4. Magical Girl's First Love
My first love, Chae Sua's first love, was an arrogant little shit.
When I was eight years old, on a night when my parents didn't come home late, I fell in love with a boy on television. That fateful encounter began as a miracle of coincidences upon coincidences. But looking back now, it was clearly some kind of inevitability. Like heaven had destined us two together. I still believe that to this day.
My parents, who rarely left their young daughter home alone, stepped out briefly late one night. I was an eight-year-old who usually went to bed by ten at the latest, but that day, no bedtime urge came. As soon as they left, I turned on the TV.
The moment I switched it on, I stumbled into a late-night anime by chance. It was the first magical girl anime I'd ever seen, and there he was—the evil organization's arrogant little shit executive. It's embarrassing to admit, but at eight years old, I fell for that character at first sight.
Short and stocky build. A tone that always looked down on everyone. Cute looks. The instant I saw that arrogant little shit pretty boy from the late-night magical boy anime, I felt ecstasy and sorrow. It was the first time in my life I'd felt love, but he lived in a place I could neither go to nor see. My first love ended as soon as it began.
Thinking back now, maybe this was the real reason I became a magical girl. I told myself it was to protect people, but deep down, in the unconscious depths even I couldn't recognize, wasn't there a desire like this?
—I wanna discipline that arrogant little shit executive from the evil organization!
"...Boss. Boss."
"Yeah... I wasn't asleep. Yeah."
The part-timer in the green apron shook me awake. I'd dozed off in the cafe again. Sure, it was a dead-end cafe with no customers or real work—just killing time—but as the owner, this wasn't cool.
Feeling sorry and awkward toward the part-timer who'd been working beside my sleeping ass, I mumbled an excuse.
"Yeah... what? Customers?"
I rubbed my sleepy eyes and asked her.
"No customers, but the supplier's due soon, so I woke you."
"Yawwn... Yeah. Thanks."
Can't meet the supplier I see every day looking like fresh-woke trash. Times like this, I'm grateful for the sharp part-timer. She's basically sucking honey in this fly-ridden cafe, but gratitude's gratitude.
"Boss, something happen last night? Flies in our cafe is normal, but you've never opened shop looking this wrecked. Didn't sleep much?"
Last night. Last night... Nghhh. Recalling it flushed my face; I brushed it off vaguely.
"...Nah. Nothing. Just couldn't sleep."
Can't say it. Absolutely not.
—Truth is, I'm Korea's strongest magical girl, and that arrogant little shit bastard I met yesterday got me so horny I fingered myself all night! No way my jaw would unhinge to say that! Never!
Even between girls, some things you say, some you don't! I keep my magical girl identity secret from everyone—imagine if word got out I masturbated to an arrogant little shit. I'd probably hang myself. Yeah, I'd do it. 100%.
Of course, I wouldn't die from a noose with my powers, but living would be worse than death. A lifetime drowned in shame... Ugh. Don't even imagine it.
"Boss, your face is red. You okay?"
"Ngh, no. Go work."
"Yeees..."
The part-timer headed back to the counter. Thinking of last night naturally brought that arrogant little shit's face to mind. Petite frame that fit perfectly in my arms. Glorious silver hair, deep ocean-blue eyes. Even that condescending expression. Like God pulled my ideal type from my head and sculpted it in reality—a perfect match for my tastes.
"Gonna discipline him for sure and fuck him like a dog."
Ah. My inner thoughts slipped out. Good thing the part-timer didn't hear.
Right after that arrogant little shit vanished, I mobilized every contact left in Korea to dig up leads on him. Half a year back from the States, but luckily some connections lingered here.
Three years since I started as a magical girl. Half a year since I dismantled and crushed every last Darkness Korea Branch operation. In my two and a half years active here, the branch took near-annihilating hits—hell, total extinction.
After wiping out all evil orgs in Korea, the Association sent me abroad on an instructor program for weaker foreign magical girls. Naturally, I was the first pick—six months in America. Most skilled girls followed me overseas, so I figured no contacts left domestically. But a few remained—lucky break. They got me the info easy.
I pulled out my phone and reread yesterday's summary.
"Name: Tyranno. Executive in the Darkness Korea Branch, resumed activity half a year ago."
Half a year ago. Matches when I left for the States. Thought he was a survivor from the old branch, but Association analysis says ties to previous are faint. Maybe a overlooked remnant, or fresh HQ dispatch. Doesn't matter. Point is, if he pisses me off, discipline time.
"Special notes: Tyranno's personal combat estimated average. But factoring the whip he always uses—immense power—danger level rated highest among current Korean villains."
The whip I snatched was unlike any I'd seen. Soon as I took it, it sucked energy from me like a sponge—ravenous. Seen weapons that steal magical girl power before, but nothing absorbing that much that fast.
Lots of other minor notes, but boils down to one thing: Infuriating arrogant little shit.
"Just fuck him once and I'd die happy."
But can't. Last line in my phone memo: The world's most horrific sentence.
