Chapter 45
Translator - Zofu
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They didn't believe me. Even when I told them, my parents and Lee Cheon-hwa, the family head—they didn't believe me.
Now, I just feel... hollow.
Ah-rin's reputation was better than I could've imagined. She'd helped me for so long, always by my side... maybe because she'd shoved every kind of love into my mouth until I couldn't even breathe. Everyone gave me looks of disbelief. Instead, I was the one who got suspected.
"You two fought, didn't you? Why are you blaming Ah-rin?"
No. None of that is true.
Somehow, I got caught by a crazy bitch. Forced to be her boyfriend. Just... bound.
I used to love her, originally. But now... I don't know.
When I see Ah-rin, my heart pounds. Not a *thump* of love. A *thump* of fear.
"Haah..."
I've become Ah-rin's "exclusive boyfriend." Change is not permitted. Just staying as a "weak man," exactly how she likes it.
After that, other students approached me. They all said the same thing. That I'm being "gaslighted." To be careful.
Their endings were the same too.
All. Every single one. Without exception.
Missing.
Cold sweat runs down my forehead. The culprit: my girlfriend.
Lee Ah-rin.
I'd never felt fear toward a girlfriend in my life. Now, more than any situation. Overwhelmingly.
Terrifying.
"Haah... haah..."
I know why Ah-rin does these things. Why I've ended up like this. Why she wants to hold onto me even if it means killing others. I know it all.
Love. It's all because of "love."
This... isn't just love. It's too concentrated to be called love. Sticky and dense. A sickening love.
It's obsession. A very, very heavy... obsession.
When I'm with Ah-rin, I feel like I'm trapped in a cage. Like I've been captured and am being kept.
Sometimes, when Ah-rin looks at me... the light disappears from her eyes.
If a woman approaches me, the hand holding mine hurts so much it's about to break. She links arms with me. Kisses me forcefully where there's no one around.
If I want something, she brings it all. If I like someone... at least if it's not a woman, she likes them with me. She whispers love from start to finish. Sometimes she sticks by me all day, hugging me tight. When I wake up, she makes breakfast, and in the end, even dinner...
If there's somewhere I want to go, no matter what, she runs there with me. If I don't have an umbrella, even if it's raining, she runs to the nearby convenience store to buy one. If there's something I hate... at least to the extent that it's not related to that love. She won't do it.
She pours out love like a madwoman, beyond what is called for. If something happens to me, no matter what situation she's in, without even caring about herself, she rushes over. If I get hurt... she cries as if the world is ending. She stays by my side until I'm healed.
Truly. Overwhelming love. And yet... I.
Feel suffocated. Can't breathe. Feel like I'm going crazy.
A determination to never let go.
One can never leave.
A cage.
An eagle. Trapped in a cage.
With both wings broken. Being forced to become a sparrow.
I want to escape.
That's all I can think about.
I never wanted this kind of love. I never wanted this sticky "obsession"... not even once.
I just...
Wanted "normal" love.
To date normally. To hang out normally. To "love" normally.
None of that happened. I just get dragged along.
Not a love where we give and receive. A one-sided love where I only receive.
Not one where I protect. A love where I'm protected.
A love where I'm "forever" protected.
I must escape from her. Escape and find the love I truly want. Find a new connection.
A woman who will love me "normally."
Let's find her.
My head hurts.
Lying in my room, I look at the window. The clouds reflected in the moonlight. Slowly drift by.
"Haah..."
My eyes. Close.
* * *
The goal is. To make my girlfriend distance herself from me.
I tried many things. Making mistakes on purpose, not apologizing. Physically distancing myself. Not replying. Deliberately avoiding answers. Intentionally letting go when she holds my hand...
Despite so many attempts.
Lee Ah-rin didn't leave me. But... maybe she knows I'm uncomfortable. The only gain is that the time she spends beside me has decreased.
This is a problem I must bear. Unavoidably. A problem I must take on.
If no one believes me. I'll just have to solve it myself.
We're a couple in a "lifetime slump."
That's what I decided.
If the body distances, the heart distances. If a crack forms in Lee Ah-rin's heart, hard as ice...
Surely there will be at least one man to slip through that crack.
I just have to hold out until then.
This "obsession's" direction.
To another man.
Must be turned.
Absolutely.
* * *
Academy.
When I heard my girlfriend was also going to the Academy, I wanted to oppose it, but I gave up.
It can't be avoided. I'm not an idiot. At least as a member of the Han Seok-ga. One must absolutely graduate from the Academy.
Even though perceptions like "Academy uselessness" or "knight uselessness" are at their worst... this too, under the guise of tradition. Has become mandatory.
In the end, together. We entered the Academy.
To get further away, to distance myself from Lee Ah-rin. I made friends and tried everything. She might distance herself, but she won't leave me.
