21. Heading to Doctor's Central Lab After the Earth Invasion Diner

After leaving the Earth Invasion Diner, we head straight for Doctor's central lab. No matter how much of a loser she is, she's still the branch manager of Darkness Korea Branch and the top decision-maker, so we need her permission beforehand. Especially for a sketchy plan like brainwashing people to use them. It's hypnosis, sure, but it's just dangling a 500-won coin on a string and swinging it while murmuring, "Follow me... follow me..." That's it. Weirdly enough, it works like a charm every time.

Walking down the spotless, seamless corridors of Darkness, I vent my frustrations at Lion. "This is cheating! Total cheating! What kind of wordplay crap even works like that?!" I stomp my feet as hard as I can in protest, but Lion doesn't even pretend to listen. She's grinning like she's thrilled her trick worked.

"Honestly, I didn't think you'd fall for it either, but you did. Shocked me."

"Fall for it?! That makes me sound like a total idiot! Take it back! Take it back right now!"

"Can.cel."

She's totally toying with me! I consider tackling her right here, farting on her belly, filming it, and spreading it everywhere, but I hold back. Broadcasting Lion's fart video on the TVs around Darkness would be hilarious, but the spicy nya-nya knuckle flick revenge afterward terrifies me.

"Ugh, you damn loser shit-nosed cat... Someday I'll boil you into butterfly soup!" I grind my teeth, vowing revenge on Lion. Just you wait, Lion. You've poked the ear of a tiger fresh out of hibernation. Cry and regret it later—it'll be too late. But for now, there's something more important than bloody vengeance, so I swallow my anger.

Bickering all the way, we quickly reach the lab door. It's a massive automatic sliding door wide enough for two container trucks side by side—like something out of a movie. Just like last time, a boxy robot approaches with a pad in hand.

Doctor must've updated the intruder-repelling biometric security questions. The last one was way too hard. "Are you a bad person?" Duh, that's all about perspective. Take someone spitting on the street in a video, for example. When we watch it, is the spitter bad? What if it's actually a guy with a vacuum mouth sucking up sidewalk spit, and the video's reversed? See? Good or bad depends on viewpoint. Boom—profound philosophy right there. I nailed it. So last time was Doctor's fault.

"This question's spot-on. Even for a loser like Doctor."

No way even the rotten villains in Darkness would dream of impersonating me, the great, cute, adorable, beautiful Tyranno. It's the ultimate security. Bet Russia's Pentagon or America's Kremlin Palace uses something similar. And anyway, only me and Lion can enter Doctor's central lab, so no worries about outsiders.

Wait. Lion?

"So hurry up and hit YES already."

I glare daggers at Lion, who's rushing me without a clue about my philosophical dilemma. Come to think of it, Lion isn't Mesugaki Tyranno, right? So shouldn't she press this button? Or should she? Anyway, I'm the one pressing YES, so...? But doesn't that make it impersonation if she goes in? Entering the central lab means agreeing to the intruder-repelling biometric security question. If Lion does it, she's impersonating me.

Alright. Decision made. No matter how annoying Lion is, I can't turn her into a Tyranno impersonator.

"Sigh. Doctor's such a moron loser. Making a mistake like this. Loser loser♥"

"...What're you thinking right now?"

No time to explain to a loser like Lion, and it'd just hurt my jaw anyway. As I reach for NO—

"Hey hey hey, don't press that. Don't."

Still rocking her grimy lab coat and baggy sweater—looks like a busy researcher glued to experiments all day, but I know the truth. Doctor just lounged around doing jack squat! Unemployed Doctor♥ Does nothing♥

"How do you cause trouble every damn time you show up."

"Hey, loser Doctor♥ Spent the whole day loafing in the lab again, huh♥ Total loner♥"

"Ugh, just come in already."

Tch. Ignoring me like that? Me and Lion bypass the intruder-repelling robot and follow Doctor inside. The central lab's still creepy as hell. Massive machines humming nonstop, gauges twitching everywhere. Ceiling's draped in cables thicker than my arm, like a spiderweb. Deeper in, we reach the reception-room-style office where Doctor handles admin stuff. Oh, there's my fave fluffy boss chair!

