's bad for saying that to her boss. I'm innocent.
"Fine. So the plan's us two together. Got any details thought out?"
"Of course. I rolled my genius Tyranno brain for a full five minutes—perfect plan."
This needs both our powers.
"First, head to Earth, occupy a park, chase out everyone inside."
Kick asses at the entrance, yeet 'em far away.
"Then protest in the park till Chae Sua shows. Hang a sign like 'Carnivores Forever! Guarantee Plants' Rations!' and carnivore fans will swarm—magical girls won't dare act."
Carnivorism: Protect all plants grown in inhumane density fields without moving an inch, eat meat instead. Meat's always right. I like it. But I can't give up hot rice for tasty ribs.
"When Chae Sua comes, lure her to an empty spot in the park. Just you, me, and her."
If others see and film, it ain't our exclusive blackmail. Gotta threaten to upload her shameful vid online—if it's already out there, just pisses her off.
"Hypnotize her, film super embarrassing stuff! So she never interferes again!"
How's that for my genius plan! I'm confident. It'll succeed!
"Hmm... Sounds good, but who's chasing out the park people and occupying it?"
"Obviously the loser cat!"
"Who's protesting and signaling the magical girls?"
"Obviously the loser cat!"
"Who's luring Chae Sua and filming?"
"Obviously the loser cat! What? You planning to do jack shit, loser? Earn your keep, loser♥ Lazy-ass loser cat total disgust♥ Group project freeloader absolute worst♥"
"Then what the hell are you doing?"
"Me? Don't freak out. I'm handling something so profound, hard, painful, and super duper important that your peanut brain can't grasp."
Love that "profound" vibe. Sounds cool.
"Namely, hypnotizing her with the app!"
Most crucial part needs the smartest, most decisive, mentally tough person. Lucky there's a perfect candidate.
Lion sighs deeply, finally getting how important my role is. Probably cursing her own dumb peanut brain.
"No... This means I'm doing all the dog work like always—no biggie... Sigh, whatever. Loser who falls first loses."
Her last mutter was too quiet to catch.
"Better than you causing trouble alone. I'll stick by your side and babysit. That covers it, right?"
"Hmm... No. One crucial thing left."
"Crucial? What's that?"
"Filming Chae Sua's shameful vid—might catch me too? So prepare a super rage-inducing mesugaki outfit to immortalize my beauty forever!"
A little devil costume!