The One Listener I Never Considered
Mist said nothing, only looked at me quietly.
When he kept staring at me for so long that I tilted my head, he wrinkled his nose and laughed.
"Hehe!"
"...?"
"I just like Yeonjae so much!"
His upturned lips were brimming with delight.
Why all of a sudden?
Bewildered, I smiled back anyway.
"I like you too."
"I know! Obviously!"
Mist answered with complete confidence. It was rather adorable.
Then he buried his face in my shoulder and whispered softly.
"Actually, you know... I used to be a little jealous of the humans around you. I wanted a body too..."
"......"
"I already told you this before, but, hehe..."
Mist laughed awkwardly, as if embarrassed.
And I froze solid on the spot.
Out of nowhere?
Nope. Couldn't do it.
I was as helpless as ever when it came to this topic of conversation. I still had no idea how to resolve it—and I hadn't even had a moment to prepare.
Thrown off by a subject suddenly resurfacing after months, I found myself completely at a loss.
Sensing my panic, Mist rubbed his forehead against my shoulder as if to say it was all right.
"But now I think it's okay!"
"......"
"Even when you can't see me, you're still thinking of me. And during the time it's just the two of us, no human can barge in."
So if you add up all the time we spend thinking about each other, we're the closest pair in the world—the small whisper drifted into my ear.
I was shocked twice over: first that Mist had used such a sophisticated word as add up, and second that he'd said something so unexpectedly mature, nothing like his usual self.
I have no idea what to say to that.
My head was so full of things to say that I couldn't figure out which one to say first.
After a long stretch, the words I finally managed to squeeze out were these:
"How did you know?"
"Know what?"
"That all I think about is you."
The moment he heard my question, Mist burst out laughing.
As if I'd asked some adorably off-the-wall child's question.
"Haha! How could I not know! You wear it all over your face!"
"Pretty sure I never wear it on my face."
"You do. All the time!"
Mist turned to face me, grinning like a flower in full bloom.
"And even if you hadn't shown it, I would've known anyway."
How?
"Because I do."
"......"
"I think about you all day long."
In the eyes that met mine, there was only me—crystal clear.
Out of habit, I stroked Mist's back.
"Are you really okay? Living without a body from now on?"
"Yep! Honestly, being not-human might be even better. That way I can save you whenever you're in danger!"
A tenderness that didn't quite fit his bouncing voice filled every word.
I hesitated for a moment—then buried my own face deep into his shoulder.
"Hehe. This feels nice."
Mist hummed a little tune.
In the moment I listened to that soft humming, intuition struck me.
I was going to love this being more than anyone else in the world.
More than anything. Maybe even more than myself.
Oh no.
It's already too late to run from this, isn't it?
I closed my eyes and swallowed a sigh.
This is terrifying already...
It was an emotion far too large and heavy for me to handle.
Just the thought of Mist disappearing—of never seeing him again—made me dizzy.
Would the day come when my bond with you changed too, the way it did with Jinbae, with Bihyuk, with Ha-eun? And would the me of that day be able to bear it?
Isn't that just too cruel?
I can't even bring myself to be curious about you yet.
If you vanished without a word like last time, there'd still be nothing I could do.
I reminded myself once more of what the doctor had said—that no relationship comes with a contingency plan, and I simply had to accept it.
Damn it all. It didn't help in the slightest.
Resentment surged up in waves.
If I'd known it would come to this, I never would have let myself love you.
I thought it to myself—but I knew better than anyone that it was next to impossible.
All I could do was hope that things wouldn't change too fast, and lean into Mist's embrace, which was somehow larger than my own.
"Yeonjae, couldn't you sleep?"
Han Haram, who had ended up nestled in my arms after all, murmured softly.
At his ticklish little whisper, I let out a weak laugh.
"A little?"
"You look tired."
"Yeah. I am."
In truth, I'd slept plenty.
The problem was that the anxiety over Mist—the kind I'd forgotten about for years—had surfaced again.
It nagged at me constantly, yet wasn't something I could easily shake off, which left me in a rather difficult position myself.
The doctor had advised that even for problems with no solution, simply talking things through with someone could ease a great deal. If it was too hard to speak about to myself, he'd said, then I should keep opening my mouth anyway—through my manager, through my friends.
And so that's what I'd been doing. It had genuinely helped a lot.
But who am I supposed to tell about Mist?
Mist was the one subject I could never open up about to anyone.
It wasn't a matter of trust.
Jinbae, Bihyuk, Jung Hyun—I truly believed in every person around me.
Which was exactly why I couldn't bring myself to say it.
I knew they cared about me enough that they'd scour the entire country trying every possible means to restore my "sanity."
I can't let them chalk it up to mental illness.
Above all, Mist was not a being who deserved to be treated that way.
Just because I was struggling a little, I couldn't go putting him in an awkward position.
This is a time to endure.
Unless a real solution appeared, there was nothing to be done about it.
Until I could see a clear way forward, I'd just keep gritting my teeth and bearing it, same as always.
Having settled on that conclusion, I forced the corners of my mouth upward.
"I'm fine, Haram."
"You don't look fine at all..."
"Yeah. Right now I'm not. But I will be. With time, everything gets better."
Honestly, a large part of me wanted desperately to believe that.
Han Haram worked his lips back and forth at my words, and only after a long while did he nod.
"Okay. I hope you feel better soon..."
His sulky little voice sounded just like Mist's.
That resemblance lifted my mood a touch.
"Han Haram. Be careful walking to school while I can't be there to watch you. Got it?"
"Yep."
"Recite what I told you earlier."