"Score. Mine."

I bolt and plop down before anyone else can. Doctor grabs a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠nearby chair; Lion hops onto the knee-high table like she's toasting bread. Right on cue, the butler robot brings drinks.

"Here, have a cup each."

"Robot served it, but Doctor's taking credit♥ Total bourgeois♥"

But the robot's hand trembles pouring the tea.

Skynet? No clue, but sounds dangerous.

"Doctor. This robot's forgetting its place? Loser worker drone♥"

"Don't worry. Modern robots have red LEDs removed to prevent machine uprisings."

Doctor sips her steaming coffee, winces at the bitterness.

Just no red LEDs, huh. Makes sense—movies and comics always show evil extinction-bots with red eyes. Red's scary and menacing. Probably only red-eyed bots do bad stuff.

"Now scram. Shoo shoo."

That curse where you swear it's straight but it doesn't fit, flip it, still no, twist back—classic USB hell? Pathetic curse for all that buildup♥ Total loser bot♥

"Ebebê♥ That lame curse doesn't scare me♥ Why not shove your nose in flux and short-circuit pathetically♥"

The robot's fury is obvious, but it slinks off without a word to this Tyranno. Savoring victory's sweetness, I sip my cocoa. Lion laps at her fish broth. Doctor dumps heaps of sugar into her coffee.

"Ahh. Now that's drinkable."

"Baby taste buds, loser Doctor♥ Can't even drink coffee without sugar♥"

"Pfft, you grew up easy—no hardships, so you don't get it. Us who've suffered need sweet drinks."

She chugs more sugar-with-coffee-powder flavor.

"So, what's up this time."

"Aw, c'mon. Can't I just visit to mess with loser Doctor without ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a reason?"

"Living with you gives me the vibe. One look at your face, I know. 'This kid's gonna cause trouble today or nah.'"

This cute me can cause a little chaos!

"Watched you ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠on camera from afar. Your walk screams 'trouble incoming.'"

"Hmph! Wrong guess then."

I explain my flawless plan to Doctor: I lure Chae Sua, Lion sneaks the whip. She looks bored and smug. But when I describe Lion's house-finding method, even Doctor can't hide her surprise. Loser Doctor shrugs at my plan but freaks over Lion's? Annoying—but it's based on my hint, and subordinate credit goes to the boss, so basically mine, right?

"Hmm... Who'da thought we could track the whip like that. Hold on."

Doctor grabs pen and paper, scribbling formulas.

"Okay, tweak this, apply the Mesugaki Equation, multiply by the loser factor... Then use the Osgaki-Derpy Theorem."

Mesugaki Equation? Loser factor? What the hell? Related to my whip? I play dumb-savvy.

"Uh-huh, yeah Doctor. Divide by 10/2 there. Yep."

"Quiet."

Hng... Five minutes of just pencil scratches. Table's buried in three A4 sheets of cryptic math. Boring. I scan the lab—new Darkness weapons I missed last time.

"Lemme see. That's a beam gun to fix day-night inverted lifestyles. That's a feather for itching hard-to-reach back spots. And that potato? Alfred Nobelpia's server, right?"

Fresh red tteokbokki stains from last night. Probably some writer's tears when deadlines slipped or site saves vanished. Poor things. My condolences.

Finally, Doctor finishes, sets down her pencil with relief.

"Theoretically possible. No—practically too. It'll work."

"For real?"

"Honestly shocked. Had given up on reclaiming your whip."

Hey, rude.

"Doctor, sounded like you ditched getting my whip back."

"But this method... Why didn't I think of it sooner?"

Don't ignore me, loser Doctor.

"Even my brilliant brain barely cracked it, so don't despair, Doctor."

I pat loser Doctor's back. And stick out my tongue for ignoring my genius earlier.

"But one issue."

