51. That's right, the Hypnosis App!
A few days have passed since Lion fucked me silly. Sure, it pisses me off that I ended up pumping out junior cream into that loser's pussy like it was some cum dump. Just thinking back to how she pinned me under her ass and overworked poor baby Tyrano Junior makes my teeth grind and my blood boil.
But what can I do? It's all because I was born too beautiful. This body of mine is so gorgeous, pretty, kind, cute, lovable, and noble that the loser cat couldn't hold back her lust and went wild. Expecting that level of self-control from a loser cat is like telling a fish to walk on land and a bird to fly around the sky. Impossible things are impossible. ...Something feels off about that logic.
Anyway, the point is, it was impossible for the loser cat to stay in line from the start. And after that day, Lion bought me a smartphone! Tyrano's a good, cool guy, so I forgave her for just a phone.
But this phone goes on strike if it doesn't have electricity?! "Loser phone♥ No battery means I can't watch YouTube♥ Total appliance fail♥" This phone's got no grit. Throw out that fixed idea that it needs power to work, Marie Antoinette! In this cutting-edge modern era, how can a phone not work without electricity?
"Total loser♥ Real loser♥ Can't even turn on the screen without power—total nerd phone, co-plete garbage♥"
I poked the phone, telling it to hurry up and charge. But the charging's so slow. On the black screen, the square battery icon fills up with green bars. It's only at 73%. It still needs 33% more to full charge.
"Hmm. I wonder if static electricity would charge it faster? Static's electricity too."
Yep... I'm definitely a genius! If I make static with a balloon, it'll add to the charger power, charging super fast for sure.
"Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Pffuuuuhhh!"
I dug out the red balloon I'd bought and forgotten about, blowing into it like crazy. This loser balloon couldn't even seal properly, so it'd inflate when I blew, then go pyuuryuuryuu and deflate when I stopped. Good thing my smart brain figured out to pinch the end with my fingers after just nine minutes. What were those other dumb losers thinking making it so hard?
"Hah... hah... done!"
I rubbed the balloon I'd blown up for a whole five minutes—sweating buckets—against the phone. "Loser♥ I worked hard on this balloon, so finish charging already♥"
Done! The phone's battery is fully charged. Thanks to the static I made with the balloon.
"See? I'm a genius."
How did I even think of charging a phone with static? Smart head, kind personality, beautiful looks. God really overloaded me with gifts.
"Wasting a brain this smart is a huge loss for the whole world."
Maybe I should quit being an evil organization exec and become a scientist. "If I'm a scientist, I'll make an iPod with a cord attached."
iPods don't have cords, so I keep dropping and losing them. Plus, they need charging. No battery, no music. But attach a cord? No losing it, and make a mesugaki iPod that steals power from a phone—no battery needed. Wow. I'm a genius again.
I'll start a company with this, make bank, and buy NonoPia Plus membership.
I turned on the phone and opened YouTube. Didn't expect to access Earth's internet from Darkness. Turns out, just need something called Wi-Fi. Weird. What's Wi-Fi anyway? Tasty?
"Lemme see. Chilsung Conglomerate's Pr... Prex? Trying adult phones at Chilsung? Boring. Chilsung Conglomerate's mesugaki husband—who is he? Meh."
Videos of some conglomerate heiress—Chilsung or Palsung or whatever—keep popping up. Heiresses doing vlogs in the conglomerate era.
"But that husband guy looks weirdly like me."
White hair, blue eyes, cute puffy cheeks... exactly like me? Did some rich guy get plastic surgery to look like me because of my beauty? Ugh, gross.
"Anything else? Mesugaki VTuber's Undead Dragon hunt... octopus game review... NonoPia novel reading... Huh? Isn't this Chae Sua?"
A magical girl in a leather coat, golden hair flying, thumbnail of her mounting and beating a pitiful villain. Back view only, but obvious. That wind-whipped blonde is Gold Sun's symbol—you can't forget it if you try.
"Title: 'Magical Girl More Red Schools a Loser Villain'?"
More Red was Chae Sua's magical girl name, right? Curiosity piqued, I play it. It's an edited clip of Chae Sua smashing a villain in the middle of the road.
"Weird. This is from when I was hanging out with Lion."
