3. With the Loser Cat
"Hmm, how can I get the whip back from that loser."
I pondered deeply while walking down the corridor. It had been five minutes since I'd left the room after bragging triumphantly to the Doctor. But no clear plan had come to mind yet.
Just like the database the Doctor showed me said, Chae Sua was a human killing machine. The human weapon who'd claimed the top spot among Korea's magical girls in just three years. The strongest magical girl on earth. I'd even watched the combat footage of Chae Sua stored in the database. It was a video of her fighting a giant robot monster we'd made at Darkness. In that footage, Chae Sua took down a house-sized robot all by herself—no backup from other magical girls. And without any weapons, just her knuckle-wrapped fists!
What kind of human beats a giant transforming robot with bare fists? Does it even make sense for a person to pummel a 7-meter-tall mecha with their naked hands?!
Of course, that didn't mean it was impossible to get the whip back just because Chae Sua was that strong! Nothing's impossible for me! So snatching the whip back from Chae Sua would be a piece of cake. No matter how strong she is, she's still a loser in the end!
But saying it's possible doesn't mean it's easy. Even if it's "a piece of cake," for other magical girls it'd be tasty egg porridge, but for Chae Sua it's like super-spicy fire chicken porridge.
"That's it! Now's the time to use my genius brain."
Alright, my genius brain. Hurry up and cough up a brilliant scheme! Inside my vast mind, tiny Tyrannos run around clutching files. Some dig through ancient records, others submit new paperwork only to get yelled at.
Pathetic Tyranno♥
"Ah. I just thought of a great idea."
Finally, the Tyrannos in my head came up with a brilliant plan.
"What if I just go ask for it nicely?"
This is it! I'm Tyranno, the great me—who in the world would refuse my request? No one! There's no such woman in existence! Man or woman, young loser or old loser, no one turns down a request from the cute and terrifying Tyranno! Sure, it bruises my pride something fierce to beg a mere loser, but... I hate to admit it, without the whip right now, I'm not strong enough to take on Chae Sua. I'm super strong, obviously, but the difference with and without the whip is huge.
So this plan is perfect. I get the whip back without even fighting her! A flawless, unbeatable strategy born from my genius brain and my overwhelming greatness sends shivers down my spine.
"Then I should go demand it back right now~"
I've already run a simulation in my genius head.
-Give me back the whip!
-Here you go!
-Apologize for taking it without permission!
-I'm sorry!
Perfect. A truly perfect plan. While I'm at it, I'll make her apologize for her rudeness toward me too. I can already picture Chae Sua on her knees, me kicking her wildly. Heh heh heh. Flawless.
Not knowing where Chae Sua is is a minor issue—what if I just tease some people and she pops out? Tease one magical girl if she shows, another if she comes too. She'll show eventually, right?
"Stop right there, you idiot."
That's when Lion had the gall to block my path.
"What're you doing, Lion? Daring to block my red carpet, you loser?"
"I heard everything you just said. You seriously think she'll go 'Here you go~' if you ask?"
"Duh? When Tyranno asks for something, how could she not give it? Lion's an idiot♥ Can't even think of that with your loser brain♥"
Lion's brain is smaller than a peanut, so of course she can't think of it~ Loser brain♥ Loser peanut♥
"Haa..."
Huh? Lion's a cat, but she looks seriously pathetic right now. Have I gotten so smart I can read cat faces now?
"Whatever. I figured whatever plan came from your tiny brain would be stupid anyway—no big expectations. But couldn't you at least think of sneaking in and stealing it?"
"Sneak in and steal from a loser? Me?"
My pride won't stand for going that far against a loser.
"Fine. You're always doing dumb shit anyway. I know nothing I say gets through to you."
"So now you finally get my perfect plan?"
"Anyway. Do whatever stupid thing you want when you go. But this time, you're taking me with you. Got it? Don't forget me like last time. Take me along."
"What kinda loser talk is that? Who'd think I ditched you?"
Me and this loser cat are a team. Every time I invade the human world, I have to drag this cat along. No matter how I think about it, it's gotta be that loser Doctor's mistake when she made the teams. How'd I end up paired with a loser cat like this? I do the fighting, I capture the people, I extract the magic power, and even the cute mascot of this team is me! I'm so pitiful, stuck with this loser.
