Chapter 24
Chapter 24
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Translator: uly
Chapter: 23
Chapter Title: The Runaway Elf
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Though a mere single day had passed since she last laid eyes on him, Celine arrived at her post with light, rhythmic steps simply because she could behold the Minister again—only to be struck by truly shocking news.
"That lunatic elf has actually shown herself?!"
"Yes, it is true..."
Celine bit her lip with such ferocity that it began to bleed at the report from the visibly trembling Intelligence Department employee.
Jessica Blightroy. Among the countless and shameless women who clung to the Minister without understanding their own lowly place, she was by far the most egregious offender.
She was a pure-blooded elf. And the only child of the Elf Queen herself, no less.
Even a man like the Minister had absolutely no choice but to tread with extreme caution around her presence.
'Cunningly lying in wait until the very moment I clocked out...!'
If she had only been present at the time, she would have dredged up any conceivable excuse to prevent the elf from seeing the Minister.
She would have chased her off without hesitation—even if it necessitated weaving a web of lies to do so.
"Ugh... Is the Minister safe from her?"
Recalling the various previous antics of that mad elf, Celine's sharp question prompted the employee—who clearly shared her exact anxieties—to nod his head in a hurried manner.
"Ah, yes. The Minister is currently staying at his private residence... along with that elf."
"Again?!"
There were severe limits to such blatant shamelessness, Celine thought, as she inwardly rained a torrent of curses upon Jessica's head.
Every single time she visited the capital, she treated the Minister's private home like her own personal inn for both lodging and meals.
At the Minister's sanctuary. Which, as of yet, still had no wife to guard it.
The two of them. Entirely alone together.
'Ugh...!'
To cool her boiling head before it could literally explode, Celine forcibly reined in her surging emotions and asked if the Minister had left any official message.
The employee faithfully relayed exactly what the guards on duty had told him earlier.
"Uh... He stated that he has to 'entertain' a guest, so he will not be coming into the department today..."
That information was more than enough to spur her into action.
"In case of any emergencies, I shall head to the Minister's residence immediately! Tell everyone to report there directly if anything urgent arises!"
Leaving the employee behind with a hasty and sharp "Understood!", Celine started to dash off to rescue the Minister—then she stopped short in her tracks.
If something catastrophic like last time were to happen again, she knew she could not possibly handle that elf alone.
'There is no helping it this time around!'
Though furious at the thought of swallowing her pride to ask for reinforcements, she knew that lamenting her weakness would not change the cold facts.
"Have the Owls returned from their latest mission yet?"
"Huh? Uh, probably? I believe they are currently on standby back at the department."
With that confirmation, Celine bolted from the office and headed straight for the Owls' hidden nest.
John and Alexander were currently tied up on other high-priority assignments, so not every member was present—but three would be plenty to stand against Jessica.
"Celine? What is the cause for this sudden panic?"
Christina's eyes went wide with surprise as she asked. Breathless from her frantic sprint, Celine did not even pause to catch her wind.
"Haa... haa... haa... Th-that woman has shown up once again."
"Woman? Who exactly?"
"That damn elf has come back!"
Christina grasped the gravity of the situation instantly.
"Let us go at once."
"W-wait... We require at least one more person for this."
"Who the hell are you planning to call at a time like this?!"
"That is exactly why I am calling them!"
Even temporary and shaky allies were better when gathered in greater numbers.
Elves supposedly perceive the slow flow of time much more sluggishly than other races. I call absolute bullshit on that theory.
It feels as though I have only just finished my breakfast, yet the time for lunch is already almost here.
Sensing that something was profoundly off about the day flying by far too fast, I raised the issue directly with Erwin.
"Erwin. Is that clock over there broken or what?"
"It is perfectly fine."
"Are you absolutely sure?"
"I am positive."
Erwin treasures my presence far too much to ever tell me a lie. So the clock is indeed fine.
Conclusion: it is this entire world that is broken.
"When exactly do we have to leave?"
"There is no need for you to fret—we shall depart as late as it is possible to do so."
"I am not fretting."
That was a lie. But at the same time, it was not a lie.
It was merely a smokescreen to hide my intense embarrassment.
Indeed, Erwin snuck a secret glance at the clock even while he was asking me.
He is clearly terrified of not knowing the exact moment when I will have to go.
...If parting from me scares him that much, he could simply choose to come back to the Elf Kingdom with me.
"Hm? Do we have guests?"
Erwin started to rise from his seat at the sound of a knock.
I felt nothing but bad vibes from this. I wanted to pin him down to the chair with my mana, but I knew I would get an earful, so I sealed the door with magic instead.
"Dispel the mana at once."
I was busted right away. How exactly does a non-mage like him even sense its presence?
Erwin truly is something else entirely.
Though his immense appeal can be too much for me to handle sometimes.
"Minister!"
"Minister!"
"Erwin!"
"...Is this déjà vu? Nah, it must be my imagination playing tricks."
Tilting his head in confusion, Erwin faced the entrance where three bitches in heat were waiting.
Hold up—last time there were only two, minus that particular pervert.
Another one has apparently cropped up while I was out of the capital.
Erwin is truly hopeless.
"What is the meaning of this, swarming my private place?"
Frowning deeply at the interruption to our precious time, the trio began to bark without having a single clue about the mood.
