20. Infiltration Operation
"Haaah. That hit the spot."
I toss the last chicken skewer stick onto the plate slathered in sauce. The plate's piled high with empty skewers.
"The chicken was so tender. And that thick sauce was delicious, right?"
Lion, wiping her mouth with a napkin in her cat paw, replies.
"Hm, it was decent enough."
"Really? I thought it was great." So great I scarfed down twenty of 'em. Man, if word got out that this Tyranno devoured them like this, my fans would swarm the place. But it's a limited-time menu, and today's the last day—too bad for them. Sorry not sorry.
I pat my stuffed belly. My body's gone all limp, and I slump back in the chair like I'm half-lying down. Slouching like this in the Darknis cafeteria is kinda rude, but whatever. Who's got the guts to scold this Tyranno?
"Bored. Anything good on?"
I mash the remote, and the news channel flickers on. A beige-suited anchor sits at the desk, reading the news. For a split second, that dream flashes in my head—"mesugaki rape legalization"—but I shake it off with a vigorous head shake. No way something that insane would actually happen. I'm not an idiot. It was just a dumb dream. Mesugaki rape legalization, the crazy pathetic aunties, Lion pouncing me in bed—all of it, total nonsense. Wait, Lion was in it, so cat dream maybe?
I chew on the lingering chicken in my mouth. Watching this news makes it taste even better. I know the thief who nabbed those chickens—it's our cafeteria chef. Steals the birds for skewer ingredients and harvests the owner's emotional energy. Double win.
"Hey, Lion. Think I should pull off something like that?"
"What do you mean?"
That pathetic chef stole fifty chickens, so I can't let him one-up me.
"Isn't there a way to make big bucks and snag emotional energy? Like, steal a girlfriend's search history and hard drive, then sell it to her boyfriend?"
Money plus emotions—double win, right?
"Yeah, put that on hold for now."
"Oh? Well, yeah, more couples mean higher birth rates, I guess."
Low birth rates might actually lead to mesugaki rape legalization. Wait. But wouldn't pulling that off boost birth rates? Boyfriend sees her history and goes, "Actually, I wanted to try that too," then they go wild. Could happen.
"Anyway, hold off on that."
More than anything, I don't wanna see couples getting all lovey-dovey!
"Alright, belly's full—time to get to work."
"Work? What're you talking about?"
"What else? Time to plan getting my whip back from Chae Sua."
Last op was a total flop. I snuck into her secret base to steal it back, thought it'd work. Who knew she'd spot my super stealthy tail job? Should've never trusted that pathetic mosquito's plan! Hmph! Knew it'd fail from the start!
Wait. Hold up. If I'd just asked for the whip instead of the phone that day she jumped me...
"Ah."
Thonk. I smack my head on the table. Aaaargh, why didn't I think of that? Pathetic? Am I the pathetic one? Morning brain fog? Second most humiliating, embarrassing mistake of this Tyranno's life! First was losing my whip to that idiot moron pathetic mutt Chae Sua!
"Uguuuuuu..."
"What's wrong?"
"N-nothing... If I'd taken the whip instead of the phone, hup!"
I clap my hand over my mouth mid-sentence. My mental game's shakier than I thought. Can't let that barely-hidden phone get exposed over something this stupid! Finally got it stashed—can't lose it to a pathetic slip-up!
I peek up at Lion's face. Phew, she didn't notice. Lucky she's a pathetic cat♥
"Nothing, ahem. Nothing at all."
I smooth my hair like it's no big deal. What's done is done. Already got the phone—can't complain now. Rehashing the same mistake twice? This Tyranno's pride won't allow it.
Plus, the humiliation and rage from her pinning me down. Being wrung out like a rag that night. Getting the whip back won't fix that. Gotta smash that smug face with my Absolute Invincible Dark Destruction Punch to feel better.
Saying that, Chae Sua's too strong—no clue how.
"Any good ideas to get my whip back, Lion? Not just grabbing it—I wanna hit her where it hurts while I do. Plain retrieval won't vent my rage."
"But Chae Sua—that damn Gold Sun—is no ordinary bitch. Can't catch her with average tricks."
Arm myself with Darknis's strongest weapons and ambush? Nah, probably not. No method to beat her comes to mind. Guess the hypnosis app is my only shot.
I fiddle with the other phone hidden in my pocket—the one with the hypnosis app—and grin wickedly. Hypnosis app. Got it by chance, but there's no such thing as chance. Clearly a gift from a god who pitied cute little me!