Even if love cools. The embers remain.
No, I don't even know if it has cooled. As soon as the Academy ends, she sticks by my side again.
It was around that time.
The commute home we'd always done together. Started to diverge. Since then... my girlfriend looks at me with an apologetic expression. Hugs me with a sad face. Mumbles strange things like "I won't do it again"... her face flushing red.
That moment. Still. Vivid.
"How unexpected, I thought it'd be less stiff since it's used..."
That voice.
"Thanks, since my boyfriend's dick is like this. It's no different from new?"
Kim Tae-ho.
After secretly having sex with my girlfriend.
Lee Ah-rin started to change.
Gradually, just a little bit. I feel her distancing herself from me.
For the first time.
A feeling of being able to breathe.
From that. I was certain.
Even if just a little.
A "crack" has formed.
The ice is beginning to crack.
The cage.
Is beginning to open.
When Lee Ah-rin hugs me sadly. It was hard to hold back my laughter. Please realize.
That's "love."
My expectations pierce the sky.
The expectation that she will abandon me and go to another man.
Fills my chest.
Completely.
* * *
The Academy's backyard. The flower garden.
I saw it.
My girlfriend... was being "princess-carried" by Kim Tae-ho.
It's coming soon.
Very soon. My girlfriend will leave my side. I can sense it instinctively.
My girlfriend is now "loving" another man.
"...Phew."
I should slowly start preparing myself.
When the time comes. When her heart fully leaves.
She'll ask to break up.
Without looking back. I'll run.
My lips twitch and curl up.
"Heh heh."
My expression gradually brightens. Just a little more!
The time to escape the pit of obsession. Has finally come.
Ah, Kim Tae-ho. Tae-ho.
It's going to be a bit tough.
My girlfriend's... obsession, that love. Is just too heavy.
It'll be a hard time.
Once she truly starts to "love," it becomes uncontrollable.
All that love that I endured.
All of it.
Kim Tae-ho.
To you.
My heart pounds like crazy. The cage door creaks. I fold my wings. Now, I just need to prepare to fly away.
Everything will end.
I can't walk properly down the hallway. My legs shake with excitement.
Then, tap. Someone grabs my shoulder.
"Excuse me..."
I turn my head. There...
Kim Tae-ho was there.
"What is it?"
I smile faintly.
Looking at his expression... I can guess what he's about to say. A slight laugh tries to come out. I suppress it, pushing it down.
"I've come to tell you something important."
Kim Tae-ho puts on a serious expression.
He's going to say something like my girlfriend is hanging out with another man. I can tell just by his expression.
"Recently, someone saw Lee Ah-rin hanging out with someone..."
As expected.
"Ah. That?"
We lock eyes.
"You're worried because she's been hanging around with you a lot? Is that why you came to me, her boyfriend?"
Just as expected.
As expected, only his appearance has changed. The person himself is kind. If he were real trash, he'd just ignore it. Those eyes are genuinely "worried" eyes. I keep feeling elated. Laughter hits my diaphragm. I desperately hold it back.
"Yes... Honestly, I'm worried. It's definitely not cheating. But as her boyfriend-"
"It's fine."
It's fine.
"W-what did you say?"
Kim Tae-ho, flustered, meets my eyes.
Let me say it again.
"I said it's fine."
I am. Really. Extremely.
Fine.
So fine I'm going crazy!
"You're... not worried?"
Kim Tae-ho's eyes tremble slightly.
"Not at all."
Not at all.
Not worried in the slightest.
"Honestly."
"It doesn't matter."
It doesn't matter.
I desperately try to stop a smile from forming on my lips.
I can't. If I laugh here, I'll be treated like a weirdo. No, am I already a weirdo? No. Anyone would become like this if they were by Lee Ah-rin's side. I haven't gone crazy. Not at all.
"...What?"
Kim Tae-ho. Makes a dumbfounded expression.
"I don't care if Lee Ah-rin hangs out with another man, goes to an amusement park, links arms, or even kisses him."
I'm serious.
In fact, I want it!
Please... I pray to God that she'll cheat. I hope and hope for it!
But. That prayer...
Is being answered by the person in front of me.
Do I care?
Am I uninterested?
Neither!
Not at all.
Not in the slightest!
"That's, weird... that, uh... still, your girlfriend..."
"She's my girlfriend."
A girlfriend is a girlfriend.
Just a "nominal" girlfriend.
"But, it doesn't matter. So."
"Don't worry."
Don't worry about me. Tae-ho.
Toward Kim Tae-ho, slightly. I bow my head.
I walk down the hallway.
When I finally reach the end of the hallway.
"Pfft... heh... hah... hehehe..."
I couldn't help but burst out the laughter I'd been holding back.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry, Tae-ho.
It's going to be painful.
Very.
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