"Th-there is an extremely urgent matter that I absolutely need to report!"
"M-me too! I also have something critical to report!"
"I... uh... r-right, the Grand General Commander specifically asked me to pass on a message to you!"
They were obvious lies, all of them—yet Erwin remained gentle as always.
"I have a guest here. Keep your reports brief."
He isn't even sending them packing immediately. He is way too soft-hearted.
Why exactly is he so nice to everyone he meets?
He likes me. Kindness directed only toward me should more than suffice.
Post-marriage training is definitely going to be required on this front.
"Oh my. If it isn't the elf princess who successfully kidnapped the Minister once before."
One particular bitch started shit the very second she stepped inside the room.
I could have ignored it. But certain corrections must be made for the record.
"That was not a kidnapping. We were simply traveling together."
"Knocking him out, stuffing his body in a sack, and bolting—that is not a kidnapping but 'traveling together'? Is that some form of elven humor?"
I have thought it since the last time: what an incredibly irritating woman she is.
"Celine. What is your report?"
"Ah, yes. I have it right here..."
Her syrupy-sweet reply as she tried to close in on Erwin? That is unacceptable.
It is time to remind her exactly whose man he is.
I stood up, slipped between them, and plopped my rear down right between Erwin's legs as he sat.
"...And just what exactly do you think you are doing?"
"What do you mean? I am just taking a comfortable seat."
In a way that you bitches never could dream of doing.
A stinging, sharp killing intent prickled from all sides of the room. Whatever.
This spot belongs to me alone.
Forever.
The proof: Erwin has not yet told me to scram.
"Move. You are currently in the way."
Perhaps he is feeling self-conscious with an audience—his tone was bashful even for him—as Erwin slipped his hands under my arms to hoist me up. I immediately braced myself with mana.
He won't be satisfied otherwise. Erwin really ought to thank me for this.
Oh, and I can feel his fingers brushing against my chest a tad.
Manipulating Erwin with mana is a strict no-no. But providing a little fanservice? That is fine.
I nudged his hand forward—then I suddenly felt myself getting yanked airborne.
"Are you deaf? The Minister said to move."
I had forgotten about the existence of the gorilla.
No—that is an insult to actual gorillas, comparing them to this brute-force amazon.
Lifting mana-pinned me as if I weighed nothing at all.
I wonder what she scarfs down to get a body like that. It's potential research material.
Meanwhile, another fiend lunged toward Erwin.
"Hey, Erwin. If you are free sometime, would you like to grab a meal with my parents?"
"Request declined. Anyway, wasn't it a message from the Grand General Commander earlier?"
"Ah, I missaid it! She actually said we should all go out and eat together!"
Learn to lie better. At least spit your words out first.
How does one "misspeak" their way into the Grand General suddenly being mommy?
I cannot leave this place with any peace of mind like this.
I am honestly tempted to just live here permanently.
As I was pondering solutions, Erwin noticed something, rose to his feet, and flung open the window.
A bluebird hopped over the sill and fluttered directly before my eyes.
Shit.
It has no dick, though.
Then—from the bird's very beak—there boomed an impossibly massive shout that filled the entire house.
"Jessica Blightroy! You have snuck off to the capital again! Get back here this instant! Refuse, and I shall deep-fry you for dog chow—mark my words!"
Fried food actually makes for very poor dog chow.
I do not know exactly how she would fry me if I do not return—but Mom is an elf who always follows through on her threats.
It is truly regrettable. But for the sake of my long-term future with Erwin, it is best to cut it here for now.
"Then I shall be off."
When Jessica brazenly planted herself on Erwin's lap, actual tears of frustration welled in Celine's eyes.
It took Erwin a full four seconds to tell her to move from his lap.
Anyone else—including her—would have gotten maybe 1.5 seconds, tops. No such miracles.
He treated her in a way that was palpably and painfully different from the rest of them.
As Erwin told Jessica to move, Christina ground her teeth in a silent fury.
His tone of voice was ever-so-slightly higher-pitched than when he was addressing her.
For Erwin—whose voice never varied in pitch, ever—that microscopic shift loomed enormous in her mind.
When Erwin touched Jessica's body to lift her from between his legs, Francesca reeled in a massive, internal shock.
He, who never shared so much as a casual brush with anyone, was touching another person—a woman—so naturally? It was unthinkable.
'There is no way, right...? He's just being wary because she's the Elf Queen's kid. Yeah, that has to be the reason.'
'Was that a hallucination? Yeah, I must have misheard his tone. Definitely.'
'It is Erwin. Even if he touched her, it was like handling an object... Any other meaning, and I simply could not stand it.'
As they desperately rationalized to soothe their own hearts, the scolded Jessica slipped out to head back home.
She had gotten exactly what she wanted. Her fabricated "work" excuse was finally concluded.
Now they should leave the premises as well.
But instead of going, they continued to dawdle pointlessly in the room.
All three of them shared the exact same selfish thought.
They simply did not want to leave him.
Each wished the other two were gone, leaving just her alone in his company.
'If only... How incredibly happy that would make me.'
But reality offered no such kindness or mercy to them.
"Business is concluded. All of you, leave this house."
At that ice-cold dismissal, the three women slumped their shoulders in defeat and trudged back to their respective homes.