I'll hypnotize Chae Sua, snag the whip, and pay back every humiliation. What first? Make her apologize for being born a pathetic virgin? Force-feed her mint choco sweet-and-sour pork with pizza and pineapple? Or have her write a chuuni novel about reincarnating as Chae Sua in this world and read it aloud in Gwanghwamun Square? Heh heh heh. My brilliant brain churns out endless evil schemes. Mess with me and this happens. You poked the sleeping lion's nostril.
"Perfect. A truly perfect plan."
Imagining sweet revenge on Chae Sua, when Lion pipes up from across the table.
"Come up with a good idea?"
"Yup. A genius one."
Just as I'm about to spill on the hypnosis app to Lion—hold up. If she finds out, won't that be bad? I got it this morning, right after my overnight stay-out. Tell her, she'll ask where/when. Explain the source, and my "just a quick walk last night" alibi crumbles. Plus, this phone's got the app, but it's still a phone. Gotta hide it.
Thinking fast, I switch to another plan. End result: solo time with Chae Sua, no hypnosis slip-ups. Empty room, just us two—mission accomplished! Hypnotize her, donezo!
"Of course. A super-duper perfect plan popped into my head."
"Hm. Probably some nonsense, but I'll hear it."
"Okay, check this: You and me head to Earth. We split up. You distract while I sneak into Chae Sua's place and snag the whip. Boom. Perfect, right?"
Lion goes quiet. Weird. Thought it was solid.
"Tyranno... knows Chae Sua's house... you two..."
Mumbling something, but too quiet. Bad skewers?
"Hey, Lion. You okay? What's up?"
"Ah, yeah, I'm fine. No biggie."
She rubs her forehead like it hurts, cooling off. Voice a bit low—mad? Nah.
"But Tyranno, how'd you find Chae Sua's house?"
Cat paw over her eyes, she asks. Oh yeah. Address. Don't know it.
"Uh... th-there's a good way, right?"
"What? You don't know?"
Her mood perks up when I admit it? Smiling like she's teasing—infuriating!
"N-no! I totally know! Even if I didn't, it's minor! I know, but figure it out yourself, you pathetic♥ Don't lean on me forever, dummy♥"
Hmph! Like this pathetic cat could find it.
"Hm..."
Hand on chin, pretending to think—won't work!
"Hint: the whip."
"Ah, that."
Instant know-it-all face.
"Forgot all about it. Perfect method."
"Huh? You figured it out?"
No way the pathetic cat cracked it. Even I couldn't!
"Your whip absorbs a specific 'emotion' from the target and converts it to energy."
My weapon works like that? Really? Not just overworked from my infinite cuteness and greatness?
"It absorbs pure emotion itself, not energy—that's why it's so powerful. Victim loses that emotion, can't attack you, and it amplifies."
...Like that?
"Surround Chae Sua's main haunts with a net. Brainwash folks with strong emotions temporarily, have 'em wander. Trace back when the whip absorbs—boom, location."
If I got that right... uh... so... basically...
"Didn't get it?"
"No! Yup! Got it perfectly! So we do this-that, and it becomes that, right?"
"Uh, yeah, close enough."
"Really?"
Wild guess, nailed it. Genius confirmed.
"Let's recap the plan before Lion asks again."
I steer quick.
"You hold Chae Sua, I sneak in, grab whip. Perfect, right? No way this fails!"
Cuz it's this genius Tyranno's plan! But arrogant pathetic cat Lion tilts her head, unsatisfied.
"No. Gotta revise. Won't work."
"My plan? Why? Even a pathetic cat should see its greatness!"
" Bluntly: you going in is the issue."
Me infiltrating's the problem?
"Why the house?"
"You know what happened there."
"What're you on about?"
Lion stares silently at my face. Staring extra today. This face is too beautiful. Pathetic cat can't handle my charm. Beauty's a curse.
I strike poses for her viewing pleasure.
"Hm... not the house..."
She snaps out finally.
"Anyway, you going in—no. Absolutely not. Who knows what's there? I'll infiltrate myself."
Her strong opposition makes me wanna do it more.
"Nyeh, bleh! I'm going no matter what!"
"No! I'll do it!"
"No! Me!"
"Me!"
"No!"
"Me!"
"No!"
"Me!"
"No!"
"Umm... you go then?"
"No!"
"You're going!"
"No!"
"You're going!"
"No! No no no no! Absolutely not! Ble~h!"
"Fine. I'll go."
"Yup!"
......Huh?