—Based on knowledge level and physical appearance, estimated minor.
Ha. A minor? How can that sly face be a kid's? Makes no sense! Obviously an adult! No minor could have that look. But... what if. Just maybe, if Tyranno really is a minor... I'm done for. Can't touch minors. That's basic common sense, right?
God, if he weren't a minor, I'd have flicked his forehead 6,974 times right there and dragged him home to fuck. Argh.
Beep beep beep beep!
Then my phone pinged—a magical girl emergency alert. Darkness villain sighted in nearby park; go exterminate.
"Gonna step out a sec."
"Supplier might take long?"
"Won't. Back soon."
Whoever it is, perfect timing—my mood was sour. Prep for an American spicy knuckle flick, loser.
I crossed the shoddy dimensional gate into the park. Nicely sized, decent trees, basic playground gear—nothing special, total loser park.
"Lord Tyranno graces this place, and no fanfare? No red carpet?"
Totally defenseless.
—Rawr!
My boiling rage triggered the Tyrannosaurus Suit's ferocious roar. Any normie here would've screamed and fainted.
"Ears hurt."
Lion followed me out, tottering on short legs.
"Tyranno, you sure? Test run was just yesterday—blasting weapons in the warehouse."
"Hmph, plenty for a loser♥ magical girl. Watch close, Lion. See me stylishly crush Chae Sua."
Topple Korea's strongest magical girl easy? Adds a legend to my epic list: Eat spicy kimchi water unwashed. Say loser ten times a second. Make the most infuriating face. Thinking of this new triumph makes me grin. Ran sims already.
—Hya!
Tyranno Punch!
Tyranno Punch!
—Grah!
Perfect! Now lure Chae Sua here. Not doing that myself, so brought minions.
"Come forth, Arrogant Little Shit Legion!"
Twenty robots marched from the gate. My height. My face. My smarts. My body. Doctor modeled 'em after me—the world's most fearsome, powerful legion: Arrogant Little Shit Legion.
"Loser♥ Loser♥"
"Hell. Pure hell."
Lion shuddered at the legion. Even loser Lion can't defy this might! World conquest possible with just them.
"Go, losers. Gather human emotion energy for me!"
I commanded the legion imperiously.
"Heh, no thanks♥"
"...Huh?"
Did I mishear?
"We don't obey some loser arrogant little shit weaker than us♥"
"Ngh, loser♥ Loser loser♥"
"We won't be loser's slaves♥ We'll be loser's masters♥"
"What the—?! I'm your boss! Darkness executive!"
God! As expected from loser Doctor's trash invention! Modeled on my perfect body, but her crap craftsmanship made 'em commit the fatal sin of underestimating me. All twenty of 'em!
Loser Doctor. Gonna punish her hard when I get back.
"But you're a loser♥"
"Loser from head to toe♥"
"Go home and grind worksheets, loser♥"
"Y-You...!"
Loser punks rebelling against me? I went to knuckle-flick the front one as example, but oh no.
The invincible Tyrannosaurus Suit had a fatal flaw: T-Rex arms, pathetically short. Can't reach for a flick!
"Loser♥ Loser♥ King loser♥"
Twenty arrogant little shits mocked me in unison.
"No... I'm not a loser... Stop..."
I'm not a loser... For real... Huh? Rain from the sky? Vision's blurring.
"Hey!"
Lion yelled then.
"Eek! L-Loser cat scaring us."
"Scared me, loser kitty♥ How you gonna pay♥"
"Shut up!"
"Eek..."
"W-Why yell... Scared me, loser meow-meow..."
"Loser cat acting like..."
Huh? Weird? They ignored my majestic orders, but Lion's shout has the legion trembling.
"Gather emotion energy now! No time! Move!"
Legion hesitated at Lion's bark; the front leader retorted casually.
"Why obey trash like you?! Loser!"
"No backtalk! Got it? Least collector gets punishment: Eat spicy tteokbokki unwashed. Plus brutal king knuckle flick! Got it? King knuckle flick!"
Lion punched like a boxer. The legion clutched heads in terror. Unwashed spicy tteokki? Plus killer king flick! Didn't know Lion was this sadistic. Even I rinse spicy ramen noodles. These trash bots can't handle that trial. They'll bawl eating red-hot rice cakes.
Faced with Lion's savage penalty, the legion started moving.
"O-Okay, we'll gather. Just gather, right?"
They scattered into the park one by one. Jaw won't shut at the sight. Then a thought hits.
Arrogant little shits ignored me, called me loser. But obey Lion fine. So... I'm more loser than Lion? She's way better? Me... loser?
But Lion's my subordinate? Sub's merits are boss's merits. Great sub means great boss. So ultimately, I—Lord Tyranno—commanded the legion with overwhelming charisma... through Lion!
Without stepping up myself. Redirect their hate to Lion, issue orders comfy, no betrayal worry. Whew, my scheme's terrifying. Trash legion clueless, thinks Lion's top dog.
"You're such a total loser♥"