"What're you talking about? You ditched me on your own."
"Hmph, no you didn't. Has loser Lion finally turned into a total idiot? Remember last time when we were planning? When did I say we'd go?"
"You said three days later."
"Right, you idiot. Three days later. That was four days ago, so three days later is today. Lion's an idiot♥ Can't even count dates, total idiot♥"
"No, idiot! 'Three days later' means three days from then!"
"Idiot♥ Idiot♥ All you can do is deny it when you're wrong, you idiot♥ It's more embarrassing than a dumb idiot if you can't even admit you're wrong♥"
How long did I wait at that dimensional gate?! I waited and waited, but Lion never showed. No contact. I even wondered if something happened to the loser. All alone. At the empty gate. Forever and ever, how long did I wait by myself!
I don't care about a loser cat who doesn't even know she's wrong!
"Grr... damn arrogant little shit, I wanna knuckle-flick you..."
"K-Knuckle-flick? You loser, how dare you say something so scary..."
I reflexively clutched my head. Not very dignified for the ever-majestic me, but no choice. Knuckle-flicks hurt.
"No. Reacting to every little thing like this will never end. Anyway, when you go get the whip back from Chae Sua, call me. Got it?"
"Fine, fine. I get it, loser. You wanna go with me that bad? If a loser begs that much, the team leader has no choice but to allow it♥"
"You and I are equal... Ugh, whatever. Yeah. Promise me?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll call you when we go. Don't mess up the date again? Or I'll admit you're a hopeless loser for real."
"Haa, seriously... Fine, I'll hold back. So when're we going?"
"Hmm, we already went today. It's dark outside. Sand's a pain. Probably tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow? Tomorrow's fine? We gotta test the new weapon the Doctor gave us—is tomorrow really okay?"
Hmm. Thinking about it, yeah. The loser Doctor's got insane weapon-making skills despite appearances, but testing them in real combat is another story. Especially since my whip was my only weapon, the other "new" ones have been gathering dust in storage forever—who knows if they'll even work. Gotta check if they move, if they suit me, where the functions are, all that.
But changing my schedule for a loser cat's opinion feels lame, so tomorrow it is! Plus, it's a hassle! Even a loser Doctor's loser weapon should be fine since I'll be using it. If the weapon sucks, the user just has to be awesome. Anyway, once I get the whip back from Chae Sua tomorrow, I won't need it. My plan can't fail, obviously. Wasting my precious time on a throwaway loser weapon for just a day—or a few hours—is humanity's loss♥
"Yeah! Tomorrow!"
How's that for decisive?!
"Ah, no, but shouldn't we at least check what the weapon is?"
Lion stammers, thrown off by my swift decision.
"Hmph, if Lion insists that much, I'll do it for my loser cat."
Be grateful to me, loser cat♥
Me and the cat moved to the weapon storage a bit away from the base. It's called storage, but thanks to the loser Doctor's pathetic budget issues, there aren't many weapons kept here.
"It's empty. Hard to tell if this is dust storage or weapon storage."
Doesn't the loser cat even know that?
"This is dust storage, idiot♥"
Let's see. The weapon the Doctor mentioned should be around here. This is a baldness ray gun, this makes everything taste like mint choco ray gun, this one makes you only able to boil Hangang ramen ray gun... Ah, found it.
"Ooh... Ooooh! For a loser Doctor, she actually made a proper weapon!"
The weapon stood proudly under bright lights, like a fighter jet in a hangar. Its massive jaws could swallow a person whole. Its sharp claws could shred thick armor like paper. Its bark-like exoskeleton could shrug off a direct missile hit. This fearsome weapon was...
"A Tyrannosaurus!"
A majestic Tyrannosaurus robot bigger than me, at least in the upper body! I pilot it myself? Wow! The loser Doctor can do it when she tries! Who knew she could make such a cool robot! Awesome! Plan changed! With this, I can beat Chae Sua directly! Wait up, loser Chae Sua! I'll ride this and knuckle-flick you silly!
"No matter how I look, it seems like a dinosaur costume from the mart..."
There're a bunch of arrogant little shit robot minions that look just like me in the corner, but who cares about them now! A dinosaur suit right in front of me!