Rollercoaster Rebirth
It's like riding a rollercoaster. In the pitch-black void, I was tossed this way and that. Like drifting through space with nothing to hold onto. Up, down. In the endless darkness that seemed to stretch on forever, I existed alone.
It felt so peaceful.
Then, at its end, a single ray of light. Like a moth drawn to a flame, like an insect following the moon as its guide, I slowly flew toward that light—
"—! —!!!"
We had agreed to call this reincarnation. Ah... yes, this is the cycle of rebirth. Nothing new for me.
"What are you thinking about, Aris?"
"Hmm... thinking about Remi unnie?"
"Kyaaah! I love you so much, Aris!"
She hugged me tight, her small arms wrapping around my even smaller frame. In a quiet corner of the royal palace, a little flower garden. That was where my big sister and I were playing.
A delicate flower crown, carefully woven. I placed it on her head. Her smile bloomed brighter than any flower.
Remi. Remi Akaia. My sister now, and the second princess of the small kingdom of Tesilia.
Was it joy? Her embrace grew even tighter. It was a bit stifling in this child's body, but I sat facing her and hugged back.
Her scent was different from the flowers in the garden—warmer, more human. The smell of a person.
"Heehee~"
As the second child, she'd been eagerly awaiting her little sister's birth, they said. Even my name, Aris, was her idea.
Well, having a little sister is nice, isn't it? Inspired by the protagonist in a fairy tale book called Alice, apparently. Our parents didn't object much; they thought it was a pretty name.
Whether it was the name or just me, Remi had hardly ever left my side since I was born. Not when sleeping, not when studying... not even when bathing.
Whatever, I didn't mind.
Maybe because of my first life, my tendencies leaned masculine and fixed that way. But after countless reincarnations living as a woman, it had long since become familiar.
"Aris! I love you!"
"I love you more!!"
"...!? Yeah, I can't let anyone else have you! Let's get married!"
"Eh, that's a bit..."
"?!!"
Her face crumpled like a kingdom lost. Teasing her was endlessly fun. Good reaction.
Every time I saw that expression, an impulse surged inside me, swallowing me whole. I wanted to make her cry. What face would she make if I died right in front of her? If she killed me—
That would be perfect.
I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up. Her pouty face stared down. I wriggled free from her stunned grip and bolted.
Escape!
Behind me, Remi called my name, chasing after. Our usual game, just the two of us. Hide-and-seek, the prank of kids our age.
Like always, I'd get caught in the end. Then I'd reward her with snacks—the ones I'd secretly hoarded.
I always lost. What sibling beats their big sister?
Kyarruk—her high-pitched childish laughter filled the garden.
Getting too close already? Ah, she caught up fast.
"Hey, unnie!! Ten seconds! Ten seconds!!"
"Ah! Right. O... 10—! 9—!"
She stopped, counting slowly. I dashed out the garden door and into the hall.
Seemed far enough, but no slacking. Remi unnie faithfully counts when I'm nearby, but the second I'm out of sight, she jumps straight to zero.
Cheating, sure, but cute, so whatever. When I call her out after getting caught, she'll just gloss over it and rub her face against my cheek like always.
And I'll let her win again.
Now, where to?
Our parents, Marco Akaia and Mari Akaia, had gentle, merciful natures unbelievable for a king and queen. But they were still rulers of a nation. Probably buried in paperwork, getting nagged by ministers right now.
Poor things. They're the bosses, yet getting bossed around...
The sun was warm. Lunchtime soon?
Ah, then big sister Anna should be done with lessons. Anna unnie. Unlike playful Remi unnie, she was serious and hardworking.
Even on break, she'd probably be reviewing what she just learned.
"Mm... perfect!"
Effort's good, but hold in too much gas and you explode, right? If I hid in Anna unnie's room, Remi would come looking soon enough. Her go-to spot whenever we played.
Get caught quick, get spun around in hugs, then head to lunch together. Flawless plan.
I patted my head in admiration of my genius scheme and saintly consideration, heading straight for her room.
Here I go.
"So... that's why you're here..?"
"Yup!"
"Haa... Aris.."
As expected. Anna unnie was nose-deep in a book, studying.
She'd ruin her health like that. With a sigh, she set down her pen. I slipped under her desk.
Finger to my lips—shh shh. Then I spread my arms and hugged her legs.
So cool.
