Prologue 2: The Ecstasy of Demise
Krunch, grind, crack. An indescribably grotesque sound reverberates through my body. It was like the noise of chewing and shattering the odd bone in pork belly inside your mouth. Without even trying, my mouth was automatically screaming. My job was to modulate that scream—make it more horrific, more wretched. Pain so unbearable it was hard to even process surges through my nerves. It felt like my brain was frying. I knew pain was a signal that the body was in danger. So, my body must be in irreversible peril now.
I wanted to let go. To feel relief. But hold on. This was the time to harvest the fruits of my journey so far. If I slackened even a little here, I'd die for real.
"Kyaaaaaaaah—!!!!!"
"Ispa!!!"
Sensation vanished below my waist. The crushed cross-section burned like fire. The kids, still in denial, flustered remnants of confusion clinging to them, called my name. There was that five-stage model for accepting death, right? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. If you don't know it, just Google the Simpsons meme. These kids probably couldn't accept my situation yet. Denial, maybe.
"Khah... kh—... kuhaha, ha, haaak—"
"I-Ispa? Y-you're joking, right? This isn't funny, get out quick, come on!!"
I twisted and writhed as much as possible. My hands pounded the floor. Each time, unidentified murky fluid leaked from my mouth and nose. I acted out my dying self as comically, as pathetically as I could. Watching me, Helena collapsed to the floor. Her face paler than I'd ever seen, eyes lifeless, mouth agape in stupor.
"Ispa!! N-not funny, get out!! Get out!!!"
Yuta still thought it was a prank. That I could get out but was dragging it out. She grabbed my arms and yanked. With all her might. Believing it was a joke, putting everything into it. Riiiip—a sound that shouldn't come from a body echoed.
"Krah, ha, hngh, ha—st-stop, ha, stop, Yuta stooopaaaaaaaah!!!!!"
Ugh, this one might actually hurt. Wonder if I can endure it.
—Krunch.
With a voice furious beyond measure, yet her face frozen in terror, Yuta—who still hadn't grasped the situation—yanked my body. My lower half, crushed under the massive stone ceiling into a gum-like mass. The skin barely connecting it to my upper body tore under the force, dragging my body out. My body, split clean in half. Split in two and dying!
"Ah......?"
Like a tangled rope unraveling, entrails stretched long in the wake of the pull. Seeing that, Yuta finally realized reality and slumped to the floor like Helena. Having comprehended what she'd done.
"Ah.... Ah.....? I-Ispa?"
"Kheuh... uh... uwaa...."
What expression was on my face? Twisted in agony? Furious at Yuta for making it this bad? Or just blankly vacant? Whatever it was, I hoped my true feelings didn't show. I bit my lip. To regain my senses, I raked my nails into the stone floor. Snap—nails broke, embedding in flesh, and my drifting mind snapped back. As awareness returned, laughter bubbled up. A smile formed. No, hold it back. I raised my head. The kids stared at me, faces like they might burst into tears. Mistakes, errors they called them. All of it crushed down on them. Sunk in the sticky mire of guilt, lost children. Seeing them unable to escape that swamp made me want to hug them right then. Yuta, Helena—my family in this life. Where had those faces from before gone? Yuta was crying now. Screaming and sobbing like my earlier shrieks.
Ah. Perfect. That face. Eyes dulled of light, heart pounding without respite, body trembling nonstop—every bit proved this life had been worth it. Their flinches at my twitching, my groans echoing in the tight space... I could die right now without regrets. Well, I would soon anyway.
14 years. 14 years living like family with them. Mentally, I was old enough to be their great-great-grandma's grandma, so raising them was entirely on me. Sure, I was busy looking after the other orphanage kids too, but it was worthwhile. That's how we ended up leaving home, determined to become adventurers like Yuta admired. And our eagerly awaited first outing...
—Ended up like this.
Reckless judgment triggered the trap, greed made the damage worse, and it concluded like this. Regrettable. I'd wanted to stay longer with them. Even through puberty, I was their mental pillar—seeing me like this must be a shock. Personally... yeah, I hoped they'd use this as practice to become famous adventurers. These kids were strong. They'd overcome something like this eventually. And if not, they'd learn from the mistake and live better. Yeah, that's it.
"Khah..... ah...... ah....."
"Wh-what do we do.. in a time like this..? Yuta...? Ispa...?"
".......... Ah...?"
Right, I'm a teacher. Sacrificing my worthless life to give unforgettable lessons to these shining people with only one life. Their despairing faces, grief, sorrow—all prove my life wasn't in vain. After eons I can't even count, the way I'd found to live in this endless curse. Yeah, reincarnation wasn't a curse—it was a blessing.
"Uh....."
Vision darkens. Even this brief happiness was ending. I squeezed out my remaining strength. Blurred sight sharpened for a moment. I slowly raised my bloodied hand—nails broken and scraped raw. Pointing at Helena.
"Ah..... Ah....?"
The lost child, sitting frozen without guidance on what to do. My final lesson for the indecisive girl.
"...Give... it..."
"Ispa?! What?!"
At my words, color returned to her face as she approached. Not hope I'd survive, but relief at receiving orders in her clueless panic. Oh no. That's not allowed, Helena. With trembling fingers, I pointed to her waist. Where the finely honed dagger hung. I said,
"—Kill... me."
"Wh....?"
Like she'd misheard, a feeble question slipped from her lips reflexively. But she knew. That I'd die soon. That in this state, writhing in agony, screaming pathetically till the ugly end. She had to choose.
"It... hurts."
"Ah.... Ah..!?"
It must feel unfair, heartbreaking. Why this cruelty to her, who'd done nothing wrong? She'd lament the world. But Helena, that's life. Didn't you see Crayon Shin-chan movies? Tired of handsome princes saving everyone. Wait, maybe you haven't. Anyway, stab me. Drive that blade into my throat. Helena. I always said it's bad to be indecisive, to push responsibility onto others. This time too, you didn't stop Yuta from pushing ahead. Why? Didn't want to fight her. Simple as that. Having watched her whole life, I understood her stance easily. This would cause huge problems later. Even without me, it would've happened someday. And even if no issue arose, the resentment would fester deep in her heart, tormenting her.
"Hah.. ah... ha..."
"No.... No.... Nooo!!"
Helena's face like the world crumbling. Each time I saw it, my mind flooded with ecstasy, melting in bliss. But this was it. Despite the fierce wish to see them more, my body racing toward death couldn't hold on. Vision fully blackening, life slipping away. I was dying now. If stories had exposition, rise, climax, fall, mine always ended at the rise. After that, my mind faded, memories hazy. Just the wails lamenting the world, and the cold bite of steel at my throat. Good, she decided, Helena. Well done. Live like that from now on. Then she'd handle anything life threw at her. Ah. This one was too good. 100 out of 10. In the encroaching darkness, only then could I let go and laugh freely.
A small, gentle kingdom encircled by mountains, where everyone cared for each other. In its capital's royal palace, all held their breath awaiting one piece of news. The clumsy king who spent the night regretting harsh words to others. The second princess throwing a tantrum to name her long-awaited baby sister. The eldest princess sighing at them but secretly thrilled. All of them.
And amid their blessings—
"—Wah, waaah!!"
"—The child has been born!"
With the baby's cry, cheers erupted through the palace. Ki (起). The story returned to the beginning.