"Was all 'perfect plan' a sec ago, now what? Can't-even-math loser Doctor♥"

"No, my math's flawless. Problem's here: Brainwash folks, make 'em emote to radar-track the whip?"

Aha, that's the snag? Yeah, even with a 500-won pendulum, brainwashing's bad.

"Some psycho's been rampaging with a hypnosis app, so HQ banned all hypnosis and brainwashing."

Sounds familiar.

"Perverted auntie? Yeah, she's been handing out hypnosis apps like candy. Wants pure-love couples to hook up quick."

Loser perverted auntie who gave me the app succeeded. Thought her only 'asset' was pig-sized tits. Wait, tits bigger than her brain? Not much of a plus. Zero merits then. But success is good. All pure love must unite. Duh.

"Childhood friends coupling up ain't bad, right?"

"Issue is, some couples used it for hypnosis play."

Hypnosis play...! Whoever that is has balls of steel. Using a mystery app for kinky hypnosis play. Tempting tho.

"Word reached the 40-year-old solo forever-virgin overseer from Darkness HQ. Headache."

"Overseer's meddling? Hypnosis apps spreading means more emotion energy harvest—good thing, no?"

No harm to Darkness. Why block it? Even a 40-year-old solo forever-virgin overseer can't outlaw good deeds, right?

Lion sees through my doubt and explains.

"You wouldn't get it, but villains have limits."

That condescending tone? Begging for a scolding?

"Cross it, and boom—bounty on your head."

Bounty? Like a pirate?

"Bounty why? Villains get chased by magical girls anyway. Extra pocket change matter?"

"Tyranno, you're too young to grasp money's power. Magical girls get peanuts for busting villains—a bounty starting at millions is huge."

Doctor chimes in.

"Yep. Seen a bountied villain's end up close. Terrifying. Dozens, hundreds of magical girls swarming like zombies no matter how many you drop. That overwhelming horde fear..."

She shudders, reliving it. Scariest part? Not the bounty or overseer—it's Korea's magical girls mobbing for ten million in this passion-pay industry. Bet they say "Kids shouldn't crave cash" or "Build experience, dummy." Brutal rate-slashing hell. Magical girl biz... scary!

"That's why HQ audits nonstop. Bountied villain means headaches for us."

"Gotcha."

Didn't know. But why no bounty on supreme supervillain Tyranno? My feats warrant national budget levels. Must be some secret admirer blocking it desperately. Sigh. Beauty has perks.

"Weird self-delusion face again."

"Leave it. Easier for us."

Looks-based society ftw!

"So plan's scrapped?"

Lion's point snaps me back. Right, we were on that. Sidetracked.

"Nah. Not impossible."

Doctor snaps her fingers; the tea robot returns with a tray. Silver tray holds a plain wristwatch—except the face has one long hand instead of hour/minute/second, and 100 ticks, not 12.

"What's this?"

Can't even count clock marks? Loser Doctor total dummy♥

"Wear it, and it pulls pure emotions from nearby people. Unrefined, raw, powerful emotion energy."

"This tiny watch does that?"

"Same principle as your whip—absorbs and stores emotions. Whip's leagues better, though. This is like military radar vs. microwave."

Radar and microwave? Unrelated names. Loser Doctor's metaphors suck.

Lion taps the watch, gets it.

"So Tyranno just wears it walking around, collecting emotions?"

"Exactly. Pool 'em into a radar, and pinpointing the whip gets easy and fast."

"Basically found it."

"Hey! Why talk like I'm not here?"

"No biggie. Tyranno, just wear the watch and provoke losers left and right."

"That's it?"

"Plenty. Half a day trolling Earth, provoking folks—watch'll fill up."

Doctor straps it on me.

"Return when the hand hits 90. Careful past that—might ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠explode. Won't really, but your intense emotions? Can't promise."

"What emotions even?"

Intense ones I draw from people. Admiration? Awe? Faith? Curious... Doctor's answer shatters it.

"Nothin' special. The urge to knuckle-flick a mesugaki then give a good scolding."