What a crazy coincidence. While I was goofing off with Lion, Chae Sua was doing this. Crowd murmurs and honking cars fill the audio. Ignoring the noise, Chae Sua mounts the villain and punches his face. Each hit clashes like metal, sending shockwaves.
-Kill him! Kill that bastard!
-That guy's why our persimmon harvest was bumper again this year!
-Skin him alive!
The crowd's cheers say the villain's super hated.
"Tch, isn't that guy the one getting beat?"
Looks familiar. The one who kidnaps famous writers, forces them to serialize, then hoards the next chapters. "Nice guy, that's too much."
Thanks to him, I read not just poison-drinking birds but even water-drinking birds. Wasn't my taste, so I left it in the corner, then it vanished one day.
-Kill! Kill! Kill!
-Hang that fucker!
-Rip his limbs off and hang 'em at Dongdaemun, Seodaemun, Namdaemun, Bukdaemun!
As the video goes on, cheers grow. Losers being too harsh. He's not that bad. Treats me great.
"And Chae Sua too. Does she need to hit that hard? Just scold him lightly and let go."
Even if he's tough enough for a dump truck, no need for murderous punches. Ugh, the more I think, the madder I get. Doesn't feel good watching an acquaintance get pummeled. Even if he's a loser, my loser. Who does Chae Sua think she is, beating him freely?
"Plus, thinking about it, I owe Chae Sua payback too."
I haven't forgotten. How she tied me up tight and tormented my junior so it couldn't even cum. Poor baby Tyrano Junior, abused by her tongue and loser pussy... humiliation rivaling the worst nightmares. Doesn't fade with time—still vivid.
"Alright, decided. Time to get revenge on Chae Sua."
Revenge. What a cool word. Movie heroes crushing evil villains with righteous fury—pure badass. Gunning down goons, then cool line and bullet to the boss who killed their lover, walking out as the building explodes to epic guitar OST.
"Ugh, yes! Perfect."
I'll make the loser magical girl bawl with my evil plan, force apologies for stealing my whip... tormenting my junior... plus hefty interest.
But revenge can't be solo. Movies have lone heroes, but reality needs strong, reliable allies. Someone to play badass OST post-revenge, run errands when I'm lazy—a subordinate, no, ally.
Obviously, I've got one I trust. "Lion! Lion, where are you!"
I yell her name down the hall. "Lion! I had a great idea! Lion!"
Sheesh. Where'd that loser cat go without telling me? Subordinates should come running when called. In manga, they pop out of ceilings or floors, kneeling.
"Lion! Loser cat! Where?!"
"What? Why'd you call? Something up? Why not phone?"
After yelling my throat raw, the loser cat approaches from the hall end. Getting used to human mode? Or practicing? Since gaining transformation, she spends more time human, especially around me. Cat with others, human only for me. I like cat form's cuteness, but human reminds me of that night.
"Lion. Do one job with me."
"...Another dumb idea? Like that 'make air taste sweet' drug? Another knuckle flick."
"Eek...! No knuckle flicks...!"
I instinctively shielded my head.
"Ahem, but this time's different. Perfect, flawless plan."
"Tch... sudden chill, but let's hear it. What plan has you yelling everywhere?"
"I'm getting revenge on Chae Sua!"
".............."
Uh? Why's Lion's face all scrunched? Mad?
"Chae Sua—that bitch, no... sigh. Why bring up that slut?"
"You mad, Lion...?"
Her face is scary...
"No. I'm fine. Don't be scared."
"Ung..."
Words say fine, but she's pissed. Why? Quick think—got it. Lion hates Chae Sua too! She stole my whip, did naughty stuff, and as a magical girl, thwarts Darkness plans. As my subordinate, she's mad at what Chae Sua did to me. Smart boss like me understands.
"Lion. You gonna just take it? Hey! She wrecked me so much! If you don't help revenge, are you even my subordinate?!"
"True... that slut needs a beatdown."
Right? Knew it.
"Beat her silly, film it! Dogeza, beg never to mess again—video proof, she won't show her face!"
Send video to anyone spotting her hair! On USB for easy viewing!
"Blackmail and torment?"
"Yes yes! Perfect, my subordinate's an evil plan master!"
"I'm not your subordinate... sigh, whatever, easier. So, what's the plan?"
"Plan? Obviously."
Think I'm some planless loser idiot? I've got it. I pulled out the phone from before—the one from Hypnosis Aunt.
"That's right, the Hypnosis App!"