"One, even if a stranger offers you something, don't follow them. Two, if anything feels even a little off, don't do it. Three—"
Han Haram folded down his fingers one by one as he rattled off the list of precautions.
"Eighteen, even if they say they know Mom or Dad, don't go with them."
"Perfect. Well done."
I patted Han Haram's head with satisfaction.
For the time being I'd be filming in Goseong on weekdays and catching up on missed schoolwork on weekends, which meant I'd have no time to see him.
Worried something might happen to him in the meantime, I'd even taught him a few simple self-defense moves.
"If you ever end up in a dangerous situation, first thing: run. If you can't run, then go for their legs and knock them down. If someone's bigger than you and can see over your head, you bring their line of sight down first. Never let yourself actually get hurt. Your hyungs—me and Jinbae—will take care of whatever comes after, so don't hesitate. Do whatever it takes to make sure they can't get back up."
"Yeonjae, your face is scary..."
Take this seriously, you brat.
Crimes against elementary schoolers with no warning at all were happening constantly these days.
Frankly, if it were up to me, I'd have pulled him out of school entirely and set him up with homeschooling.
From what I'd seen, Seong Ijun had turned out just fine that way, after all.
But he's not my kid, so.
This much would have to do.
I swallowed everything else I wanted to say and gave Han Haram one last piece of advice.
"We'll see each other in a month. Until then, you can't get hurt anywhere. Understood?"
"Yep! But what if a grandma or grandpa asks me to help them with something? Helping them is okay, right?"
"......What on earth have you been listening to all this time?"
I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath.
Hold it in. He's a kid.
I opened my mouth slowly, forcing down my temper.
"Haram. Grown-ups never ask children to help them with things. If anyone ever does, don't engage with them. And go straight to your mom."
"What if Mom doesn't pick up the phone? Then what do I do?"
"Then..."
I was about to tell him to call 112 or 119—Korea's emergency lines—
—when the eyes that met mine were already bright and clear, as if he'd known the answer all along.
For a moment I caught a glimpse of what this tiny kid was thinking, and before I knew it, a snort of laughter escaped me.
Laughably, my anger evaporated on the spot.
"Honestly. Then just come find me."
"Hehe. Okay!"
Han Haram thrust out his hand, pinky extended for a promise.
Shaking my head, I still hooked my little finger around his.
By the time he's grown, he probably won't remember any of this.
Thinking of a fully-grown Han Haram remembering me only as a faint blur left me feeling a little wistful.
I gazed at his beaming smile for a moment—then pulled him into a hug.
"Gah. Yeonjae, I can't breathe."
I'm the one who'll remember, so that's enough.
It's fine.
For now, that was enough.
We arrived at a village in Goseong, the filming location for the movie Shin Yoo-young.
Perhaps because the town sat above Sokcho, I could taste the salty sea breeze carried on the air.
I need to start practicing the moment I've unpacked.
Fortunately, the shooting schedule wasn't particularly grueling.
For the time being, we'd be filming a run of scenes set entirely in Do Yoo-young's house.
Scenes featuring Seong Ijun, Seo Jio, and the other characters had been pushed as far back as possible.
Since the emotional arc between Do Yoo-young and Shin was the heart of the film, the production team had arranged to invest the bulk of the shooting time in me and Happy.
"You can leave your luggage here."
"Thank you."
Our lodging was a guesthouse set slightly apart from the filming location.
The exterior looked a bit weathered, but stepping inside, it was comfortable and pleasant.
Best of all, you could see the ocean from the rooms.
Before I knew it, carrier and all, I'd bolted straight out onto the terrace.
"Hyung! You can see the ocean!"
A soft chuckle sounded behind me, and Jinbae came over.
"So it is. The ocean."
It was far off in the distance and tiny at that—but an ocean was an ocean, after all.
In front of the guesthouse, trees of every variety stood gathered in rows alongside family homes.
Under the clear sky, the lush greenery gave off the scent of midsummer.
So peaceful...
And here I'd sworn to start practicing the second I arrived.
But bathed in the warm sunlight, my body simply refused to move.
I was still lingering on the terrace as if time itself had stopped when—
—Woof!
A familiar sound drifted up from beneath the terrace.
At the same moment, my eyes met Jinbae's.
"Ha-ha!"
We both burst out laughing at once.
"Looks like Happy's here too."
"Filming doesn't start until tomorrow, so why don't you go take a walk with Happy?"
"Can Happy and I go just the two of us?"
At my question, Jinbae hesitated before answering.
"Yes. I'll follow along from behind."
"That's not a walk, that's a tail."
"...I'll keep enough distance that you won't even sense my presence."
Watching Jinbae speak with the grim resolve of a man heading into battle, I couldn't help but snicker.
Honestly, it made no difference whether Happy and I went alone or the three of us went together.
After getting his owner's blessing, I took hold of the lead line attached to Happy.
"Happy, let's go."
—Woof!
He barked with such impeccable timing that it genuinely sounded like he understood, and a laugh slipped out of me.
Who knows—maybe what made it funnier was the faint sensation of Jinbae tiptoeing along behind us.
What exactly does he think he's hiding with that frame of his?
Honestly, what a comical man.
Still, at this distance the conversation should be inaudible to him.
I was idly thinking that when a sudden flash of realization stopped me mid-stride.
Wait a second.
Someone who wouldn't think I'd lost my mind even if I brought up Mist.
Someone who would listen patiently even if I spilled my thoughts out in a tangled, incoherent mess.
I looked down at Happy, who was beaming up at me with his red tongue lolling out.
...There you are.
I'd found my answer in the unlikeliest of places.