She scooted her chair back a bit, peering down with a smile. Her words said she was helpless, but her hand stroking my head told the truth.
Family— all good people.
"Studying all day every day. Sit still too long and mushrooms'll grow on you...!"
"Eh... what're you saying.."
"Heehee, but I like Anna unnie like that too!"
We used to play together a lot when we were little, but lately she'd developed an obsessive drive for studies.
More precisely, the burden of becoming a wise ruler was weighing on her.
Because—
"Unnie's definitely gonna be an amaaazing queen someday!"
".......Yeah?"
"Of course! Studying like this every single day!"
I made her that way.
Anna Akaia, the first princess who'd likely lead Tesilia Kingdom someday barring disaster—she was utterly ordinary.
Honestly, talent-wise, Remi outshone her. Me? Extra. Worthless.
I'm a cheat. Not even allowed on the same starting line.
Remi loved play and lounging with me in her arms, so queen didn't suit her anyway. Lazy genius versus striving mediocrity. Perfect dynamic.
And no one knew it better than Anna herself.
I seemed like a genius on the surface too. Comparing her ordinary self to her genius sisters—she couldn't back down. She had to be a good queen.
Because I expected it. To live up to her beloved little sister's hopes.
From behind, I pushed her. Toward the throne—or the cliff's edge?
Didn't matter. I just wondered how big this tiny crack would grow, how many it'd swallow.
Already looking forward to it.
Thud thud thud—footsteps racing from outside. This was the princesses' quarters. Few ran like that, except royalty.
The steps halted right outside our door. Anna unnie gave a wry smile, stopped petting me, and folded her arms on the desk.
Yes, good acting.
—Clang!
"Anna unnieee—!"
"Haa... yes, Remi."
The door burst open. Her energetic voice filled the room.
As planned—Remi. Who else?
She marched right up to the desk—where I hid—and bombarded Anna unnie with questions.
"Aris~! Here to take her back!! Gimme!"
"Aris isn't a doll...."
"A~ri~s!"
"Aigoo... my head.."
Rubbing her temple, Anna unnie started insisting I wasn't there. Clearly for my ears, enunciating each word.
"Aris didn't come here."
"Eh~ liar.... ah, right~ Aris isn't here!"
But I saw it—her hands pointing under the desk. Those wildly gesturing fingers!
Betraying me! Well, I'm nice, so I'll play dumb.
Remi caught the gesture, realized, and gave an obviously fake response. Choppy words—yep, bad actress.
I just rubbed my cheek against her cool legs, praying she'd grab me soon. Lunchtime neared. Stomach rumbling.
Kids need to eat a lot.
Thud thud—Remi stomped out. Door opened, closed. Then tiny, sneaky footsteps headed my way.
Trying to hide the sound, but failing miserably...!
Well, my senses caught it. Normal kids my age probably wouldn't notice.
Discovered a hidden talent in Remi—mood lifted.
Counting in my head. Five, four, three, two, one.
Tada.
Whoosh.
"Uwak! Found you, Aris!"
"Kyaa! Busted! How'd you find me~ I thought I hid super good this time....!"
"Heehee~ I know wherever you are~"
Cheating to win, yet she puffed her chest proudly. I burst out laughing. So adorably ridiculous.
She pulled me from under the desk, hugged me tight, and spun us around giggling.
"Phew... finally some quiet."
Anna unnie watched with a small smile. Was it for the now-peaceful room? Doubt it.
—Dong... dong...
The bell tolled. Remi stopped spinning, listening to the sound from the window.
The lunch bell, ringing from the tower, spreading far and wide.
Our private bell tower, so we wouldn't miss meals playing. Its history felt trivial. Parents' love, too heavy...!
When touring the palace later, they wouldn't say: "This historic tower? To remind the princesses it's lunchtime." Wow... so lame.
"Ah, food! Let's go, Aris!"
"Yeah! Ah, Anna unnie too! Come on~ together~"
"....Alright."
We approached distant, hesitant Anna unnie with her faint smile. Grabbed her retreating hand. Three in a chain, we left the room.
Ah, such bliss.
I want these faces all shattered together.
Sisters flanking me. Humming, swinging our arms, toward the dining hall where parents waited.
In this life, my precious people. I want them to mourn my death, etch me eternally in their memories.
Become an unforgettable, searing scar.
Ahh.
That would be perfect.
So I say it.
"Unnies— I love you so much!"